Posted 1/27/2010 06:49:00 PM by Douglas

Did you get your new toy today, Mac-tards?

The iPad will start at $499, a price tag far below the $1,000 that some analysts were expecting. But Apple must still persuade recession-weary consumers who already have other devices to open their wallets yet again. Apple plans to begin selling the iPad in two months.

Jobs said the device would be useful for reading books, playing games or watching video, describing it as "so much more intimate than a laptop and so much more capable than a smart phone."

Finally! 2010 and Mac finally comes out with a laptop that's priced in the same order of magnitude of other laptops. Were you feeling the void between the small screen of your iphone and the hinge in your ibook? Well fucking relax, hipster, here's your solution. You wanted another piece of white plastic to plug into a charger and carry around with you everywhere annoying the shit out of people, didn't you?

Labels: Mac

Posted 1/18/2010 05:28:00 PM by Douglas

Mark your calendars, Apple-tards, Steve Jobs is getting ready to take a dump in a box, again, and I know you're getting ready to line up and buy it.

It's official: Apple Inc. will host a much-anticipated press event January 27 in San Francisco, California.

Invitations went out Monday.

Tech insiders expect the company to unveil a touch-screen "slate" computer, which would look something like a giant iPhone.

Buzz about such an announcement, and the possible press event, has been dominant news in the tech blogosphere for months.

Geez, aren't these pretentious ass-hats getting tired of this self promoting bullshit that tries to make it sound like we all give a shit? Get over yourself already. And:

Labels: Mac

Posted 1/05/2009 05:37:00 PM by Douglas

Everything is just a few hundred clicks away!


Apple Introduces Revolutionary New Laptop With No Keyboard

I don't know where this veneration comes from, but Mac needs to hang on to it. Reminds me of this goodness I posted before. It's funny because it's true. But I suppose I'm not supposed to make fun of Jobs and his little toys because he's in the advanced stages of non-gayness I mean a hormone imbalance. Whatever. I'm sure it's the kind of imbalance that only 20% of the population "get" and can only be treated by someone in the Bay Area with a patchy goatee.

Labels: Mac

Posted 1/17/2008 05:35:00 PM by Douglas

Remember when you needed to install some software on your computer? You'd open the CD hole, plop in the disk, go out for a smoke and when you came back, you're done. Well, no anymore for you MacTards. Remember 10 years ago when they tried the "no-drive" option in the iMac? Maybe that was visionary getting rid of the floppy drive, but why get rid of the CD/DVD drive if you a) sell the external drive and b)have to create this elaborate software setup, on two computers to install software.

But hey, it's got a back-lit keyboard! And if you make $10 an hour, it will only take you a little more than a month to pay for it! If you don't opt for the external DVD drive.

Labels: Mac

Posted 1/15/2008 05:57:00 PM by Douglas

Get ready, Mac-Tards, this is gonna cost you about two grand:

Apple on Tuesday introduced a movie rental service and an ultralight Mac notebook that could set a new industry standard for thinness.

The new Apple notebook, the MacBook Air, is about three-quarters of an inch thick at its thickest point, small enough to fit in a manila envelope, which is how Steven P. Jobs, chief executive, demonstrated it to a crowd of Apple fans at the Macworld Expo. He said the price is $1,799.

You people deserve what you get. This still makes me laugh, though.

Labels: Mac

Posted 11/02/2007 05:42:00 PM by Douglas

Mac Users Targeted with Nasty Malware. It was bound to happen.

So much for Mac users avoiding bugs, worms, and other security nuisances. A Trojan targeting Macs is on the loose, and it's hanging out on porn sites, according to security researchers.

The incident was first reported by Intego, a Mac security software vendor. Sunbelt Software, the SANS Institute's Internet Storm Center (ISC), Sophos, and McAfee have confirmed the Trojan. Dubbed "OSX.RSPlug.a," the Trojan changes the Mac's Domain Name System (DNS) settings to redirect unsuspecting users to different sites.

Mac users also targeted with spending three times too much on trendy hardware just so they can bore you to fucking death about how fucking trendy they are. Finally, a reason to trot your ass down to the Apple store and buy another off-white box, the iVirus.

Labels: Mac

Posted 7/01/2007 05:32:00 PM by Douglas

I'm so sick of the iHype I could spit up. Apple hasn't created anything cool other than hype since 1994, and the PowerMac still couldn't punch a dent in MS Windows. Hey Jobs, try making a computer for a third the cost. Maybe if you got rid of those annoying commercials you could build a machine for under a grand. Hell, try two grand first. But this is spot on:

Labels: Mac

Posted 2/06/2007 04:24:00 PM by Douglas

Don't be fooled by the title, this guy really hates Macs.

They then perform a small comic vignette aimed at highlighting the differences between the two computers. So in one, the PC has a "nasty virus" that makes him sneeze like a plague victim; in another, he keeps freezing up and having to reboot. This is a subtle way of saying PCs are unreliable. Mitchell, incidentally, is wearing a nerdy, conservative suit throughout, while Webb is dressed in laid-back contemporary casual wear. This is a subtle way of saying Macs are cool.

Those are very annoying, and maybe true 10 years ago, but Mac possesses no such advantage today. Even in areas that could even possibly toss Mac an advantage, you've got to offset that with a pricetag easily three times that of a comparable Windows machine. Yeah, what's with this PC bullshit? Personal Computer? I've always hated that misnomer. A Mac is a Personal Computer, is it not? Why not call them "Mac and IBM" in the stupid commercials?

I hate Macs. I have always hated Macs. I hate people who use Macs. I even hate people who don't use Macs but sometimes wish they did. Macs are glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work; computers for people who earnestly believe in feng shui.

Back in the dark ages of DOS, Macs were everyone's best friend. Everyone except translucent-skinned troglodytes that only left their parent's basement at night to traverse the landscape to their other subterranean lair of the computer lab, possibly to print out ASCII pr0n. These people were fluent in the mystic gnosticism of DOS and openly mocked your lack of understanding. They spoke in C prompts or binary and didn't need a GUI to edit source code. Those days are long gone. Mac won the battle of user friendly GUIs, but lost the war so graphically it would make Carthage look like Tampa. But I suppose iPods have infused Mac with fresh capital, so they're making another run at Windows. Good for them:

Cue 10 years of nasal bleating from Mac-likers who profess to like Macs not because they are fashionable, but because "they are just better". Mac owners often sneer that kind of defence back at you when you mock their silly, posturing contraptions, because in doing so, you have inadvertently put your finger on the dark fear haunting their feeble, quivering soul - that in some sense, they are a superficial semi-person assembled from packaging; an infinitely sad, second-rate replicant who doesn't really know what they are doing here, but feels vaguely significant and creative each time they gaze at their sleek designer machine. And the more deftly constructed and wittily argued their defence, the more terrified and wounded they secretly are.

Aside from crowing about sartorial differences, the adverts also make a big deal about PCs being associated with "work stuff" (Boo! Offices! Boo!), as opposed to Macs, which are apparently better at "fun stuff". How insecure is that? And how inaccurate? Better at "fun stuff", my arse. The only way to have fun with a Mac is to poke its insufferable owner in the eye.

Mac initially won out with people that wanted to actually use their computers instead of jacking around in the command shell. Windows won in the end because people would rather use their computers for a third of the cost, instead of convincing people how goddamned trendy they are.

Labels: Mac