Showing posts with label Submission. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Submission. Show all posts

Saturday, July 30, 2016

Oh I heard you!

August 1, 2016


I'm not here to float along
behind you - I'm just not.
Yes I fear, I am drowning!
There is no more float.
Throwdown Meltdown
Get Up Get Down
Voices coming from?
Positive negative; mom,You, me?
I want my own echo.
Choices - you can't make it for me
Battles within mine
so sick of it all I choose
Choose what Submission
Pray, Pray to who asking for what?
What matters ya'll get your way anyway!
Do I Submit.
Am I Selfish? or Empathetic?
An enabler or Sympathetic?
more like Pathetic!
Find myself Know my heart.
For goodness sake
Be satisfied.
with what?
with who?
I want happiness.
To know a smile.
To laugh, I used to laugh, where has it gone?
I'm jaded and alone
I need to FEEL again.
To make a choice without hesitation
without fear.
Fear of disappointment 
Fear of rejection
Fear of failure
Have faith you say
Have hope I pray
My sincere desire is eternal life
with the Love of Family and God
and self
Love In my own heart.
It's trust
I seek
and peace.
It takes two to not drown.
There is an undercurrent happening
a constant silent conversation going on.
There is white water all around.



It needs work but it's a ruff draft~
isn't that life? a ruff draft
I hope I get to edit and update in the eternities!!!
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Saturday, November 17, 2012

I am grateful for "K" - Kindness



 I am Grateful for "K"  Kindness


Kindness can't be still
like water it must be moveing
through trial and joy

Lie for me hide truth
Reality mistakes cover
Don't make me face it

Want to make them proud
mistakes, decisions, choices
A parent covers

Anxiety rules
Depression highs and lows
A spirit that can't be reached

Why do people lie
The darkness of betrayal
Please, Don't let me fall

Out of the dark
I alone harbor my fear
To let someone down

Work is my release
Atta girl is my reward
Heaven seems so far

Fear No trust at home
Enemy is at the door
Love thy enemy

Resist temptation
Does any of it matter
Where is my reward?

Worthy unworthy
Family, friends, addiction
Answer me, Free my soul

Like a stream I move
A river you are loud & bold
my choice is silence

Unconditional
Charity is the answer
Kindness over all.



ksmsthemom 2012
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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I got nothin'

You really can't write any more, not without everyone reading . . . Unless you have a handwritten journal somewhere in your house. But who wants that? We really do want to reach out to converse with someone in our busy worlds, have feed back engage in some sort of a social life! Or do we? How do we share our lives or get close to someone any more?
Today I posed a question on Facebook wondering what is inside a person that gives them the fight to succeed vs the willingness to quit? I do want to know, but don't want to pray to find out. I want to be a person who is strong my book, tv and movie character role models my Scripture hero's and heroines they have "it", I don't. I understand that it's mostly pride that gets in our way .. Well my way. I understand that people can't win with me, I'm not very trusting, I want help but I don't want to ask for it...if given I feel like a failure cuz I even needed it. So again ask? I wonder what is submission vs pride and how do you do that without feeling completely like, well you're a freakin idiot with no voice?

I strive, I guess, because I never like nor want to feel that way, to be non-confrontational - to not be the person that makes you feel like that. But somehow I wish I didn't care how you feel and could get you to like something I like or do something I like to do. Maybe my momma shouldn't loved me unconditionally leading to me to believe that everyone would love me that way too. That unrealistic. I got nothin.
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