010 Life

It has been almost two months since i last update my blog.

Hmm...in the past, although i was busy, i still can do stuffs in front of the computer. Recently.... I really seldom spend time at home. I tried to write, but hmm...going out and running here and there outside is really tiring. I was experiencing many many things, so I think I need more time to reflect and think. Hehe...So many stories to share and dunno wat to start from. I think i will just post one by one　next time.

And so, for the past two months, I have been to 3 camps, finished my second phase training and finish the business subjects. Doing the homeworks for training and assignments are really costing time, energy and effort. However, never regret. I found out what happen for psychologist field in Malaysia. Besides that, I know many great people. Then, I also understand difference segments of theories deeper. When i watch the movie for review of Mr. K, many thoughts ran thro' my mind.

Hmm...So, this is the three years for my U life. In the first year of University life, i know can afford to be busy but will not be so stress. So, I decided to explore everything in the University. Some people told me that, just first year, no need to be so busy and just be relax. Hmm, I didnt accept the advice as i think is not my value. After exploration, is to choose one thing and focus to see something deeper. So, I experienced and learned some skills within second year of University life. Of coz, I paid my price but I also get the things. However, i felt bored suddenly. It seem that nothing in the U can let me explore and experience. Therefore, I am thinking of going outside the U or gain experiences by really practicing the skills. Third year, I know it is stress although might not so busy. I think stress can make people feel more tiring and exhausted than busy. Therefore, I decided to stop organizing anything and just participating the activities. I went for the training and gained experiences. Then, I also enjoy to listen to people experiences and listen to sharing of thoughts and feelings. In addition, it is also a good way to reflect back to myself. Hmm....for me...Is a good choice to be here and learn because i like them and free-style learning is joyful. :)

I like to see people, I like to share the lives and I would like people to be happy to accept themselves or people around them. After all, thoughts, feelings and spirits are the only things that follow people no mather where we are, how old we are and who we are. Hmm...Such is my U life and I quite enjoy about it. I think there is non a stop for me to claim that I have learn enough, to claim that i know who I am, to claim that i am mature enough.

Anyway, for the time being, I can be considered gaining more free time after completing the business subjects and training. Just sooner or later, I will need to start again for third phase training, thesis, psychology subjects and last subject of business subject.

I think I should make use the time to rest and write story. :) Hmm...i think so..

For the convenience sake, i have done something i know i shouldnt do. Haha...nvm la, it's no use crying over for spilt milk. Accept the consequences for what i have done la. Hmm...after that, also experiencing what had expected, hmm...as usual la, mentally prepare alr.

I dress myself up for the party, based on my style. ^@^ However, Err...got a bit response from ppl, they seem shocked. Haha....I tot I just looked a bit differences, but it's seem over for them. (OO)a Haha... Might because of not getting use to me like this ba. Ei.....jt hope it was not looked as "not good" in their eyes la. They said like a cowboy, Haiz, lacking of hat and guns. Haha...
Yer.....Everyone dress normally only, but I tot I should dress a bit better for the party lo. Bc my 17th party for secondary friends, most dressed in fashion too, got japan style, got princess style la....haha..It was based on the differences culture within a group ba. M.Y, S.O, S.M, K.S, K.R(birthday girl), L.T, K.J, K, Q.L and me

College psycho people.

COS people

The present I give is just a normal thing. Hmm.. i draw sth, but they said not alike, not like me. TT Hmm...Some said eyes weird, some said mouth weird. After i look closely, I found out that it was bc the position of the nose. haha...rushing product in busy time is like that one ba....

She still prepare food for vegetarian. Haha...although I seldom eat dinner d and old d, cannot eat so much, I still finished my food in plate. Feel full for the whole night, thank you auntie ya. ^^

Chit-chating over the party, college la, people la and blah blah. Sometime i will look at the moon with the only one star in the sky. The rainbow was surrounding the moon. Beautiful. @@ Haha...I had a feeling of having mid-autumn festival.

Played until midnight one. Hmm...fetched some home and when i reached home, tired d...

It was a busy week. I have finished another assignment about internet.

I have finally found people to rent the room. A good way to practice my marketing and communication skills, bc need to paste fliers and to be middle-person. Frankly speaking, i dun like to be the middle-person, bc a lots of works to do and need to be squeezed bet two people. Sometime, will HEADACHE, sometime need to convey the msg. Har~~~~ Anyway, it's has over d, finally, haha, I have fulliled wat I promise. Yeah!! ^^

It's the new semester. Need to think about the subjects to take and enquire the info regard the crash of timetable. Hope i can complete the course on time. Of coz, there is still a risk of not able to. Nvm, just make my best plan. If really happen, just accept it. After all, I have done my best alr.

My foster family is fine. 3rd foster brother has got a government jobs to manage certain places. 4th foster brother has gone to taiwan from Singapore to study wat he liked. Gambate and good luck!!

It's a bit shock to hear that a friend quit his study. He didnt tell me much, he just said that he dun 1 2 miss the chance to get a good job, bc that job is really wat he like. That is a job in GREY line, can be good, can be not good. It is a challenging job, bc the people he will be facing in the future are not simple people. Hmm...Everyone has their own choice and this is his happiness. Hope he wont forget the motive to choose this job. Wish him the best.

