Will Advise > Will's Quotes

“I watch basketball like I watch baseball: I don’t. I’d much rather watch grass grow. Actually, golf isn’t that bad.”
― Jarod Kintz, Who Moved My Choose?: An Amazing Way to Deal With Change by Deciding to Let Indecision Into Your Life

“A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.”
― Ludwig Wittgenstein

“Time is a game played beautifully by children.”
― Heraclitus, Fragments

“Waiting turns men into bears in a barn, and women into cats in a sack.”
― Robert Jordan, The Fires of Heaven

“I do not like odd things until I can understand them.”
― Robert Jordan, The Great Hunt

“I bought you a box of karate chops, but it could be dangerous to open it with a knife. And cats are masters at getting into boxes, so here, try opening it with my portable meow maker.
”
― Jarod Kintz, A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

“I wear a helmet when I write, because if you’re doing it right, writing is dangerous.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“If it’s dangerous, then you go first. If it’s pleasurable, then I’ll be brave and lead the charge.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“Having sex on a motorcycle wouldn’t only be exciting, it’d be dangerous. What if while we were parked we got broadsided by a speeding bicycle?”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“An unsuspected enemy is doubly dangerous.”
― L. Frank Baum

“I coiled my empty straw wrapper around like a snake. Then I bit it before it could bite me. My love is as dangerous as my drinking habits.
”
― Jarod Kintz, Love quotes for the ages. And the ageless sages.

“Consider everything an experiment.”
― Corita Kent

“Simplicity boils down to two steps: Identify the essential. Eliminate the rest.”
― Leo Babauta

“The only thing better than being productive, is being reproductive.
”
― Jarod Kintz, How to construct a coffin with six karate chops

“How many seconds does it take to win second? As many as it takes to win first—if you don’t use them properly.”
― Jarod Kintz, A Zebra is the Piano of the Animal Kingdom

“What I’m doing is not doing anything, and I’m doing a half-ass job.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not for Sale

“I didn’t write this piece to attract a potential mate, as the title might lead a reader to believe. That said, I like long walks on the beach, cuddling by the fire, and watching silent movies at full volume and then screaming into the phone when anybody calls. If interested, please send a brief e-mail to jarodkintz@jarodkintz.com telling a little about yourself, and why you think I’m perfect for you.”
― Jarod Kintz, Great Listener Seeks Mute Women

“As we were walking home the other night, Orafoura turned to me and said, “Were you aware that there are places in the universe where time doesn’t exist?”
“I know,” I replied. “That’s where I went to buy my last watch.”
― Jarod Kintz, Great Listener Seeks Mute Women

“Oh, I wouldn't mind, Hazel Grace. It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.”
― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars

“It is because I think so much of warm and sensitive hearts, that I would spare them from being wounded.”
― Charles Dickens, Oliver Twist

“I will be very careful the next time I fall in love, she told herself. Also, she had made a promise to herself that she intended on keeping. She was never going to go out with another writer: no matter how charming, sensitive, inventive or fun they could be. They weren't worth it in the long run. They were emotionally too expensive and the upkeep was complicated. They were like having a vacuum cleaner around the house that broke all the time and only Einstein could fix it. She wanted her next lover to be a broom.”
― Richard Brautigan, Sombrero Fallout

“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”
― Oscar Wilde

“I have come to the conclusion never again to think of marrying, and for this reason, I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be blockhead enough to have me.”
― Abraham Lincoln

“I’m sure I look memorable in my tuxedo, and she looks gorgeous in her wedding gown. I’ve wanted to marry her since I first met her. And being the best man doesn’t make me feel better.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“Unless I’m at a wedding, I don’t like veiled threats.”
― Jarod Kintz, This Book Has No Title

“I first learned the concepts of non-violence in my marriage.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

“Happiness is a state of activity.”
― Aristotle

“I can tell you what I wasn’t doing when I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to: I was doing what I was supposed to.”
― Jarod Kintz, Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

“Fun is not an activity, it is a state of mind.”
― Bryant McGill, Simple Reminders: Inspiration for Living Your Best Life

“It isn't against the Law to be an idiot.”
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel