010 Life

Morning, went to play with some difficult children. It is a great experience to play w them. They are easily to be contented and listen to their parents most of the time. Hmmm...

Later, i went for a class...dun really know whether i had learned many things or not. However, the experience they shared is good for me. I hope I will learn more in the future. If think too much, thing will change alr. Sometime it is not the thing that let us learn, it is our attitude determine how much we can learn.

I had a terrible headache today, just like wat i had in the past. I never had this headache for a long time alr. I thinked it is because I ate many garlic today and the acidic in my body cause my stomach burning plus headache. Hard to concentrate to the class and also feeling bad. However, today, i still able to smile to the trainer and didnt angry because of my headache...hoo...

Home, drink more water to dilute the acidic and then sleep immediately. Sleeping is always the best medicine for me to cure the headache...

Today's topic in college is nature and nurture.

Found that people stop thinking when they get an answer and assume that it is right. When we think that nature and nurture are both equally importance, we stop thinking. We should question the answer, how many percent for nature and how many percent for nurture?

My conclusion for the time being is nature is more importance for being understood. Nurture is more importance for changing. The nature will determine the chances a person can be influenced by the nurture. The nurture always chasing nature and adapt to nature.

Finally, able to change more. Courage is not formed in one day, but is accumulated bit by bit everyday. Including changing. It is really true that sometime it is not impossible, it is just that we havent found our ways of doing so.

Another topic in life is attitude. Bad things and good things happen everyday on everyone. When we depend on SOMEONE, we hope that every good thing happen on us and bad thing leave us alone. However, in reality, it will not usually happen and then we will getting angry on THEM instead of ourselves.

Today, many things happen, good and bad. If in the past, i will be in depress mode alr and only focus on the bad thing. Today, I found out that I am able to be happy even though sth bad happen. I am lucky in the morning and finish task by today. However, I miss a bus in the afternoon and met some pervert in the bus. Later, I met a friend and she shared sth with me which cause me excited. Haha...Besides, an exprienced friend also give me advise in many thing and tell me his life story. Then, friend's mother made 3 glutimous rice for me. Haha...But then later someone say sth not really nice to me...

In the past, i will only get angry or sad with the bad thing happened today, I cant SEE wat good has happened. It is because I treated the so called "good thing" as sth normal and should happen whereas the "bad" thing as sth should not happen. Today, I am able to SEE wat good has happened because of knowing to appreciate life and bad thing cant affect my mood. ^^ Just a simple appreciation..

Yeah...a good thing...found out that i am walking toward my way...

Busy week has come
1. Assignments
2. Exams
3. Activities
4. New housemate
5. Helping friend
6. Planning group
7. Completing booklet

Today is a good day. The time of today's lecture flied, it was very attentive and informative.

Have a healthy delicious lunch with landlord and exhousemate. Landlord has so many precious life stories.

Ei...although i like coffee...but two coffees in one go are really too much for me. Having espresso marchiato first. After lunch, passionate aunty wanted me to order another cup of cappucino. If you know coffee, then u will know both marchiato and cappucino's caffeine are more than latte. Not enjoy the second cup of coffee and this cappucino has also been spoilt by the barista. The proportion of milk, foam and coffee is incorrect.

Tomoro, new potential housemate wanna to take a look at the room. I will need to show her.

Have some new experiences and understanding in calligraphy today. Hope that it is correct and I am improving. Hmm...I will know t answer when i attend the class.

Anyway, jt pray that nothing more happen for this week again.

9-11 had class
11-11.50 registered subjects
11.50-12.05 lunch
12.05-12.45 recruitment drive
12.45-1.30 GM
1.30-2 recruitment drive
2-4 class
4-5 going back home
5-5.30 drove
5.30-7 swiming
7-8.30 drove and buy stuff
8.30 home

Tight schedule...
Swimming is the best for me, nothing else can compare to it. :D

She told me about how she felt and about her thought. So, she faced many things here and her psychological state changed because of things happening here. Hmm...but then she has strong back bone to support her. No wory. Besides, her personality will get her cross over everything.

Class continuing from morning to noon. Met senior and she told me many things. My heart went down but it remind me to have better preparation.

Have lunch with LT then, the only friend who has same schedule with me. Sharing with her and discuss a little about that. Heart went even down...

Hmm...Sudden thought. It is really true that everyone has their story behind wat they are looked like now.

Friend called. She met 2 choice in her career path and she was confused. She wanted to ask for my opinion. She analysed everything for me and told me about the situation. I only threw the questions back (wat is the thing you value the most?)(Imagine wat is the future you would like to have)(wat is the ultmost goal you would like to have?) (Is the value higher enough until you willing to take the risk). In the end, my conclusion is, sometime when the chance came at the wrong time, it is also not very useful to grab it. Hmm...she is also worried about the challenges she will need to meet after the decision made. What i can say is only that " sometime it doesnt really matter wat we have chosen, it is wat attitude we choose to face it".

Went for internship briefing. Hmm...still considering. Then, went for meeting, they were having good progress. Many ideas came out and they have the power to realize them...Err...but then can imagine that they will be very busy this semester. Gambate nei.

During the meeting, the news of result release spread. All people's concentration distracted. Haha..wory and nervous ba.

Then, someone wanted to come to take a look at the room. Rushed to home immediately after meeting. When all things settled, alr 4pm. TT

Night, settled the email things. Here and there, read, reply and forward. Hmm...tired d.

Participate a psychology camp. My expectation is the theory will be applied in the camp. I remembered the camp mention about "inner child" before. I think this camp might also help us to find back our inner child and we will be developing in this camp.

As usual, ice breaking, group name, slogan and designed flat. Hmm...compared to the camp i went before, these activities still lacking of sth to let the ice melted. As usual, the camp for university student is like tat. Haha, most of us think too much, the things were complicated and also can't let go to play naturally. Most played in an delibrately way, pretending fun, i think. So, from my angle of view, the expectation to find inner child failed.

