010 Life: May 2010

Saturday, May 29, 2010

五月句子

1. 无言以对千言万语。

2. 只是位置不同，不代表高低不同。

3. 人与人，我的机制与人性观决定了互动关系。

4. 你说，我说，他说，只为理。但，何谓理？

5. 体验与经验被视为身教基层，而唯有行动能造就体验与经验。

6. 没有梦是因为连为何要有梦的意义都不知道。

7. 每一个历程的背后都有一份礼物在等待被开启。

8. 事件必然发生，而改变来自于看待的角度。

9. 热爱是环抱着的，挚爱是舍不去的。

10. 选择课题深而广，视为简单是鲁莽。

11. 是非黑白对错取决于思，真善美取决于心。

12. 心灵旅程才刚起步，为何你说已到终点。

13. 愤世嫉俗来自于讨厌自己。

14. 看清自己的模式，方能看到他人的。

15. 你看，我看，他看，各有各视野。

16. 无法接受，所以封闭。

17. 对于负面，原谅即接纳，一切即坦然。

18. 对于正面，感恩即接纳，一切也欣然。

19. 辨别虚实，取决于自己是虚或实。

20. 山穷水尽疑无路，看似无路就把人推向绝望。

21. 柳暗花明又一村，坚定信念终会开启新世界。

22. 千万次改革，却改不了你我，所以世界依旧。

Aunties

I always met good aunties.

When I first came to study, i rented a cheaper and good room.

My landlord auntie never increase the price.

She take the responsibility of maintaining hygiene, safety and comfortability of the house. She paid the maintenance fees by her own and I dun have to worry about anything.

When she found out the small refrigerator cant fit our things, she purchased a bigger.

Even when I broke the door, she also didnt want me to pay.

When I helped her found lodger,

she gave me an angpao and Australia chocolates. ^^

She even invited us to stay in her house in Australia if we travel to there.

When the weirdo trying to make a big fuss.

Another auntie who in charge of taking care this house host the justice.

She helped me to speak most of things.

I also dun have to worry.

WH vegetarian stall's aunt always gave me good price and

shared a lots of secret on how to maintain nutrition with me.

After she moved, I went to UOA. I still miss her foods. >.<.

In UOA, the auntie of vegetarian stall also always give me good price. Her partner asked her not to do so, but she insisted.

What had she done?

She deliberately find syilling to make it looked like she have charged me more, but actually is the same price as before.

I was deeply touched by her move, felt warm.

There are still some others.

Friends' mother and volunteers in NGO.

Even the aunt/kakak of one of the stall of black market.

They are really good at taking care of people.

Aunties in my mind.

I like them so so so much. =)

Thanks them for making my life easier.

I felt blessed. ^^

One more auntie, how can I forget about her.

Puan Ainon, who helped us a lot in a project.

If not for her, nothing can be done.

She is amazing in helping the poor constantly,

and really try hard to understand their lifestyle.

Friday, May 28, 2010

That glance

I saw your eyes yesterday.

It's familiar.

Although it's fr different people, that glance is the same.

My feeling also the same when I saw it.

However, this time, i was highly aware of that.

I didnt let myself being pulled by that feeling again.

Your reaction almost the same as well,

but I dun play the same role anymore.

I dunno whether it's right or wrong, good or bad, but i do so.

Then, I had a dream.

Inside my dream, people that related with that glance appear.

Thinking hard.

How to cope? How to face? What should I do?

Where should I stand?

Five she

Yesterday, she decided to go back to hometown.

Too bad, there was no ticket alr.

I suggested her to purchase tomoro's ticket, so that she dun hav to wory about that anymore. Besides, she wont waste her money and time at the station.

Then, when she came back, I bought my laptop to meet her.

I have a sudden thought of wanting to MSN together. haha

But hard to get wifi, then i nagging, nagging and nagging.

Sudden, can online already.

Yeah, haha, I was so happy.

Then, we saw her PM that she have come back.

She said she plan to give me surprise and think that i wont on msn.

Too bad, I online immediately one day after she come back.