Some friends came back from oversea, have darken, have become more plump and have slim down. From observation, see that some feel better and some feel worse. Can see the smile on her face and can see the confidence on her face. Also can see the effects of reality on them. Haha....That's how people change. It's their experiences and life story. As usual, they went as a group, but met diff people and had diff experience. Hmm...is normal too that I see wat i see now, is because of their past. Ah~ Haha...such is life..

In the past, my energy is better than her, but this time i walked with her, when i panting and sweating already, she still feel nothing. I old d, lose d... TT What a surprise she gave me. Haha...Hmm..Wat i can say is, she really have had a tough job at oversea.

So many changes happen within few months. Haha...no wonder she said she need time to adjust and adapt to all new things. Gambate

Finally finished assignment. So many information and so little words, brain was going to explode.

Before going to PS. She asked me to be careful bc it was so dangerous. Yeah...always be, either got bad people or H1N1. Hmm... need to be as usual, life still going on.

Still, so many people in t LRT, as smelly as usual. Haha. In PS, the people are more than usual. I thk bc people are thinking of going home, has holiday on Monday. Another is, got foreign tourists coming here.

McD is still full house. Many people Q up until blocking the door. Every second is full of people Q-ing up. Formidable!!

The moment i reach place to take bus, the bus coming. Woo~~hoo~~, so lucky. The uncle Q before me take out a ticket and wanna to give me. He used cantonese to talk to me, I slow in understand wat he talking about. It's scared me also, I defence immediately. He got angry and said "cheat also not get RM2 from you only la". Hehe... After that, he still gave me t free bus ticket bc he got 2, he even showed me both tickets. So, I take a free trip. ^@^ When I reach my destination, I waved to him and he smiled. Haha..Thank you, Uncle.

So, in the end, I met good people, the world now not only filled with virus and bad people la. ^^ Need to be careful, but no need too extreme...Yeah!! a nice day.

Mom said sth about "the legend of 1900". She think that there is no end in this world because the world is round. The so called "end" is to come back to the begining. Since it is like this, the character choose to stay at the same place. Hmm....It's true also.

We were discussing about whether life is determined or can be controlled. Aunt said can be controlled, mom said it is determined. All their reasons were supported by their own past experiences. Therefore, their life and the way they face their life can be so difference. Hmm... When sth happen, she cant take the blow and only blaming and blaming. She is not blaming the other, she is blaming herself. As for determined, when sth happen, she can accept.

Grandpa said before, life is really determined, bc no mather how hard he had done and how many effort he put, poor means poor, no means no. Then, there is sbody, no need to work in their life, but they always have money to spend. Then, there is sbody, although enjoy life over 4 decades, but then get stroke, need to suffer for another 4 decades. Good or bad, not sure. Aunt said, it depend, the person who went thro determined. If they take it as a training and can work happily, means good. If they take it as unfair, even when they are rich, they also will not be happy, means bad. Hmm... Death has never been far away from life. Sadness has never been far away from excitement.

Sudden, imagine a scenario. She used to be in high mountain and everything were in control, follow her means. So, when sudden drop into the hole, she refuse to climb out. Refuse means sth. She said even there is a rope dropped down, she will also refuse to hold that rope. Hmm...

Yeah.....Was sis's birthday. Haha...had been the driver, took mom to buy things and help sis to choose the cake. She got a small party, inviting five friends. She said, bc if invite many, not all friends know each other, then they wont talk to each other, very hard. So, this time, she decided to invite 5 only. Good consideration. Haha...

Me, dad, sis, 2nd bro, mom. Big bro still in KL, studying. He forgot alr and send his regard by next day, haha, he need to give sis a treat alr... ^@^

This is the present she like the most, Haha~~as usual..... but..she said she still like qiqi the most. This will be the pet of qiqi. ==!!!

Although she like soft toy, she also like TKD, Woo~~ (00)a , and she got black belt alr.

Yeah!! Can watch TV, hehe. I only like Zhang Fei's programme (zhong yi da ge da). Really can laugh loh... haha..bc he is fast in response and is funny. Look at his face, alr feel like to laugh, somemore plus the funny words he said, always out of expectation. Laugh my lung out. ^@^

Spend time in the camp these few days.

The schedule of camp not pack and we were given a lots of free time to lepak. I saw monkeyssssssss Q up and cross the trees one by one. Nice view. Then we went into some ghost house, haha...and some people, hmm, you know, speak the louder, but then dun dare to go in.

I like people who have their own dream, no mather how hard it is, they will pursue it. To me, it is very beautiful. Some people dream to cook delicious food for people to eat happily. Some people like to stay with the aeroplane, some people like to be journalise, to write down what they see. Hmm...

Although i dun like the camp due to it lack of meaning, i sense the differences of this camp with other camp. In the past, all the camp i went are all same group of people, therefore the feeling not so strong. In this camp, when we are the minority, the feeling can be so strong and easy.

Hehe...most importance thing is, we went to swim. Most of us know how to swim. Haha..although the pool is a quite dirty and very small. Still, fun.