Need to protect eggs for responsibility sake. Hmm..some will think that egg is a burden and hope to forsake this. Hmm...responsibility sometime means burden, but can we just forsake it because this is a burden?

Some of the roommate really can talk uncontinuously, have fast respond and also humour. Ei, as usual, remained listening and didnt talk much. This time, i able to talk with two ppl about their inner thought and view. More than enough la...haha..

Then, all were games activities. We met raining day but still choose to play, the spirit of pirate? Haha..then is water fight after rain n all in wet. Ei...just teamwork and play. At night, play in the darkness and be blind. We can only trust the leader who has eyes to look for us. To trust, to belive and to follow blindly after choose own leader. Suffer bitterness of consequence after leader choosing wrong direction and making wrong decision. Sharing the victory together after winning. However, i still dun understand y cant we talk with each other while decided the ranking of the importancy of survivior objects.

Communication is the problem. Receive the instruction and spread the news to the team need this skill. Share the opinions, the ideas and the team to reach to an agreement also need this skill. When ppl insist on their own way, really easy to fight with each other. Communication also needed to solve the conflict, to prevent the conflict and to negotiate. Hmm...

The standard of obstacles just like tat, not very hard for me. I think rock climbing in that shopping center is more harder. I felt a bit not good for the last round, I should complete it but I give up because of "that" again. Always like that, still like tat. Haiz...Hmm...

So, in order to win, ppl will try all their way, any ways. Well, the ways are still the acceptable norm and society behaviour, i think. Can saw the dark side and the scenario of the society. Haha, just the truth and the world. Hmm... If kids, they will just enjoy the process more than thinking of winning, i think.

The games also lacking of something gua. I think. Somethings that is importance.

Sunburned, wounded, and felt hand muscle aching. Tired but not til exhausted. Hmm... that's the experiences.

Hmm...morning class today also. Means i will have 4 days morning class in a week beside Monday. TT

After class, decided to spend time around the college. Hmm....send latest info about club to committee using college's computer because i know i will go to sleep immediately after i reached home. When i passed by the bus stop, i saw there were still many ppl waiting for bus, means the bus coming soon. Hoping that t bus come after i settled the email thingy. Haha, lucky me, the bus came at the moment i came out from college and reached bus stop. Reached KL central, the first bus refuse to stop to let me board, so I took the second bus loh. Haha, lucky, lucky, the second bus eventually faster than the first bus in the end.

Went to McD and continue doing my thing. Waiting for the time of class to reach. The lesson today more difficult le because teacher start to use old words. The lesson today ended late. Felt so tired and went to sleep immediately when reached home. @@

Last week, foster parent gave me chocholate to bring home. Then, when i came back, landlord also gave me another Australia chocholate (pure milk, not powder milk). Then, Dr. H gave lecture about chocholate today. Ei...such a coincidence.

Hmm...the presentation gave me an impact. It is always a good choice to explore, we can realize where we are. My group members are really too great. hoo~~~It is hard to leave comfort zone but it is also great. Haha....be tolerate for a while, everything will be alright. Hope so...

Have a meeting after that. Told them about the thing and direction. Hope they get my msgs clearly. They are great also...gambate nei..

I made a decision le...Hmm...dun think too much, just do it. Stick to that decision ba...

Haha, my landlord said my cooking smelled nice. ^^

Second day of new semester.
8.30-9 cycling to main blk.
9-11 class
11-11.45 Club meeting
11.45-12 lunch
12-1 In house seminar
1-2 Read article (prepare for presentation)
2-5 Class
5-5.30 Home
5.30-6.00 Take a shower
6.00-12.00 Summary, strength, weakness(for presentation), register tutorials.

so called "life"

And then tomoro 8am practice presentation with group members and then 3 hours class.
Who can save me? HELP!!

This semester, i can cooperate with new people. Haha...With new group members means will gain new experiences. Hope so...

I can feel the sig. diff. between going for class of Dr. H and Dr. P. Anyway, learning matter most.

This semester is the short sem. The class is 6 hours non-stop, every tuesday, I cant have lunch le...

I think I like to torture myself, choose a very challenging subject. It seem like the higher level the difficulty, the more I will take. Just like last time i choose sociology. Haiz, but this time I doubt whether i can cope or not and i really felt that fear. The subject designed is in high standard. Today, i alr need to prepare presentation and going to have presentation tis week. :(

I havent settled the club thingy, alr process to third year subject. There are also businese subjects need to complete also after this semester. Ei...too many overlapping le, depend on how to plan....Hope that i make the right choice.

Nvm la, as long as the direction is clear, i know wat to do. Hope that i can cope with these...

Today, no life, just enjoy and think.

Sometime choices made can be so obvious no mather how much someone try to cover it. The nonverbal behaviours or the so called "unconcious" reveal everything. Our eyes, our smile, our way of talking and the position we choose to take tell everything no matter how hard we try to lie, the feeling just cant bluff the others. Just because that is so true, when we can feel it, it can be so hard to be accepted.

I remembered there is a person told me about the gut feeling, she said she always did things based on her gut feeling. Hmm....i dun un tat time, now i understand wat i t means based on my own interpretation. Sometime we need to do things based on our gut feeling, in order to do the right things. No mather how details an analyses done or no mather how much has been considered, sometime we just need to choose based on gut feeling, to do t right thing.

In the past, the slavery system has become a norm, most people follow the trend to do the same thing. Nowadays, there is so many things also become a norm, most people also follow the trend. Hmm...But then, is it the right thing? If we choose to be minority, how much courage needed and how much challenges need to be faced.

As he said, everyone has difference opinions with each others, there is no prefect right or prefect wrong. The most importance is to respect other's opinions.

There are two drawings seem complicated and hard to be understood...
The first drawing...excuded me ya...forget to take the picture of a whole drawing...One part of it is the old couple, behind them is a traditional chinese shop and besides them is naked women...!?!?
The naked women seem being locked. Look into the small window? Dancing? Felt terrible?

