I was just bitten by a bug. Here I am, sitting on my couch, minding my business, listening to an online class, when.... "Youch!" 

No, this is not a motivational speech from the Nike© Ad Campaign. It's me sharing my inner dufus.

I was sitting in my room the other day trying to figure out what the heck my problem is (which was a little impossible as I clearly have more than one problem with each most likely holding multiple solutions) and why I can't stay focused or figure out what it is I am supposed to be focusing on in the first place. I have fibro which gives me fibro brain fog which doesn't help the clarification process in my foggy groggy mind. Beyond the fibro lies the fact that I am responsible 24/7 for the scheduling and well-being of 6 individuals (confusion anyone?). Top that off with my constant desire to figure out my "calling" (like successfully raising four kids and a husband to be sound, happy, highly functioning individuals isn't calling enough) in life. It all adds up to a mixed up feeling of discontent.

I want to feel successful at something. I want to make money. I want to have a life outside of motherhood and wifely duties.

I thought I would meditate on my little dilemma for a while. My most successful meditations occur during heavy duty laundry folding expeditions, so I gathered several baskets of clean, unfolded clothing and began to fold. The monotony of folding, the clean smell of the clothing, the sharp snap of the clothes as I... okay I'm getting off track here.

I set my mind to laundry folding auto-pilot and let my sub-conscience kick in. What would Ghandi do to solve my problems? What about Tolle or Chopra?

Question #1 - How do I become successful?
Sub-conscience Answer - Do - to be successful you must first get out of your head and into your body. Put your desires, your dreams into action. If you don't know exactly what you are to be doing? Do something. Anything. Action is the answer. Get the ball rolling. A body in action stays in action. Do

Question #2 - How do I know what my life calling is? What am I supposed to be doing with my life (aside from be the best damned mom money can't buy? Who am I supposed to be?
Subconscience Answer - Be - Be yourself. Be present. Exist as you are. Don't dwell on it. Don't question it. Don't think about it. Just BE. If you live as you are without the mental chatter and allow yourself to just Be you without judgment, pre-meditative action, planning, if you just exist as you are, you will know who you truly are. You will live from the heart and soul rather than the head. You will realize you already are as you are supposed to Be. And you will find happiness in that. Be you.

There were my answers. Two tiny little words. I repeated them in my head over and over to adhere them to memory.

Do

Be

Do

Be

Next thing you know, this is what it sounded like in my skull...

Do Be Do Be DooBeeDooBeeDoo

Egad! Even my sub-conscience is a dork! No wonder I can't focus. It's too amusing in here (points to cranium).

	doo bee doo
	Sound made by bored people to fill silence. Mostly in textual communication, but sometimes in verbal. Originates from people whistling or singing a little tune when idle. personone: Doo bee doo persontwo: hum dee dum personthree: lah dee dah

DooBeeDooBeeDoo a cross-cultural on-line music magazine

 
 
Mama Brain
I was hungry for lunch which reminded me I had to put the chili in the crock-pot for supper.
Headed to the basement to retrieve crock-pot.
Hit the bottom of the stairs and remembered I needed to change the load of laundry.
Opened laundry room door and realized hubby still didn't fix florescent plant lights as requested.
(keep plants alive locked away w/false light due to cat who eats plants & ends up deathly ill)
Checked out lights myself and couldn't find the fix.
Changed load of laundry.
Changed full laundry room garbage bag (tomorrow is garbage day).
Headed up stairs with laundry basket in one arm and garbage bag in other.
Hit top of stairs and remembered I originally went down there for the blasted crock-pot which was not under EITHER arm!!!!
Went back down to fetch crock-pot.
Answered phone call for hubby's business (yup. one of my hats is 'secretary').
Caller was heading over and requested I gather some flyers before he arrived.
Gathered flyers and business cards.
Proceeded to put chili ingredients into crock-pot.
Realized this whole train of thought started with the fact I was hungry for lunch.
Now that I was STARVING for lunch, I grabbed the closest thing at the front of the fridge as I knew I only had a moment before customers would arrive.
As I closed the fridge with containers in hand, I stepped on something squishy. My overworked mind thought, "Aaack!!! That better not be a mouse!" which is a silly thought since we've never had a mouse in the house.
Alas, it was only a half filled balloon left on the floor with umpteen other odds and ends from the kids.

This is how my mind works throughout the day. Spinning, swirling, twirling with all there is to do and think about with an active and creative family of six.

Funny thing. For all I forget or cannot focus on, there are those bizarre thoughts that never seem to leave! An example would be the thought... "we're out of Cream of Tartar". Time and time again I will go to the store remembering we're out of something and completely forget the more recent "I already purchased that last time." So this is what my cupboards tend to look like.


Three of this, three of that, half a dozen of another and none of what I need.
And what the heck have I ever used cream of tartar in anyway??????
Calgon!!!! Take me Awayyyyyyyyyy!!!!!

That is just a fraction of minutes in a day. Compound that by the fact there are 24 hrs. in a day and factor in the time when four kids are home to boot. What do you have? A flip-floppin' mama brain!

Afterthought: Today's Dove (dark chocolate) - "Be Free, Be Happy, Be You" - Love Dove

Reverb prompt:

I was thinking about the word mediocre earlier in the week. Truth be told it came to mind because that's the way I was feeling. Feeling mediocre is kind of a downer.

After pondering the word for a bit I had a bizarre epiphany.

Mediocre is a pretty lengthy and fancy word. The meaning does not do the word justice. How come "good" and "great" are so much better than "mediocre". They're plain little words without pizazz. I mean really. They only consist of one tiny little syllable! How great can they really be?

Mediocre sounds fancy, possibly even French with its "cre" ending. How grand a word you must be to prance around a sentence with four full and fanciful syllables.

I don't think the word gets the respect it deserves.

Hey, maybe it's the same for myself! Maybe I was feeling mediocre so I could have an epiphany about the word so I could see the correlation to myself! I feel mediocre, mediocre is so much more than it is given credit for, therefore, maybe I am so much more than what I give myself credit for!!! Yeah! I am pizazz, I am grand, I am so much more than moderate!

Gaaaah! Glad I released that crazy train of thought out of my brain. Now maybe there's some room to use for something more practical. Perhaps I could fill the space with kittens. Not literally, I mean to think about. Like as in "I could think about kittens" not "I should shove kittens in my brain to fill the space".

Aaaak!

It's apparent my lack of sleep causes cranial consequences. I better go get some shut eye!