Haha...my sixth sense very sensitive leh. ^^

I can guess and there is some chances that my guess is right one. haha

We use my account to chat with her, but most of the time not me typing.

I think she confused d.

haha...so fun.

In between, another she sms over to ask hp number.

I didnt ask the reason and didnt pay my concern.

I just send what she want for her.

I........

Hmm...I know what happen to me.

The decision behind my behaviour.

The thought and belief behind my decision.

In the past, there was a sentence of words said by another she.

I still remember it and the meaning still harassing my mind.

It destroyed my only proud and confident.

I let you to...

Hmm.....

I am still trying hard to learn to absorb the positive strength and transform the negative strength that come from my environment.

With the strength of my mind, I am further improving than before.

I think Bc i was down, so i can go up....Hmm..

There are still spaces, so i think i will gain more and more.

When i have lost sth, i gain more things.

So in the end, i have to thank her.

She actually helped me to break through a limit.

Continue learning...

Five she in my mind yesterday night.

Yesterday night, a special night.

Thanks everyone and thanks myself. =)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Complex

Heart pain.

Pulling yourself here and there.

Trying hard to make your feeling reasonable.

Keep on thinking and thinking and thinking.

(but is it everything can be explained?)

In between love(feeling) and moral(thought).

Guilty

Anger

Grudge

Loss

Anxiety

Trying hard to quit the habit

Rejecting and forgetting but unable.

Afraid.

Stressful

Missing him but not him, den force yourself to miss him bc you want yourself to do so.

Blame on yourself

He is so importance yet cant be accepted by your other significants.

being haunted by all these

............

These are what i feel from you.

There are still some others but not easy to say

I was careful with my words and didnt tell you much

I know where we are and i know our situation now.

But I still shared some of my thoughts.

Hope it help you to cope with your feeling.

I know i am not a good one.

I didnt pay my concern,

I didnt make initiative to call even though i know sth happen.

I just hope you can have your space and time to arrange your thoughts and feelings.

When you have prepared, you will say.

No matter who you find, you will talk if you want to.

I dunno whether I am doing the best thing, but i do so.

This is what i learned from my experiences.

Hmm...sometime follow your heart doesnt necessarily need to be given reason and meaning.

Explanation just what the others want to hear from you.

I think sometime you can just listen to your heart and it will tell you what to do.

You are great

Chit chat with you today.

I felt bored suddenly and then asked you to come out for tea.

U agree to it without second thought.

You kept saying that I enlighten you more than you enlighten me when we were going back home.

Hmm...please do not think so.

U know, u gave me power as well.

U said " I know myself when I am talking to you, but I cant find this feeling when talking to others"

U know, I was happy enough when i heard that. haha

Sometime the stories i shared with you, actually was reminding myself as well.

I am hearing myself talking and enlighten myself as well.

Your feedback further strengthen it.

You said"I find sth new and it might be totally have no relationship with what i am doing now."

So what? As long as it is you. I believe you will find your stand in your life.

Even when you are not, you will be walking toward somewhere as well.

Haha, you said " one day, when i become famous, you will be hard to see me alr, hehe, =P"

I said"I know you wont do that, when I called you at that time, you will definitely come out."

You said" so confident?"

Yes, I am.

You are great, den be great.

I believe in you. =)

No matter what happen in future, what i see is the you now.

She and I

Our conversation had no flow

It was random.

I think my thoughts were in a mess.

However, this time, she gained more informations from me.

She is formidable.

Looking forward her strategics and also how she organized my information.

It's growing time and at the same time learning time as well.

She asked me to think what behind the uncomfortable feeling are.

I totally have no clue how to start to think.

Feeling can be thought one meh? >.<.

Trying hard....

She prepared me by telling me

Sometime growing will be painful.

Hmm....

She thought i am talking about extraordinary power.

I am just talking about some things i am able to do.

Dun scare me.

It's jt a better observation, right?

Not extraordinary power.

Hmm...

Monday, May 24, 2010

I just want

She said"it's nice, but i think no need to come for second time."

Then i think

Must every action i have is because i can get benefit?

Hmm...sometime i do thing because i want to payback to those benefit me before.

Sometime, I want to share real good thing with people.