Today, landlord asked for my help. Hmm...i think i will helped her. She told me sth and i agree, haha..No wory. I am not tat kind of person. As long as you know it, it is enough alr. Hmm....So, another thing to do...

Reading the book, it told me that if we really want to help the others, it is not standing there and gave education only. The real education can happen when we willing to touch them and get close with them, walk into their life and feel wat they feel. No matter wat. The same with the video i watched during the Johor trip also. They walk into their life, play with, and make themselves same level with the autistic children. With this, one impact can last forever. It remind me to think that he can nv achieve that impact if he still refuse to put down himself. He is too arrogant alr. Hmm...

One meaningful sentence. If there is one drop of water fall onto our head, we might think that there is nothing. However, when there are many drops of water keep falling onto our head non-stop, a nothing will become terribly something. Hmm...jt like for some people, when become vegetarian for one week, it is nothing. If become vegetarian for 10 years, 20 years, forever, it means something terrible alr. So before conclude that their work are not so hard, we should try to do it everyday, den we will know how hard it is. Correspond to that again, the most absurb matter in the world is nonetheless when the poor was criticized by the well worn, well feeded and well lodged people.

When the evil become a norm, is it still so called evil? Or it has become an acceptable doing? Hmm...I heard someone said. The humane is evil and it started from laziness. hem...Is it? I sudden felt that, we are actually in danger stage.

Ei...remembered that she will write the essay "if there is no love in this world". Hmm...Hope can read it after she completed. It doesnt matter how good or how bad have written, wat matter to me is her thoughts. Hmm...

Hehe...found out that i become darker after swam at that day. So fast...the sun nowadays ah...But i dun care...

Aiks...still have so many things to do...gambate nei...sooner or later, you can go away le...sooner or later

Wake up in t early morning also. Haha...i borrowed another three books from her...Ei...her mother offer me to go have bfast together. I felt her look and so I rejected this offer le...Hmm..Lots of stuff need to do...

Her mother fetched me to LRT station, but there was a bus will go to KL central. How i wish i could jump into the bus. For me, who carried 3 bags with heavy books, sure bus is the best choice. I tot no hope alr, we ran after the bus, her mother helped me to block the bus. Hahaha, cute auntie. :D

I met an old uncle in t bus and he kept speaking sth...ei..i dun really understand wat he had said though..Reading another book in bus and finally reach KL central. Real lucky, i saw t bus i want to take immediately and this time i really jumped into it cause it is almost illegal. Thanks uncle.

Uncle saw me carried 3 big bags and he knew i will reach my destiny very soon, he let me stand at the front side so that i can put the bag. He jt asked the others kept go in and let new passengers abroad the bus. SO nice, ^^ My big bag seems always knock on the passenger's legs, ei, sory ya, i had no choice also.

Cleaning room is the first thing to do. Hmm...someone seem went in my room because my special lamp closed. Hmm...Yes, it did. It is my landlord, for the sake of checking insects. She did guard my things for me from the insect checking people. Ok la...nvm la...So, i painted half of my room, the dirty part. I know i dun hav energy to paint whole room, especially the higher wall. Then, I washed the car. ==" those who like to throw rubbish, please dun take my ride. Really...quite a few sweet package, rubber band, even phone decorator...Ei...please la, my car not a public car also, is FOC, no need to throw coin also ya...

After cleaning all those stuff, alr time to have dinner. I took a bath and went for dinner. O.o There was a lots of people in the restaurant today, almost full house. Hmm...I still have a place to sit la. Satisfied.

Miss my laptop. Although has 3 computers at home but one was too slow, two were full of viruses alr. I cant open my files there also...Sien...Hmm...too tired to do paper work tonight, I choose to watch some movie then.. :)

Today, foster father brought me out to eat and he told me about the teacher's life. Hmm...After he knew that i will be leaving but there is nothing much to do after go back to KL, he asked me to stay until Sunday. Ei, Hmm..But i have not so importance things and many trivial things to do after go back to KL...Hmm...After bfast, i continue reading while wait the time to reach.

Then, i went to secondary school on time. As usual, all late, so i stayed alone at cantin to read book. The teacher found me and told me can go in alr, she would ask the students to go in. So, i jt chat with some i know and then kept ask them to come in. Ei...they seem scared and not really dare to come in...0.o

Kept asking student come in...hmm... finally, two of COS members reached and started to prepare. I saw the teacher use cane to ask people to come in..haha...Hmm...After a while, the other four COS members reached also and they sat there. Haiz...no briefing is like tat one ba...dunno wat to do, dunno how to do, i think...

Started alr...games make them more excite alr. At first they were forced to participate de, now look more happier...Then he gave his speech...many of his own opinion..err...y said they dun understand about dream. Err...Haha...Sudden he passed to me to talk about the details..Err..wat details oh? But then, i did have a little prepare of wat need to talk. When i said the first sentence "I believe everyone has their own dream." I FELT all look at me...Ei...my phobia and instruction of talking about details disturbed me. I am too sensitive alr. Due to these stimulation, I felt nervous and forget bout my speech alr but only talk about date, venue and participant only.. That is not wat i want to talk about though...

My actual speech is " I believe everyone has their dream, although you might not know now, you can find them. This camp doesnt guarantee you can find your dream but at least you tried alr. In this camp, we can play the games together and learn from it but not boring (I was nervous here and stop, TT). As you all know, there was so little chinese camp here and this is really a rare chance for us. Grab the chance because you will never know whether there will be next time. I was also a Malay school's student and I studied form six before, i searched my dream all my study life until now and never gave up the persistance on dream. So, i am study psychology now. Let's find our own dream together in the camp ba." TT, didnt able to tell the rest of part...haiz...

After tat, another game. After game, i saw a boy that refuse to participate but forced to come in become very excited, haha, he came to get the form from me actively. hehe...game is a magic for everyone. Some also asked for more to ask their friend to join also...Hmm...hope will be a success to recruit secondary students ba...

