Ally's In Wonderland

A beautifully honest parenting essay.

I think a lot of first-time working mothers go through it. Being in the prime of our lives, trying to be the best mother for the first time, trying to strike in our careers.. all at the same time. There were very little space for mistakes and enjoyment. Time was always tight. Everything was always moving fast. Husbands were blamed and flamed. And I am thankful for mine, who just stood by me and allowed me to evolve naturally to be the person I am today.

And most of all, to my firstborn, who has received all my music with grace. He is such a loving and sensitive boy and my heart is wrenched thinking about all those times I yelled and said mean things to him. I was just a messed up mad woman back then, huh?

But deep down, all I wanted to do was watch him grow while I say "It's ok sweetheart, mummy still loves you".

4th January 2012 marks a major milestone for us. Our Daniel has started formal schooling! DARJAH SATU!

Here's what I prepared for him, and it essentially made me feel truly as a parent.

1. Uniforms. I got four sets. And 2 pairs of shoes, 4 pairs of socks. Additional sets better than an emergency! I should get those holey singlets as innerwear, they are good sweat absorber, and can be changed everyday, instead of daily changing of the shirt.

2. THE SCHOOLBAG! This is probably THE main component of the whole first-day-in-school hoolabaloo. It's like the car you're driving to the first day of work. On the first day, he wore my freebie backpack I got from servicing my car. Cheapskate mom. Those are meant for tall ang moh adults. When I saw him walking to his school from his bus drop-off point, I felt bad. His bag was banging the back of his legs and it made him walk funny. So, right after that I got him a wheelie Ben 10 backpack. He was elated!

3. Name tags for his belongings. Pencil cases, schoolbag, water bottle, food container, color pencil box, books, files. For his bag, pencil cases and snack bag, I added on of those tags with key rings. Like a luggage tag. I like doing mundane things like this.

4. The recess time snack bag. I've written some sort of a timetable for snacks to bring on different days of the week. Sandwiches, fried rice, banana, chips, biscuits, bread, muffin and whatever healthy snacks I can think of (which he may not eat, and end up buying junk food from the canteen).


5. Remember wrapping our textbooks and exercise books with clear plastic sheets? I did it and it felt so nostalgic!

6. The schedule. He takes the school bus and I had to 'train' him to do tasks on time. I even drew a pictorial timetable.
He has to shower at 11am, eat his lunch at 11.15am, and get ready for the bus by 11.35am. It has to be army style if you take the school bus! GO GO GO!


And then he arrives in school at about 12.30pm for assembly and classes officially starts at 1pm.

At 3pm, they break for recess, for 20 minutes. I appreciate my one hour lunchtime now. These kids really have to gobble down their food.


One parent brought McDonalds.... spoil market!
This school canteen offers plates of fried rice, fried noodles, chicken nuggets, fish nuggets, breads, curry puffs and food I didn't bother to remember and probably don't want him to eat too much.

The students assemble back before going back to class. The best-behaved class gets to go first. Daniel's class was the noisiest. Aiyaiyaiyai.

I get the whole evening off! YAY!

Classes end at 6.20pm. By the time, he gets into the school bus, it's 6.35pm, and he arrives at our home gate at 7.20pm. The ACTUAL journey from school to our home is 5 minutes. The husband will pick him up in future when he finishes work early :)

So everything went jolly well right? Almost. After dinner, all of sudden, he broke down and cried. It's one of those going-through-a-major-change kind of cry. I held him and felt like crying myself. These were his reasons.

1. The school hours are too long. Kindergarten used to be 4 hours, and he's home by 1pm and he had the entire day to play. Now, he said he has no time to watch his cartoon on TV in the afternoons, no time to play games no time to play with his toys.

2. He misses his baby brother... awwwww.

3. He misses me... awwww.

4. Sand got into his eyes in the bus because he was sitting next to an open window. Yes, non-aircon bus still exists in Malaysia!

After some pep talk, we are a-okay. I think he just needed to let it out, which is healthy.

This concludes his first day in school!

