Journal of my life
Monday, February 26, 2007
I realised the difference in my writing as the years go by.
Was just browsing through my archives ranging from 2005-2006 and now.
I cringe at the style of writing I had then. Sounded rather childish.
Emo struck then. Poems and girl troubles. When I think bout it, I feel quite ashamed.
It was a part of me and how I thought as I grew up through those years.
I'm glad that my thinking part of me has matured to some extent although I can't seem to handle some issues well..especially when it is with relating to people.
I find it difficult to accept certain facts and I know that part of me is still rather childish.
Trying to work on it but you know it's so hard to do so when you want something and you don't get it? Or when you were so close and expecting something but you don't get it and suddenly everything just changes? LOL. whoops I'm letting out too much here.
These experiences taught me to be who I am today. To embrace the fact of being an open person though deep in me I know I'm still a bit conservative. I learnt to not expect anything from people because the more you expect the more disappointed you get. To also be close to a person but not too close (in other words not trust them 100% and not doubt their actions). I sound like a cynical person but I can assure you that this is how it is.
I am not saying I don't trust people. I'm just saying that there's always a limit to things. The more you trust someone blindly, the more you have this certain expectation of them in your friendships, the more you get hurt. I've learnt so many things since coming to UK that sometimes I miss being the person I used to be albeit all the hurt and betrayal I went through.
I can go on and on about life and its ideality compared to the reality of the situations.
But I don't expect people to have the same opinions as I do.
You cannot please everybody, but you can only please somebody. So choose your somebody based on their priority to your life. There's no point trying to please 101 people and end up not pleasing anyone.
I sound really jaded.-_-"
All I really want to feel now is how it feels to love some one and feel loved in return.:)
¶ 5:18 AM 0 Comments
Saturday, February 24, 2007
So yeah.
Just felt like posting.
I find it hard to let go of certain things, maybe because there was no definite answer along the lines and everything was in grey areas.
I find it easier to let go when it is set in black and white, sadly life is never completely black and white till we make it so.
Hrms. It's nearing March. I'm nearer to graduation.
Getting my lap top next weekend when I go down to visit my aunt in Halifax. Hrms.
I wish I was more decisive on things. On my actions, emotions and in life. Sigh~
I feel like I'm going through this tremendous period of changes although I still feel it's stagnant. I feel like my values and principles are constantly being challenged.
Things which I thought were supposedly taboos are things which are okay? -_- Confusing.
However I decided that the best thing I can do is to set my own principles and no matter how sad the world thinks it is, I bet it's even better.:)
Cos the world always ridicules good principles..weird huh?
Anyway, I've gotta get back to studying. I feel empty at times. However, just going with the flow. I'm glad for my housemates in Dunkirk!:) A sorta family that I hold very dearly. ¶ 5:56 AM 0 Comments
Just felt like posting.
I find it hard to let go of certain things, maybe because there was no definite answer along the lines and everything was in grey areas.
I find it easier to let go when it is set in black and white, sadly life is never completely black and white till we make it so.
Hrms. It's nearing March. I'm nearer to graduation.
Getting my lap top next weekend when I go down to visit my aunt in Halifax. Hrms.
I wish I was more decisive on things. On my actions, emotions and in life. Sigh~
I feel like I'm going through this tremendous period of changes although I still feel it's stagnant. I feel like my values and principles are constantly being challenged.
Things which I thought were supposedly taboos are things which are okay? -_- Confusing.
However I decided that the best thing I can do is to set my own principles and no matter how sad the world thinks it is, I bet it's even better.:)
Cos the world always ridicules good principles..weird huh?
Anyway, I've gotta get back to studying. I feel empty at times. However, just going with the flow. I'm glad for my housemates in Dunkirk!:) A sorta family that I hold very dearly. ¶ 5:56 AM 0 Comments
Thursday, February 22, 2007
So, I'm finally back after a gruelling 26 hrs.
Frank Morton.
It was one hell of an experience. HELL and I mean HELL.