I want people to do things that balance, which will not cost B to lost due to A win.

I want everyone to be winners.

I dun like.

If i hold that thought, i think the connection will be chopped off.

I think world view of some people around me will still the same.

I think his path will even harder. It is already hard enough.

I just want to support a good thing, a good heart.

Please learn not to be so calculative.

Break the unreal things, look for the real good stuff.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

training.

I am tiring now.

Today, I had training, my partner talk about her family deep issue.

It was sth happen when she was 12 years old.

How was the impact? Hmm...

We had three session and each take half an hour.

We try to go in deeper and deeper to reconnect her feeling.

Then, also try to discover the reason of having feeling toward certain kind of people.

Many things happen in today sessions.....

From her feedback, she discover sth new, know more about herself and have some insight.

I hope so. It's happy to be able to help my friend.

I know my skills still raw but I have tried my best.

I am mentally, emotionally exhausted.

High concentration and metacognition used lots energy.

Today, many people sharing with me.

They tried to help me and give me suggestion.

I really appreciate it.

Widen my view in this field. =)

Then, tomoro still have counseling session with my counselor.

I know those are my choices...

So aggressive to deal...Hmm...

Wonder what will happen with these action, i will go backward or go forward?

Hmm...for that thing, if it doesnt belong to me, just let it go la.

Dun be scared. Gambate

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Sharing session

Had a special sharing session.

Listen to wat they had discovered in the camp is happy.

Means i was learning from them.

Then, talked about everyone around me.

I just talked wat i can think of and what i am thinking.

These are from observing what i feel.

I will tell me.

Because a lots have been done on I before that.

Then, i would like to say,

It's ok to be sad, it's ok to express your hurt in certain place.

It really take courage to touch on it again.

but it's the only way to get the methods.

The feelings for her and him are always complicated.

Everyone are all trying hard to live, really hard

to live a better life.

No matter how's the performance in the end, they are.

Someone is strive for this, someone for that.

Although is for different things, the heart is the same.

That few days, everyone is like a mirror for me.

So, i saw me more than saw anyone else around me.

_______________________________________

I have alternative ways to face certain thing, they are difficult.

But they are just like exit for me.

Thanks for my teacher for telling me ways.

I have made my choices.

I dun want to force myself to certain edge.

Tell myself, stay firm. Gambate.

Strongly believe in what kind of people is

living in what kind of world.

I choose and there are no other else can choose for me.

If l let, I have to bear the consequences by myself as well.

No one else will share it away.

So, Gambate!!

Practice

In one practice session,

I said: To face these things, most of the time i just go and do it. When it's time, i just stop and look back, then see how to go again.

She said: so you have a direction and target that you want and you plan to achieve it?

I said: Target and direction oh? Actually, i cant see anything. I think i dun have.

She said: so dangerous.

She was scared by me because this was incongruence with her impression toward me.

Middle

Wondering is it because of the past semester?

Because of many counseling based of practice.

I think there are some changes insides me happen recently.

My observation have increased somemore.

In the past, my view is strange, so i was comfortable with

not to say anything most of the time.

I know wat response i will get normally if I say sth.

It have become my habit.

Dunno why, things have become differently after coming to U.

Sometime, their reaction is so different with the past people.

This group also like that, that group also like that.

Hmm...Maybe i live in another world alr....

But for the me now, the power is still strong til

i think i cant afford it. Not used to it gua.

The world used to be so quiet, so i have difficulty to talk.

Because I seem dun hav anything.

Ur automatic is my emptiness. My automatic is ur emptiness.

Just like tat.

To some people, it is common thing,

but i really cant feel anything nor have anything.

Some people said my analysis skill is strong.

How come i cant see?

I should be happy with the responses i get.

Somehow, i felt scared most of the time.

Being scared by myself, it looked so silly. @@

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Resting & fun time

Is mom's birthday and three families celebrated together by having steamboat.

Just eat eat eat n laugh laugh laugh....

Went to Sing K and have fun.

Let's blow off emotions.

Bla bla bla & Jump jump jump :D

Then swim.

