Off work for a week and a bit...woo hoo...makes me wanna dance....



Amarinda Jones
Penn Halligan
www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

I was looking at something I did at work the other day. I sat and analyzed it and thought ‘What? Huh?’ as my fingers skimmed over figures I have to input everyday – okay, I don’t actually do them everyday as I don’t have time – but they get done. They’re actually freakin’ boring to do. I would rather watch paint dry or stick a clothes peg on my nose and time how long it is until I pass out from lack of oxygen. Anyway these figures were all lovely and balanced pre me getting the head cold from hell. Now, as I’m coming out of the cold I’m looking at stuff and thinking ‘oh, what’s that about? How did I lose a complete day of boring figure thingies?’ I worked out how. I forgot to ‘save’ the intensely boring rows of crapacious figures so I sat and re-typed them all back in. Row after row of boring crap that I’m not even sure anyone reads. I believe there are people solely put on the planet to come up with these mundane jobs to annoy the shite out of the rest of us. I’m taking a clothes peg in tomorrow and see which is more exciting – doing figures or passing out.

Amarinda Jones
Penn Halligan
www.amarindajones.com
www.amarindajones.blogspot.com
Be daring...read an Amarinda book

Does anyone know what I have done with my patterned, winter tights? Please advise as I have no idea where they are. Of course there is the school of thought I should have packed them away neatly somewhere last year but how boring is that? Anyone can be neat. The one thing I like about Winter? I do not shave my legs as much– yes I know, TMI but to me it’s a time to go feral, Beryl.

The world’s most boring woman – the one that is straighter than a ruler and makes the Ten Commandments look half-arsed – is away from work for a week. Hallelujah! A whole week of someone not droning on about how by me forgetting to pick up a print out from the printer means the whole company will go into liquidation, worlds will collide and locusts will descend in plague proportions. She loves to point out mistakes. Luckily for her I make a lot of them, as you do when you are a human being. I just smile and nod and say things to her like “Well as no one lost an eye there is not problem is there?” It drives her crazy that I will not bite because I simply don’t care. She is no challenge to me. She is a lonely, pathetic woman whose life is ending when she finishes work for good soon. Not worth arcing up over those people as they just don’t understand real life and would not get it anyway.

Absolutely had stuff all to do at work today which suited me as I had writing I could do. Yes, of course I feel terrible about doing this in work time but I feel they would not want me to be bored as then I would not be a productive worker then…you know if there was work I felt inclined to do. It's always a juggling act writing at work. While it makes you look incredibly busy you have to have the quick fingers to flick in and out of programs without anyone realizing what you are doing. Added to that you have to be able to send all writing home undetected by the email Nazis. But that's easy. Some people get sprung (caught) though as they save it onto desktop or documents. Duh, of course you'll get pinged(caught) doing that. The secret of my stealing work time success? I type everything into the body of an email on corporate mail,(makes me look I’m doing work stuff) no address of course, then I have one of my outside email addresses open - then I cut and paste it into an email already addressed to me and send that sucker. Foolproof. I am sure you are all too good to steal time from you employer but hypothetically, if you did, how would you do it?

I was listening to this bloke on TV this morning and he was talking about language. When I was at University one of the core subjects I had to take was Linguistic Analysis. Yes very exciting -not. I spent most of my time sounding words out for diphthongs and glides and glottal stops…these have of course been incredibly not useful in my life. You never know when someone with ask you about a diphthong - and I'm not talking about the foot in flip flop method to check if pool water is warm enough to swim in. So, there was this bloke and he was talking about language and the perception of how some people try to correct your words because they believe it's whom and not who and how these people should get a grip. I agree. Surely we have more important things to worry about other than how someone speaks and if they are grammatically correct. Isn't it more important what is said? Sometimes I find the most eloquent speaking people are the most full of crap…what do you think?