Home to eat lunch and then reading again. Tonight, i will be leaving for KL alr. Hmm...Their foster mother asked me to stay at her house in KL because too late alr...Err..not to let foster parents and parents to wory bout it, so i agree le. Said goodbye and step into the bus, haiz..., to be apart from people always seem easy...maybe i think the longer time spend on aparting, the harder will feel...

On the bus, i saw starry sky until Yong Peng, it is beautiful. After Yong Peng, the sky is all black d...with only one bright round moon on sky. I cant sleep also n jt keep thinking this n that. Hmm...now i know, only reach seremban, we will have streetlamp on high way until KL..

Err...she was trembling while carrying the stuffs...so scary...Hope she will be alright.

I saw special things in her house, from big to small, the smallest is so cute, about a tips of my last finger. Haha...Her mother is really great, she know my that thing is kite immediately. The only and first person who know it. The other people thought that is an umbrella leh..Haha...Then she asked another girl's name. I plus one word, easy nick name, she is called "xi gua" (watermelon). Her mother said "cannot call people like tat" with smiling and asked y called xi gua. Haha...she is a women who has wisdom, i think, hmm.. respect.

Yesterday night, father came home earlier because of wanting to fetch me to foster family house. On the way, we met road block and father getting anxious because he did not want to be late. We reached 7 minutes earlier but there was no COS members there. Haiz...waited til 7.30 still has no people. The reason they gave is foster mother went out alr, no one fetch them. For me, it means they didnt communicate with their foster parents but then still asked me to go there on time to meet them. Then they asked me to go their house and they said they need to stay home to guard their brother. I thinked automatically that how about when they were not at their foster family house? Haiz, father getting impatient and i thinked he was hungry alr. From here to go back home still need more than half an hour. Haiz...really hope i wont implicate others.

So one of them cycling here to take us to their house. She was also ran after by a dog and thank godness the dog didnt bite her. Haiz....wat i thinked is two parellel lines really should not meet each other. Hmm...

Reached their home...the discussion still the same and no training because the others didnt come. I think all the things could be quite a mess later. At there, got t latest progress and coloured the things. Came for just colour t things? Haiz....They said need to meet each other early tomoro 7am. huh!! wat!? So i need to tell my foster parents that i go there today 9.30pm and then out again tomoro 7am. Besides, the other members will not come but only 4 of us to meet each other...dun need to do that...So, i canceled.

Went back to my foster house. Gave them the presents...Haha..Ei...they took me out for supper then. Foster mother talked a lots of stuff and told me about the restaurant.

Today, I alr can wake up on time after recuperate. Haha...Then i ate Pau with foster father. Then, COS members met at t meeting room of my foster father. They were late and we all fil in something on the flier. Hmm... i decided to read book. I felt stupid because I thinked that I wasted a team's energy n time. With tis number of people, there were a lots of thing can be done and I cause people to sit there and fill in things. Haiz....

There were a few of flaws in the flier. The target customer's age were not clear enough, the things tat will be given to them after they participate our camp also did not state. Haiz....I said before need to write it down because this will increase the value of the camp, make the camp's value higher than the camp's fee, haiz... jt didnt do it. I will doubt my communication. Or they didnt listen? Haiz...Trust people? How? Do it by myself? Tired. Haiz...something, is not belong to me and not suitable for me...I think...

Stayed at primary school for so many hours to wait for that precious moment and chance to publicize. Haiz...as i expected, when they see real people, loss and dont know wat to do. Ei...I need to overcome my fear and I just need time. When i almost have enough courage to use mouth to publicize, COS members tell me to cancel alr. Haiz.....stupid me, waste time and man power. Gave fliers to primary school only, really no need so many people...Haiz...

XC teacher said i was still the same quiet. She was chatting with him and said a lots of joke. Sudden, she turned to me and said sth while chatting with him. SHe said quiet dog can bite people die. When she was still studying, she was always quiet and classmate respected her. When the time need to talk reach, no one talk, then she will talk and can always talk the core of the matter. Haiz....y wherever i go, always meet people to say this to me. I tell myself this doesnt mean anything, just coincidence, i think....

I told WC about t money stuff. She also thinked that not to trouble t people there if can. I have same thought with her. Hmmm...Then went to secondary Malay school to talk about the activity tomoro. Hmm.....talk about tomoro's venue only, also no need so many man power de...haiz....

After that, went home and continue reading. At night, we ate dinner at home, it was nice and healthy. ^^ Then they took me to Tesco, foster mother told me a lots of thing. Hmm...they treat me gao gao de old town coffee...haha....Hope tat they dun buy anything for me cause i have no hand to carry back to KL....Prepared the rejecting speech alr....

The sky at night here very beautiful. bright round moon le...^^ Thinking that they done a lots here before i came, jt the way....and the mistakes.....hmm...

Primary school rejected us to pubicize and I know the reason alr after talk with head master. The strategy to do thing just pop up in my mind but the time and chance has alr pass, nothing can be done.....haha...forget bout it ba...let them go...

Went to swimming with sister. I drove to there.. ^^ That is a nice place, although not as nice as before alr...The air was fresh because there was rainning in the morning, jt before we swam. It's made my day :) Like to swim. There was no other sounds under the water and I can concentrate. Sis has improved much and she can control the breathing skill alr. Haha...Hmm...After swam, kept sweating..!!!

Olympic size swimming pool^^

After that, wanna take photo of the mango tree that had many fruits nearby my house. But then, I jt took one, a dog ran after me...TT...thks godness I faster jumped into my car...gosh...Bad dog..Haha. there were a lots of stray dogs here, it remind me the time i like to cycle around my house to playground and try all kinds of way to avoid dogs. Thinking all sort of responds to protect self from dogs. I think that is y i can respond spontaneously to escape today. Hoo..

Many fruits ya~~That's t dog... :p

Hmm...Read some sentences. There are people choose to be t glass standing in the centre, to be thrown by the stones whereas there are people choose to throw the stones to t glass. Who we choose to be? Do we brave enough to be t glass?

Today, recuperate at home.