I saw you in your graduation gown, up on the stage with all your friends, singing and dancing to a song which says "I Am Ready".
I held Siri above my head, trying to record this priceless moment of you, my flesh and blood, the one who changed my life in one second, the one whom I never knew I could love so instantly and intensely at first sight. Yep, that's you. As the song went on.. " I Am Ready..."... "I Am Ready"... memories of your six years flashed in mind. HOW DID YOU GROW UP SO LIGHTING FAST! And now you are ready to face the world and the future ahead, while I am standing by behind you, forever in support and love.

And then tears filled my eyes. And I recorded a few seconds of the plants below the stage instead.

I'm glad you still have a bit of the baby cheeks and fingers so I'm going to smooch you until you don't want me to.

Last June, I prepared a little something special for Daniel's 6th birthday celebration with his kindeemates. This is how you pack a goodie bag. That tub of colorful clay set toy was a bargain, $1 each. Instead of a cake, you get muffins for each kid (I hear the teachers go "OH THANK YOU!!! NO CAKE MESS!") Every muffin has a name flag. Oh. So. Cool. His friends LOVED it. 6 is a fun age. Baby, you grew up too fast!

...this Sunday!

He has 6 teeth. You can't see the 4 upper teeth unless you do the facelift on him.

He climbs stairs. And the couch. And to the TOP of the couch.

He took his first two steps last night. It was surreal.

He points to wherever he wants to go or whatever he wants.

He LOVES food. And remote controls. And phones.

He puts his hand onto his ears like a phone when you say Hello?Hello?

He opens and closes his palm when we say Bye Bye!

He does a mild head-bang when he hears catchy music and when we say Dance Dance!

He loves to smile.

He is ticklish.

He enjoys going out. ANYWHERE out of the house.

He looks adorable when he cries.

He adores his big brother. It is mutual.

He is absolutely a charm.

Happy Birthday sweetiepie.

I'm a photostat machine.

Daniel, 2005


Darren, 2010


Same cheeks, same chin, same double-chin. But somebody's wee-wee is smaller, I can't say whose. Ngiah ngiah ngiah. This evil mother can say "DO YOUR HOMEWORK OR I'LL TELL YOUR FRIENDS WHO'S GOT THE SMALLER L**J***!"

The other night, at bedtime, D brushed his little fingers across my eyelashes left to right, right to left, left to right, right to left.

Then he felt his own eyelashes and said , "Mine is longer".

Shit, it's true. I hate him.

***



Another design coming up soon, slightly different. I have stuff to make, guests visiting and D's graduation 'concert' coming up this weekend. Crazy!

I'm a very hands-on mom (including hands-on spanking muahahaha). I believe in a lot of physical touch, a lot of honest communication, roughplay, imaginative roleplay, teasing, tickling, bonding moments and of course the dirty hard work during the baby stages. There's an indescribable sense of reward when your sweaty messy dirty child looks up at you with that look. The WOW-Mummy-YOU-made-my-day! look.

Now that he's older, there's a lot more fun activities we could do with him. And being a kid, he even finds it a thrill throwing little rocks into the drain. So simple and innocent they are. Truth is, it doesn't matter what we do, he'd find it fun when there's company around.

Last weekend, I introduced vege stamping to him.
Cut a potato in half. Make a quick clean smooth cut. And then carve a shape on the cut surface. For ladies finger or lotus root, just make a slice. Take out the colour paints and have a ball. Easy peasy. Oh ya, prepare LOTS of wipes.





Have a good weekend folks!

Forgot to post this a while back.

D turned four last June. To make it special, aww aren't all kids' birthday special, I bought a cake and packed some goodie bags to be given to his classmates in school. In this goodie bag, I packed junk food like Mamee, Kinder bar, jellies a box of fruit juice and something else I can't recall.




Snow White. Literally. She's the only girl in class.

Birthday muffins at home.


Sigh... it just seem like it's only yesterday when I saw a little heartbeat in a sac on the ultrasound screen.

I bought a new refrigerator. My old one could no longer fulfill our capacity requirement. And the colour didn't fit in for the longest time. It was a dark emerald marbled colour. Very unglam.

The fridge isn't the most exciting part.