Like tis big pool because dun feel so dirty even when there are many people staying together in a same pool of water.

Breathing fresh air, feel much better....

Evening, few birds will play water together, it's funny to be so close to the birds.

Night view is nice as well. :D

I told her the car is too hot, so the dog fell down, cannot stick alr.

Then, look wat she'd done =.="

Said tat i can still look at it while driving.

OMG!!She can talk to it as well.

It follow the steering wheel to turn turn turn. Then, she asked it "fun mah?""fainted oh""still want to be there mah""want"=.="

She is talented.

Someday might be someone great.

Hahaha...

Having fun recently.

And finish 2 & 1/2 books d.

Charged. =)

Am I ready?

Sometime, i can only looking at the wall

Sometime, i can only see a path with no direction

Sometime, i can only see a path filled with brambles
But I think, they are never the problems.

When i can only see the wall, I told myself to be patient.

Maybe bang on the wall is the faster way to get away, it's hurt.

First time might ok, but might not second and third.

Then, I learn to calm down, not to be anxious and let it be.

I choose to knock on the wall, touch it and appreciate it,

Talking to it and take it away one by one.

After they are removed, I can move on

Left them behind nicely, no fire and no destroy.

Thanks them to be there to let me know what is

stress, fear, tiring, empty......

When see the path with no direction.

Maybe running is the faster way to get away,

but it causes exhaustion.

Maybe turning back is the faster way to get away,

but it is to be in predicament forever.

Then, I learn not to anxious, is not a must to see the exit now

Walk slowly, step by step. Feel it and listen to it

Believe that there is exit in front.

Even when there is none, there is no regret.

After I have reached the exit, i will know where i am den

Smile to face the sun and enjoy the moment.

When i see a path filled with bramble, I told myself to be brave.

Maybe burning them or pulling out their root is a

faster way to get away, it's destroying.

Unable to tolerant their existence.

If there is one seed being left there, it will still grow.

Appear in front of me again, and I

cannot tolerant their existence again.

Then, I choose to feel the pain, walk to experience it.

Be thankful that they are there, to let me know

what is weak, pain, scared.......

I have forgotten the direct path, a prepared road.

I think it is not a life i want, even though it is the most

comfortable and faster way to reach the destination.

I think I see the person in destination,

still almost the same person who just start their journey.

Physically walked.

I think what I see in front of me is not that importance,

the most important thing is i have to say

"I am ready"

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Gathering

This is first time ever that we played the online game together while gathering. Killed the monster as a team....haha...so creative...^^

We played in a cafe den someone house...gosh...From morning to night...from 4 people to 5 people. Crazily addicted to the game...@@

I ordered Red tea Latte. A coffee that have more tea and milk favour than coffee...hehe

Then, a baked cheess mushroom rice. So full...>.<. cannot eat so much, later when i go back college, sb will say i fat liao again...hmm...plan to go to swimming again.

Yea...here goes our team...V

Put something on my head...=.=" hehe...cute mah??

Must say something about this black thing in her hand, is a DVD.

She gave me a DVD and asked me to watch bc it is nice, so i brought it along. So that it wont get burned in the car.

Who know...

After lunch, when i opened it, there was no cd inside. =.=".

Muddlehead...

Thank godness, it is not discovered after i reach home

If not, i will really kek xim....

They said this movie moved people to tear.

I wonder can it move me to tear as well...

Haha...dunno what story there have...

Curious...:)

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Home

Yea...Back hometown to sleep

She still the same, talk to it (her) a lots. Many secrets..

Of coz...went to swim....woohoo...^^whole hour non=stop

Have a cup of milk, instead of coffee...behave myself. :)

Then read a book...

In a nice environment

The book said:
If you believe there is a child in everyone's heart,

den please do believe that there is no bad children.

They are only children who calling for loves.

This fruit is only 1cm...it taste a bit sour..first time i eat this..

When i know that i am only a little tiny in this world,

I know i have great strength.

Because i can see the world is so big and

it is infinity and unlimited.

Then, I wont be too arrogant,

I wont think that there is anyone cannot live without me,

I wont think that i have grown enough..

Life~~

010 Life