I Am Not A Hipster

Or should I say, people. 

Much like I 'found myself' in the years after high school, I feel like I'm finally settling into who I am as apparent and, dare I say, as an adult. And yes, I am forty years old, married, have kids and own a house yet am only just now getting used to being an adult. So, like in those years after high school when I realized I was a coffee shop loving bookish writer and not a sorority girl, I'm finally getting it.  I'm a bit late, but I'm here. Sort of.


All that said, there is a pang of jealousy at realizing I don't really belong. The platoons of expensive stroller pushing moms out for a morning walk/jog; the small cadres of hippy moms wearing their babies while their biggest kids play nearby in a park or playground; the hipster working moms or hippy stay at home moms at The Boy's preschool drop-off. I am at best invisible to most of them and, to the horror of my inner middle-schooler who wants to be liked by everyone, eyed suspiciously as 'other' by a depressing number of them. At first I thought it was because no one wants to hang out with the crippled mom, but now I'm pretty sure it's because I am now, and have always been, a dork.


And hey, if being a dork worked for me before it can work for me again.


Working on it.

I've done most of my holiday shopping, but while in San Francisco I was almost tempted to get this for The Boy

I didn't, but was just reading a summary in the LA Times about good books to buy for Christmas... and it was on the list. Now I'm kicking myself.

Of course this was on the list as well

so maybe the list isn't such a winner after all. I mean, I adore my cat, but collecting her fuzz for crafts? Really?

It just occurred to me how badly I really want another baby - like, not just that we'll try(which we sort of are) and I would love for The Boy to have a sibling(which I really do), but I really want a baby!

And this picture is the embarrassing reason why.

I mean, look at him. Those cheeks. The little smile. The PJ's! Last night I put The Boy into footed PJ's for the first time this year, but he's about a foot too tall for that to be be acceptable going out into public attire.

Maybe it's just because The Boy now uses complete sentences like "I'm a big boy," and "I want to brush my own teeth," that I'm really mourning him being a baby and want another one. I don't know, but oof... my ovaries.

As I'm still a total novice at this blogging thing I'm trying to make more of an effort to blog regularly and learn from my more experienced online friends - to write more and tell more about myself and my boys. I freely admit to needing some serious work done on my photographic skills, but that'll come later.

Anyhoo, in honor of Christina's Listicles and Peeper's 10 on 10, here's a collection of non-Boy related things I'm currently obsessed with, studying or crushing on:

- History - Russia in the 19th Century, specifically its war against France under Napoleon and its war against everybody - well, France, Britain and Turkey and sort of the Hapsburgs, Prussia and the US. It's what I studied in college so it's always a little bit on my mind, but this year has seen a slew of books on Ukrainian history, Crimean War history and a Pushkin book remind me of what I've been missing since grad school. To finish off the year I'll be reading Russia Against Napoleon by Dominic Lieven. What? It says I'm a history geek over there on the right.

- Social Media - Pinterest - It's like crack, man. Embarrassing, don't want to admit to loving it, can't live without it crack. It's internet crack. Not only does it allow me to indulge my love of Audrey Hepburn, travel and fattening foods, it also offers a million almost useless tips for cleaning, organizing, decorating and DIY'ing lampshades/scrapbooks/lame-ass craft craze du jour. Sweet Jeebuz, it's addictive!

- Housework - Cleaning and Organizing - Most people do Spring cleaning, I do Fall cleaning. Mostly because I see Spring as heralding the coming of Summer... And I hate Summer. But the shortening of days and cooling of temperatures turns me into a busy bee. I've scrubbed the floors and the fridge, purged our closets and already taken one trip to Goodwill.

- Food - Anything pumpkin flavored - Half of the food shit I've pinned on Pinterest has pumpkin in it. I had my first Pumpkin Spice Latte of the season the other day and cannot believe how awesome it was.


- Fall shopping - Maroon and Gray - Every year I await the arrival of darker colors in clothes shops. I'm not a big shopper, but every year I allow myself one gray or maroon/plum/wine colored sweater along with a a re-stock of long sleeve black tees. Then I tell myself that whatever expense was worth it since I added color to my wardrobe. Yes, in my world greys and plums count as pops of color.

- Travel - Travel planning - I'm not much of a planner, but I've always loved daydreaming about trips. Staring at a map of Europe with a Eurail Pass in my hand or, more recently, plotting a trip on Expedia and googlemaps. It's more involved now that there's The Boy to consider, and it's certainly more expensive, but it's so much fun thinking of where to visit and imagining how The Boy will respond to new places. I'm currently in the midst of planning The Boy's first trip to San Francisco - and Hubs' first trip there since we moved... 9 years ago.

- Reading - Edgar Allen Poe and John Milton - It's not just that Poe is seasonally appropriate, I'm really digging on them because I'm about to read Poe for the first time since high school, just 'cuz, and I'm about to read Milton's Paradise Lost for the first time ever as the latest, and possibly last, book club book read for the book club my friend and I started so we could read books that we felt clever people should read but we had yet to read ourselves.

- More food - Manicotti - This year's substitute for casserole. I haven't made any yet, but I'm really looking forward to it.

- More clothes - Scarves - I have millions of them and am so glad it's finally time do dig them out of The Closet of Doom.

- Boys and movies- Last but not least, Benedict Cumberbatch - I love the name, and apparently it's his real name. I had never heard of him until I saw press on the upcoming Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy movie - see history love and Russia fascination for getting why I care about the movie version of a Cold War novel. I think he's dreamy in a funny-looking English sort of way but will probably lose interest before TTSS comes out in December. If that does end up being the case then I can see War Horse, the new Spielberg World War I flick. As a history geek I'm a sucker for well-done war films so I'm pretty excited about this one. I'll probably make a fool of myself by crying hysterically, but I'm cool with that.

I am not a computer person. Back in the day I needed my lab partner to do all the work on a Commodore 64 in my 7th grade computer science class. I still mostly flail about uselessly on the computer, relying on my code-writing Hubs to back up my junk and save me from errant viruses.

As hopeless as I am with computers, my mom always had a knack for them(take that, sociological pundits who claim technology is the preserve of the young!). Back in the late eighties she was giddy as a school girl when she brought home a small, beige boxy looking thing with an Apple logo on it. She did all kinds of stuff with it - I played Tetris. A year or so later she got an Apple laptop. It was grey and heavy, there was no color on the screen and the font was fuzzy.

When I transferred to Cal in the Winter of '98 that's what I took with me. The small, leaded suitcase type thing with an Apple logo that I inherited from my mother. I kept it for a year and it served me well, allowing me to write dozens of essays and papers in the little studio I lived in in North Berkeley. It also introduced me to personalized email - I'd previously been sharing an email address with my dad and my best friend. Sadly it took the better part of an hour to read an email and respond to it so I wasn't a massive fan of email at first.

I later inherited a much bigger but not quite as slow PC and my little Apple laptop went to Apple heaven at a Mac store in Oakland.

5 years after that Hubs got me a pink IPod mini, which doesn't seem so mini anymore. I don't have an IPhone but am thinking of replacing my current laptop with a Macbook.

It's funny how much a PC-using non-computer person thinks about Steve Jobs, but I guess that's just a testament to all he's contributed to the world - the world of technology anyway.

So rest in peace, Mr. Jobs.