There is no ice breaking and games in this camp and havea lots of classes, which make us always sleepy and tired. We can see that M's and C's thinking can be really different, and also the way of doing stuff. Somehow, i cant understand, there were a couple of hours before dinner, we have nothing to do, but they choose to put the discussion in the midnight of 12am, instead of 4pm. They asked us to be punctual for everything, but then they never let us go to bed punctually. =="

Still, the same. Haha....I stayed at the bed until last minute and then use five minutes to prepare myself. Like to play chess with zhou gong very much.

In the end, there are some complaints. It is because the name of the camp and the content of the camp are totally different. I can understand that every organizer has their objective, however, the name of the camp should match at least a little bit to their content. When we found out that it was totally different, we felt cheated.

Overall, it is a relaxing camp, enjoy the fresh air, nice scenary and new friends. Didnt learn many things but nice experiences also. ^@^

Recently, got many chances to learn sth. Just tat, I need to make choice and it is troublesome some of the time. For this week, 4 things overlap with each other, i can only choose one, when I am not sure how is the other one. It is just like place a bet. There is a phrase "Life is just like betting". I think it is true at this point of time.

Got sick, with fever and cough. Hehe..can see how timid a person can be when get closed to them. SO,I behave myself and stayed at home because will be suspected as H1N1 patient.

Seriously cannot sleep because of headache and burning feeling. Normally, i can sleep no mather how, sleep is the best medicine, this time I will wake up by myself because of the pain. I dun take medicine when i was sick but I finished all the panadols that my friend new bought this time.

Then, I think, if I really got H1N1 or Dengi, how would I feel? Besides from the miserable feeling the body suffer, what else? I felt sory for parent because of what they will be felt. A deep sory or so called guilty? Hmm...Other than that, nothing else, I can go as easy as it could be.

Some people will like to ask "why you fallen sick?" Haha....Must there be a reason? WHen they answer yes, I will try to make up some reasons using some logic. Actually, for me, sick just means sick.

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The two minor subjects are taught by the totaly two different lecturer. One can be so bored, one can be so interesting. Hmmm..

Within one month, there is one assignment going to due. Havent settled the assignment 1, need to discuss assignment 2 alr...Urgh...such a rush...Hmmm....it is good too, maybe...

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Such a coincidence, the activities i am going to participate recently are mostly in Melaka. Hmm....Will go to Melaka for three days soon. Maybe will gain another new experiences. Who know?

Two weeks' holiday have passed. Time to study minor subjects.

How do I spend my holidays? One week, I stayed at home with family. Few days, I went out with friends. Three days, went for xiaxiang activity. Then, play basketball and swimming with sister.

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My sister's life is busier than mine, i think. Haha. Morning for tuition and kawat, afternoon for class and night for taekwando. She has alr got the black belt and start to help her coach to teach others. The price she need to pay is hurting her legs, a bit worry for her because this will restrict her development in taekwando field. Hehe...dug out some secret. :D I found out that my sister has a lover alr and the way she deal with this can be so mature. She said she dun 1 to hide from mother, so she discuss with her lover, they has agreed with each other to start their "pa tuo" after graduate. Hmm....

When we play basketball, we are not playing until tired, but laugh until tired and no strength. Haha...laugh until dun care how we looked in the other's eyes, longtime did not laugh like that. We went to swim in my favourite swimming pool. Sudden understand, why I dun find any satisfied pool in other places. It is not really only because of the size, but is the beautifulness of the vision, sound and my memory here. Listen to the natural sound, the music the water and the coconut tree played, can be so relaxing. To enjoy the emerging colour of the sky that cant be seperated, which has given so many colour and space to imagine, and watching the dancing of the coconut tree. When swiming in the water, can see many sparking white light reflex and keep moving because of the water. If look carefully, there are rainbow colour each white light. @@ I always focus on thinking while swim, no other sound will come to interupt. I cant remembered how much problem have I told to the pool and how much "rubbish" have I thrown to the pool alr. How much problme have I solved in this pool and how much new thought came up in this pool. Hmm....after swmiming, can enjoy channel 963 while driving home. Sometime, if earlier, can enjoy the sunset at t same time. ^^

After swiming, we went to have steamboat. Haha...very enjoying and nice. The feeling is undescribable. Such is life. Feel grateful.
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My sense tell me the right thing. She really just waiting and has given up everything. I wanna to tell her something but has been interupted, so i didnt tell in the end. Haiz...Just, dun take the others is belong to you. Everyone is alone, can only suffer and enjoy by self, no others can help. Please dun hurting self for the sake of others. Hmmm.....Ya...the one who cried and asked for help can always get the sympathy of others, the one who didnt speak any word will have to swallow every bitterness into stomach. Seldom people will find out the truth behind and seldom people will have time to do so. Such is world...

My second brother is a leader in school. I was smiling when I heard that he cried when his team get into the final. Haha....see another part of him ba. He is a true person and be true in his feeling. He put every effort in what he like and he is a person who will try all his best to get what he want. If he dont like anything, nobody can force him. I thinked he gave my parents a big headache. Haha....Although he is not good in studying, I can see he is talented in logic. He just dun like words and numbers, but he can be really fast in solving puzzle and he learn what he like in a fast ways. I notice that. Hmm...father seem has planned something for him, we cant say many, i think. Maybe, it is good that one of us will heritage father's business too. Hmmm...
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Met some of the friends to celebrate birthday. She has started to use her power of creative to organize everything. I believed she will getting imporve if she keep praticing, she is talented in this. Haha...The celebration is to give surprise one after another. The feeling we gave her is really....haha...her expression is very interesting too. It was another memorable day.

