When I walked out to do barn feedings this morning, I knew he might be gone. When I didn't see him, I knew. Raggedy Man had lost weight some weeks ago and all my usual concoctions didn't seem to help much. He had other physical symptoms appear about three days ago and I knew in my heart he was fading.

I had found him yesterday morning separated from his buddies, and also in a very unusual spot for him, way off where nobody would bother him. I brought him back to the barn to gets some meds in him. He was off feed for the entire day. But last night when he and I spoke, it was clear he didn't have the energy to fight it. And his eyes had sunken. I had never witnessed it to that degree in an animal that was still alive. I'd been making sure he had fluids but I knew that was the death stare.

Over his body this morning, I cried for a lot of things, some things were about him, some things were about disappointments of the week. I told him what a wonderful fellow he was to have around, and oh I will miss his little raggedy feet and messy hair! He had charming smile too that graces many of my photographs. His beard was picturesque, and I combed it through my hands as I sat and mourned for him.

I dragged you all the way out here and maybe it killed you, I said to myself.

I felt his intention speak, But I wanted to come. It's just, I'm old. I died here with everyone I knew.

I know what's coming. More loss. Scooby Keith is also very thin, he always has been, he's fought off sudden illnesses so many times I wonder if he will live forever. Huck is also in dire straights as of this week and we are examining and grasping the unthinkable but unavoidable. This is the first of the creatures I brought from Oregon to die here on this land. It is not only a loss of a friend and creature, it is a second loss of the old farm. I know this. I have been through this with the grieving of my mother and father. There are many strings that are attached to the living, they don't all get snipped on the first day of death.

I buried him in an area near M'Lady Apple, where there is a natural piece of flat granite. When we first arrived here, I recognized it as a beautiful healing spot to sit, and planned to develop into a special place for me and guests. It is where others will be buried in time, but M'Lady will drop little red fruits at our feet in summer and beautiful delicate pink lowers come spring.

As sad as it was to say goodbye to this chap, I have to say there was some tiny little voice inside that came after I'd had a good cry,

Have faith in these new voids, we have plans.

The cookie party for Raggedy Man's 7th birthday today was moved inside due to soggy weather conditions. These parties never last long, once the cookies are gone the guest pretty much dissipate and get one with usual routines-chewing cud, napping, head butting, crochet and book club.

I made a hat for Raggedy a few years ago and put this picture up on his wall tonight, to remind him that he is a birthday boy all day-that is the rule, no ifs and or buts, he gets to be king for a day.

To the raggiest little man ever, Muppet feet and all, he is such an endearing fellow. He arrived stinky and...raggedy. And thin and ill kept. But, with time, and consistent feedings, he blossomed, ballooned actually. It's okay Rag, I've ballooned too.

This is the look Raggedy Man gives me when I stop his back massage.


In between the torrential rains this month, The Misfits gather for a sun break and Kale Picnic.


And if you can put your head in a bucket, you are most certainly feeling better. Cornelia is progressing and is back to her normal level of grunts. She couldn't stand still for a photo, so another sign of recovery!

"Did you hear?" asked Professor Otis Littleberry over morning hay. "He's on probation."

"Thank the Barn Gods! It's hard enough walking on three legs without him banging into me all the time," said little crippled Sir Tripod Goat.

"I won't miss him," said Sophie, "He got way to big for his beard after Stevie died."

Meanwhile in the upper barnyard....

"I did nothing wrong!" Raggedy Man pleaded as I led him back to his former stomping ground. "I demand to talk to my representative!"

"I'm your representative," I told him, "and you have been too rough on Victor and Tripod and need a time out up here to remember how to have manners."

Along came Marcella and the Head Troll.

Raggedy let out some distress bleats, and then a long sigh.

"You again," he said to Marcella.

Marcella was delighted. She has another Misfit to romp with even when he doesn't want to romp. But between her and the Head Troll, Raggedy will get a taste of his own medicine.


Raggedy took a sudden behavior turn after Stevie died. He just got a bit pushy around feed time, smashing too hard into the crippled Misfits. This is actually normal goat behavior. There is nothing wrong with it. But I decided it was time to put him back in the main barnyard with younger charges-and some Misfits who won't take his gruff. I see this happen all the time–one animal dies and the hierarchy is shifted.

Raggedy is just a wonderful little chap. He came here skinny and stinky having been recently neutered, and as you can see he has added plenty of weight-which is another reason he is being moved, he eats too much of the feed. Back then you could hardly get him to enjoy a gentle touch or back scratch, now he understands the pleasure of it-cookies or no cookies.

