I'm not a squatter, I love Malaysia!

I'd say last year's resolutions have been achieved 60%....

1。 博士班的名是报定了。要好好充实自己。

at the end, i haven't registered for it yet... TOTAL FAILURE!!! =_="

2。 做一切事情都要全力以赴，事业学业亦然。

probably achieved 50%. i'm more hardworking than previous years...

3。 把身体搞好，吃好的，多运动，生活要有规律。

This one definitely i've improved a lot... not only have i signed up for gym membership, i've been swimming, running, spinning, yoga-ing quite regularly. 80%!!!

4。 多认识朋友，扩大生活圈子。

this one definitely 100% success... know a lot and a lot of good friends, who i can hang out and chat, and also have social activities together... travel, sports, movies, meals... and old friends also i've maintained good relationship and become even better friends. :)

5。 储蓄，置业，投资。

perhaps a 60% success rate... saving wise - not bad, can be improved. also start investing in mutual fund... didn't buy any property yet... :D

6。 保持心情愉快。

100% success rate. i may not say it's a happy-happy year, but it definitely is a calm one. and i think calm = real happiness. i definitely have very very minimal grunting and complaining about anything at all.


And few more things not in the plan have also been done... for example, i've (officially) become a buddhist, turned vegetarian, traveled to so many places etc... Good things have been coming my way, and i hope they keep coming in... but even if bad things are going to happen, i think i have the strength to face them too now.

This year's resolutions:

1. okay... i have to keep telling myself - PhD!!! you lazy bum!!!

2. present paper at international conference

3. volunteer myself to help up in the meditation retreat.

4. smaller tummy and weight = 62kg.

that's all. again, set small targets and achieve them! gambatte ne!!!

毫无由来的，这想法停留在我脑里。
或许是厌倦了既有的生活，一成不变的反复踏着自己昨天的脚步。或许只是纯粹想要再体验那改变带来的一刹那的快感。或许也是不愿面对和甚至欲逃避当下的问题与烦恼。或许我是这样的人。
窒息，不安，彷徨。
但改变就能逃离了吗？那，如果欲改变的是自己而不是周遭，才是正确的吗？

This is the kind H'mong lady, whom helped my travel partner a lot throughout the hike.
Well, no doubt she intended to first help and then sell something to us, but her genuine kindness was natural and no great actor can fake that. It is just sad that commercialized tourism and quick way of earning money will eventually (or have already) gets to her or the ppl there... this really is the double edged knife kinda issue... on one hand tourism (supposedly) helps them earn more money, boast the economy, but at the same time corrupts their ways of living, made them lazy, and exactly how much money earned from the tourism directly benefit this group of minorities?

Photo taken at Sapa, Vietnam at 5th November 2007

This is the photo i took on Halong Bay. The fishermen were working against such a breathtaking backdrop. but i was wondering, did they stop to admire the great nature, or they are so busy surviving. Similarly i was working in KL, did i really admire its surrounding. I've fallen into deep thoughts... what about life? Are we merely living? or have we ever truly understand and admire what we are doing now? Do we ever stop for a while, appreciate our surroundings?

Photo taken on: 6th November 2007

从星期四开始就随父母回到了小鱼村班台, 因为是外婆死后一百日的祭日, 老家挤满了亲戚, 更多的是吱喳不停的小孩子. 我尽量躲在角落看书做自个儿的事, 毕竟我不喜欢小孩! 也不想他们来缠我... 哈哈!

几天前才出席了堂弟的婚礼, 现在却是白事, 生命无常, 颇玩味. 才在外公家里拜读了"相约星期二"(Tuesdays with Morrie), 相当赞成书中提到的好一些对生命及死亡的看法. 要道出自己的观点也许太难, 脑中的想法非常模糊. 嘿, 又有谁对生命及死亡如此抽象的概念能说得出个所以然?

书也读完,翻译也做得闷了, 表弟们转了又转的卫星电视台, 播放的尽是明星八卦无关痛痒的鸡皮蒜事, 突然觉得自己的生活充满了许多无聊的小事, 花了好多时间在不重要的人跟事上. 讨厌花心思在虚伪做作的人身上, 也讨厌写些吹嘘自己以赢得注目的文章来打发时间. 倒不如花时间在旅游中探看不同的人生百态, 从而沉淀及重新思考本身的定位和生活未来的方向. 好期待即将踏上越南的路程哦!

