For Fandango’s Flashback Friday, I am going back 2 years to a post I made here. I find it curious that in all the years I had posted through the blogosphere, that I’ve had very few postings in February.
I Scoff at the Mazes and Flounderings of This Tuesday
And once again, I feel at a loss as to what to write. I’ve mulled over a few things with no direction to go in. Is my mind still in shock regarding the fact that my cousin’s daughter and my son are turning 50 years old this year?
It is a bit much to take in. Somehow, when I think of myself at 71, it doesn’t really hit as hard as thinking about their ages or that I am now the elder in the family.
I think part of what is going on is the feeling, the threat, of actually writing something that I’m willing to post on WordPress. Suddenly, it feels daunting. There’s the challenge of putting out more of the Floundering About on A New Planet. My high expectations of myself are hindering my progress on the story. Part 11 felt weak and disappointing to me. Also, I wrote fantastical stuff early on, and nothing I’ve written lately falls into that category of gods and goddesses and muses. It’s like they are there, whispering, just below my hearing range.
So, do I scoff at my fears and trepidations and write, anyway? Do I go back to putting ink on page, then transferring those spewed words into WordPress? Do I call forth Tyr, the god and patron of warriors and mythical heroes, for aid in my battle against the inner critics that impede my writing? If I do, will Tyr ask me to sacrifice a hand to Fenrir to prove my worth? Am I really willing to pay such a high price for words that few will read?
Tuesday’s thoughts flounder through my mind, creating a ridiculous maze of what ifs and self-doubts. Maybe Mercury will be kinder to me tomorrow, though I’m not so keen on him being the god of thievery and trickery.
This post is part of Darswords Floundering February, Fandango’s One Word Challenge — Scoff, and RDP Tuesday — Ink.
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