Please know that the upper barnyard ain't too shabby. In fact, it has its benefits to the Lower Village, so do not for one minute think Raggedy is suffering. I wouldn't be surprised if he protests if I put him back int he Lower Village.

I like Valentine's Day. I always felt, even as a child, it was about love for everyone and everything-not for lovers specifically. When I lived in NYC and worked at a large well known ad agency, I always gave out valentines. They seemed to look at it as a Midwest kindness thing, but everyone, although surprised, enjoyed them. How can you not?

I had so many Valentines greetings to make today between Martyn and creatures, that it took an entire day, while I worked on fencing. I'd stop and enjoy time in the sun with whoever chose to come my way-be it caprine, sheep, porcine or rooster. It was over sixty degrees and sunny. How can one not feel the love of the ground and sky- like something good must be happening in the world for this beautiful day. While others might be suffering in the cold, or in war or sad conditions-I could not dwell on that. i selfishly soaked up each second of my manual labor, watching my main valentine work on the new barn, but watch step was so decadent in that weather. I can not take it for granted–the weather or the life.

Here are three valentines to you-glimpses of the love that was all around me–An old pony once so lame she couldn't get up now runs; a raggedy little goat who once shied from touch now poses in a bucket waiting for a back rub; and a flock of sheep on Muddy Hill graced with morning light and fog.

The Autumn Fashion Show of Misfits was a success, although quite exhausting for attendees and models not to mention the photographer who rallied against slippery mud and slippery goats to dress each one quickly to make it on the runway in time. The Misfits now have a great selection for the colder, rainy weather that might require outfits and we are all thankful for the generosity of our followers who sent us dog coats, pony jackets and old sweatshirts [which are remarkably useful on a farm].

If you don't see your coat in the fashion show, it is only because the models ran out of steam. And the upper barnyard of Misfits already had a little fashion extravaganza. I also have two now that will work for Victor and Sophie should they need them on top of all their curly wool some extra cold winter night. There are some very small ones that would work on Moose, or sick lambs if needed. Thank you, everyone!

So sit back, and enjoy the show!

Raggedy Man takes a moment to reflect on....who know what goes on in his little head. The Bottomtums assist.

Today's smile of the moment brought to you by Raggedy Man.

As promised, I pulled together a birthday part for little Raggedy Man. He had requested the Misfits gather for an Animal Cracker Toss, a favorite past time for them.

Thanks go out to The Head Troll who decorated for me-as I'm preoccupied with snow and work. Poor little Ernest is so exhausted from the last 5 nights of the extended Snow Sleepover Party that he fell asleep. But Rosie provided one quick dance.

These parties never last long, but I'm gad we pulled it off for Raggedy. He is such a cool little dude.

It has been beautiful for more than two weeks now and all Oregonians know what lurks and this causes one - if one is as lucky as I am to be able to do this- to stay outside anyway they can, even for short spurts. Not being one to waste time, I decided to put my lolly gaggle in the barnyard yesterday to good use–I took a straw poll.

And the outcome–The goat with the most Muppet like feet is...Raggedy Man.

Raggedy Man came to Apifera several years ago, along with Lofa Love who has since passed away. Upon arriving here after we adopted him from New Moon Goat Farm Rescue, Raggedy had no name and was skin and bones and a lot of scruffy, stinky hair. He was very shy, but had the sweetest smile. In time, he learned that one can stand still for a cookie, and also get petted, and that it wasn't too bad. He no longer avoids touch, has plumped his little body up and his coat is shiny and clean. I have grown so fond of Rags, he is a total gentleman, and that little smile can really lift one's spirits. I hope he is with us a long time and since he is only about five, he should be.

He also is very good at simple tasks–such as standing very still...around ducks. this will come in handy some day for me, I just know it.

{Feel free to toss Raggedy what you can to help support him and the other Misfits.}

I have been in computer software glitch hell for the past two days straight. Any snafu that could happen on creating my book files for "Misfits of Love" have happened. Okay, that's overly dramatic. But I am having enormous headaches creating high resolution PDF's thanks to the fact Adobe changed everything to the point where nothing seems to work anymore.

Sigh.

Big sigh.

On top of it, I have a tad of a hangover - due to the fact that yesterday's computer/production angst inspired me to have one glass too many of red wine last night and not enough dinner since we sat up late under the cool evening sky. I needed it - I guess.

But now the entire day of trying to get the production issues worked out are compounded by a a small hangover.

Enter Raggedy Man. Thank goodness. How can I not stop for seconds at least and smile at this little, er, bulbous fellow. To wonder what items are in his stomachs could fill a day - whole pumpkins perhaps?