When thinking practiced, the flow of thinking is jumping. Just like after mathematic questions practiced and practiced, the procedure can be skipped and jumped to the answer. When the time getting longer, the procedure faded and might be forgotten. Maybe is like tat.....I think...

Uncle Tom's small house.

Read some books today. In this book, there was some meaningful sentence. Hmm...There are some kind people in the world, their sorrowness will turned into other's happiness. Their hoping toward this world has burried into the grave with tears, has become seeds, bloomed into flowers and spreaded the incense, cure the invisible wound in the heart of lonely poor people.

There was a sentence i read before also. The most absurb matter in the world is nonetheless when the poor was criticized by the well wore, well feeded and well lodged people.

In the past, there was slavery system. The business of selling merchandises (people) is normal and acceptable under law. Now i only know that when they were sold, they were treated like a horse. They would be asked to have some action, for the buyer to examine their muscle. If the person with better brain, the price will be higher. Then, when the person has firm belief in their religion, the price even higher. The mother and child will be separated by the businessmen. Their soul was repressed until diminished. Thanks for the humanistic president, the system canceled.

Hmm...there was a person told me before that there is no fairness will appear in human world. There must have high, low, lose, win, better and worse. Hmm...when we were borned into better world, we would hope that the democracy not so democracy. When we were borned into worse world, we would deprive for the democracy. Isnt it?

hmm...I remembered a sound told me that we seem too democracy and it is no good. The meaning i get is we need to hold the power. Hmm...

Will the human's world be fair one day? I dunno. There are so many kind of people in this world who tried to fit into the world, tried to change the world, tried to....Hmm...I think maybe in this point of time, it is no longer who we are but the role we choose to play.

Haha...come back to real life ba. Below is the presents i prepared for my foster family. :)

The herbal tea for foster parents, drawing for whole family, t-shirt for two younger foster brothers. Ei...hope they will like them..

Hope the drawing look nice to them.

Hehe...the sky at my home again....another angle of view, during the sunset. ^^

There was time, found that able to do sth
There was time, saw the hapiness in their faces
TWT, own sth that hard to be taught
TWT, found out wat dunno before
TWT, found out t pathern and t rhythm
TWT, watching t thing grow up day by day
TWT, discover t strength and wat is hard to be sensed

TWT, continue working til midnight and no rest on weekend.
TWT, cant sleep before time reach.
TWT, lips burst into blood while talking to people.
TWT, they walked away.
TWT, cant get help while needed.
TWT, cant "listen" to wat people are saying.
TWT, felt the energy lost day by day.
TWT, need to pick up the thing they choose to throw away.
TWT, fallen asleep at the bus stop
TWT, saw people escape and escape, run and run.
TWT, understand but couldnt do anything.

Hmm........There were times and these were the times,
everything..... has passed over, will jt over.


_______________________________________________

Hmm....I know I am not suitable to be, I am lacking of sth and it is hard to achieve. The value of it is not so high until i willing to spend time and effort to achieve it. As I said in earlier time, there were some routes just will never be suitable for me to walk.

When rejected them, they said is bc of laziness, not tiredness, wat can i say? It is their perception, I cant control wat people think, i can only do my part. If we need, we will, if we dun need, we wont, it's the nature law. Hmm...We always know a small part of story and then make conclusion, we seldom really tried hard to get the whole picture, isnt it?

Finally resting at home today. The first news i got today is that we were rejected by the school. >< Hmm...but I roughly knew t reasons la...Now, we can only use mouth to publicize our programme le but not activities. Need to train my team to be able to do so. I think we can still wait for the parents outside t school and publicize to them. Err...asked me to go there earlier. Plz la, my time spending at home left a little only, dun make it bc tiny, k? One word, I will meet u all on wednesday night, that's all. Hmm...Over the phone call, I smelt some fishy fishy thing. Hope i am wrong.

Went to bank today. Now i know we cant take two differences bank account book out at the same time in the bank. It is because they are competing with each others always. Hmm...When I was in blue bank, the service was fast and people just care for their own stuff. In yellow bank, I wonder y people kept looking around, seem like scaring of sth happen. Felt weird.

I jt read an article. When we are able to accept hug and give hug means we willing to trust a person fully heartedness. It is bc we expose our weaker part to that person without defenses. Ei...not really like to or receive hug....

Spending money here and there. Pok Kai liao...TT...But not for myself la, buy for people gei...It's worth that amount of money...Hope they will be happy with the presents. :)

Wow...I score 87% in YY questionaires. Wahaha...Sometime when we really spend one day with a person sincerely, concentrated and listening to their words, we will roughly know a person. Hehe....but actually i thought i guess many wrong answer. :) I am still waiting for XH to do my questionaire, Hmm...I doubt she will do that alr la. Haha...nvm la..Yer...My black market lover score 0%...TT... our distance made us apart from each other alr...I think we are more like stranger now....

Today, had bfast with family and then had another bfast with friends. We talked about life and thought. It is normal that people changing and things between us also changed.

When i first fetched her, i felt that she felt heavy and burden on shoulder. I brought out sth for them to take a look, let them read their own thought before they left our secondary school. I think that is a special feeling. HAHA...They asked me wat they have changed and said they would really like to know. Of coz there are lots, we are all facing differences transition period and differences environment. Hmm.. They are all working now, left me still studying. Haiz..felt so old d. When I fetched her back home, she was jumping. Haha, maybe felt relax after reunion.

Sour Yu, Spicy Nah, Bitter Ling~~~~Taste gang start from 2004(plus sweet Nah)

It is a special feeling for bringing three differences people from three differences environment to be together at t same time, same place and also interact w each others. What hold us is our compromise, memory and true friendship. I think we are true to each others, we speak our true thinking, feeling and we shared. :)

After that, read some stories. Hmm...If there is anyone think that Qiong Yao was only writing love story and Jin Yong was only writing fighting story, i would really like to HAHAHA...For me, qiong yao is the expert of psychology and Jin Yong is the expert of philosophy. They are my teachers.

