As I stumble into and through the start of 2006, I attempt to remember to celebrate the little joys that exist in my life, and the world I live in.
Posted for Linda G. Hill’s JusJoJan (Jan. 8th & 9th) and the Ragtag Daily Prompt (exist).
January 9, 2026
December 2, 2025
Pondering Over a Mixture
I am coming to the end of the day with a mixture of optimism and well, not optimism. I made my third attempt to make an appointment with an optometrist, in order to get new glasses, so that I can continue driving. The third attempt finally was successful, though it’s so close to my appointment to go to the DMV, that I’m feeling apprehensive that I may not get my glasses soon enough.
In Tennessee, a hardcore T-Rumper won the special election, despite the hard work that the Democrat candidate put in. I am not surprised, as Tennessee is one of those states well-known to vote against their own best interests.
My attempt at NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writer’s Month) was successful, in that I achieved the goal I set for myself. The goal this year was much lower than any goal I’ve set for myself in all the years that I’ve done NaNoWriMo. When I began participating in NaNoWriMo, I hit the 50,000-word goal every year for several years, including the year that I was fighting cancer during November. There had been a year or two that I didn’t participate at all and there have been a few years that I set a lower goal, but I’ve always stuck to writing every day. This year, my writing mojo barely rose to the surface. I got easily bored with my story and I think it’s a safe bet that had a lot to do with the lack of writing mojo. I just couldn’t get my characters to talk to me and guide me through their adventures.
My birthday is coming up soon. I will have lived 73 years on this planet this coming Saturday. I am amazed and grateful that I have made it this far. There have been times over my lifespan that it looked dubious that I’d reach this age. I am looking forward to celebrating with various friends over the next several days, maybe weeks.
Inspired by Fandango’s FOWC and the Ragtag’s Daily Prompt.
August 1, 2025
Flashback Friday – The Art of (Not) Writing and Learning I Have Cancer
For Fandango’s Flashback Friday, here is a post from this date, 13 years ago.
The Art of (Not) Writing and Learning I Have Cancer
August 1, 2012
I’ve been negligent in my daily writing. I don’t even have very many good excuses. I just couldn’t get motivated to write, except during my writing group’s write-ins. Those times felt wonderful, and I felt good creating some little story from prompts with others who attended
Now, today, I’m still in a bit of shock. Last week, I had an incident that sent me to emergency. A truly frightening time. After several exams, blood taken, and an Ultrasound it was determined I needed to have a biopsy. Yesterday, I had the biopsy done and today I received the news that they found cancer.
There are so many emotions running through me right now and I am having a difficult time processing all the things I feel. Anger. Fear. Sadness. Hope…I’m trying really hard to hold onto the hope. Confusion. Shock.
April 11, 2025
Flashback Friday – The Muses — Where are They?
For Fandango’s Flashback Friday, I am sharing a post made in 2009 on another site.
The Muses — Where are They?
I feel as though I’ve lost all creativity within the last few years. Seven years in a job with a company that claimed creativity was important, yet squelched anything and any idea that didn’t fit their mode, took its toll.
I’ve attempted, sporadically, to keep some kind of flow going. I wrote a novel every November. I tried my hand at painting, scrapbooking, photography, and even a little leaning toward music. Each kept the fire flickering, a dim reminder of what had been, what could be.
Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and fear that I have lost all my ability to create anything at all. I can’t – won’t – believe that’s true! Though I’ve not been able to write any fiction since January, I’ve not done any scrapbooking since October, and I’ve not written any prose or poetry in several years.
I think the bigger question is – what is squelching my creativity now? I’m not working. I have time.
Mourning. Waking each morning to the awareness of all that has been lost these past few months. Memories of losses long past rising to the surface. It seems that should be fodder to shake the prosaic mind from its lethargy. Instead, the words stay locked up inside of me, as I close my eyes and dream of sandy beaches and warm breezes.
Fear. Wow, is that one getting old! What if I open the box, and there’s nothing there? What if I create something and everyone laughs (and it wasn’t meant to be funny)? What if…What if… Even I am getting weary of the what ifs that keep haunting me. Grant you, I don’t think I’ve been filling the box with so many very interesting things, lately. Especially while working. After work, there was no room, no energy, to resupply the mind with intrigue. All I wanted to do was veg and sleep. In that manner, they who had control, kept control of my daily life. I lived to serve, instead of serving so that I may live my life.
They, those pundits of the “make your life better” belief systems, say that once you see the obstacles to your goal, then it is easy to get through them to your goal. Getting through them may be important, but saying that it is easy is misleading. Fear can be a solid wall, with no top in sight. Once you’ve chiseled through some of the wall, you find there’s another wall awaiting you, or as in a dream the other night, a panther waiting to maul you if you dare cross its path. These don’t make the reaching of the goal impossible, just very daunting.
I’m sure there is a way to re-awaken the muses that once whispered their arias to me. If anyone out there can give me a hint, I’d be greatly appreciative.
April 4, 2025
Flashback Friday – Rambling Thoughts
For Fandango’s Flashback Friday, I am reaching back into the archives of a another site that I used to blog on. This is from April 4, 2009.
Rambling Thoughts
It’s been about a month since I’ve checked in here, to write down my thoughts, to express my fears and my hopes. The past month has certainly been filled with all of those.
My mind is a non-stop train of ramblings and munchings. Sometimes there are even a few deep thoughts running through the grey matter.