Anyway, consider hopping over to the funding page for Apifera Press to be launched with "Misfits", the book. It is such a beautiful book, and such a huge amount of work. This book is also a learning curve for me. It will all be worth it when we can hold it in our hands. I fall in love with it each time I reread sections of it or see the art and photos. I really do. I haven't been pushing the fundraising because it's August and everyone seems to be sleepy and on vacation. But I'm spending lots of cash out of pocket, so, I must start pushing for it.

In which we smile back at Raggedy Man, on of the Misfits.

I came upon this photo today and felt it was worth reposting - so smile everyone!

Raggedy Man reminds me of a Muppet because he has these adorable fluffy feet, and he always has this impish little expression. He arrive at Apifera with Lofa back in June after New Moon Goat Rescue took them in. They are both dear fellows and wonderful additions to the Misfits.

Can't have a sanctuary but want to help? You can donate to the care of the Misfits here at Apifera. All is greatly appreciated.

Raggedy man shows off his ZZ Top Moment as Little Lofa stand by.

Little Lofa has rebounded and is eating like a little vacuum cleaner to make up for lost time. For the last week he has eaten well and shown much more strength. He still has white eyes though but I swear I'm seeming a teeny bit of pink.

He still runs the risk of getting knocked down and having trouble getting up, but I've been watching and the couple of times he was accidentally pushed over, he stayed upright and could get up. His runny nose seems better too and his personality is back, as he greets me with his little Lofa love bleats at morning feedings.

I think after trying so hard to save Aunt Bea, and then have this happen to Lofa just brought it all back home - I'm just one person with two hands and one heart. You can only do your best - with your vet at your side - when you take on a creature that didn't have the best nutrition in the pas. Lofa is getting up there in years, turning 8 next spring, but I'm glad New Moon got him when they did, and we in turn could help.

SO thank you again to everyone that helped Lofa! He felt the love and so did Apifera.

Lofa is still not well and is on his fifth day of medication and shots. I am just heartsick about this one. The vet was here on Wednesday and we haven't gotten the blood results back but are treating him for what we hope is just anemia from worm overload and prior malnutrition.

Lofa came to us via our friends at New Moon Goat Farm and Rescue. He and his herd [including little Raggedy Man] were relinquished by the breeder/owner. I do not know the whole story - one never does in these cases - but I do know they were mismanaged, loaded with worms and lice, had signs of rot and were very thin. Raggedy arrived a sack of bones and I'm really pleased he is putting on weight, his coat is much better as is his skin. They had been at New Moon for a couple months and the lice and worms had been taken care of.

But Lofa started declining a week ago. I didn't wait to call the vet on this one. After my experience with Aunt Bea - another malnourished rescue who sadly couldn't pull through despite heroic efforts on the part of the vet, Bea and myself - I knew anemia can take a malnourished goat down pretty fast. He's been getting daily shots of B12 and penicillin as well as we've hit him hard with daily oral wormers.

He is standing, but last week he couldn't get up when he was pushed over at feeding. This morning I sensed he was a hair better, but he mainly just stands in what I call 'the sick goat stance'. His hair is puffed up due to the anemia, although I felt that was better today too. He is still not finishing all his ration.

I once told a vet that I wanted to be a place that could take in hospice animals, since vets or sanctuaries often don't have the man power to hospice animals. Once again, the intention I released tot he universe has been brought to me. I do believe that I somehow attract certain animals that simply need a place to feel safe so they can die. Not every animal that comes here is dying, but many have been due to old age and malnourishment or a combination of the two. I always tell a sick animal it is okay to move on if they need to. But I told Lofa I want him to fight with me and live.

Raggedy is quite sweet too - his face reminds me of an angelic painting. He checks on Lofa regularly and sleeps with him too.

If you'd like to help defray Lofa's vet bill, please do so. Lofa will feel the love.

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He's been here one month and little Raggedy Man is still raggedy, but he's putting on weight on his back bone and his skin is getting better. His nutrition was neglected so he has very scaly skin, like a crocodile. He's shedding out better after being neutered.

But the biggest change in this little fellow is his demeanor. Always gentle, he was hesitant and skittish when he arrived. But now he doesn't run from me, and likes to get brushed. He has the most innocent little expression. I have really fallen in love with both Lofa and Raggedy Man. Having so many small dark pygmy creatures around is quite comical - like a barnyard set from "Wizard of Oz". Thank you to Northern Mother and New Moon Goat Farm and Rescue for once again taking them in and getting them down to Apifera.

The newcomers, Raggedy Man and Lofa, are new to the barnyard but they are quickly learning that The Head Troll is prepared for any kind of disaster or event. But The Head Troll is also entrepreneurial and is having a quick sale of last year's safety equipment for this year's Fourth. It's America.