Hahaha..it was quite enjoyable at the place. But because of so many setbacks, it was really a torture.
Left Nottingham for Manchester at 7.15 am on Tuesday morning. I only had 4 hours of sleep before that.
First major setback: The bus had no air conditioning..instead it was blowing out hot air! @&#!@#!^$!^!
It was like a sauna in the bus man. So stuffy and hot. Opening the windows on the bus which were at the top and only opened about 5 cm of space for wind wasn't good enough. The bus driver got lost and we took 3 hrs to reach Manchester.
Late for all the games since we arrived late. I went walking bout and watching the sports.
Then it came to the clubbing time...this one..MAJOR setbacks were all here.
If you EVER go to manchester, TIGER TIGER is the worst club ever. Their bouncers have are useless and a pain in the arse literally. The point of checking in bags with just one person at the counter was a stupid thing. Imagine several hundreds of ChemEng students trying to pack their bags in one room.-_-" I had to line up a freaking hour to get my bag secured in that damn room.
Then when we were going back, we had to get our bags out again. And this time Catherine helped us all to get our bags out without lining up in the queue but the bouncers were a pain in the arse and stressed her out.-_- They weren't being helpful at all seriously.
I saw 3 action scenes where the bouncers handled the people who were behaving badly.
Interesting.
Anyway, on the way back...I realised we were sitting in the bus that had NO headlights. Imagine driving at 3 am with NO headlights and NO streetlights. And we were driving in a rather dangerous area with a lot of turns and stuff and one wrong turn could lead us into a dam.
LOL. Then after driving through 20 miles of dangerous area, bus driver decides to play with the fuse to try and start the headlights up.
Majoorrr problem. After he couldn't start the headlights up, he couldn't even start the engine up! 4 am stuck in the middle of no where in the cold wasn't a happy experience to say. Had to wait 2 freaking hours for the new coach to pick all 72 of us.
New coach wasn't that bad although there was no air conditioning ( I don't know why....).
Reached home desperate for a shower and my bed. Took a good rest from 9-5.30. Hahaha.:)
Highlight of the Frank Morton day would be the T-shirts which were soooo cool. The Nottingham team won the best shirt design. LOL. I'll have to post up pics when I get my lap top. Hahahaa..my friend told me that my other friends who were having spare shirts were offered up to 50 pounds for a shirt and heck one was even offered sex for it. LOL. Imagine how crazy the ang mohs are for such a thing. LOL.
Amazing. Seriously amazing.
It was fun despite all the crap we faced. Haha..a REALLY unforgettable experience... ¶ 2:58 AM 0 Comments
Frank Morton.
It was one hell of an experience. HELL and I mean HELL.
Hahaha..it was quite enjoyable at the place. But because of so many setbacks, it was really a torture.
Left Nottingham for Manchester at 7.15 am on Tuesday morning. I only had 4 hours of sleep before that.
First major setback: The bus had no air conditioning..instead it was blowing out hot air! @&#!@#!^$!^!
It was like a sauna in the bus man. So stuffy and hot. Opening the windows on the bus which were at the top and only opened about 5 cm of space for wind wasn't good enough. The bus driver got lost and we took 3 hrs to reach Manchester.
Late for all the games since we arrived late. I went walking bout and watching the sports.
Then it came to the clubbing time...this one..MAJOR setbacks were all here.
If you EVER go to manchester, TIGER TIGER is the worst club ever. Their bouncers have are useless and a pain in the arse literally. The point of checking in bags with just one person at the counter was a stupid thing. Imagine several hundreds of ChemEng students trying to pack their bags in one room.-_-" I had to line up a freaking hour to get my bag secured in that damn room.
Then when we were going back, we had to get our bags out again. And this time Catherine helped us all to get our bags out without lining up in the queue but the bouncers were a pain in the arse and stressed her out.-_- They weren't being helpful at all seriously.
I saw 3 action scenes where the bouncers handled the people who were behaving badly.
Interesting.
