Showing posts with label Jake. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jake. Show all posts

Monday, January 21, 2008

Fingers crossed.

I think, I hope, I pray, we are finally over the hump. I am superstitiously keeping up the quarantine banner for a while though. Twenty full consecutive days of sickness is more than enough. MORE THAN ENOUGH.

I spent Saturday here.


Right in the middle of my big ole bed. I rested all day while alternately reading blogs, completing homework assignments and studying, and watching Grey's Anatomy on DVD. It would have been heavenly if I hadn't felt like my sinuses were on fire and my body didn't feel like it had been at the bottom of an NFL dog pile.

Sunday I finally, FINALLY, started to feel 45% human again and the drive to get the house disinfected bumped that percentage up close to 70%. I spent the day stripping beds and scrubbing things. Today that mission continued and once it was all done, I breathed a hefty sigh of relief. Do I think it is really going to do much good now that we've all already been ravaged by this particular strain? Meh, maybe, maybe not. But does it make me feel better to do it? Yeah, it does. Disinfecting is my personal voodoo.

KayTar still has respiratory junk rattling around, but for the most part, I think even she is coming out of it. She's not puking at night anymore and she's even gone to bed at a decent hour (10:30) the past couple nights. I know 10:30 isn't a decent hour for most kids her age, but it sure beats midnight, that's for sure.

BubTar's been healthy for a couple weeks now, I think he got over it quicker than either KayTar or myself, and Josh and his super-duper immune system never even got it. I don't know how he stays so healthy in the midst of all of this, nearly every time, but I wish we could somehow give some of that immunity to KayTar. That girl has such a hard time kicking things.

As paltry as this post was, that is all that has been going on in our lives. Things are about to start up in full force again, tomorrow is our first therapy appointment in at least a month because of illnesses, speech picks back up, as they've found a replacement therapist for the meantime. Next week, her deaf co-op teacher is bringing a coworker who has personal experience with hyperlexia to our session to give me information and advice, KayTar has her district evaluation, and it will be time to apply for the new (sub-par) insurance. In one month (and one day), KayTar will be three years old and I just know this month is going to go by in one small blink. In one month, this whole way of life we've adapted to over the past year and a half, therapies and such, schedules and routines, will change and we'll be learning from scratch all over again. In one month, this little thing will be three whole years old.


It doesn't even seem possible.

PS: My dear friend Katie has been without her beautiful Jacob for a whole month today. It is the sort of anniversary nobody wants to have. One whole month without that smile. Those eyes. That sweet, sweet soul. If you have a moment, please stop by her blog and let her know we're all thinking of her and her Jakiepoo.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

In heavenly peace

Jakie passed away last night at 11pm.


Rest well, sweet boy. Rest well.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

A history with Santa







ETA, today's photo:


Overheard yesterday:

BubTar: Mom, is Santa real?

Me: (surprised, unsure how to answer, must buy some time) Uhhh, errr, what do YOU think?

BubTar: Well, I don't know. That is WHY I asked you.

Me: Well...errrr....who brings you presents?

BubTar: Oh yeah. Guess Santa is real. Thanks.

WHEW.

When in doubt, always distract with presents.

This would have been a Wordless Wednesday, except for all those pesky words. ;)

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Also, if you would go leave a few kind words for my friend Katie and her family. Sweet and strong Jakie boy is still holding on, ever the fighter, always strong like his mommy. Wish them peace and strength and comfort as they continue to walk through a situation most cannot fathom. That Jacob, he is a gift to behold, a testament to the tireless strength of the human spirit. Hold them all close in your thoughts and prayers as the rest of us rush around, preparing for Christmas celebrations.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Hodgepodge.

A quick sidenote, the doctors feel strongly that Jakie will pass today, perhaps even in the next few hours. His pulse has left his feet, the pulse in his wrist is faint. However, yesterday, Jake was peaceful and lucid for a while, they were able to take him outdoors and have some incredibly special time with him. At a time like this, that is an immense gift for his family. Today is going to be hard, harder than any words can express, but they have the peaceful memories of yesterday to help them through it.



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I've been out of my groove lately and as such, I owe you all some smallish updates. Nothing too major, but a few things here and there.

Last week, KayTar had strep. Yup. Strep. Again. Aren't we predictable?

The good news is, we can now get KayTar to (secretly) take oral medication, so she didn't have to get a nasty shot. We crush and hide 1/2 a Flintstone vitamin in her baby food vegetables every day, without problem, so we decided to try the same thing with a chewable antibiotic and it has worked like a CHARM. When she is seriously ill and refusing food and drink, she'll still need the shot, but at least not EVERY time. This also means we are no longer completely limited by our fever reducer options. Motrin clearly works better than Tylenol, but we have never been able to use it for KayTar because it does not come in the bottom rocket form. Now, as long as we can talk her into eating some veggies, we can sneak in medication. That is like one giant sigh of relief.

BubTar spent Friday night with my parents and his cousins (no injuries this time!) and by the time he got home on Saturday he was sick as well. The Fever of Doom started and we thought surely is was strep and prepared for a trip to the pediatrician on Monday, but just like that the fever left and all that remains is an annoying cough that is controlled well enough with a wee bit of cough medicine. He's back to himself again.

KayTar's therapy schedule is being turned on its ear (is that REALLY the phrase? Can someone please explain it to me, because I don't get it). Last week she was released from OT (yay!). We've had to cancel deaf co-op for two weeks due to BubTar's thumb situation and illness. I received a call from her speech therapist on Monday to notify me that she is having to take an extended personal leave of absence, and she will be coming in one Fri/Sat a month to try and get her kids in. So KayTar's speech therapy, the one she needs the most, will be down to once a month maybe. Then on Tuesday, her developmental therapist told me that our physical therapist, who has been here from the beginning, the ONLY one who has been with us since the beginning, is leaving in January. They will be down to only one physical therapist, which means KayTar will be wait listed and probably won't get anymore PT services before our transfer to the district. So basically, we are down to DT, which she doesn't really need all that much, and deaf co-op, which we haven't started yet and I have no idea what to expect.