Fears…how do I even begin to categorize those in some form that would make sense. Most of my fears, as is true with most people, are irrational, but seated in reality. Fear of death overwhelmed me for weeks. I no longer stay up all night, yet the reality that I’m not the healthiest 50-something year-old woman does not escape me. I’m healthier than many of my friends, yet that might just be an illusion since I don’t go to doctors to do all those tests that our modernday society says we need.
A newer fear, and definitely more firmly seated in the real is the fear of illness or injury. In a world where the medical industry is still more based in greed instead of altruism, I have little to no options for even the most basic of medical care. A blackened, and possibly broken, toe will need to heal on its own. A toothache goes untreated with hopes that it doesn’t become abscessed.
And a yet newer fear, covers the most basic needs: food and shelter. It whispers to me in the middle of the night. It guides my hand when shopping. I’ve kept it at bay and have faced it down. When I think I’ve put it aside, it rears its ugly head. I hope to soon be able to put it asleep.
Hopes…there are far too many to list…some which are just pipe dreams to use to build stories with. Others include a hope to find something that will alleviate the fears listed in the last two paragraphs, and a hope to visit my son and his new wife in August.
Hope is a funny thing. Without it one can sink into great despair. Yet for many, hope only comes to them when life looks despairing.
Quotes about hope:
Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torments of man. Friedrich Nietzsche
He who has never hoped can never despair. George Bernard Shaw
Hope is like a road in the country; there was never a road, but when many people walk on it, the road comes into existence. Lin Yutang
I still believe in Hope – mostly because there’s no such place as Fingers Crossed, Arkansas. Molly Ivins
March 12, 2025
February 14, 2025
Flashback Friday – Second Guessing
This is my second post for Fandango’s Flashback Friday. This was originally posted on February 14, 2011 on a different site.
Second Guessing
My chapters are too short, maybe. But I’m not sure. Maybe I’m second guessing myself. That is not a good place to be. That’s one of the warnings that Frey gave in How to Write a Damn Good Novel II. Don’t second guess yourself.
Sigh. Sometimes I just don’t know what I’m doing. It’s hard to not second guess myself when I don’t know what I’m doing. The only problem is the mobius strip that becomes my life when I’m always second guessing myself. It keeps looping back on itself. Then I don’t move forward.
Though, in reality, do any of us really move forward? Is that just a misconception that most of us have about our small, short lives? Sure, we progress through this erroneous concept we have of time. We progress through the aging process, at least if we are lucky. But how many of us really make progress? How many of us really evolve, change, grow? How many of us are willing to take the risks that make us very different people when our physical lives come to an end? And not just very different people, but the the people we are truly meant to be?
November 4, 2024
FOWC and RDP – Monday, 11/04/2024
As my day is coming to a close, I contemplate how I can and will pass the day tomorrow. I usually have the television on for background noise. Tomorrow, I suspect that would only add to the stress this particular political season has induced.
Maybe I can graze my way through video games, books, and my PT exercises the same way I graze on food throughout the day.
Inspired by Fandango’s One Word Challenge and Ragtag’s Daily Prompt.
November 3, 2024
Emotional Breakdown
These last few days have proven to be very rough for me. Starting with a birthday party that I had been invited to, then uninvited to, (with no explanation why) to several happenings that I was unable to attend. (As a side note, the birthday party would have been quite easy for me to attend.)
Two events that I had to miss out on really broke me.
Thursday night, a friend of mine got married. Almost everyone I know in the immediate area attended. I felt so bad that I couldn’t find a way to attend.
Friday morning, a funeral service for a very dear friend that had departed this world while I was in the Nursing Facility, was held. The service was held in the next city over, and I had no transportation.
I am, slowly, growing stronger, yet this weekend I was continuously reminded that I am not strong enough to do my own grocery shopping, to go to a Anime/Comic Con, or to attend any of the Day of the Dead events, etc.
I have spent the last few days, trying to fight off the feeling that I’m useless, trying not to feel sorry for myself. In addition, the anxiety I am experiencing over what may come to our country in the coming week, is weighing on me. Sometimes I can distract myself enough, to not fall into a deep depression. Sometimes the tears just flow.
August 12, 2024
Share Your World – August 12, 2024
1. How many times have you moved house?
I am truly surprised at the number of times I’ve moved! I’ve lived in 18 different places over my lifetime. That’s not counting a couple of temporary places I stayed in while looking for a new home. My family moved 4 times; the first time being the big move from Michigan to California. I lived in a few places in California, then moved to Oregon. After a few years in Oregon, I moved to Nevada.
2. What are your priorities in looking for a new home?
Priorities changed over the years. First I had roommates to save money. After my son was born, making sure the neighborhood was safe and friendly was my main priority. Even though, I enjoyed the years I lived alone, after my son moved on, I’ve had to return to having a roommate to save money. One of the priorities that has been important to me, is that I want to be able to have a pet – a cat, a dog, a bird, guinea pigs, rabbits, etc.
3. Have you ever downsized?
Yes. A couple of times in my life. When I moved from California to Oregon, I downsized from a nice four-bedroom house, with a library. I had to cull my 3,000-book library in half. There were a lot of tears. The last time I had to downsize was when I left my two-story townhouse to share a condo in another part of town to save money.
4. Have you ever had to move because of your job?
In a way, yes. I moved from Oregon to Nevada for better employment opportunities.
This post is in response to Pensitivity101’s Share Your World.
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