Sudden thought---> When i first get known the history, people always said it is bored and only need to memorise. It made me neglect the importancy of history. It should not be bored, we need to know our past and we need to felt grateful to their contribution. We are all shaped by our past and them. Sudden felt that i only know little about the place i lived, the people gave me life and the evolution of own culture.

At night, I went to have dinner with family.

My mom, sis and dad---dinner time--Lazy bro dun 1 come out, need us to bring food back for him...:P

My sis is very difference from me ya~~Haha...Well, she is obsessive with that dog doll...She called it as Qiqi. I would only address it as "it", she would address it as "her". Really.... Speechless...

Today, early in the morning, went to meet same friends of yesterday again and had bfast. LS also joined us and it has been a long time since i last saw her. Nice to see her again. I think she has become more confident and mature.

In this group of friends, there were bear, fa cake, prince, pig, LS n fish. Seldom met C.Yn. They are people i knew in form 6. If not mistaken, they all come from same secondary school "T.A". Some time i cant fit into their frequency, but they are quite funny and special. Haha...:)

Bear said the cycle is like fa cake like pig, pig like prince, then Prince said like me...@@...heehee..my..pleasure...Til me, the chain is full stop alr, coz not much choice left...HAHA :D

We ate and had a little chatting. Err..i just shared them the information i knew. Hehe...told them welcome to come n find me at Hospital if they need. She really felt stressed, i think, she said she really need to come n find me. Hmm..gambate nei. Life is full of challenging, it depend on how we view it and face it. Pull thro' ya..

Then went to Jusco. I saw earing that suit me and i bought it becoz i lost it last time. Hoo...forced me to wear dress again. Y this bunch of friends also same with KL one. ==" Byebye...no means no, k...no long hair, no dress. :p Dun ever think of bought it for me, dun force me into tat situation ya...i will thank you very much de.

Err...i dun un y cant buy a piece of cake for her to celebrate her birthday? Hmm...wat's tat kind of facial expression means leh? Hmm...need to improve my psycho power more....She also forced to wear dress, haha. She wanted to go home le...I felt that maybe she feel anxious in crowd. Hmm...Time to go home and need to fetch them...Ei...wat's tat kind of expression means again? Sei loh....poisoned too deep.

Then fetched sis back home and tution. After that, I went to hair shop and had a hair cut, felt much comfortable le. :D Had a cup of coffee with mom and do a little thing here and there. I think Dad speechless to my hair alr...

Tomoro morning will be meeting secondary friends, "spicy Nah" and "sour yu" and have bfast. Too bad my wife "sweet Nah" need to work and cant meet us. It has been a long time since i last saw them le. Maybe changed also after facing new environment for few years. Well, i changed greatly also, wat can i say? HAHA...Life...

I felt tired after i relax at home. All the things come, sleepiness, drowsiness, forgetfulness....everything. Today is holiday, and i ate breakfast with family, then went to meet friends.

Due to public holiday, all the busy friend can meet each others. Hmm...It has been a long time i didnt come back alr, so I lost my way. I did able to come back and reach the point. But then, she was so frustrated. She was impatient with everything and everything must be fast. She mocked at people as soon as she grabbed the chances. Err...

Then, we went to art exhibition. I think she jt wanna grabbed t chance to be with her. I felt she no longer helpful, arrogant and everything are calculated. Haiz, it is so normal, people changed after emerged into society. I think my that friend only lived in my memory, it is no longer her. Hmm...she is a brand new other person, not the her i know anymore. Hmm...





Both of us went to view all the drawings. I accompany her and she accompany me. Hmm...I wonder she enjoyed or not, but i really like to really watch the drawing and not feel the drawing only. Hmm...after staying alone with her for a period of time, I feel that she is so stressed, so scared and just dun feel like to be alone at this point of time. I hope she feel a little bit better after watching beautiful things.




Then, we went to Danga Bay. I bought the kite and played together. Err...I didnt play kite before and it was my first time. Funny meh?? >< I just didnt get the chance to play when i was still small mah... :P Hehe, but now, i still get to play alr. although I still dunno how to fly the kite. :DDD The high kite was flied by the expert her de and she could play real good. Hmm...Then, YS came and joined us. She came after a busy day, so nice, touched. Nice to be able to see you. ^^

Hmm...then we rented two bicycle which were 3 people and 2 people de. At first, i rode the bicycle that can take 3 people one. I was not the person who control, haha, but i still grabed and turned the direction wheel unconsciously. Then we exchanged, i rode the 2 people d and cycling with XH who directed the bicycle. Hmm...I knew i cant trust people fully and it is my habit. Hmm...Becoz i knew, the moment i rode on the bicycle, i persuaded myself to relax and believed her fully that she will make sure our safety. So, I had a great ride with her, her skill is real good. :) Enjoy the breeze there and then we went back home.

Hmm...I needed to rush home because today is mon's birthday. I could have just dropped them at t bus stop but i didnt do that. I was not hard-hearted enough to drop them there. Hmm... I chose to drive them back one by one. Although it spent my time and t fuel, at least i knew they were all safe. Unless, i dun have a choice, if not, i think i will still send them back.

Oh...found out that she feel anxious because she would be facing t thesis in last semester and would be busy and stress like hell. Therefore she need some fun before the next semester. I suggest Genting because it is more convenient. The others seem too busy and cant sacrify their time, err...i also needed to participate a camp ><...Hmm...how leh...i really wish i could do sth for you.

When friends or family said they wish they can go some place and had fun, i always the one who plan and realize it. It is because i think they will be happy being able to fulfil a small dream. Fulfil their dream is my happiness because i think they will be truly happy for that moment.

Hmm....Met my family after sent my firends home and we were having dinner at a restaurant. WOw...many people and we used a big table with a big feast. At there, I dunno wat to say. I just want to try my best to be there when it is their days. It is because their days are becoming lesser and lesser day by day and year by year. We just would not have additional bonus, just treasure the moment now. Hmm...Well, for the feast, felt a bit sad because when everyone felt full, there were still many foods on the table. Means-->will be wasted...Hmm..

