living the dream in reality

I am not atas..
i'm a struggling poor brat who dreams of a life drowned in luxury
the post christmas sale didn't work out
the clothes are either ugly or that i can't afford
what sales is that.. bleah..

mixing with friends who dresses to kill
or dress to kill me and my faint heart
adorned to the nines
with the most premium
and lovely looking haute couture
which, unfortunately,
i can't afford.. sad..

i decided i shall not match them
because it is almost impossible
with my current occupation (zero income student)
maybe, maybe in the future..
i shall not give the impression that i am rich
because i am not
i shall not waste money
i shall have more practical aims
like.. loosing weight

alright
and so it shall be
i shall start loosing weight
and make myself look good
n ot necessarily in branded stuffs
if i slim down.. like.. alot..
i guess i will look good in just about anything
and i would look like i'm dressed in
all luxury items
when its me which shines.. yes..

no more useless new year resolutions that i can never resolve
i shall make promises to myself
and targets
which are really achievable..

for a better (if not the best year in my life) 2010!

Its been sooo long since my last post!
At least its been freaking long since i wrote a proper post with regards to how i'm doing.. well well..
life has been pretty exciting, but tiring as well.. not sure how some things will turn up as, but there are already some disappointments..

CCA wise, i failed to get ino baracuda batucada, which is quite sad..
magnum force training just started, but its quite straineous, not sure if i can cope..
there's drama but i'm not v keen, mayb i've had quite enuff of it..
and then there's ovb n chinese soc? not v sure though..
but i now wish to concentrate on my studies, really.. even though i said the last time i must jiayou, but week 4 le, i still quite "diao er lang dang".. no good no good!

mayb not having a cca, i can concentrate on my studies, but hor, will b so boring right? hmm..

anyways, in terms of school, i'm really busy le lo..
every week seems so short
with sooooo many projects to do and so many assignments starting to pile up in the back too..
its especially scary!!

my friends are cool though.... and seemingly acceptable to me..
haha..
they are, well, rather innocent people, not yet tainted by the cruelties of this world.
so i can still feel very safe talking to them.. haha!

my other friends wise, well, we had a gathering with the chestnuts last weekend..
which was, what i'll say as zhongguizhongju, ok lo.. but hope the next time we can have more fun,
and make sure every body is HAPPY! as happy as attending my Happy! Party! LOL!

isn't it amazing how life is?
we plan so many things to happen like the way we want it to
but most of them time they fall flat
or an event just goes past and there seems to be things you planned to do but did not accompolish?
i guess that is just life, la.

instead of setting millions of aims,
we should take a step back and look at our life sometimes
is this really the path we want to take?
(no matter big or small decisions)
where should we really rest?
are we doing things on impulse?
where are we heading to?
is this something we will really be happy for?
why are we here?
there are a million of such questions
often left unanswered.

the next time when you meet me
please tell me
that wat we eat or drink or am at is not important
what is more important is that you and me are still good friends
and that we have not "mi shi fang xiang"
we know wat we are doing and are on our way to a blessed life.

it is not easy,
but we need to know if
we are happy.

just like W and I
i feel we are happy
because we can't always be the "perfect" couple.
there are the many imperfections in our relationship which we need to improve
there are the unhappy times that we whish never occured.
there are many things i wish i can tell everyone how much i feel the love.
there has been so many occurings that i dun know which one to share.
the sweet notings
the endless love n sex n kisses
the feeling is deep inside....

just like special friends.
they are always there for you
you know it
and thank god for it.
vinc.. thank you are your mere existance.
we had our "4 years" annivesary for something dumb a few days ago..
it was the day, 4 yrs back,
when i told him about what i really amd and he told me his feelings about tt.
it was farny
no idea why we would commemorate such a day.
now he has someone else he likes, who is soo gdi cute la..(i'm jealous)
i feel happy for him
though deep inside
i feel bad for "converting him" like i always said.
haha. some ppl say, you can't change a person, if he is queer, he IS queer.. well well..

anyway.. so much on my current thoughts and a round up of my messy stage of life now..
i feel really happy though..
there are little percents of unhappiness, grouch, confusion and other terrible feelings
but i shall always try to forget them
and lead a simplistic life and enjoy!
happiness to me and all my friends
and some random ppl who comes to read my blog.

this is my 600th post on Absolutmilo!! WOW!!
to the many 100s more of interesting post to come..
at this place where i share my life, my thoughts, my rants and my creative juices.
happy 600th post!

its examinations week next week
and its going to be a hell of a roller coaster ride
with many things cramped up! oh my god!
emotional and mental torture.. be prepared..

yesterday
watched Avenue Q
its really funny
and wat i watch out more is the story development, characters and production
its a great set and storyline
but i guess its a show for the masses..
noting much technocal to note of
but nonetheless
its a really great performance
since many of the show's 3 weeks run has been fully booked.
will remember the songs like "if you were gay", "internet is for porn" and "It sucks to be me".
well
i'm now listening to the Broadway original cast recording
a really nice memory of a great musical!
anyone wants can borrow from me and have a great laugh at the songs..

read a few comments and reviews about Gemuk Girls by The Necessary Stage
i seems to be a great play
in theatrics and script
but too bad..
just when i wanted to get tickets
its all sold out le!

but I'm gonna catch Flare ( a play bout live during n after a earthquake in a neighbouring country)
by Cake Theatrical and The Finger Players
quite looking forward to it
coz its really interesting to see two companies which i like and are pretty known to be good companies..
hope dearie will be able to watch it with me

that brings me back to another topic
watched Ave Q with weizhi yesterday
because someone was busy
and couldn't make it

well well..
sometimes
i really hope he can relax and take things in different perspective
i hope he can see things through other's life
who knows what happens
he is sometimes domineering
just the way i like it
but then
there are times when i feel he hould think of what people really want
and not simply wat he perceives

sometimes
i might say i'm tired
like really "tired"
because i don't just want to be pampered
i want to be a bigger part of your life
not just someone who gets your love
or how it appears to be "love"

its not easy
you might say again
you don't know what young people think
but hey
if i can understand you and what you really want
mayb you can try to reciprocate that as well
i know work is tough
and you are one who knows how to work hard n play hard
and seperates the two apporpriately

probably you need to separate your social life from mine
i know your friends
but do you know mine?

there are things you do with your friends
and try to pull me in when i might not be interested
then there are other activities
which you simply count me out
you don't seem to care about anyting at all

on the long run
i really don't understand you
your stand on things
and what you are really looking for
your fast changing attitude makes me feel lost
98% of the time
i enjoy the many things
but its the little things that matters more

hopefully
by saying you love me
we can integrate each other into one another's life
and not just say so

be it..
if we are going to live together (forever? long term? i don't know. though i know you want to.. ?)
we have to balance. merge. move on.

sometimes
being simplistic is the best
get back to your roots of being the child-like boy when you are with me
think of being simple
thats easier.. to think and do..
haha.. now i am at a lost myself.. what do i really want??

**ps: anyone wants to go Zoukout, watch Snow white and the seven dwarfs by Wildrice, First Light by Toy Factory, Lee Guitars All Stars Concert, please contact me!**