So Completely

“Mary said, ‘Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.”    ~Luke 1:38

Oh, to have this kind of faith. I’ve never had the strong devotion to Mary that some Catholics do. (I’ve always related more to Joseph, but that’s another post for another day.) I have always wished to have faith like Mary–to be so open to God’s will and to trust Him so completely.

“So has the Lord done for me at a time when he has seen fit to take away my disgrace before others.”   ~Luke 1:25

While I’m not in the situation Elizabeth was when she said this, it is very fitting for me this week. My pride keeps me from sharing details, but God humbled me a lot this week. It was hard to accept, but I know it was done “at a time when he has seen fit.”

“O Lord and Ruler of the house of Israel, who appeared to Moses in the flame of the burning bush and gave him the law on Sinai: Come, and redeem us with outstretched arms.”

I posted on Twitter last night that I wasn’t sure how many more bad days I could take. To say this Advent has been rough is an understatement. Yesterday was an exceptionally rough day and all I wanted to do was go home. But knowing we had our parish Advent Penance service and knowing how badly I needed to go to Confession, I kept myself busy. Normally when I leave Confession, there’s a new lightness in my step. Last night was not so. Not that I was still holding onto the things that I had confessed, but the stress in my life has reached a new all-time high and I still felt weighted down by all that’s going on. So the mental image this quote from the O Antiphons gave me this morning of God standing there with outstretched arms brought a small bit of much-needed comfort.

I’ve gotta be honest, this week has been very, very rough. In fact, yesterday I may have uttered the words, “I am so done with this Advent thing.” What I really wanted to say was, “I am so done.” Period. End of story. I am done. I cannot handle anymore bad news, stress, or things going wrong. If I close my office door one more time to cry, my coworkers might send me to across the street to the psych ward of the hospital. At this point, I’m not even looking forward to Christmas. I just want to be done with everything right now.

So this last ten days of the Advent countdown are because I hate not seeing things through.

Day 16–

“In your kindness remember me, because of your goodness, O Lord.”   ~Psalm 25:7

Day 17–

“The Lord has removed the judgment against you, he has turned away your enemies.”  ~Zephaniah 3:15

Day 18–

“For he rescues the poor when they cry out, the oppressed who have no one to help.”   ~Psalm 72:12

This Advent has been a tough one for me for many reasons. So while I have been keeping up with these in my journal, I haven’t been so great at actually posting them here on the blog. So let’s play some catch up, shall we? (Playing catch up is the story of my life lately).

Day 11—

“He gives power to the faint, abundant strength to the weak…They that hope in the Lord will renew their strength”   ~Isaiah 40:29 & 31

Day 12–

“For I am the Lord, your God, who grasp your right hand; It is I who say to you, Do not fear, I will help you.”   ~Isaiah 41:13

Day 13–

“We are in Advent. We remember that a woman held in her arms a child, and that child was God. If we remember that, then we are givers of peace, we are lovers of the beloved. We own Him through love. And He owns us! The most extraordinary thing in the world is that God loves you and me!”   ~Catherine De Hueck Doherty

Day 14–

“May we be enlightened by a ray of the light that comes from Bethlehem, the light of He who is ‘The Greatest’ and made Himself small.”   ~Pope Benedict XVI

Day 15–

“I will rejoice heartily in the Lord, my being exults in my God”   ~Isaiah 61:10

I spent the later part of last week & most of the weekend in San Antonio for NCCYM (National Conference on Catholic Youth Ministry). So most of last week’s post I had scheduled ahead of time. I figured by Monday I’d be back into the normal swing of things and could pick up where I left off on my Advent posts. Then Sunday happened.

In the same area of town where we had NCCYM Wednesday through Saturday, there was a marathon on Sunday morning. So we were warned that due to roads being closed and expected high traffic at the airport, we’d need to give ourselves extra time to get to the airport. That meant waking up at 2:30am so I could leave the hotel by 4:30am so that I and some folks I was giving a ride to the airport could make our 7:00am flights. When I landed at home, I literally drove straight to work. So by the time all was said and done on Sunday, I was awake for about 20 hours. That made a rough start to the week and I’m still trying to catch up and get back into the swing of things.

Advent Day 9–

“Love tends to become like the one loved; in fact, it even wishes to become one with the one loved. God loved unworthy man. He willed to become one with him, and that was the incarnation.”   ~Archbishop Fulton Sheen

I sometimes struggle with how to become more Christ like. What a wonderful reminder from Archbishop Fulton Sheen that it’s as simple as loving God more.

Advent Day 10–

“Jesus said to his disciples: ‘What is your opinion? If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them goes astray, will he not leave the ninety-nine  in the hills and go in search of the stray? And if he finds it, amen, I say to you, he rejoices more over it than over the ninety-nine that did not stray.'”   ~Matthew 18:12-13

This reminded me of a conversation with a friend at conference last week. Oh, how thankful I am, especially this Advent, that God does not leave me to stray when I wander off. Rather, he lovingly pursues me and draws me back to Himself, rejoicing in me no matter how far I’ve gone or how badly I’ve screwed up.

“The Lord does not delay his promise, as some regard ‘delay,’ but he is patient with you…”    ~2 Peter 3:9

How often I wish God would work according to my timeline. I am so thankful for His patience with me, as I’m sure He gets tired of me being stubborn and hard-headed.

“Waiting is a period of learning. The longer we wait, the more we hear about him for whom we are waiting.”   ~Henri Nouwen

I am not known for my patience. Sometimes I need to be reminded that the waiting is just as important as what I’m waiting for.