Barbara Huffert – great author and friend of the Amarinda blog has a brand new release out from Total-E-Bound today. It’s called Beyond Meddling – love the title – and I know you will want to snap it up as its wild, hot, sweet romance as only Barbara can write. Luckily for you, all you have to do is just click on the cover to buy – you know how to click doncha ya?

Beyond Meddling – the blurb

Evan Wilton is lost and confused. So much so he’s about to let Belynda Himmel, the woman of his dreams, slip away. He has every intention of doing just that, for Be’s own good of course, when his grandfather shows up to knock some sense into him.

Now if only he can get past the fact that the man died months ago and actually manage to listen to him, he might end up where he’s always wanted to be - in spite of himself.

Beyond Meddling – the excerpt – yes, its adults only – you have been warned.

In fact, that’s how he got her shirt off the first time.
They’d been relaxing together on a Saturday afternoon before Be had to head to the home for an event she’d arranged and somehow they’d landed on the subject of masturbation. One thing led to another and the next thing he knew she’d dared him to show her his technique. He tried to get out of it, claiming lamely not to have enough time before she needed to go which was when she’d whipped off her top, baring her breasts as inspiration. As he watched she’d pushed them up and together almost as if offering them to him.
Be nodded towards his groin. “Well? Aren’t you going to?”
“Oh. Yeah,” Evan stuttered. “Sorry.”
“For what?” she laughed, rolling her nipples between her fingers.
“You distracted me. I forgot what I was doing.”
“Need me to remind you?”
“Uh, okay.” He let her guide him in front of her and unzip his pants.
“You need to get out your cock now. I want to see you wrap those sexy long fingers of yours around it.”
“Like this? You like my hands?”
“You know I do. You’ve seen me watching them.”
“Yeah I noticed,” Evan admitted.
“Stroke it for me,” Be urged.
He did. While his hand worked, Be was busy fondling herself.
“Look what watching you does to me,” she said, raising her breasts to display her pointed nubs. “God, Evan that’s so hot.”
He couldn’t help it. He laughed. “Me? I’m hot?”
“Oh hell yes. Don’t stop.”
“Yeah like there’s a chance that’ll happen,” he chuckled again. “Damn Be, talk about hot. Mm,” he moaned.
“Getting close?”
“Fuck. Oh yeah. Ah. Where do you want it?”
“All over me. Coat my nipples.”
Evan couldn’t hold back. He did as she asked and let his hot fluid dowse her chest. When he squeezed out the last drop he couldn’t believe what he saw. Be lifted her breast and angled her head in order to lick her own nipple.
“Mm, tasty,” she declared.

Anny and Kelly are doing their thing on their blogs – what is it? It’s very complex, possibly illegal and no doubt quirky bordering on odd. Go see….

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

There is a commercial on television at the moment where an animated banana is running for its life. It runs along roof tops, jumps over things, shinnies down a fire escape, hides panting behind objects in its desperate plight to avoid destruction. It’s quite a dramatic commercial. I was on the edge of my seat watching it. What is it about? Breath fresheners – of course. The banana is trying to escape the same fate of donuts and other unhealthy foods – they get obliterated by the mouth fresheners. Interestingly this is often followed by a commercial that promotes people eating 5 serves of vegetables a day and two of fruit. Last check - a banana is a fruit and on most accounts healthy for you. Let the banana run free I say. I think I'll set up a petition.

Speaking of donuts…I passed by this well known international donut shop and people were lined up for a block…for a donut. I don’t understand. A donut? You’re waiting for a donut? It’s fried dough with icing or cream or something similar on it. Now I like eating unhealthy crap as much as the next person but it’s a donut. Am I missing something? What’s the big deal? Can someone please explain why people line up to buy fried dough and is that fried dough different to any other fried dough by any other company… I don’t get it….

What else I don’t get is the pressing need for people to have job titles. It has been discussed ad nauseum at work. Yes, I suppose some people need to be called something at work in order to feel like they belong but honestly as long as I’m paid and Ida, my car, can slot into a car space at work and I can run screaming from the building at 4pm on the knocker that’s really all I require. Does self esteem require a title? Or can you get by without one? I’m serious…is a title at work important to you?

