Chapter Forty

What my chickens have taught me....
































It doesn't matter who or what came first, it's the here and now that counts.



If you peck away at something big it eventually goes away.



Creating something is really worthwhile, start out small and it will get bigger and better.



If you do something everyday it becomes a habit and those around you will expect it.



It is possible to get clean in dirt.



What others have only appears to be better than what you have, because they are running with it.



Scratching at the surface can reap rewards.

Gever Tully explains that to help children become creative and confident we should let them do several dangerous things. And I can't help but agree, but that doesn't mean I'm ready, just yet.

Thanks for passing this on to me Shiona

This is great advice,






































from here

That late afternoon sun is a reminder to make the most of what time is left.



To run just because you can.

Self discipline is controlling yourself.

I use self discipline when I stop at one chocolate biscuit. When two would be much nicer.


I also try to use self discipline when the kids are going crazy. I might feel like screaming or hiding in a cupboard, but instead I try to be a reassuring calm Mum who reminds everyone about the rules.

The rules are not always explicit though, like our dinner time rules. I tend to think of the rules as a general code of behaviour that we learn through experience and consequence. Like if you make a big mess then you have to help clean it up or if you hurt someone you say sorry.

But the kids like things to be black and white, spelt out and written in stone. Perhaps it may have been unfair to have this vague notion of "the rules" and "appropriate behaviour"without really working the rules though with the kids and recording them for future reference.

So the other day when I was trudging up the stairs carrying a fully loaded laundry basket and B and Little Miss bombarded me with missiles over the stair banister I drew on my own self discipline to not go mental at them. Instead I had a talk to B, the instigator of the missile attack. I could see his eyes glaze over as I ranted on about the dangers of throwing things at people on stairs, throwing stuff in the house blah blah blah. There was a cheeky smirk in his face,  every fibre of my being was furious. I was totally livid with him.

So what should I do? I think I even asked him that. I could see that talking wasn't working B was in one of those silly moods, he wasn't listening or following any thoughts through. Out of no where I told him to sit on the naughty stool and write out the rules. Little Miss was set to work cleaning up the missile mess.

After some time B presented these rules to me.






































And I was really impressed as not only had he included a rule for not throwing and dropping things, but he had also included a rule for not running inside, not jumping on the furniture and no talk back. Much more than I expected.

After another incident where he gave me a lot of lip, his father sent him to the naughty stool to read his own rules. His dad asked him, "So what rule did you mess up on?"
"No talk back" was his response.

B can't argue with his own rules in his own handwriting. He is actually disciplining himself. I hope this is a breakthrough and a means to help B learn some real self discipline. Something we are all learning to draw on throughout our lives whether it be the temptation of another biscuit or a full blown melt down in a cupboard.

My sister gave me some really valuable advice around the time B was born. She told me that when its getting tough at home, its really good to get out.

I remember with B as a baby taking him for walks in the pram. I would do small bits of grocery shopping everyday. He would often fall asleep with the rhythm of the pavement. People would start to nod in recognition. The pram and I a familiar sight.  I started getting friendly with the supermarket checkout operators. I'd be a regular at cafe, they'd know my coffee preference. It felt good to be part of the community. A known local. But everything changes and nothing stays the same. B grew out of the pram and didn't like talking long walks as a toddler and then we moved house.

But the point is that a change of environment is good for the mood. The fresh air, a different view, newness opens your mind and eyes.

So the other day out we went. I didn't have a plan of where or what we would do, but I needed to get out. We found ourselves in the city's east end with more than a couple of hours to use up.

We walked and discovered some crazy crocheted bicycles. Ready to surprise the Tour Down Under fans.



These bikes are amazing. The time effort and work with detailed crocheting was inspiring for a novice.


B and Little Miss picked at the streets lined with money

Then we found ourselves at the Adelaide botanic gardens. And wondered what and who is a radio?

 We explored

Marvelled at nature's colours,


textures,


and beauty.




Played leaf racing,


and stopped for refreshments.


We learnt about the moon lilly that shyly only flowers at night when the gardens are closed.
So we could only imagine what she looks like open.


Then we visited Daddy's work and played with the office toy box. A very cool play space for both young and old. Plus there seemed to be a never ending supply of biscuits and mints.

It really is good to get out and explore, even in your own backyard.

The last words I heard from B last night were, "I'm hungry."

The first words I was woken with this morning from Little Miss were, "Mum can you make me my raisin toast now?"



With a couple of weeks to go before the new year of school starts I have to say I am really craving some child free space.

I would like to have two hours without being asked to do something, like preparing food or finding some small important piece of something or other.