Met one friend to chit-chat. She loved her course and dream deeper and deeper. Her ability in this field is getting improve and pro. Hmm... We both liked to read, but the way we read is different. She like to read real fast and will read for a few times. I like to read in slow, deep, and i dun like to read for second time. I only read second time after a few year, to read from another angle and under another psychological condition. Met another friend to sing K. How long have we been known each other? 10 years? Hmm...In between, we have some physiological distance but it seem like our thought still keep in touch, we still know each other although we are changing. Hmm...it is not easy and therefore we treasure more. If someone standing in front of me and we dunno each other's thought, feel and personality, SO WHAT we are standing so close to each other? The distance is still apart. If someone is so far away, but our thought still can reach to each other, there is no distance...
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I finished reading three books and I bought another three books. Haha..just feel like to buy....Hmm....the book i like to read has changed...
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I went to Ipoh for reunion camp of xiaxiang. Met some friends on Friday and thanked him for arranging my transport and accommodation. Hmm...he has some changes but he still like to seek for other's confirmation. I thinked what i can say alr said, what i can share alr shared. The rest is depend on whether he wish to do or not. There are sth, i can see but I cant say, there is sth I can feel but I cant share.

In the camp, only got some hour to share thought in our group. Err...we are silent at first. Thank godness, we are not forced to share our xiaxiang one by one, that's so bored. We are discussing, haha, feel happy. At first I brought up the prob of communication, the response is not very active, because not much solution. Then, I brought up another problem of interview. I think tis is not only prob of xiaxiang but also many big company, how to identified quality of man? Many thoughts shared, from at first a big group, seperated into a few small groups, because everyone has their own thought and want to speak. Haha..Each gps discussing different opinion, until I fainted ....haha...because listen here and there, quite confuse. However, all were great thought. Truly speaking, I have a feel of envy. Maybe others are always better. Hmm....it's over d, use another angle of view, my xiaxiang did insprire me to think and give me some other different kind of experience. Now, for me, every experiences can be great, no mather good or bad, just depend on how I view them.

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The holiday has over. Like the taste of steamboat, fresh vege and fruit, verbal, pool, sky.... Cannot catch the time, getting older, changing everyday, every hours, every minutes, every seconds. Just, ensure that I enjoy every present moment. ^^

Hehe...eat, sleep, eat...

Hmm...found out that my cousin didnt back home for few months alr, not even a call after he got a new job.

They dun have extra money, yet they still want to made the house even beautiful. They hired people to paint whole house by borrowing money. Hmm...she felt helplessness and defense everything, she is just waiting.

Next week, will go to Ipoh and then go to Genting, i think. Haha...should valuable. Hmm, still planning...it is a sudden coincidence..so nice ^^

Tiring me...haha...
Finally finished exam and packed many things into the car.
The ever first time to drive from KL to home. WOw...
I like the speed, it so "shock"

The first time that 933 was played in my car.
The first time i can test the ability of my car.

Haha...I drove all the way back. In the car, i talked a lots with dad. I finally know more about the history of my family. So, grandpa was a vegetable seller, he was a wholesale. With this career, he can support 15 members' life and even send 2 sons to oversea to study account and engineering(30 years ago). My grandpa was really geng and father still admired him.

So, my family's gene are more to mathemathic. As, my brother is studying actuarial science. My little uncle was senior banker.

Father talked about his career and I roughly knew about his plan, although he didnt tell all. Hmm....He want to follow the big boss and my eldest uncle. He is waiting, i think.

Later, when home, i talked a lots with mom also. I tell her about the classmate's stories in the past and also current situation. She told me lots about MJ.

First step can always be made. It can...Just try the best.

Then, we were getting worried about sister alr...Hmm...I also dunno how...

Anyway, i am tiring d, now not the time to think about it, maybe tomoro ba. Need to wake up 8AM @@ to eat breakfast tomoro!!! >< MOM!!!!

What i did in this week...
Just prepared exam and prepare exam.
I remember i was so nervous that i cant recognize two friend in the lab.
One was known thro Pirate camp, one was known thro' Johor trip.
OMG!! I am so sory, i even looked behind me when they waved at me...>< forget about my slowness in response.

Then also bump into two who responsible for next project. Hmm...gambateh nei..

Then, settled the handover thing. Listening to their plan and analyse some thing. Somehow i still see based on whole situation, instead of a person.

From here, i sudden understand sth.

Haiz..there were two exams on the same day and that's the worse luck. Bc cant concentrate, sudden study this, sudden want to prepare that. Urgh..

I went for training on Saturday also. It was a refresh, although affected by the mood of examing, still good.

Hmm...almost everyone, everywhere are talking about him. For me, i think I pity him, I cant say emphathize, coz i cant feel similary to what he feel. Now, only ppl believe him to be innnocent. Y not at that time, to be truly trust, truly accept him, but need to wait til now? Such is life.