Anyway, on the way back...I realised we were sitting in the bus that had NO headlights. Imagine driving at 3 am with NO headlights and NO streetlights. And we were driving in a rather dangerous area with a lot of turns and stuff and one wrong turn could lead us into a dam.
LOL. Then after driving through 20 miles of dangerous area, bus driver decides to play with the fuse to try and start the headlights up.
Majoorrr problem. After he couldn't start the headlights up, he couldn't even start the engine up! 4 am stuck in the middle of no where in the cold wasn't a happy experience to say. Had to wait 2 freaking hours for the new coach to pick all 72 of us.
New coach wasn't that bad although there was no air conditioning ( I don't know why....).
Reached home desperate for a shower and my bed. Took a good rest from 9-5.30. Hahaha.:)
Highlight of the Frank Morton day would be the T-shirts which were soooo cool. The Nottingham team won the best shirt design. LOL. I'll have to post up pics when I get my lap top. Hahahaa..my friend told me that my other friends who were having spare shirts were offered up to 50 pounds for a shirt and heck one was even offered sex for it. LOL. Imagine how crazy the ang mohs are for such a thing. LOL.
Amazing. Seriously amazing.
It was fun despite all the crap we faced. Haha..a REALLY unforgettable experience... ¶ 2:58 AM 0 Comments
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Frank Morton day on TUesday!:D
I'm gonna be so zombified. I have to wake up at 5 am....to leave Nottingham at 6.30 am for the Frank Morton day.
I just hope I don't get back pissed drunk from their bar crawl. LOL.
FYI: Frank Morton Day is a day of sports and pub crawling where chemical engineering students in universities all over UK come down to a particular location and meet up.
Sounds cool ey? Hopefully I can take loads of pictures!:D
My final year but first time experience of such a kind!:D
Till my next update! ¶ 8:02 AM 0 Comments
I'm gonna be so zombified. I have to wake up at 5 am....to leave Nottingham at 6.30 am for the Frank Morton day.
I just hope I don't get back pissed drunk from their bar crawl. LOL.
FYI: Frank Morton Day is a day of sports and pub crawling where chemical engineering students in universities all over UK come down to a particular location and meet up.
Sounds cool ey? Hopefully I can take loads of pictures!:D
My final year but first time experience of such a kind!:D
Till my next update! ¶ 8:02 AM 0 Comments
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Chinese New Year is HERE!!:D
Yet again, another chinese new year abroad. Another chinese new year with no ang pao.
Aiii. I feel that these festive seasons are really all about eating.
LOL. Gonna be trying out a new dish today..BAK KUT TEH YO!:D
Nyahaha..a group of us are gonna have dinner at my house. Should be fun!
Had steamboat buffet with the taiwanese society last night. Was not too bad just that the management of the restaurant was shit cos they placed the taiwanese society in a small room although their prior engagements was to have the main space.
60 people in a crowded room man with all the steamboat fires burning...felt like a steam room.
Stupid management seriously. Taking students lightly.
Anyhow, after that went for another eat out in one of my housemate's friend's house.
Then we came back drank a JD Coke and watched Naruto Shippuden! Quite good!:)
AHHH..still have courseworks to do.
Anyways, happy CNY everyone! ¶ 11:15 PM 0 Comments
Yet again, another chinese new year abroad. Another chinese new year with no ang pao.
Aiii. I feel that these festive seasons are really all about eating.
LOL. Gonna be trying out a new dish today..BAK KUT TEH YO!:D
Nyahaha..a group of us are gonna have dinner at my house. Should be fun!
Had steamboat buffet with the taiwanese society last night. Was not too bad just that the management of the restaurant was shit cos they placed the taiwanese society in a small room although their prior engagements was to have the main space.
60 people in a crowded room man with all the steamboat fires burning...felt like a steam room.
Stupid management seriously. Taking students lightly.
Anyhow, after that went for another eat out in one of my housemate's friend's house.
Then we came back drank a JD Coke and watched Naruto Shippuden! Quite good!:)
AHHH..still have courseworks to do.