I would like a couple of hours without hearing the word, Mum.

I would like to have a shower without Little Miss coming in the bathroom with her latest drama.

I would like to sit down and read a magazine from cover to cover.

I would love to drink a cup of tea complete, without it going cold.

Heck I would even settle for some time in the toilet alone.

It was really wonderful to have my husband home with us for two weeks over Christmas. It was lovely to see so much of him, but it was also good for him to see so much of the kids. Thankfully he noticed how full on they are, how its non stop noise, action and peace keeping until they are tucked up in bed.

We reminisced about how simple and easy life was when we were alone, when all we had to worry about were ourselves. But then Little Miss overheard us, and got very upset, she asked, "Were was I?" and we replied that, "You didn't exist then" then quick added, "You existed in our thoughts."

It's hard relentless work being a parent, everyday, every second for the rest of your life. Right now I would love to travel back in time for just an hour or two to live the life I had as a non-parent. Yes I'm having a hard parenting time right now. I confess I have been to Ikea twice in the last 10 days so the kids could have fun in the ball room, and I could have an hour alone.

I know that what I really need is some balance. When I have a bit more time for myself  I am a much better parent. So bring on the new school/kindy year and the lunch box routine. I am ready and waiting.

The dinner time table has been getting our of hand.

It seems like recently every meal time I am stressed, shouting and nearly ready to walk out the door.

What on earth is going on!!

The kids say they are hungry at 5pm and when dinner is ready at 6pm they struggle to eat it and they haven't had anything to eat since 3.30pm. I can't understand it. Are they so hungry they aren't hungry anymore? They take nearly 45 minutes then to eat and pick at their food, moving it around the plate like it's on holiday. Little Miss likes to leave the table at least three or four times, forgetting that she should be eating and B seems to find endless amusement in a pen, paperclip or rubber band that happens to be on the table to play with, instead of concentrating on his dinner. Little Miss forgets to use a fork and thinks its okay to use her fingers and B will throw anything he thinks is "disgusting" off his plate onto Little Miss's. But one of the most frustrating things is that once B is finally tucked up in bed he creeps up stairs to announce, "I'm hungry." Let me tell you his declaration is not received very well.

I have always believed that we should eat together every night as a family. It may be wrong, but I also use bribery to encourage my kids to eat their greens. They get a sweet treat, like a banana lolly or chocolate frog, if they eat some of everything on their plates. We also frequently take our kids to cafes so they 'get' the whole table manners thing. And I try to make food fun with silly food faces. But with this kind of carry on I'm considering making two meals each night so that my husband and I can actually enjoy a meal.

Out of sheer frustration I decided we should have some explicit rules for dinner time. I asked the kids what they thought the rules should be and I was completely shocked by their answers.

1. No throwing food
2. No kicking under the table (people or table)
3. No shouting at the table or arguing including 'talk back'
4. No rocking on the chairs
5. No leaving table without a reasonable excuse
6. Use cutlery (unless its finger food)
7. Keep food on your plate and eat off your plate
8. No toys or playing at the table
9. No feet on the table


Now they just need to stick to them.

If there was ever a time to eat cake, it must be in your childhood.

Childhood is so short, those baby teeth will all fall out, and my children are always moving about and exercising. So I say let them eat cake, let them have the pleasure, and let them have the fun.

It wont be long before they learn the guilt and consequences that come with age and responsibility. I long to see cake as just cake, but now when I look at my middle I see the signs of cake gone before, cake loved and cake enjoyed. Cake comes with baggage. For a child though, baggage is something someone else carries.

Go forth little children and enjoy your cake.

As much as I may try to advise, suggest and sometimes even insist that my children do things a certain way, they do their best to ignore me.

And they have to. That is the way they learn. Unfortunatley I can't instill my own lessons or knowledge into them.

BUT I find watching my children make mistakes completely uncomfortable. I want to correct them and offer my answers to everything.

For example B has a fortnightly presentation to give at school. (It's what 'show and tell' has turned into.) This week his talk is about family. I find myself checking on him and his progress frequently. I offer suggestions and ideas to present his information in interesting ways. He makes a family tree and he writes down his spiel. When I see his writing I automatically correct his spelling errors. But then I pause.  B has spelt celebration - sellbration.  This is his work for his talk. He is going to be reading out these words in front of the class. B has to understand his own writing, my spelling correction will  only confuse him. So I leave it alone.

I am still learning too, my answers aren't always right for B and Little Miss.

Through this life you go your own way, and make your own mistakes.

