Thursday, July 30, 2009

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Journal of holidays

Two weeks' holiday have passed. Time to study minor subjects.

How do I spend my holidays? One week, I stayed at home with family. Few days, I went out with friends. Three days, went for xiaxiang activity. Then, play basketball and swimming with sister.

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My sister's life is busier than mine, i think. Haha. Morning for tuition and kawat, afternoon for class and night for taekwando. She has alr got the black belt and start to help her coach to teach others. The price she need to pay is hurting her legs, a bit worry for her because this will restrict her development in taekwando field. Hehe...dug out some secret. :D I found out that my sister has a lover alr and the way she deal with this can be so mature. She said she dun 1 to hide from mother, so she discuss with her lover, they has agreed with each other to start their "pa tuo" after graduate. Hmm....

When we play basketball, we are not playing until tired, but laugh until tired and no strength. Haha...laugh until dun care how we looked in the other's eyes, longtime did not laugh like that. We went to swim in my favourite swimming pool. Sudden understand, why I dun find any satisfied pool in other places. It is not really only because of the size, but is the beautifulness of the vision, sound and my memory here. Listen to the natural sound, the music the water and the coconut tree played, can be so relaxing. To enjoy the emerging colour of the sky that cant be seperated, which has given so many colour and space to imagine, and watching the dancing of the coconut tree. When swiming in the water, can see many sparking white light reflex and keep moving because of the water. If look carefully, there are rainbow colour each white light. @@ I always focus on thinking while swim, no other sound will come to interupt. I cant remembered how much problem have I told to the pool and how much "rubbish" have I thrown to the pool alr. How much problme have I solved in this pool and how much new thought came up in this pool. Hmm....after swmiming, can enjoy channel 963 while driving home. Sometime, if earlier, can enjoy the sunset at t same time. ^^

After swiming, we went to have steamboat. Haha...very enjoying and nice. The feeling is undescribable. Such is life. Feel grateful.
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My sense tell me the right thing. She really just waiting and has given up everything. I wanna to tell her something but has been interupted, so i didnt tell in the end. Haiz...Just, dun take the others is belong to you. Everyone is alone, can only suffer and enjoy by self, no others can help. Please dun hurting self for the sake of others. Hmmm.....Ya...the one who cried and asked for help can always get the sympathy of others, the one who didnt speak any word will have to swallow every bitterness into stomach. Seldom people will find out the truth behind and seldom people will have time to do so. Such is world...

My second brother is a leader in school. I was smiling when I heard that he cried when his team get into the final. Haha....see another part of him ba. He is a true person and be true in his feeling. He put every effort in what he like and he is a person who will try all his best to get what he want. If he dont like anything, nobody can force him. I thinked he gave my parents a big headache. Haha....Although he is not good in studying, I can see he is talented in logic. He just dun like words and numbers, but he can be really fast in solving puzzle and he learn what he like in a fast ways. I notice that. Hmm...father seem has planned something for him, we cant say many, i think. Maybe, it is good that one of us will heritage father's business too. Hmmm...
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Met some of the friends to celebrate birthday. She has started to use her power of creative to organize everything. I believed she will getting imporve if she keep praticing, she is talented in this. Haha...The celebration is to give surprise one after another. The feeling we gave her is really....haha...her expression is very interesting too. It was another memorable day.

Met one friend to chit-chat. She loved her course and dream deeper and deeper. Her ability in this field is getting improve and pro. Hmm... We both liked to read, but the way we read is different. She like to read real fast and will read for a few times. I like to read in slow, deep, and i dun like to read for second time. I only read second time after a few year, to read from another angle and under another psychological condition. Met another friend to sing K. How long have we been known each other? 10 years? Hmm...In between, we have some physiological distance but it seem like our thought still keep in touch, we still know each other although we are changing. Hmm...it is not easy and therefore we treasure more. If someone standing in front of me and we dunno each other's thought, feel and personality, SO WHAT we are standing so close to each other? The distance is still apart. If someone is so far away, but our thought still can reach to each other, there is no distance...
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I finished reading three books and I bought another three books. Haha..just feel like to buy....Hmm....the book i like to read has changed...
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I went to Ipoh for reunion camp of xiaxiang. Met some friends on Friday and thanked him for arranging my transport and accommodation. Hmm...he has some changes but he still like to seek for other's confirmation. I thinked what i can say alr said, what i can share alr shared. The rest is depend on whether he wish to do or not. There are sth, i can see but I cant say, there is sth I can feel but I cant share.