While I am happy her schedule will be less packed, I am frustrated for multiple reasons. The pediatrician and I both feel that hyperlexia is on target for KayTar. The key to "treating" it is intensive speech therapy. I was looking forward to discussing this with her therapist and getting a plan in place to work through it. KayTar's speech is improving, a lot of it seems more spontaneous and natural, but still the percentage of echolalia is very high. For example, in DT this week, she did not say ONE spontaneous phrase. She repeated what the therapist and I said, and she also quoted a couple cartoons, but nothing spontaneous. Her DT and I were discussing how frustrating it is, because she APPEARS to be on target unless you know enough to recognize otherwise. Or unless you spend the day with us. So, she won't be receiving the ST she needs right now, and of course, the insurance that covers private therapy runs out in February. I completely understand her therapist having to take this time, and I don't begrudge her that. I am just a bit miffed with the situation. My child needs help she won't be getting. The other issue is physical therapy. This one is needed. She isn't running or jumping like other kids. She's not going up the stairs on her own. She can't walk across grass without falling over. She can't even walk on slanted pavement without falling. She needs physical therapy, she needs to strengthen her muscles and learn how to make them function the way she would like. But again, she won't be receiving it. We will have today and next week, and I think that will be it. It isn't anyone's fault, of course. It is just frustrating. The district services are still a big question mark. She doesn't even get evaluated until next month. I worry that she will be missing the last of these very important therapies and then have nothing to replace them with come her third birthday. Even if she does qualify for services (ST/PT), she is still missing some extremely important time in her private therapy, which will be gone for sure come February. I hope she gets really excellent district placement and that perhaps we might come in contact with someone who is familiar with hyperlexia. It seems that we will not be able to get a formal, official diagnosis before her placement, so I'd love someone on staff to be familiar with it. It seems to be rare, especially when not comorbid with autism (this is still shady territory, sometimes it is classified as a high functioning spectrum disorder and sometimes it is classified as a SYMPTOM of autism, and sometimes it is classified as a non-spectrum stand alone disorder that sometimes co-exists with autism, go figure). I'm thinking of calling and talking to the district speech therapist about it and see if she has any advice to smooth the transition and get KayTar in the meantime.

In other news, KayTar has become quite the little singer lately. I love it so much, her little voice and intonation. Adorable. So consider this my early Christmas gift to you all, a musical medley a-la-KayTar.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

If I could somehow bind her heart back together, I would.

I wrote this a few days ago and intended to keep it to myself, but I can't. I need to put it out there. On top of the subject covered here, I just found out that a friend I went to school with, a friend who is my age, 24, has been diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. She has a little boy. I saw her at the Harry Potter book 7 release and she was fine, at that point her mother was fighting cancer, but my friend was healthy. She's my age. She was fine. And now she isn't. I wish I could make that better, too.

I've never lost anyone, you know. Sure, my grandparents are all gone, but they passed on long before close bonds had ever been made, before I knew them at all really, and it seems right that sometimes grandparents leave us, even while we are still children. My uncle passed away a few years ago, and although I loved him it didn't hit me hard. He was my favorite uncle, truth be told, but I hadn't seen him much in quite a few years and when he passed it didn't feel it keenly. I was sad, of course, sad for my aunt and my cousins and their children, sad that the wonderful man in my childhood memories was no longer among us, but not like this. I don't know how to feel like this. And the truth is, it isn't my pain I feel, but the pain of a dear friend, the pain I can imagine when I look at my own children, the pain I've forced myself to visualize in the past until I could no longer bear it. But she cannot look away. It is her baby and it is happening. My heart is so broken for her, I can't think of them or speak of them without the pain bubbling up in my soul and spilling from my eyes. If my body cannot hold this small approximation of what she is feeling, how can her body hold the full measure?

This is not my story to write and yet, I am. Because I can do nothing else. I grieve in words and phrases and I cannot keep them silent. I cannot breathe or think or speak without their names on the back of my tongue, wriggling to the forefront of my mind. I cannot sleep without seeing their faces, without waking each half hour to be sure my phone is working, to be sure I haven't missed a call. The call. I cannot look at my children without thinking of hers. I cannot snuggle in beside them without thinking of her snuggled next to Jacob, breathing every moment of him in, without realizing that elsewhere in the world there are mothers who know these moments are limited and can no longer see them stretching toward infinity. I cannot listen to my children's discord without thinking how damn lucky I am to hear them bickering, because it means they are both together and with me. I cannot kiss their feverish foreheads in the night without knowing they will recover, but some children do not; that knowledge a lump in my throat. And so I write, because these things are not all that often spoken of and they deserve to be. I can't help but bear her grief and shoulder a bit of the pain, because Katie's heart just cannot hold it all on her own. And neither can the wee hearts of these precious children.

Friday, December 07, 2007

I'm just broken...

My friend Katie is losing her son, on the heels of losing her mother.

He will be gone before Christmas. Before he turns eight in January. They say maybe before this weekend is even over.

He will leave behind his mom and dad and five siblings.

Go, please, do that thing you all do so well. Let's wrap our thoughts and hearts and words around her and her family, because our arms can't quite reach across the distance. I know it isn't enough, not nearly enough, but it is something, something to let her know she is being thought of and lifted up through the darkest and heaviest season of her life. The darkest and heaviest season any of us can imagine.

Go here or here, please.




I don't have any words, Katie, but you all have my heart, especially your sweet Jakiepoo.