It was 19th October, a fine thursday night. i have just finished watching "Open season" on IMAX and have been both amazed and tired of experiencing the 3D effect (again, last time was "Polar Express"). After saying goodbye to my friends in Times Square, i sped my way to Angkasapuri, get lost for a while cause the hidden entrance was so freaking hard to find! finally by 11.20pm, i managed to, after much worried and frustrated, find the glitzing grand entrance of our famous government owned radio and television stations - RTM.

This was not my first time here, last time i was visiting my friend who worked there as news editor, so i was very well awared of the procedure of surrendering my identity card and some interrogation... haha... like visiting palace like that. then i walked my way toward the radio building and looked for AiFM. when i walked pass a whole stretch of radio studios, i can feel the coldness, not only from the centralized air-cond, but also of the clean empty well-lit corridor, which really was lacked of human warmth, and i wonder to myself - who would want to work here? it's the feeling of loneliness that killed me.

Half way through the corridor i found AiFM, i showed myself in to the guest room and i saw JiAn (the DJ) and Ho YuHang (film director) were inside the recording studio doing the 1st 2 hours of the show. I was scheduled for the 2nd half which is very much graveyard 12-2am. it was a torture for old man like me to stay up and awake after 12am nowadays, and of course the DJ noticed this, so this has been some sort of practical joke for the programme that whole morning... sigh...

so, how was the show? i must say... boring... maybe because of the topic we discussed, or maybe because of the mode of delivery, or maybe it's due to the content that lacks depths, or even maybe due to the late hours, i can't help yawning...

2 films we discussed. the 1st hour we talked about "the sound of music", the ever ever classic musical. and the 2nd hour we talked about "dancer in the dark", the ever ever cult musical. i told JiAn that for the classic i will mainly focus on my nostalgic but faint memories of watching it, hence it'll be mainly personal, but for the cult i would really like to discuss the inconventional usage of musics as motif and style. but i have to confess that i was and am still disappointed that we ended up recalling the plots and playing the songs.

i have to admit that i'm not familiar with the show at all... maybe his format is like that - talking about plots... but i'm sure that's not the case with other guests like Tsai MingLiang or Yasmin Ahmad... maybe it's me... i don't know... maybe because of the DJ's lack of interest in musical genre. OK, i was the one who wanted and suggested the topic - musical films, and JiAn already told me that he wasn't too familiar with musicals, and even he is kinda cynical towards musics in films. He believes that if films can touch people without music, why do we need music? and he also expressed his disgust of the "abuse" of music in most Hollywood films. i dare not agree at all.

here's my arguments! i studied music, i played piano, i learned music theory, i have my diploma in pianoforte performance. to me, music is an expressive channel. musicians use music to express their love, hate, passion, anger, without the help of visuals. musics has its own history thousand of years before film. So, i always believe that if use properly, music can be a very effective element in telling film stories. let's not condemn music simply because a few films overload with meaningless music. i can give you tons of examples, but i guess i'll save this for future post.

that's the reason why i would like to talk about musical on his show - to argue for the importance of music in movie, and to talk about few films that creatively use music... but we ended up talking craps... i was also deeply disappointed of myself not being able to uphold my intention due to the domination of the DJ, just like i was told by a few friends that the DJ was doing perhaps 80% of talking. it is not easy to cut in an unplanned speech of an agressive DJ. i was known as the most, if not second most, sarcastic lecturer in my university, or even my ex-college... but i was shot down that night - for my age, my job as lecturer in an "university", and my all-so-mainstream taste of films - which i unwillingly laugh it off during the show. it's pointless to argue with a young and talented DJ, which only will make me 'sound' shallow on air.

ok, i'm not here to backfire or anything, if i want to talk bad about this i may go on and on for 2 nights. in fact i'm flattered that an unknown guy like me was invited to a national radio to talk about films, and i admire his (the DJ) passion towards films - i mean how many people will dare to host a radio show about films? more so, with an intention to promote local films and independent and alternative films. but i told JiAn over the phone 2 weeks before the show that radio is just not THE medium to do show like this. i meant to say that radio is mainly an "audio" medium, hence it is weak to convey a "visual" medium like films. Television will be a perfect medium. but i still think the show is necessary looking at the lack of programme of this kind. some TV programmes are targeting movies, but they are just a mere promotional tool to promote mainstream commercial movies, nothing critical. hence, i still think the shows should go on. so, gambatte JiAn.