Just checked the facebook and that questionaire made by me. The highest score is 37%. :D I think the questions are considered simple, but the answers were buried in my mind. I think if they did ask me or listen to me before, they will know the answers. :) Happy playing ya...:D

Home sweet home. I fall asleep last night 9pm until early 8am. I drove KJ to wait bus. Waited for too long d and i called friend to ask whether the bus route changed. Hmm..Yes, it did. The bus wont pass by My taman anymore but only wait in t other taman. SO, i drove her there n she manage to get t bus n reached Singapore. Back home, ate breakfast and sleep again til 7pm.

Hmm...I think I collapsed. I am too tired alr. Need to rest and sleep badly. Mom said she saw my eyes were inside. After rest taken, my eye and colour of face looked nicer.

Haiz..mom...dun be happy yet. I have another programme havent completed. I need to do other people jobs again.

Received call and they discussed with me t details. Err...want to go MElaka.>< Sory la, friends, is not tat i dun 1, i jt too tired d. I am not tat kind of person who have fun til not tired. Now, wat i need is to sleep and have silent thinking. Next time, K? We plan much earlier and prepare money.

So, tomoro, we decided to have lunch, go to art exhibition, cycling at danga bay n play kite at Danga Bay..HAHA...looking forward for it, especially art exhibition. :D

Danga bay, city square, tanjung piai, kukup are not special places for me. It is places i familiar with. Wat matter the most is not t place in t trip but the people. The reasons i choose to participate fully in johor trip. :)

It is time to apart and it is the last day.

We went to Tanjung Piai and she said Tanjung Piai is a Botanical garden. Fainted. I explained so many time that it is the mangrove forest and the most southern part of Asia, she didnt listen. Then, she asked me whether it is like a botanical garden and i felt lazy to explain again n again, so i just tell her " can be said like that". After that, she always tell people it is botanical garden...err..wat i means is just LOOK LIKE, not really is botanical garden. Well, paid ticket to go in and she said we have only half an hour...err...do we need to be like tat?

She always asked me the questions i dunno how to answer..==" Haiz...besides, after explain and explain, she always cant "LISTEN". She can only remembered it after I agree with wat she asked....Err...I know i still have communication problem, err...But i wondering is my communication problem so serius? Besides, there were many hotels i surveyed before decided which hotel to choose and also the orphanage home is wat i found. So sure i know where is these places...She still asked uncle where is these places...fainted...Well, i choose to kept quiet. If there is so much voice, so much opinion, so much power involved, it caused confusion. I will appear in the place that needed me to appear, that's all....

Well, we will have seafood feast and i decided to subsidise. Since it is seafood feast, people should not think too much about money and have a great time. Although i didnt eat, KR said must count me in, so i participate. Ei...i dunno y when there is other people wanna join in our table, she refused to accept. Weird.

I really rather starving than having feast. I already associated the feast with people who dun have things to eat successfully. Hmm..I know i didnt like it and it always cause me feel headache, but i will still have to accomplish others' wish. While chatting and eating on the table, LT said i know many things. Err...wanna clarified it is misconception, I might know many things, but only a little bits, i nv know anything in depth.

I know she is angry either with herself for not able to participate the sharing session or other people. Haiz...sometime when the chance past, it will nv come back again. So must grab it when it can. I apologize for my wrong decision. Hmm...Good bye to you and bon voyage. Take care of your healthy because viruses are spreading seriusly. Have a great experiences.

Today, went to Singapore and we rushed thro' t custom. We reached earlier and we get to see the standard of the centre in Singapore. It is more organized, the teachers more well-trained and they protected the children more. Hmmm..The behaviour, action and product will showed the personality of people and their way of doing stuff. In singapore, it is really more systematic and more rule need to be followed. Whether it is a good thing or not, i dunno, depend on people.

Then, went for shopping. Err...there was no where i would like to go and i just considered the benefit of other people. Some people alr felt SIEN toward going to shopping centre. Hmm...then O.R is really a high standard place and not many people are able to spend there. Well, stop using so much power, I need to respect the decision of her. Although i felt that she just think from her point, not really for all the public.

I had a cup of coffee at O.R. I dun really talked much with her because there is no such things that other share with you and you just dun 1 2 share anything. So, I think I only had sharing session with WC. Share my thought, wat i observed and the feeling with WC.

Then, we went to another centre which is a really high standard private centre. Well, many approaches used based on the need of customer. The client need to pay high amount to afford the service. However, the citizen has high awareness and therefore will willing to pay that amount of money. The value in M'sia is just differences.

Planning to have sharing session with the others and asked KR to prepare. Actually, i was just waiting for completion of all visitation, so that we could have sharing session in one go. I know they didnt plan for sharing session even I alr emphasize the importancy of that. Sometime people are just hearing but not listening. In second thought, sudden not really believe in KR based on past experiences because she seem not seriously want to have sharing session, so I asked others by myself. HAHA, after asked, I know there are people who have same thought as me. They know wat matter most is not the activities, it is the sharing session which give us reflection and other edges' of view. I felt real happy to know them.

We shared a lots and think much more. WHen we organized the problem, we know wat the answer we need to find. When some reminder given, the future plan become clearer. When other ways of thinking shared, it impact other people and other will have impact on you. They shared their ways of dealing with male teenagers and female teenagers and i learned a lots from this. We shared til midnight 4am. Woo...

Our value and thought are all differences. In an activities, wat matter most to me are always the planing beforehand and the sharing session. It is about learning more than expected. To me, this trip is a self discovery trip. It let me discover more about myself and also have a clearer future plan.

Hmm....they fall into asleep and i thought they choose to sleep instead of sharing. WHen i go into the room, it is dark and TV closed, this context give me signal that they choose to sleep. Besides, my pre-concept is that sharing might bored them. Then, others also agree not to wake them up because feel disrespect. So, because of that unconscious belief, context and other opinion, i choose not to wake them up. Hmm..