Journal of yesterday
SHe wanted to increase our potential and therefore she design everything like this. Haha...i like her. ^^ Although people felt stress, learning is really all matter to me.

Today, actually alr from problem-coping process to emotional-coping. Felt helplessness and talk to LT to release the distress. However, later, emotional coping change to problem-coping again. Why should I give up? I can do better and I want to learn from every action, but not stopping in one stage. So, i make a decision during the class and will make it into action by tomoro.

She talked a bit about her passionate today. Hmm...and she will make her dream into reality sooner or later. LT and me did want to help but we didnt enquire first for this time. We dun 1 to be distracted by another thought, we need to focus on that assignment at this point of time. Haha...we seem always make similar decision without communication. (six sense?) Taking same module and decide not to ask together without discuss with each other. Hmm...wat kind of feeling is it?

WOrking on assignment with full heart and time today, with the accompanion of cappucino. ^^

Journal of today
I met with her and talked about the project, she agreed. YES!! haha...the project will be further developed sooner or later, I guess. I think she is also a person who are passionate in this stuff and hope that we all can work together to make the quality of the project even better. Learning..learning...happy..happy.. haha..

Later, I found out i forget to get sth very importance from home. Gosh...rush back and went college again, late 2 minutes alr...TT hope that she dun mind. I pray. Muddlehead me. O.o i can drive real fast without being scared. REAL fast and like a road tyrant.

Anyway, dun care d. I have tried all the best. Hehe...relax...take a bath and walk slowly to the main blk. Walking along the way that i familiar with. Using car, I dun care and dun see wat surround me. Using bike, I enjoy the breathes and see and listen wat surrounding me. When I walked, I saw, I listened, I smelt and most importance, I felt.

WHen reach a place I passed by many times, I saw the sunflowers are not facing the sun. Instead, they looked down on ground. So, sunflower also have their time of not facing the sun and not raising their head. HOwever, they still looked beautiful at this point of time.

In the bus, waters dropped on me. At first, I was thinking of bad luck, choosing an uncomfortable seat instead of others. After a few seconds, "at least not the others sit here" ehought came out. Surprisingly for my improvement on positive thinking, which I have been practicing for more than two years alr. Before that, normally I will only having positive thought after something happen or after leaving the place. Now, I was able to think positively on that spot of time and place. Hmm...cannot think that this is enough for me alr because it means stopping, need to continue practicing.

Went to calligraphy, learn something today and get the direction to practice alr.

Hmm...I found out that even the title is wrong d. Thank godness. Hmm.. Nvm, I can make it better. ^^

Journal of yesterday
Skipped the class, coz i know they get student to explain the meaning, instead of lecturer. So, I choose to do my assignment. Then, went to Dr. H class. hmm...still very empowering, very challenging, but hope not too much...It is good to learn, I like this way. It let me understand the world in this field and give me clearer picture. Can have a better prepare. Hope so...Yeap, i am moving forward...i think...

Home. Addressed to both assignments at the same time. One is finalizing by waiting for their final decision on everything. One is very-hard-to-do assignment. While doing hard assignment while waiting. So, quite ok...but really hard...TT

Journal of today
Today, presentation in the morning. Quite a nervous period, hmm...but i have prepare all my best alr. This time, I practice many times. Although the scene was blank, I can still speak a bit fluently. Thks godness. Hehe...the tecnique work. It is good to see their respond and see them feel. Besides, it's good to feel that the presentation quite profesional. Got warming, got evidences, got thinking power, got suggestion. Thks to the team. Hmm... after presentation, i still feel nervous, not for the presentation anymore, but the another very hard to do assignment. ><

Ei....how to communicate better leh...Err....they dun get wat i means. So, i tried to explain more about the things. We need to have a common goal. Under that, the way we do stuff can be differences and anything we like. Just tat, we really need to correspond to our common goal and we need to really understand wat our common goal means.

That's why the discussion is very importance. It is to have a common goal but not to discuss the way we do stuff. I think nobody like to be interfered and also nobody like to interfere others. That's the basic concept i tried to explain. Hmm...hope that they can get wat i mean. Hope so...Hmm..It is really importance to have a common goal, if not, everything just like individual works, not a group work.
Har....

Then, we all incharge each difference part. There are still opening space for suggestions. Whether the person-in-charge want to accept the suggestion or modified it by adding it to own stuff, it is own decision le. No one can force, but can only try to explain.

Overall, just that, we accept to have a basic trend like that. Then, as for the contents, we all can have personaly liking, own way to do stuff. Hoo...

Hmm...Then, got meeting. Today, quite many things to discuss. From their thought, i roughly know thingy. Hmm..I guess...Now, it's time to organize things and be more systematic. We will do well gei....Hmm...Then, all will be a good start for them le. What they need, most will have. What the next step should be....hehe...cannot reveal...for the time being...

Suddenly thought of a past of mine. She was a friend that has so many interesting characteristic when i was still in a primary school. However, she like to joke and play a trick on people. Hmm....That batch of fds are really significant in my life. So, sudden realized that it bring such a big impact for me. Sudden understand WHY!! So called "Past experiences shaped me".