I see my job as a parent is to prepare my children for the real world, with all its dangers and hazards. For instance I would hate to raise adults that don't know how to prepare a meal for themselves. So when its dinner time I try to encourage B and Little Miss to help me. This not only involves them so they aren't fighting or mindlessly watching TV, but also gets them developing cooking skills, educating them about food and hopefully encouraging them to eat the meal when its ready.


Most food preparation is not light on fluffy stuff though, it usually involves fire and knives. Admittedly it goes against my instinct to give my three year old a knife, but when Little Miss chops up the red capsicum and tops and tails the green beans she learns so much. There's hand eye coordination, size and proportion, inside and outside, colours and contrast, plus the smells and flavours.

B loves to flip our sunday morning pancakes and he knows the pan is hot, he knows its a bit scary, but it adds to the thrill and learning, that fire is to be respected. Heat causes so many chemical reactions in the kitchen, pasta goes from hard to soft, an egg goes from runny to firm, a liquid batter turns into a pancake, pizza dough turns crispy. These are fascinating learning experiences for us. Yes, we have had near misses and B has cut himself on a sharp chef's knife, but as his skin repaired itself the lesson that knives can cut you has remained with him to this day. A lesson that teaches him to be careful, which is the best lesson of all.

Call me crazy if you like, but am I alone here? Do you let your children play with fire and knives?

Get into a world of play at childhood 101

 













Two children on one couch equals problems


One child on one couch, the other child on another couch equals no problems


Children's sofa available from furnitureseen.com

I think us parents need all the help we can get. Good advice seems to be like a needle in a haystack of old wives tales, bad recommendations and competitive monitoring from other mums. So while using the staff toilet at a wonderful kindergarten I visited recently I couldn't help notice some advice to the kindergarten teachers that I thought was wonderful and should be shared.






1. Have fun.


2. Change own behaviour and this will change the child's.


3. Never ever ever argue with a child, they will always win.


4. Act rather than talk.


5. Catch children being good and give positive reinforcement.


While taking note of these I couldn't help picture a stressed out teacher escaping to the toilet for a bit of a break, reading these words of advice to come back to the children with a new perspective.


Image is of a potty toy we will NOT be purchasing. 
"Modeled on a grown up loo, this potty features a fully functioning seat and lid and offers great encouragement with fun phrases, music and sound effects. There’s even a realistic flushing sound when handle is pulled. Great sound rewards for a ‘successful’ visit too."

Dear Solitary shopper,

While you enjoy the solitude of entering the shopping centre alone. Please spare a thought for us mothers of small children.

We do not need your looks of disapproval nor do we need your helpful rude parenting tips.

Shopping with a small child or children is very similar to the experience of unleashing hungry goats in a fruit and veg shop. It’s not going to be pretty.

I have a few rules that I abide to when going about my hunter gathering at the local supermarket.

1.    I think of this exercise as a challenge to rise too.

2.    I ensure small children are well fed prior to leaving home or have something to eat or drink from home. If I have to, I pick up something they can eat in store, strawberries or cheesy mite scrolls are good. (But its not very nice purchasing an empty package at the checkout though) Alternatively shop on food demonstration days.

3.    I use bribery, I have often said “if you are good in the supermarket you can have a treat afterwards” But the treat is only available outside the supermarket, like looking in the toy shop or getting a bubbachinno. You also have to follow through with this and not give treats if they muck up.

4.    I try to take a shopping list and remember it, not leave it in the car or loose it in my handbag and I try to only purchase what’s on it so I can…

5.    Move the trolley as fast as possible to make the shopping trip as short as possible.

6.    I don’t have any eye contact with Grannies, other mothers or lonely looking people; they only slow me down.

7.    I do allow children to sit inside the trolley. Let’s admit it, the ride is fun and it contains them in one place.

8.    I do make car and horn noises or sing the “wheels on the bus” song if necessary.

9.    I do involve the children and get them to choose, count, select, load and unpack.

10.    I try to have some come-backs to uninvited comments/parenting tips memorised. To the solitary middle aged woman who gave me looks with daggers as my 5 year old ran down the escalator then back up the wrong way a few times. I say “What are you?  The fun police.” To the solitary young man who told me to “Take a chill pill Mum.” I reply “Didn’t your mother teach you manners?”
Other responses could have been, “Get your own life – I don’t need you in mine.”
“Thanks for your advice, actually I was thinking that your shoes don’t go with that top.”
“It’s ok, today they are medicated.”
“Actually, these aren’t my kids, I am not their mother.”

Solitary shopper next time you are drawn into the performance of a child in the supermarket. Keep your mouth shut, eyes averted and focus on your own freakin shopping.

With love

a Mother.