i was walking to the cyber cafe last saturday night. i parked my car quite far, so i have to walk pass this corner shoplot. there's a guard sitting in front of the shop. it was quite late, about 10pm, so the shop was already closed. i didn't take note what kind of shop is that, how come they have a guard for overnight... must be some big company huh... but, that's not my point. i saw this guard was holding a book and read. on closer look, he does not look local - not chinese, not malay, and not indian too... more like a mix Nepal-Bangladeshi kinda man. and again... that's not my point. my point is the book that he was reading... one glance, i gotta know already, it's a dictionary that he was holding!!! YES, a dictionary! an English-Malay dictionary!!

now, the moral of the story... we always have some stereotypic perception about these foreign workers that they are (sorry if my language is going to be inappropriate!!) lazy, not intelligent, criminal, uncivilized.... well, sorta, and we seldom see the other sides of them. that night, i have the pleasure to witness this - a man, searching for knowledge. he came to faraway land to seek fortune, or some are here simply to survive. they have a tough life back in their motherlands, they do not have the opportunity for good education, let alone comfortable life. yet, this guard that i saw, not only he is not lazy, he grabs whatever chances he got to improve himself.

i was standing there, stunned and somehow motivated!! --- i can do my PhD -- no problem at all!! i can get my resources much easier than the guard, i'm earning much better than the guard, i have my family and frens to support me, i got all the privilleges that the guard would never have... so what am i complaining about my life?? it seems that most of the time, the person/thing that hampers us is ourselves!!

i have learned a life lesson from a guard i met. have you?

there are a lot of different kind of educators actually. well, i used to be student, and now that i myself am an educator, maybe i shall reflect on this matter. there are lecturers/teachers that we respect, or dislike. so what kind of teachers will gain our recognition, while what kind of teachers will be hated?

generally (thru my observation) there are few categories as listed below:

1. those who treat lecturing/teaching as merely a job. this kinda teacher just treat job as a way to earn money to survive. hence, they normally just do what is required of, and they will do just enough... i will see them as just another normal human being. i respect them for their responsibility.

2. those who treat lecturing/teaching seriously and think they have an obligation to educate the students. this kinda teacher apart from teaching knowledge, they like to develop the students to be a useful person. hence they mix around with student in hope of raising them up. i respect them as they are wiser, i respect like an elder, a friend.

3. those who treat lecturing/teaching as a career. they constantly push education to a higher ground. they raise their expectation from time to time, to themselves and to students. it's very stressful to attend their class, as the students are always behind. i respect them for their passion in searching for knowledge.

4. those who treat lecturing/teaching as a... errr.... joke. these are the people who think education is a business, and students as customers. as long as the students are entertained, and satisfied. as long as telling jokes still work to enliven the class, they don't really care whether they have help the students academically or even personally... these kinda lecturers are lazy and always taking an easy approach to teaching. these people i shall disparage.


there are still a lot of hybrids to the above category. but i think i would like to be the mixture of no. 2 & 3, and i'm working towards achieving them. :)

To all students:

Thanks for all your presence for the talk, it was indeed a wonderful experience to have Ping. he is a friendly guy, but of course you all should have seen him work - he can be very domineering at time, in fact i think if you ask him, he will admit it.

but by saying that, i'm still kind of disappointed that you all did not show much passions during the talk. you all can be very tired, but at least wipe off the boring faces, and start reciprocating with the speaker! i was particularly annoyed when he asked "how many of you have written script before?" and none of you raised your hand although ALL of you UAMB2023 students have already passed up your scripts!!

one thing Ping asked me during our tea was why there's lack of enthusiasm in the class, i practically told him the students are shy and perhaps lack of confidence... and as a supportive friend, he said he has seen worse during other talks else where... but i know he didn't mean that.

i mean, come on, i got you all one of the best director in Malaysia, and you all just being shy about it? as a broadcaster, we CANNOT be shy. i must have told you a million zillion times about it, you all should have a say, an opinion, a perspective about basically everything... talk!! communicate!! or else you can never go far in this industry.

some of you are going to do your industrial training next year, and hopefully all of you will start thinking what area of broadcasting that you are interested in, and work towards achieving it. Ping doesn't mind having you all working for him, afterall you all are cheap labours (sorry about this truth). but please don't be mislead by the joking tone, you all NEED this opportunity to prove that you are worthed the permanent job!! so you all really have to be passionate, and work hard to achieve it. there's no free lunch, and there's no gain without pain. you just have to DO IT! and please start training yourself up in university. don't be lazy... be focused!

