Attended a seminar.
Heard the story about losing dad at 13 y/o
den losing mom at 18 y/o.
This is multiple hurt that cut into his heart.
How was the feeling?
It is deep and long.
If he can live until 73 y/o, means....
he had to hold his cut r/s with parents for 60 years.
The deepest guilty in his heart is he cant do anything for
his father who fallen sick at that time.
He dun understand that his father was sick.
What had he done?
He threw the foods and medicines away
when his mother didnt notice.
Bc he was angry.
Other than that, he witness the ways his father dying,
the bloods were coming out from his father's seven holes on face.
How strong is the effect?
After the death, he never talked about this
Bc this is not allowed.
The hurt is deep and long.
Dunno for how long, i have never cried.
That day, I cried for him.
The feeling of being abandoned, the feeling of self-reprimand,
the feeling of anger yet wished so much they have not left,
the feeling of .......it is complicated.
Today, I applause hard for him..
bc in the end he was able to work out from his miserable
He involve in a professional work related with death
to help the people to face the loss.
It seem prove the theory i thought of last few days
A person seem motivated to do sth bc
there is some blank in life.
Maybe consistent with Freud's theory that
a need have not been fulfilled, therefore a person need to
seek the stimulations to fulfill it (fixation).
Sudden, the feeling I felt from her getting clearer.
Sometime, I noticed tat she will sudden fall into deep depression.
I seem know about it but i never dare to touch that topic
Bc i know i am incapable
Until today, only i can see clearer about what I felt from her
From this seminar, he told us that, losing kin will cause
the whole family delve in deep grief and never able to walk out.
Then the other children in the family will be greatly affected
bc they seem never had a place in parents' mind.
However it can also hold a family to be closer w each other.
Maybe bc of afraid losing any family again, so treasure everyone
Their bonds is stronger than any other families.
I believe in and agree with what he said.
I am glad that
I chose my gdmom's ceremony over the prom last time
Sometime, life has no second chance.
Miss a prom is not a big deal
Miss the last chance to accompany gdmom,
it will be a guilt follow me all my life.
I am grateful.
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