Home....time to assignmenting....Really high cortisol level, really stress to face this....anyway, wat can I do? Hmm...Just do the best.

Journal of yesterday
I drove to there and drove back. Had an undescribable feeling for there. It's time to say goodbye, I think. From the start until now, in a conclusion, it is a process. Creating feeling, thought, power and so many thing, everything just will get over.

As she said, be patient, changing is accumulated bits by bits. It doesnt mather much for me le, just ease their life is a happiness for me, hope for them as well.

Chat with her a lots in the car. There are quite a numbers of similarity between us, I should say. Haha...Hmm...she tried to feedback about me, it's good to hear that.

After that, put her down to go back home, and pick another her to training immediately. The conversations are totally differences for morning and afternoon. Haha...Differences people, differences story and differences way of expressing.

In the training, I listened to some of her story and trying to understand how she viewed her family. In my
turn to talk, but i havent say much, she alr made her judgement and conclusion, so i continue listen. Hmm....In another group, I become the one who talk much because is a bit interesting for him? I reveal quite a lots of my background. It does not help much, I do not feel much, just speak...

I am really not a person who like to talk. When you talk, i can feel your happiness. When i talk, I can feel the weird feeling after that...Havent figure out why. Might be caused by the operant conditioning or classical conditioning in the past.

Today, i also gave a lots suggestion. There is no programme is not good de, for me. Most of the time, just lacking of something or some element. Just add in that, the effect of the programme can be differece and powerful.

Home. Tired. @@...Still assignment...

Journal of today
Saw the sms and not surprising, quite expected will be like that. Just at least they have started to do, hope so..I cant control the other, I can control myself, just do extra more on my parts ba....

Finally, my part in this assignment finished. Still got chapter for study group to go and another assignment.

Hmm...tomoro, it's post-mortem. It is another end and another start again. They will continue and I should go to another way alr. It is time to turn to other direction.

It is hard to pick up, for me. Hope that, it is not hard to put down. From past experiences, always not hard to put down, hope this time as well.

Hmm...gambateh should be the last words.

Journal of Wednesday
A tired busy day.
9.30-12.00 class
12-2 meeting
2-5 class
5-7 swim
7-9 discussion

She was not moving, yet she felt sad. What she has promised, she did not do. Everytime, need to use one strength to push, then only one step move. If stop, nothing will be done as usual, or chin chin chai chai things came out. I have lost the patients and strength for the time being. So, everything was not moving. That's the most biggest differences in value bwt us. Being serius is good or bad, I decide.

I tot the later class will end in 4pm, but lecturer insist on 5pm. Although, he will compensate by next week, the time i need is today, not next week. Hmm...attend his class impatiently and tiredly. In the class, discuss about r/s. She was a person who has strong thought and strong value. So, I valued ego of friend and then found out that always tiring self. Maybe I will change not to be, to be another...hmm..havent decided. Or might cant change also, maybe just enhance the skill and modified something.

Discussion is a little progress today, but glad that we all know wat to do as first step.

Refine the assignment as there are quite a numbers of part, i am not quite satisfied. So happy that this time got so many time for me to proofread. ^^After that, study for study group's chapter tomoro...urgh..unable to finish.

Journal of yesterday
Morning class, learn a lots of thing. She taught us some skills, might be called as the art of speaking. Hmm...it is really not easy to learn. Although i still dun hav quick wit and response, I will keep praticing de. Do my best.

Later, study group. She was improving her way of expressing ideas alr, I still not much. Hmm...

Thks godness i asked her about the assignment. So the word limits is not tat little la...Haiyo...thks godness, I havent cut. If not, I mah sek dai...hoo...^^lucky me.

She called and asked about some situation of that department. Then, she talked about her situations now. I thinked she analyse in a good way and in details, also apply good strategy and attitude now. Nice job!!! Just try more on emotion, deal with the easier anxiety moment. :D...No wory le, gambateh...

Journal of today
Early class, nothing much went into head. Just like that. Gambateh for the camp in JB. Hope everything fine, impactful and success. Truly speaking, i dun really hold big hope...hmm...

I was eating with K. She asked me some questions and she answer me back after my answer. I am kinda of understanding wat her meaning of painful of thoughts. Hmm....not sure whether correct. Maybe will find one day to write down but definitely not today. Like freedom, like to be independance, and somehow i felt a bit sad for her healthy condition, she might be restricted by that. Hmm...

Later tutorial, we need to open an company. I sense sth wrong about our opponent. I tried to find out but i cant on that spot of time. After that, only i figure out wat it is. So, putting them in a food company is a waste of their talents. I thinked they are more suituible to open media sort of company, so that they can make full use of their talents. Artist, DJ, Designer, Analytical person....

Then, my turn, I need to speak my backgroup based on GLURP. Maybe I like strategies and like to play chess. Just tell her that only and tutor said "practitioner". OMG..power of psychology, I just reveal a bit of myself, she know wat type I am in alr..

Hmm...carry big bag and home...

Tomoro will be a busy day, another camp and training. Sunday morning might go to the place i would like to go and then afternoon is finalize things. My time....

Journal of Yesterday
Early in the morning, brain energy used in study group.