a lot of people will tell you, you should have fun in university, because when you come out to work there will be no more fun... what full of craps!! of course we have fun during university, but while we have fun, we work harder. there's time to work, and when we work, we are damn serious about it. and then come the time to have fun, and we really have fun! that's the correct way...

the wrong way is putting fun as your priority... then in that case you don't work as hard as you play... you learn nothing, and you got a crappy job... ok, you might get jobs, good jobs sometimes, but you will need to work extra hard to catch up with your incompetency -- then of course working life is no fun anymore.

imagine, if you work hard (while play hard) in university, those works outside are made easier, so you can actually have time and the state of mind to relax and have fun too... it's the matter of the balancing act we are talking about here.

ok, i don't know how many of you actually read this post, and make it till this point of the lengthy essay... hahaha!! but that is truly what i want to say to all of you.

so good luck in your final exam, and work hard if you have a dream.

mr. beh.


ps... i didn't quit the industry because i couldn't get used to the pace and the stress... like what Ping jokingly said. hahaha. we pull each other legs sometimes... we always say he is very authoritative too... hahaha!!! but i quit the industry for many other reasons that accumulated and after much thoughts about it... i just want to clarify this thing before some of you think that he's serious about it... and think that lecturing is an easy way out for me. hahaha. but thinking about it, you all better start improving, of else i would just go back to the industry because teaching does not mean anything to me without you all really appreciating it. :)

人的情绪是很微妙的东西。

正面的情绪 - 比如欢愉，知足，乐观，平静，总能开拓视野，看到机会，并能感染身边的人。
而负面的情绪 - 比如消极，悲愤，哀伤，劳累，却会蒙蔽双眼，裹足不前，更能散发不好的磁场。

许多与生俱来的情绪，好比年少的叛逆轻狂，总要经历岁月的洗礼，菱角方能磨平。我们常说要学懂控制情绪，更有人高喊EQ万岁，但真正能把情绪收放自如的又有多少人？

多少憾事，还不是在后悔那一刻的情绪失控？
多少不悦，还不是情绪在作祟？看清事实的真相后，少不免嘲笑当时的小题大做。

在探讨情绪的话题，不妨也谈谈是什么引发某些情绪。我本身还是认为就是“正面及负面”在作怪！

当一个人的脑子充满了负面的想法时，他就
1. 只会注意到不好的事情，因此引发不满的情绪
2. 猜测别人背后的意图不傀，因此搞得自己疑神疑鬼
3. 语气及言语上都不会太好，因此身边的朋友不是受他影响，就是不敢吭声

反之，若一个人心里总是正面的，他就
1. 对一切从容面对，因而得以平静
2. 会看到身边美好的人事物，因而心生喜悦
3. 常善待他人不妄语，因而朋友都乐于亲近

正面及负面说来禅味十足，其实不难了解，但却也做来不易。谁不懂心存正念，但污浊的社会和人群总是每分钟不断的试探及诱引我们跌入负面的情绪及想法。但我还是要相信人性本善，只要我们先明白这些道理，才可能鞭策自己善待自己及他人。我们都要加油！

ps. 今天我相信与友人因误会而在口角上发生了一些争执，双方都不肯退一步。老实说伤了和气，也让我自己的情绪变得相当负面。若你读到了，先说对不起。我突然想到证严法师说过的，对朋友要如同君子之交，我们可能都太熟了，而导致言语上没有忌禅，若真这样而让友情蒙上阴影岂不可惜。

This news came in as a shock to me!!!

Read the news here!

finally this moment has arrived, when the control of the authority has reached blogs... they no longer feel secure with the extramural freedom of speech enjoyed or abused by the bloggers nationwide.

on one hand, i agree that blogs could be abused, and people do spread slanders and arouse dissatisfactions that might hurt the nation's development and harmony. but on the other hand, with this warning of controling bloggers, i'm very worried that the power in our government's hand will also be abused to merely control information that potentially hurt the ruling parties and dominant groups. if now, bloggers feel "safe" to expose cases like violence in UPM, schools and comment freely about their frustrations of the inabilities of the police towards snatch cases etc... they will be afraid of being sued or accused of defamation and slander, and worse -- ISA. in return, a lot of cases will again be covered... or worse, manipulated for their own advantages!!

look, it is only with blogs and podcast and videos online that the majority of the publics got to see the "real" event that day, and finally realized that the mere saga of the "handshaking" drama organized by the UPM themselves without involving the victims (Student Progressive Front )... this would have been easily get passed and forgotten by the general public last time... but now with blogs and videos, ordinary people like you and me are no longer information-handicapped, and hence will be able to understand the truth, and therefore will not be fooled by respective party...

and now, with the control, or warning... bloggers will not be so daring to expose the truth because they are afraid of the lawsuit... how sad it is!!! that for so long, we finally enjoy a bit of freedom of speech and is quickly taken away.