Anyways, happy CNY everyone! ¶ 11:15 PM 0 Comments
Friday, February 16, 2007
Just came back from a night of enjoyment.
Had dinner at Big Wok. This new restaurant which offers buffet on chinese and asian delicacies.
Quite good at a price of 10 pounds per person to eat as much as you want.
Ate till I felt like dying.
After that was a night of clubbing at Oceana. The DJ arranged the music terribly.
There was no flow..however still danced for like 3 hrs.-_- DAMN TIRING.
It was quite fun. Met some new people.
Gonna head to bed. Need to catch my sleep. New day awaits.
Chinese new year is NEAR!!:D ¶ 11:25 AM 0 Comments
Had dinner at Big Wok. This new restaurant which offers buffet on chinese and asian delicacies.
Quite good at a price of 10 pounds per person to eat as much as you want.
Ate till I felt like dying.
After that was a night of clubbing at Oceana. The DJ arranged the music terribly.
There was no flow..however still danced for like 3 hrs.-_- DAMN TIRING.
It was quite fun. Met some new people.
Gonna head to bed. Need to catch my sleep. New day awaits.
Chinese new year is NEAR!!:D ¶ 11:25 AM 0 Comments
Thursday, February 15, 2007
I've finally put up a new template. LOL.
Just love the design of the layout though. However as you can see, it was copied off the net from Blogskins.
Hahaha..I just made my blog a TAD more emo looking now. Depressing?:P
Hahaha..anyways, I'm keeping this layout though. Just love the feeling of it.
Makes me sound like a negative person. Hahaha.
Anyways, Happy Valentines Day people!! Although I don't agree with the fact of having a day where it tends to make single people who don't have dates look like losers.-_-"
Whee... ¶ 6:53 AM 0 Comments
Just love the design of the layout though. However as you can see, it was copied off the net from Blogskins.
Hahaha..I just made my blog a TAD more emo looking now. Depressing?:P
Hahaha..anyways, I'm keeping this layout though. Just love the feeling of it.
Makes me sound like a negative person. Hahaha.
Anyways, Happy Valentines Day people!! Although I don't agree with the fact of having a day where it tends to make single people who don't have dates look like losers.-_-"
Whee... ¶ 6:53 AM 0 Comments
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
change.
I feel weird these days. I know I always feel weird.
I feel as if I'm slowly becoming a hollow person...scary huh?
It's a feeling of numbness, no feelings. The feeling of not being able to feel.-_-
I know it sounds contradicting.
I don't know. I don't find any excitement in my life for the moment.
Currently reading this book called 'The 7 habits of highly effective people'.
A rather motivational book which I'm thinking of change. I need to start changing.
My life at this moment is shit. LOL. It sucks when you realise you're only using 20% of the potential you have. I know I can achieve better. I know I can do things more efficiently. I just know it.
But the fact that I'm still using only 20% of my potential cripples me.
Personal change and personal dealings come first. Before anything.
Before I get involved with another person. Before I start to work. Before I move on with my life. It all requires me to orientate myself in a direction that will not change.
It's amazing how the principles are absolute. How if you don't follow the principles, certain negative results occur as a consequence. Hmmm. And how if you follow them, you reap the rewards.
However, I guess this is part of growing up. Getting jaded. Being cynical.
Irony is that things that use to bother me so much last time just don't bother me anymore.
I don't know what's happening to me. Maybe I'm losing myself. Omg.
Anyways..just thought of ranting it out here. I'm off to do some work.
Till the next post. ¶ 4:13 AM 0 Comments
I feel as if I'm slowly becoming a hollow person...scary huh?
It's a feeling of numbness, no feelings. The feeling of not being able to feel.-_-
I know it sounds contradicting.
I don't know. I don't find any excitement in my life for the moment.
Currently reading this book called 'The 7 habits of highly effective people'.
A rather motivational book which I'm thinking of change. I need to start changing.