In the camp, only got some hour to share thought in our group. Err...we are silent at first. Thank godness, we are not forced to share our xiaxiang one by one, that's so bored. We are discussing, haha, feel happy. At first I brought up the prob of communication, the response is not very active, because not much solution. Then, I brought up another problem of interview. I think tis is not only prob of xiaxiang but also many big company, how to identified quality of man? Many thoughts shared, from at first a big group, seperated into a few small groups, because everyone has their own thought and want to speak. Haha..Each gps discussing different opinion, until I fainted ....haha...because listen here and there, quite confuse. However, all were great thought. Truly speaking, I have a feel of envy. Maybe others are always better. Hmm....it's over d, use another angle of view, my xiaxiang did insprire me to think and give me some other different kind of experience. Now, for me, every experiences can be great, no mather good or bad, just depend on how I view them.

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The holiday has over. Like the taste of steamboat, fresh vege and fruit, verbal, pool, sky.... Cannot catch the time, getting older, changing everyday, every hours, every minutes, every seconds. Just, ensure that I enjoy every present moment. ^^

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Journal of two days

Hehe...eat, sleep, eat...

Hmm...found out that my cousin didnt back home for few months alr, not even a call after he got a new job.

They dun have extra money, yet they still want to made the house even beautiful. They hired people to paint whole house by borrowing money. Hmm...she felt helplessness and defense everything, she is just waiting.

Next week, will go to Ipoh and then go to Genting, i think. Haha...should valuable. Hmm, still planning...it is a sudden coincidence..so nice ^^

Life in the past

In primary school, there were five classes. I studied in first class, second class and fourth class before. Due to many reasons.

Can meet all kind of people since in primary school. The teacher's attitude, the students' families, the students' attitude and the school's attitude.

In secondary school.
Also the same. the fifth class, the fourth class, then the second class.
Seldom has constant friends but i can meet all kind of friends.

I still remembered I can see people who studied real hard and very systematic.
who has the "big sister" pathern since small.
who parents earn a lots but also gamble a lots and the only child always stayed alone in a house.
I can see who really active and did do anything for the sake of the position.
I can see the negotiation between two gang. "settle or not" is really common.
I can see who suffer nervous breakdown.
Person who died due to misbehaviour.
Person who was in abused family and had been treated as maid.
WHose brother cause their mother death accidentially.
Who join in gangsterism under certain circumstance.
Who whole family selling "white powder" and receive death sentence.
Who bf was doing illegal business.
who want to "jump floor" to killed self for so called "love".
Whose mother let her 14-years-old daughter to stayed alone with her bf in the room bc the bf was rich.
who run away from home for the sake of so called "love"
Who can have fallen in love with 10 people at the same time.
WHo married in form 2 and have baby.
who suffer sexual abused.
Who can fighting physically with her ex-bf's new gf in the playground.

Such is life.
Until now, in form six and in college, I seldom see less fortunate people already and most are really enjoying good life. Yet, too bad, most people still always feel sad and feel themselves suffering. For money, for beaten by parents, for the physical appearance, for the bad words their parents said to them, blame on parents who cant let them study abroad...and many thing...
Still, feel like to say "such is life". Haha...unsatisfied.

Hmm....If for me to say, compare to the most i met in the past, the people here are really in happiness heaven. I can say that most of them are groomed in the first class, good school, better family backgroud..... Of coz, there are some students struggle also......Just, most of the things happened on them are actually should not be considered as big alr, compare to the past matters.

HOWEVER, I understand the so called "miserable" feeling is actually the same to everyone. It is not comparing the matter, whether it is big or small. It is based on persons who are in the matter. Based on their way to view the matters and whether they take it as big or small, not based on whether the matter is big or small in whole picture. Hmm...

I dunno how i went thro', seem like a person who watched all the thing to happen. Maybe my face protect me a lots and also my family. Maybe is my attitude to face all these...Sudden felt that, I was actually always in a dangerous line....Always in the line between, sometime with so called "good student" and sometime so called "worse student".

Frankly speaking, i liked to be with "true" people, most of them are so called "bad student" in adult's eyes. In my heart, most of the smart student always tried all the means to get what they want. Always compare with each other, create challenging environment and always too systematic. I roughly know most of the ways this kind of people will do to face, but i choose to be silent. Haha....Have to accept that, I cant control the other, but i definitely can control myself.