My boy is the new age sensitive guy. He cooks and he cries.

In everyone's lifetime, you'll go on stage at least once.

Children who took part in the traditional costume contest queued, and one by one, they went up on stage to do their rehearsed pose. Girls turn around, do the 'gong xi gong xi' hand gestures while the boys did the 'ultraman' hand moves.

His turn. Slight hesitance in the first few 3 seconds, then walking across the stage to the middle, he did his ultraman pose with gusto. GUSTO! And walked down the stage. This 6 second moment will forever be etched in my heart. I was almost in tears!! My little boy is a STAR!! So I did what all mothers would do. Froze in amazement, glory and pride, THEN take pictures AFTER he's done his moves.


Kindeeland's Main Hall.


I love photos like these. The funny moment, the eye contact, the human connection. It feels so magical, especially through a child.








See that gigantic Pooh Bear behind him? The one I pray NEVER to get. It went to the student whose parents bought the most coupon. Geez, how appropriate.

I just invented a nickname for our government. WOW. Stands for Why Oh Why. It can also be just 'wow', like in "WOW! Which stupid bastard could come up with things like that! Amazing!"


Actually I have no complaints about the new CIQ Complex except for the bumps. They KILL the low-skirted cars.

The weather has been gorgeous lately. I've been enjoying the evening cool wind and sunset at my patio. It was so lovely I had to take Daniel out to the playground. There were some older kids playing there. He was hit by the swing... KAPOW! Twice. Kesian.
This little bitch on the swing who hit him, said "Padan muka!". He fell, got up and looked so pitiful. But it was amazing to see that the two became friends after that. As if nothing happened. He even followed her to the drain to pee.

There I was, observing and wondering for the first time. How well will Daniel mingle with children of other races. Of course, this is a irrelevant question because children, by nature, are not racist. Indeed they were not. It was funny though, when Daniel first tried to play with the Malay boys, one of them yelled out "Budak Cina! Budak Cina!" It wasn't a hostile cry. It was like an informative one, like "Hey, here's someone we never met before and he's Chinese!" I laughed in my heart.

Daniel soon mingled into the 'gang'. Though he couldn't speak Malay, and they couldn't understand his "Wakamamanowamee..aku?", children have one language in common. Play. Daniel just spoke to any kids there, in the language he is just starting to familiarize with. Just main gasak. Manawakamominamaku?

Gorgeous evening like I said.

UPDATE: The JB customs CHANGED the bumps!!! I'm impressed. Must thank the big shots who complained.

I forgot I have a blog.

Bo sim eh ok.

Finally I took a break from crafting, and started concentrating on more important things in life like my fashion and shoes. I went on an indulge-shopping spree. I felt like a real woman.

Then I made the biggest decision of my life. I'm now a stay-at-home mom.

For one week. *chuckles*

Daniel attended his first day in Kindeeland today. Second experience since last year, same month. I have been praying very hard that history will not repeat itself. Please no more trauma, no more night terror, no more behavioral changes.

He held the teacher's hand, waved bye to us and followed her into the hall. Some parents stood outside the assembly hall. We didn't. STUPID MISTAKE. Instead, we peeped through the fences and shrubs to see how he is.

He was standing in line with other kids in his class, looking a bit lost. Then he saw his father peering over the shrubs. He started sobbing. He probably thought other parents are around but not us.

This is where I have this to say to all mothers out there. PLEASE LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS.

I wanted to go into the school compound and join the parents. But hubbie told me to let go.

"Let him settle down", "Let him bond with teacher", "He shouldn't see us"

So we continued being secret agents for another 5 minutes, when I had enough.

WTF i just went in. And that was the best decision made that today. He was us and looked so relieved. He still held the teacher's hand. We told him we would be waiting for him. He nodded and smiled a bit and was led into the classroom.

I hope he's not affected by my stupid mistake today.

Back home, he's still the happy guy I know. So far. *keeping fingers crossed*

Another reason why motherhood is great. I get to play masak-masak without feeling silly. In front of other kids. He cooked me sup sayur and sup kerang.



You know the IKEA stainless steel cooking set? Why didn't we have it when we were young.