She smsed and asked about opinion about career choice. Hmm...i think it's all depend on her, whether she would like to do it, want to do it and feel happy about it. So, she made her decision. There are so many people around her have their own opinion. Hmm, I thinked can take their opinion into account, but still, her life is hers. The consequences after the decision made also are for her to bear, so, make own decision based on own best interests is the best for her ba. Recently, I thinked she must have lots stress (activities, accidents, desicion making.....) Hmm...gambate nei...

Later, is bout the activity stuff. Start from noon until evening, they discussed. At bout evening, they finally make their decision. Good then...But i think the communication is long n weary. This is not a good system which will cause misunderstanding and time consumed. The chain is too long d. Hoo...

Brain exhausted when home. @@

Journal of today
Early class, about family. I think has more about discussion rather than information. What I learned is about some critique about the text book. Hmm..

Later class, 2 presentations in one go. They are really good and I get to know many thing. Hmm....the standard of them and us are really different. The reason is quite obvious and it is no use to find out more alr. This class is a good explore for me.^^

She helped to ask about the thingy, she is brave. Haha...Hope that everything is fine.

She still havent sent me the thing....hmm...Is there anything happen? Hope fine...

Journal of Friday
Early in the morning, she told about the things she faced recently. Hmm...so many bad things happen, she must be feeling bad. Gambate nei, everything will over sooner or later de.

Today, there are two differences people said same words to me in lecture and tutorial. Haha...such an coincidence.. *Happy*

Today's study group is quite ok and we had our feast after the hard work. So nice ^^ Then after class, bus came immediately, :D, lucky me. I went to learn calligraphy and my heavy bag really help me to loose weight...==" Had my lunch at 4.30pm and place where cars and buses passed by.

So, the bright day and the night day here are really differences. All the stalls, shops and people here are differences. Today, quite special, in briight day, I saw someone being caught by the police outside the bank. In night, I saw "white powder" people. Hmm...

I stayed at the McD before class. Saw that "sale men" like to ask for donation here and there are some people will always be here. Me, also being always seen by them.

Journal of saturday
Today, a non-stop day. Went for pre-run and shared the concept of the activity. She asked me to shared the experiences, but i think many here got more experiences than I have. So, I really cut the long story short.

What I can say is changing need money and time. It is not a one-day thingy, it is accumulated bits by bits. Try to give them a choice instead of leaving them no choice. Just hope that it is an impact for the children and also for the participants. Every batches will have their unique own special experiences and memories which the other batched cannot surpass.

The song of the passed batch still preserved, she might feel touched when know that. Haha. This time, everything are also quite well-prepared. I think leaders might can learned to be lubricant. :)

Later, went for training. It was impactful, it gave direction and affirmed us. The way he conduct is good and found out that the most importance criteria is really "do" rather than "talk only". Have to be someone who is capable to do but not only know how to reasoning.

When we dun have experiences, no mather how much knowledge we have or how much theory we know, they are just "words". It is because there are many things "we know" alr.

It is a mather of whether we can "achieve" it or not? How to achieve it? And why need to achieve it? After someone tried to achieved it, then only they can explain the real meaning behind the words due to own experiences. Hmm...

Went to restaurant to have dinner. ^^ Today, tired d when home.

Journal of Sunday
Just an assignment day. For this semester, I have finished my part in two assignment until now, there are still some last follow-on and two more heavy assignments to go. @@ Gambate nei...

Journal of Monday
A busy day from Morning to Evening.
Studying in great progress and practice language at the same time. Make full use of the chance to learn in maximum way. The chances to practice, the chances to detact the problem are provided. hmm...I thinked the template is there, whether the speed of improvement is great or slow, is depend on own attitude. Just depend on whether we will grab the chance and make full use of it only. Still using this philosophy to tell myself "I cant control the others, i can only control myself."

Immediately after study, need to conduct the interview session. It is another great experiences. Hmm...I choose the question to ask based on their experiences and a little known personality.

There was one question I am quite interested with. It is "if you were given RM10 for each children, what would you buy for them? Why?" Some based on own perception, some based on their need. However, my answer is to combine all the RM10 to do a programme based on their need. A lots of things can be done by teaching them how to fish, but not to give them fishes. Hmm..

Other than that, there was a person inspiring me a lot and I am so excited to hear what she has said about her past experiences. It has proven that one impact bring future change. It sweep off all of the hardwork alr. Hmm...One is enough. *Touched*

Journal of Tuesday
Learnt a lots today and thinking stimulated. Hmm...it seem has proven that all the things need to start from them...Indeed, changes is not in one day, but is accumulated bits by bits.

Today, although not a big deal to others, I felt I have said sth i should not say. Hmm...later, I saw sth I should not see...

Nvm la....all has passed. Cant see means cant see.

Journal of today
Morning class, brain storming with her. haha...with sufficient rest, the response and understand are really differences.

Later, I went to eat lunch, OMG, she was from there also. If she didnt ask me, we wouldnt know it. That is a place that seldom people know. Hmm..., toward there, I have the same feeling with her. I....Haiz..she still go there often, as for me, didnt go there for almost few years d, felt guilty. Maybe we will go there together sooner or later, hmm..., sooner or later. OMG, Incredible!!! HAHAHA

Later class, thinking stimulated, hmm..., a lots of things reminded. I know why and I know that. Anyway, passed things should only be reminders only, what matter most is only now.