KS wrote me the things alr. HEHE..She told me not to explained in the blog, I just 1 2. :P The reason I want to close the light in sing-K room is because i dun 1 u 2 found out wat is in my eyes mah which will be weird for you all. But then, i can expressed all the emotion i felt from the song thro' singing. Well, you still saw it. >< hmm...Kept as secret, K? I insist to swim in Olympic size swimming pool because it really make a differences. As KS said, I really tried to jump into small swimming pool and just swam, but then i feel didnt swim at all...So, after that, i insisted must have Olympic size, if not i rather not jump. Cause it make me felt worse. Explanation completed, hehe.

Early in t morning. She gave me a GREAT surprise. ==" She told all t people wat the special cake is. ==" Well, then where is t surprise? She dunno how to think ah? ==" Err...it is still nvm then, she still has the gut to feel angry. ==" Then, both of them, again, so disrespectful to talk behind me. Sory, i am very sensitive one, I know all that. AND Please, I am not stupid, k...Lost t interest to play alr. IF u geng n think that is easy, u try to organize a surprise that is really surprise la.

Felt angry for a couple of hours and finally calm. Then, need time to persuade myself, all the things still funny, surprise and playable.

Went to hospital Permai and have a seminar. The children ward just opened for a few years and the standard cant compare to other countries. He said the most importance thing is to have training for psychologist and this afirm that i walk into the right path. Besides, it helped me plan my next direction also. There is a patient sang PANTUN for us and one chat with us in english. They looked normal and some were highly educated, it is just tat the way they face some environment is difference from norm. The nurse said people always came in and out that seldom really recovered.

The so called "patient" are very friendly to us. They smile and tried all their way to try to talk to us. The so called normal and abnormal is again in blur line and we can just choose to follow the book and standard agreed by most people.

After that, we proceed to PKK centre. We had our lunch there and had a visitation. The children looked normal and they having their training there. I saw that most design is ABA and it doesnt fit to wat i want to do. I doubt that this helped the children to become a better person, i think this just help them to improve their skill to live in the world. I am not saying this is not a good thing, it just doesnt fil into my role.

They played a video for us and this gave me a great impact. At that point of time, i know that i belong to humanistic approach and i really like unconditioned positive regard. Suddenly, i understand wat T had said before and also wat Mr. K had taught me before. Although it is unrealistic, at least i tried to reach that goal, isnt it? Besides, this remind me that nv think that anything is impossible. Everything happened for a reason, found out the reason and we will find out t solution.

At first, I was thinking of going home and prepared a surprise. But then, i cant persuade myself to do so. I dun 1 2 and I choose to follow the team to get known more new people. I also observed more by following the team to shopping centre. Hehe. It is really good to have family who helped and they deliver t cake for me. Thinking that have t surprise for all people and i just tell them t cake is cancelled. Well...I planned alone in the room and asked people to come in. HAHA...Then we play t cake on face and someone spoilt the cake. Well, I just have to be a camera man. Hmm..Err...the cake is all over our beds and blankets. >< HAHA, nvm la, happy is enough.

Last night, vivian lost and get punished. HEHE...tonight, we played the game again. Today, not really playable because less chance to cheat people. Besides, all t people kept quiet only and hard to trick them. Even when there is "chop", i tried to talk to V, she also ignore me, afraid to talk to me even in normal time. TT. HAHA, still, i managed to trick 2 or 3 people. Wahhaha..:D Tonight, TP and A get punished and dance. HAHA....Again, I laughed until sore throat. S really like to laugh a lots, hehe, it is good to be optimistic.

Went for the Johor and Singapore trip. Early in the morning, found out tat my landlord had come back and had chat with her. Then, started to contact the bus driver.

She informed me that WC didnt follow our bus. WC should have told us but not her and this show their irresponsibility. What if there is sth need to do in the bus? What if there is sth need to tell her if she didnt follow t bus? What if there is some procedure need to be done? Besides, she didnt tell us immediately after she get known and also didnt ask WC to inform us. She is really.......Haiz..

Another she make me feel...so...err..bus driver know his thing de.. Well....feel stupid. I wish i can cut off the connection with her. Nvm...everyone has their own way, i just finish my task and enjoy myself, then ok d la. HAHA...

As I say, t activity will be a mess....Then, also too many people become leaders and get involved, as usual, t things become some say tis, some say tat-->confusing. I have done wat i should, at least i can control myself not to interfere too much..Hmm...Many people loss and dunno wat to do. They just try to accomplish t task and that's all.

Hmm..When people faced t real people, they will realized that it is so difference with wat they read in t book. I saw some of them back off, some of them tried to do wat they can, some of them give up and some of them obseved the other capaple facilitators. Hmm...This can be a self discovery experience for them. Let people found out wat they dunno and wat they r lacking of.

Some people are really selfish. They only think from their own point and nv saw the others. Hmm....they can be their own psychologist. I just want focus on my dream psychologist and find people who have same frequency with me.

There was a company asked me why I want to be a leader. Hmm..i think i know how to answer now. I just want to prepare myself. When there is a better person can lead, i can be a great helper to contribute for my team. In contrast, when there is none, I can also lead the team in my best. If all people didnt prepare themselves, the group just will always be their group and will never feel is mine. No extra work, no motivation, no idea contriution. The strength of a group will still be a person but not a strength of team.

At night, I went home to put my things. I went to order some special cake and want to give surprise to them... Nyaik, Nyaik..

Err...i tot there will be some sharing session after the activities. Hmm, but there is none and they processed to game immediately. Wanna cry, i didnt lose t game and still be punished. Yer....i know who speak out my name first and i know she come in between us to have a clear look on that kissing. Well, if i dun 1 2 play, i can still run, if it is in the past, i will run and my face will be black. Now, Just think let the atmosphere be high and accept that as the value is not high for me. :P No wory, my wife and lover will be happy that they have a charming husband. :DDDD

After that, we still played until midnight and laugh until sore throat. Hehe. As usual, some people cant play til so late and will sleep for sure. Hmm..although i didnt sleep last night, I still able to play til last round. HAHA...sure is with t help of coffee...