So, I’ve had this glandular thing for the past couple of days that has had me dragging my arse around. Everyone keeps telling me I ‘look terrible.’ Oh bugger off. I am not good at being sick. I’m too impatient to be good at it. Some people are though…have you noticed? Mind you they aren't all that sick but manage to make their dying swan sick act quite an art form . We had a woman at Promptel, called er…Sharon. She was excellent at being sick. She would be sick for days on end. Truly you would not see her for weeks and then she would suddenly appear hale and hearty and act like nothing had happened. She would sit down, do her job and then the next day she would
be gone again. Of course, we all later found out she was working at another job at the same time and trading on sick leave at both. I really admired her as she had no scruples at all when it came to work and always had management in an amazing state of pissed-offed-ness at her sick leave. Why they let it go on for so long I never knew.

I got offered two free light bulbs when I got home this arvo. Yes, how exciting. I got out of the car and this official looking woman with a badge and paraphernalia of one of the electric companies was waiting at my door. I loathe door knock people. Did I ask you to come? No? Well what are you doing here and especially after work? Anyway she went into her "stay with our company for electricity supply and we’ll give you a gift." Oh yeah? What? Two free long life, light bulbs. Woo hoo! Where do I sign my life away on a 24 months contract for two light bulbs? Seriously light bulbs as an incentive? I believe in deregulation and competition but light bulbs are no incentive for me. She was most disappointed I would not sign. What she did do was also offer me
a free shower head as well. A showerhead? Seriously? That’s an enticement? Yes, most amusing in a drought. But alas I resisted and did not sign. I get the fact that was her job but how many people sign up for 2 light bulbs? And how annoyed would you be if you did not hold out for the shower head as well?

'Got home this arvo and the internet was not working - again. Well it’s been a week since the last problem. Anyway, I was not in the mood to deal with it so I rang up and stamped by size 8’s loudly and used big, annoyed sounding words and the problem got fixed. This is hysterical as this morning I got this email from Promptel about reasons why the internet may not work and why they are such a swell company and why I should not defect to the enemy. Oh I’m defecting baby. Anyway common problems, as far as Promptel is concerned – none of them have anything to with them of course…

- have you turned the computer on?
- have you put in the correct password?
- have you paid the bill?
- is the power on in your house?
- have you clicked on the internet icon?
- do you know how to find the internet icon?
- have you used the internet before?

By the way – no problems are apparently caused by Promptel. It’s all the customer’s fault. Yes, they are absolutely serious…roll on Saturday when I am away from these intellectual giants.

Oh, and I never heard back from anonymous…damn shame that. I wanted to understand the anonymous culture.

Just quickly – why, when we have so many other problems in the world, is the news media fixating on Tom Cruise’s interview with Oprah? Huh? What happened to real news? Get over yourself Tom

Thank god for pseudoephedrine...I am now going to collapse on the sofa in my pj’s and scoff pills.

Anny and Kelly are all sparkly and wise and to the best of my knowledge drug free. Go check ‘em out.

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/
Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best self for?

Dear Amarinda,

Here is your horoscope for Friday, March 14:

Can you resist temptation? Maybe a better question would be, do you even want to? Something deliciously irresistible is heading your way. Give in to it, you'll regret it if you don't.

Okay – consider me giving in to it.

Clowns are evil

Coulrophobia is an abnormal or exaggerated fear of clowns
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coulrophobia

Can’t Sleep Clowns will eat me – Alice Cooper http://www.lyricsandsongs.com/song/10818.html

I mentioned a week or so ago I would do a blog on why clowns are evil. It was pointed out to me I had not. Bad Amarinda. So here it is. I even scanned my own Can’t Sleep Clowns will eat me t-shirt that I wear to bed. Yes, how attractive I must look in the morning - and maybe it's probably too much info but I want you to know I take this subject very seriously. I don’t fear clowns, I am just very suspicious of them.