Thank godness, I was not always in the better class, if not, i will also be groomed in the same, i think. The "good, smart student" concept used to be my prejudice and my barrier. Although, til now, most of the time, i still feel this view is accurate. I just try not to judge before getting know a person. Plus, i also need to believe there are many changing space.

Such is world...haha...
Just accept and find a way to face all these...
I believe i can control myself, will not be influenced if i dun let, hmm...have to believe....Be firm and also accept.^^

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

七月心情记载

8/7/09
倦, 轻松

9/7/09
不省人事

10/7/09
放纵自由

11/7/09
放纵自由

12/7/09
清雅悠闲

13/7/09
清雅悠闲

Journal of today

Tiring me...haha...
Finally finished exam and packed many things into the car.
The ever first time to drive from KL to home. WOw...
I like the speed, it so "shock"

The first time that 933 was played in my car.
The first time i can test the ability of my car.

Haha...I drove all the way back. In the car, i talked a lots with dad. I finally know more about the history of my family. So, grandpa was a vegetable seller, he was a wholesale. With this career, he can support 15 members' life and even send 2 sons to oversea to study account and engineering(30 years ago). My grandpa was really geng and father still admired him.

So, my family's gene are more to mathemathic. As, my brother is studying actuarial science. My little uncle was senior banker.

Father talked about his career and I roughly knew about his plan, although he didnt tell all. Hmm....He want to follow the big boss and my eldest uncle. He is waiting, i think.

Later, when home, i talked a lots with mom also. I tell her about the classmate's stories in the past and also current situation. She told me lots about MJ.

First step can always be made. It can...Just try the best.

Then, we were getting worried about sister alr...Hmm...I also dunno how...

Anyway, i am tiring d, now not the time to think about it, maybe tomoro ba. Need to wake up 8AM @@ to eat breakfast tomoro!!! >< MOM!!!!

Journal of past week (sat to tues)

What i did in this week...
Just prepared exam and prepare exam.
I remember i was so nervous that i cant recognize two friend in the lab.
One was known thro Pirate camp, one was known thro' Johor trip.
OMG!! I am so sory, i even looked behind me when they waved at me...>< forget about my slowness in response.

Then also bump into two who responsible for next project. Hmm...gambateh nei..

Then, settled the handover thing. Listening to their plan and analyse some thing. Somehow i still see based on whole situation, instead of a person.

From here, i sudden understand sth.

Haiz..there were two exams on the same day and that's the worse luck. Bc cant concentrate, sudden study this, sudden want to prepare that. Urgh..

I went for training on Saturday also. It was a refresh, although affected by the mood of examing, still good.

Hmm...almost everyone, everywhere are talking about him. For me, i think I pity him, I cant say emphathize, coz i cant feel similary to what he feel. Now, only ppl believe him to be innnocent. Y not at that time, to be truly trust, truly accept him, but need to wait til now? Such is life.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

六月句子

30/6/09
停顿,是人生不可缺乏的智慧之一。

29/6/09
有开始就会有结束。开始了,就要懂得如何结束。

28/6/09
行动造就习惯,习惯造就性格,性格造就命运。

27/6/09
树大有枯枝。防人之心不可无,却也防不胜防。

26/6/09
胜者为王,败者为寇。而,胜者与败者都是自己。

25/6/09
善,是多做好事;至善,是小恶勿做,无善不行。

24/6/09
心不随境转而能转境。

23/6/09
人生的经验来自人生的历练。

22/6/09
懂得尊重是一生要学的,保护自尊是一生要弃的。

21/6/09
我们是第一次身为人子,他们也是第一次身为父母。

20/6/09
二十岁以前,或许可以怪父母;二十岁以后,就要为自己负责。

19/6/09
人生的答案,需要自己去寻找。

18/6/09
如果,信念因为经历而动摇,这,还是信念吗?

17/6/09
有时,我们不需要学习新事物,而是,要换个角度看待事物。

16/6/09
要从别人身上学习,不是把别人当成老师,而是把自己当成学生。

15/6/09
人生都是边走边摸索出来的。没有太多早知道。

14/6/09
不怕慢,只怕站,更怕,不知在站。

13/6/09
做自己认为对的事,不做别人认为坏的事。

12/6/09
勇气是一点一滴累积而成的,蜕变是一天一天努力而就的。

11/6/09
消失,是因为了解已经身不由己。

10/6/09
言者无心,听者有意。心正,句子意义正;心歪,意义不会正。

9/6/09
有好的表达能力的人,能够掩盖事情的真相。