What 3 year-olds can do these days.


He switches on the laptop. I switch on the modem and the wifi. He waits for everything to settle. He double-clicks the Internet Explorer icon. He says "Mummy, I want watch Donald Duck". I go into youtube and search. And the rest is his. He picks a clip to watch. Then scroll the page by the sidebar scroll. Please tell me this is normal.

When I was 3 year old, I only had magic pens.

The boy has been watching too much TV. Too much Tom and Jerry. So I had to do something more interesting to a 3 year old.

From the box of BUNCHO oil pastel PC gave me back in 1998, I made him these.


First from left. PikPokBuggyWok. A cute bug by day, evil slaying villain by night. Spots on his face becomes his poisonous weapon which he shoots at 380kmh and instantly immobilizes and digests his victims into a pulp of tonic goo which he sips while strategizing his world domination.
Then there's the chick. Got blonde hair OK.
And the Ultraman ( in case you can't recognize, the third one from the left, like duh) is a mistake I know. Where Ultraman got blue light at his forehead wan! Any Ultraman expert care to share your expertise? And oh, the Spidey is a masterpiece I know! I can, like sell it on ebay yeah!



Just goofing around.

Things you should know about me:

1. I am tall. I'm up to mummy's hipbones.
2. I connot pronounte S, F, L, X and Z. When I shout UTTER! UTTER! I mean FASTER! FASTER!
3. I am whiny.
4. I can count pretty well.
5. I don't really know colour yet. Mummy thinks I'm colour-blind. So far, I know purple, orange and black. And the colour of my poo.
6. I love to pretend I'm a crocodile, dinosaur or a puppy, who eats from the floor.
7. I absolutely LOVE bathtime.
8. I just learnt how to cycle. With training wheels. WithOUT my shoes... and clothes.
9. I can swing my own mini golf club.
10. I always say Thank You and Sorry, when I accidently whack mummy's leg/arm/face/nose/chest/belly/back.

Quote of the day: It's ok to forget.

PC pinches his pimple in the mirror. Daniel peers intently. Blood oozes. Daniel gasps in horror and mutters his first...

OMIGOD!

It's the drama-bitchy-horror-sampat OMIGOD.

In a little child's baby voice.

Priceless.

***
I don't know how and why, but things happen all at once for me. Phonecalls, emails, events. For a stretch, there's be zero activity. Then boom, SEVERAL things will come at once. I HATE that. And the lethal combo is with PMS.

Right after the day I taught some inconsiderate drivers a lesson on his blinding xenon head lights, I kissed someone's ass during a jam at the customs. LIGHT one. Microscopic scratch on a black Mitsubishi.

For men, scratches of any microscopic size are usually seen in double digit inches. It's the same for women when we see a microscopic scar/spot on our face.

I apologized genuinely and gave my numbers. I hope it's polishable.

Any accidents are scary to an extent.

But I was rewarded at the end of the day with something that tickled me.

Nowadays, our bedtimes are chilling out on the bed and reading storybooks. But no storybooks last night. I narrated the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears instead while he lay beside me. He is no stranger to that story, in fact he is so familiar with the sequence that he created something different last night.

I got to the part when the three bears came home and Baby Bear is angry and sad that someone finished his bowl of porridge.

He interrupted, and very enthusiastically...

"Baby Bear angry? Baby Bear ...scold Mummy Bear... ah, Mummy Bear ah.. scold Papa Bear... then ah ah... PAPA BEAR GO OUT WORKING!"

I didn't see that coming AT ALL.

Ahh, I love bedtimes with my koochie koo.

King of JunkFood, Ruler of the Refrigerator.

News of the day: Mat Selamat is in Malaysia! When you arrive at the customs, it says SELAMAT DATANG! *kua kua kua*

I introduced him to 3 bottles of primary colour paints, some brushes, a palette and LOTS of drawing papers.

He did this unassisted!
Aeroplane


Apples and bananas




Yes, boy. DO NOT do science like mummy. Science is boring and unglam. Science will not make you look cool and give you lots of moolah. Science will not get you the chicks. ART is the way to go.