You know I have issues with bugs, right? At least you know I have issues with centipedes. Although, really, who doesn't? Are there any big centipede lovers out there? I didn't think so. I am pretty sure no one cried foul when the game Centipede came out. In fact, it was probably a smashing hit because everyone wants to blow those little buggers to bits.  But, I digress.

I lived on my own quite some time before I met B so I was forced to be the big bug killer, or ignorer, as the case may be. I thought I was tough.  Never did kill spiders though because I figured they would do their job and kill the rest of the bugs.  Hopefully I didn't swallow any of them in the process.

In any event, a while ago I think I slept with a centipede.  The thought of it makes my skin crawl this many months later.  I was all set for bed, glasses off, bed ready to jump in when I see a dark spot on the ceiling.  Mistake #1 - I go to check it out. Mistake #2 - I get REALLY close because I cannot see well without the glasses. It was a frickin' centipede. I ran out of our bedroom screaming like a girl imitating a girl screaming.  B was convinced that he needed to kill it, but it couldn't be found. I had no choice but to go to bed with pillows covering my ears, my mouth sealed shut and praying that it didn't like nostrils.

Shudder.

So now that I am spoiled with a boy, a dog and three killer cats, bugs freak me the hell out.  I don't want to kill them. I want to run screaming and have someone else step in. This doesn't always work out for me, but a lot of times it does.  And, sometimes, like yesterday, there is not even a bug involved.  I was going downstairs with a mostly empty bowl of pasta and went to turn off the light when I felt something graze my skin:

Me: AHHHHHHHHHH

B: WHAT?

Me: Never mind. It was a piece of cheese.

Me; I thought it was a bug.

B: OH. MY. GOD.  You are insane.

B: Did you think the cats were going to run up here and save you?

With no cats in sight, apparently not.

Fast forward to this morning. Jersey and I came in from outside and I saw Brad eating something in the dining room. I picked it up, looking like a small wet macaroni noodle and was carrying it to the kitchen garbage, saying along the way:

Me: You eat the strangest things Brad.

Me: Where do you find noodles?

And then I poked it. And then it turned over. And then it was a very wet, but very alive BUG IN MY HAND THAT LOOKED LIKE A CENTIPEDE BUT WASN'T.

The only appropriate response was:

Me: AHHHHHHHHHH

And I screamed. And I jumped. And Jersey came over to help me but she didn't know what the problem was. Then she thought it was playtime. Then I couldn't find the bug. Brad was still in the dining room staring intently at the floor where the bug used to be hoping it would materialize.  And I kept shaking my hand while looking for the bug because I COULD STILL FEEL IT.  Finally, I found it and threw it in the trash still alive.

I hope it isn't creating an army in there.

"Well, that was a strange looking bug."

Gives me the chills. We have had quite array of bugs the past couple of days much to my dismay. First there was the awfully big spider over our bed. I usually do not kill spiders because I believe their job is to go off and eat all of the other bugs I cannot stand and leave me guilt free about killing them. Although, I must say, I generally do not like the spiders to be hanging out over my bed as statistics have shown people eat about 3 or so in their lifetime. I prefer to remain in denial about that. So B was going to solve the problem. But first, like an idiot, I had to get up close because the spider looked so darn big....

and it was a CENTIPEDE!!

which caused me to run screaming like the girl I am going AHHHHHH and EEEEEEE and KILL IT NOW - NOWWWWWWW!!!!

B decided it was not that urgent and that he would go to the bathroom first so I guarded the centipede from afar to make sure it did not move. B killed it. One down.

Until yesterday when I found one in the kitchen sink. WTF? They are taking over. This also involved screaming and death threats such as:

YOU WILL DIE DOWN THE DRAIN YOU WILL.

and he did.

As did the huge big black ant the size of a bee yesterday that met his fate down the toilet.

What the heck is going on?

As for the bug that I first referenced that B found "strange," I don't know what it is and B has wisely not proceeded to find out.

It was probably a centipede.

Aren't bugs supposed to hide or die in the summer?

Maybe if I transport these two huge spiderwebs on either side of our garage into our house, the big spiders that they house will take care of our bug problem?

Recently I was reading a post by Daddy Likey and it referenced centipedes. There was a drawing and a link to a big ugly picture of a centipede. If you go to her blog, do NOT click on the link as it is sure to frighten you. I know you will probably click it anyway as that is what I did.  She then posted a follow up where she offered her father's explanation as to why centipedes are awesome. I wish I could believe that, but centipedes creep me out.  The thought of them makes me shudder.

It all stems from an experience in my childhood home.  Now, I never liked centipedes and would kill them on sight.  They gave me the heebie jeebies, but even more so after this incident. I was down in our basement which was like any other basement, dark and damp in some places.  I was over in the laundry room by the sink cleaning something or another when I decided it was too dark.  I reached up to the pull cord on the light bulb when I felt something fall on my head. What happened next still gives me nightmares.  I reached up to the top of my head and my hand felt a CENTIPEDE ON MY HEAD.  I screamed, squealed, flung the centipede into the tub, squealed some more and ran upstairs.  Up there I did crazy dances and moves to ensure that I had rid myself of the centipede (even though I saw it in the tub).  All day I imagined things crawling on me.  Things with hundreds of legs. Centipedes.  Now, whenever I see one, which is rare, I remember that day and that feeling and immediately touch the top of my head. In fact, I want to touch it right now. That is how clear the memory is.  I shared this memory with B to which he responded "Gross."  It is really more creepy than gross, but I think he got the point.

Now Daddy Likey's father talks about the benefits of centipedes and how they eat all of the other bugs.  That sounds great - in theory.  However, I would rather see big biting ants, lazy spiders and the mosquito I killed the other day then have a centipede run across my path.  And the ones that grow up to 10 inches long? Seriously? I can't even think about it. And her father says the centipedes are more concerned with escape.  Well, he never met the centipede from my childhood home because the surest way to escape was NOT to land on my head.  Did the centipede think I was not going to notice and carry him to safety?

Okay, enough about that. I have the creepy crawlies again.  My point? Centipedes are fast moving, many legged evil things whose creepiness is not forgiven by the fact that they eat other bugs.  Oh, and if you are ever in a dark basement, wear a hat.