The reasons clowns are evil accordingly to Amarinda Jones...

- Why does an adult have to paint their face in such garish colours? Why the pure white faces, red noses and creepy looking eyes? Supposedly that’s supposed to make us happy? How? By creeping us out? Is it just me or is it odd that an adult trowels make up on? And no, I‘m not counting relatives in this.
- Exaggerated, big red lips? What’s that about? To me it indicates greed. Do you want greedy people around you pretending they are funny and wanting to make you happy? What exactly do they want for that ‘happiness’?
- Why the whole sad face routine? Are we supposed to feel sorry for them and give them money when they pull out the empty pockets of their baggy pants? It’s a less than subtle form of begging.
-Why not use their real names – why Bozo and Happy? What are they hiding? Why can’t we have Ronald or Neville or Barry the clown? Is 'Bozo' like a rank in the Clown Army?
- Clown mouths – you know those games of chance at carnival? You put as many balls as you can into a clowns mouth and yet he will give nothing back. He just takes. Does that seem right to you? What does that teach kids? Hand your money to the clown and you’ll get stuff all back (stuff all = nothing in Aussie speak)
- You can tell a lot about a person from the shoes they wear. A clown has oversized feet. Why? What are they compensating for or what are they indicating to us? Is it some psycho sexual correlation with another part of their anatomy – i.e. foot size = penis size = latent sexual prowess. I’m not sure how this works for female clowns of course. It’s just a theory.
- Baggy clothes – okay, we all have out ‘fat’ days but what are clowns saying? That every day should be a fat day? Are they encouraging us to chuck our diets and we become as ‘happy and go lucky’ as them? Then what happens? We start painting our faces and carrying around little umbrellas? Yes, you know where I’m heading with this - Clown Cult. We become like them and eventually the world is run by clowns. You can see that happening at the moment.
- And is it just me or does it seem that most clowns are men? Why is that? You know how women always say the best men are married or gay – maybe they’ve been sucked into a Clown Cult.
- A lot of kids cry at clowns. Kids are pure and innocent. If the pure and innocent can sense evil, maybe adults who are jaded and world weary should take note of this and nip this clown thing in the bud.
- I read one Internet site that likened Santa Claus to a clown. Hmm…if you read my Christmas blogs last year you will know this fits into my theory that Santa is a manipulative megalomaniac running a sweat shop at the North Pole
- Basically, clowns act cute or funny to disarm you and before you know it you're in Clown Headquarters pledging allegiance to Bozo and giving all you money away to keep said Bozo in the baggy faced style he had become accustomed to.

It’s not just me. There is a growing call against clowns on the Internet. This is but a warning. Beware the clowns.
As for mimes – speak damn it! I don’t get the whole mime thing. Why are you walking against the wind? If you got out of the wind like a normal person then you wouldn’t have to put your hands up to fend it off. And, don’t get in the glass box and then you won’t have to find a way out of it. I mean really, doesn’t that make sense to you? Why all the pretense? If you want a cup of coffee – go get one – don’t pretend you are drinking one ‘cause I’m not going to be suckered into buying you one. And really, why do people have to go to Mime school? What’s to learn? We pretend all the time.

Speaking of clowns…Saturday we have the local city council elections. I am most disappointed as there is no transvestite running this year. That’s annoying for who else is credible enough to vote for? There is someone who has a nickname, I’m contemplating them.

I have been doing a couple of days on the factory floor to get an overall look at the new job. One important thing to note – factory workers work very hard and they rarely if ever get to sit down. My hat goes off to them…it’s a bloody hard job.

As always wander please over and see what Anny is up to on www.annycook.blogspot.com and what the lowdown is with Kelly on www.kkirch.blogspot.com

www.freewebs.com/amarindajones/Go ahead: Live with abandon. Be outrageous at any age. What are you saving your best