My life at this moment is shit. LOL. It sucks when you realise you're only using 20% of the potential you have. I know I can achieve better. I know I can do things more efficiently. I just know it.
But the fact that I'm still using only 20% of my potential cripples me.
Personal change and personal dealings come first. Before anything.
Before I get involved with another person. Before I start to work. Before I move on with my life. It all requires me to orientate myself in a direction that will not change.
It's amazing how the principles are absolute. How if you don't follow the principles, certain negative results occur as a consequence. Hmmm. And how if you follow them, you reap the rewards.
However, I guess this is part of growing up. Getting jaded. Being cynical.
Irony is that things that use to bother me so much last time just don't bother me anymore.
I don't know what's happening to me. Maybe I'm losing myself. Omg.
Anyways..just thought of ranting it out here. I'm off to do some work.
Till the next post. ¶ 4:13 AM 0 Comments
Sunday, February 11, 2007
For Aussie bound people.
How time continues to go on even if we're stagnant.
How the paths each one of us take will differ and take us further or closer.
How life is not what it seems to be.
How friends come in and touch our lives remarkably and leave a footprint in our hearts.
How we might not even see each other again for a long time.
How we might never be the same person when we meet each other again.
How the wheel of time turns and turns continuously.
How you've made a big difference in my life.
It's all more than words can say.
Thank you all my friends who are flying to Aus. This is for you. ¶ 2:31 AM 0 Comments
How the paths each one of us take will differ and take us further or closer.
How life is not what it seems to be.
How friends come in and touch our lives remarkably and leave a footprint in our hearts.
How we might not even see each other again for a long time.
How we might never be the same person when we meet each other again.
How the wheel of time turns and turns continuously.
How you've made a big difference in my life.
It's all more than words can say.
Thank you all my friends who are flying to Aus. This is for you. ¶ 2:31 AM 0 Comments
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Emo post.
The ability to let go is one of the hardest things to do.
It should be easy, however, as things are always easier said than done..it is rather tough.
I decided I never ever want to be a slave to my emotions.
There's no point being controlled by emotions. I want to control my own emotions.
Sigh. Everything's in a mess.
I need to learn how to be decisive and not double minded or fickle about things.
I realised I have a lot to learn before I can be truly called a man. No one told me manhood was this tough.-_-
However I guess it's a process I have to go through.
It's best for me to let go of some things I've held on in the past. Held on so dearly.
Let them go and see what happens. It's time to move on (that's what I always told myself).
I really need to now.
Listening to Breaking Benjamin never helps when I'm emo.
I guess a new phase in my life is about to begin and it's time I start growing up. I shall set goals for my ownself to meet.
I shall quote Songs of Solomon: "Do not stir up love until it pleases".
So true. So so true.
On another note, results are out tomorrow. The fact on whether I can obtain a first class degree depends on this results. Quite sceptical about it. Ah well, what is done is done.
Time to hit my sack and sleep. Till the next post... ¶ 6:01 AM 0 Comments
It should be easy, however, as things are always easier said than done..it is rather tough.
I decided I never ever want to be a slave to my emotions.
There's no point being controlled by emotions. I want to control my own emotions.
Sigh. Everything's in a mess.
I need to learn how to be decisive and not double minded or fickle about things.
I realised I have a lot to learn before I can be truly called a man. No one told me manhood was this tough.-_-
However I guess it's a process I have to go through.
It's best for me to let go of some things I've held on in the past. Held on so dearly.
Let them go and see what happens. It's time to move on (that's what I always told myself).
I really need to now.
Listening to Breaking Benjamin never helps when I'm emo.
I guess a new phase in my life is about to begin and it's time I start growing up. I shall set goals for my ownself to meet.
I shall quote Songs of Solomon: "Do not stir up love until it pleases".
So true. So so true.
On another note, results are out tomorrow. The fact on whether I can obtain a first class degree depends on this results. Quite sceptical about it. Ah well, what is done is done.
Time to hit my sack and sleep. Till the next post... ¶ 6:01 AM 0 Comments