My question is: are the people so naive and easily manipulated by the information they receive? if that is the case, all these years of education really just washed down the drains... and we should start looking into the quality of our schools, and our teaching methods of spoon-feeding. if not, let's start feeding them with a lot of informations, so that our people become knowledgable and intelligent enough to know how to make sense for themselves. BLOCKING OF INFORMATION is not a solution. if it is, we should just banned the tobacco business straightaway if we want to educate the public about the health threats of smoking.

please give bloggers a break!!

在某网页看到以下的文章，颇具意思，转载来与大家分享，共勉。

( 点击此阅读 - 说话的艺术 )

说话当然要有艺术。否则说再多名言金句人生真理，说得不好听刺耳，没人听得进去事小，得罪人多事大。倒不如别说的好！

偏偏很多人不懂这道理，认为自己说的是对的，别人听不进去是别人修养不够。比方说，我有个朋友，小强，在百货公司逛街，突然遇到一个女孩正在头痛着该买哪一件衣服。他人心肠好，看不下去她的困境，便上前帮忙。原来那女孩在考虑着该买同一款式的红色还是蓝色的衣服。

强：买红的吧！
女：为什么？
强：你这么苍白，穿红色的衣服，不是更显得你脸色不好！
女：谁要你鸡婆？

小强回来后跟我投诉那女孩多没有修养，他说的都是事实，她听不进去就算了，干嘛骂人鸡婆？真的是好心被雷劈！

我只好跟他说，说话也要有艺术，说得不好就是得罪人的艺术。他应该说，“穿蓝色的吧！比较称你白皙的肌肤。”

他瞪了我一眼说，“我不屑说奉承虚伪的话。”

我说那就算了，我对你说得出这些话，也预了你会说我虚伪。大不了什么都不说，免得你骂我鸡婆。说了就要承当后果，别事后骂人没修养，好心被雷劈。

对，我就是冲着他骂！他又狠狠的瞪了我一眼，然后走开。从此不再跟我说话。事后我想，也许当时我也应该奉承着说虚伪的话，那他就会听我说了。哈哈。看来，说话的艺术，我也要多学着点！这跟学历智力无关。

昨天看娱乐新闻时，主持人问来宾谢霆峰喜欢什么样的女孩子。他想也不想的回答，“如果能够说出喜欢这个人的什么，那就不是真的喜欢她了。”

这早熟的男孩说出了我心里的话。很多人都说，我要找的女孩子是长发飘逸，或身材苗条的，或眼睛大大的；有些人则说，我要找的男孩子是粗狂有型的，或驾名车的，或浪漫风趣的。但当你把这些条件列下来时，你正把这些人给物化了。这时你不再是喜欢这个人本身，而是喜欢他的某一部分而已。当他的其他缺点更大于他的优点时，你的眼里心里就再也容不下他了。那又何爱之有呢？

又或许是我太执著或太完美化了。你大可说，喜欢可能就只止于那一刹那的悸动，或只是对某一方面的仰慕而已，无需太偏激。那，爱呢？当你说爱一个人的时候，你的心态是只止于喜欢般的肤浅吗？或是已下定决心要完全的包容这个人呢？

许多人说爱是喜欢的升华，我则认为，爱是喜欢得毫无理由。当你对这个人已经是喜欢得可以忘记他的优点，包容他的缺点，那你就是爱上他了。

非常喜欢《Sepet》里的一段对白，当Orked的朋友取笑她已经被阿龙喜欢上了时，Orked回答，“错了，他不是喜欢上我，他根本不认识我，又何来喜欢上我呢？他，是爱上了我！爱，那是有分别的！”

我是相信一见钟情的。你可以取笑我的浪漫主义，但我宁可相信爱情的命中注定，也不愿看到爱情的廉价贩卖。