Assignments discussed and meeting is in a great progress. Haha...sth very coincidence happen also. I met her in Johor trip, in tutorial, in interview....wow...we are in a small world thou, but still such a small city ya...haha

So, no swimming for today. TT and this week is a real busy week...

It is more powerful than i am expected by applying this approach and can really felt the motivation to do so...Maybe that's so called "knowledge is power"..OMG... Hope this approach apply to all also, to make it a success. Haha

She felt helplessness to face philosophy thinking, hmm..., I thinked add an element can become helpful to face it. I thinked there is a critical point for this, which CAN means all can, and CANNOT means havent broken thro' and all cannot.

Hmmm...so, we discussed "natural set a limit" and she said it is a sad thing. Hmm.. forsake helplessness and do wat we can control, nurture can help it to reach its full potential, isnt it? This is wat human can do, try the best to do. :)

Many things are overlapping and i need to make a choice. So sory for resigning the post at this last minutes. It is because the value of others are higher than this. Hmm...still...hope you all can success. Success means make use of the last chance to reach the best of the four objectives. Leader, depend on you le, whether to let it be or make a change...

She said me is a "rare" among her friend. Hmm...I didnt mean too but that's wat i am. I thinked since i chose to be like tat, i need to accept all the outcome no mather good or bad. Since I accept, I thinked or hoped the outcome wont be considered as suffering for me. All the things exist in this world has its good and bad. Nothing can escape this system. Hmm...Me, included as existed in this world. I bring effects of good and bad to my surrounding. Instead of blaming or troubled by the bad effect, y not choose to accept it and minimize it?

She said me "rare" because of wat I described about her. Haha...Believe me, that's nothing special, just observe the details and then can see the whole picture, isnt it? I thinked everyone can do so. Hmm...Again, bringing awareness out make people felt uncomfortable, so, should I still do so. Maybe the problem has never been "should I do so", because of "that's me", always the effect I caused. The question should be "should I change"? Why should I?

Mr. Gary's story about awareness came to my mind again. He described it as let a tumor remain unawared of until it become a cancer, or aware of it and do sth while can. He said when a kampung person went to city, they discover more things than when they remain in the kampung.

I thinked what we can do is only let them know there is a city and help them reach to the city, but not to make a decision for them. It is their choice to choose whether to remain in the kampung or go to the city. I think even when they choose to remain in the kampung, they are difference alr as they know there is a city.

So, my conclusion at this point of time is, whether bringing awareness out is good or bad, THEY CHOOSE...

She asked "what would you do if people all around you are sad". She said "I would choose to be happy". Hmm...What would I do? I would try to be their happy source. It's hard though as there are a lots of thing need to be achieved before able to do so, and.... I havent success.

Time to sleep. @@ but ^^

On my birthday, father came for brother's sake and also for my car's sake. Haha...then we went lunch together. Mother called and gave me a gift. :D Her gift is like the water pour on the burning fire, that so suitable for my need. Haha..thank you, mom. Hmm...After 21st, actually i promised to myself not to ask more things from them alr. Yeah...should be, since 21st means a grown person with freedom. If want to get freedom, should also be independent.

Class on the tuesday discussed about body image. I think I am satisfied. It is because I tried fat, I tried thin and now I felt I am in moderate. In so called "fat mode", i know wat the discrimination is like. In so called "Thin" mode, i felt no energy and weak. So, the stage now, is the best for me and so i satisfied.

Hmm..., if that is the reason that cause our world has these prejudice and the "thing" is considered as so powerful, y not use back t "thing" to clear the prejudice also? Time changed, things change, people changes...isnt it? The nurture thingy can cause changing.

The so called "beautiful" is natural or created? DUn know... However, I think natural thing is always beautiful which the human made things can never surpass. WHen we havent fully understood about natural, there are always many surprises surrounding us which can be so unpredictable.

Hmm....Listen to the bird singing and water sound, watching the flower blooming and tree dancing. The most unique thing is that, they will never be the same but they are actually the same, they changed every day and surprising me every day...HAHA... Maybe the hardest thing is, listen to the sound inside our heart.

So, exam were coming soon and most of the time of these few days were used to study.

Journal of yesterday
After exam, home to study and then exam again. After all midterms finished, went for swim...arr....nice whether today. so nice, ^^ If there was a cup of fragrant cappucino after my swim, that's a prefect day...hehe.. Later, we went to eat at the restaurant and chit-chat. She talked about her view toward philosophy and it was quite true, so, i also shared another point of view. Then, start to think many which caused me slmost forget to take my bag and even forget to send them home. ==" haha...But then i dunno wat i was thinking as i dun have metacognition at tat time.

Hmm...Today, considered as starry night in KL, compare to most the days. Then, the rest of the night is for the booklet.. I have actually completed my parts by Sunday alr, Hmm...but I only received their info today. Haiz, they seem didnt open the booklet file and take a look. There are only one page for them and they sent me 4 songs. Spent time and energy to squeeze the songs into the space, haha, felt a bit stupid.