Inn of the Last Home

Here's a great story about a kid who made up his mind to take an adventure

“Can I help you?” the receptionist said.

“Yes.” I replied. “I need to speak with the person who writes Green Lantern.”

A smile made its way across the receptionists face. “I’m guessing you don’t have an appointment?”

“No.” I said, matter-of-factly. “But it’s important. I just want to say a few things to him. It’ll take five minutes, tops. Can you just tell him I’m here?”

“Do your parents know you’re here in our office?” the lovely lady said.

“Of course!” I lied, indignant.

Doug and Dr. Helen both have good posts today about the tendency in society to demonize men for interacting with children. These days, almost any male is treated with suspicion if they stray too near a child, however innocently. The predatory pedophile has poisoned the potential beneficial relationships some men can have with children to create near paranoia.

In particular, I value the healthy, mentoring relationships I've have with the kids I'm around at my church (preschool on up through high school in teaching music and Sunday School). So many kids today grow up without loving, healthy respectful parental and father-figure relationships we can't just let all that slide because we fear a pedophile is lurking behind every corner.

Here's what I commented on Doug's post:

I work with kids in my church, and have always been apprehensive about the amount of affection I show them. However, apprehensive does not mean cold and distant, so I don’t really hesitate to show the kind of attention any father might show a child. Knowing their parents helps, of course, but I have no problem speaking with, playing with, or even showing fatherly affection to another child as long as it’s in the open and obvious.

We’re teaching our children that every male is a potential predator (which, I suppose technically is true but there’s potential and there’s potential) which teaches them not to trust anyone, especially male father figures.

Starting week 2 at McCallie Sports Camp with a splash...

As I write this, BrainyBoy is starting his first full day at a 2-week all boys sports camp in Chattanooga. We would normally never be able to afford such a trip but were able to get it at an auction for about 1/4 what the normal price would have been, so that's great.

Although he's been to church camp for a week at a time several times the past few years, this is the first time he's been away from us for this long. And it's difficult that we're not really able to keep in touch since they don't have email access for the campers. We are able to send him emails which they print out for him, so that's nice at least.

In addition to multiple days of baseball, soccer, basketball, lacrosse and other sports they will have the opportunity to go to Six Flags and a Braves game on the 4th of July, go white-water rafting on the Ocoee and other great side-trips and activities. There's even a dance at the end of the session with a nearby girl's camp. He wasn't terribly thrilled about that prospect, but hey, you never know.

I find myself wondering what he's doing all the time - even now, not even a full 24 hours since I last saw him. When we dropped him off yesterday, he was ready to go and didn't look back. But we did a few times...

Here are a couple answers to the questions a couple of posts ago:




Just call her "Tinker Knievel!"

Incidentally, that's our friend, Dr. Greg the pediatrician.

(We're all shopping at Target. I'm lagging behind with Tink, who spies a hammer hanging on one of the sale racks)

Tink: Look daddy. (Indicates hammer. It's a kind of funky green and caught her attention)

Me: Yeah.... you know what, I would do if I had a hammer? I'd hammer in the morning. Why...I'd hammer in the evening - all over this land! I'd hammer out danger...I'd even hammer out a warning. I'd hammer out love between all of our brothers... All - yes all - over this land. (I end my dramatic monologue with my arms spread wide, encompassing the great and awe-inspiring world around us)

Tink: (pause). What in the world are you talking about?

(You might want to bump up the volume a bit to hear the music)

Discovering Dad asks, "What Brings Out the Kid in You"? Winner gets a Wii. Who could resist?

In many ways, I'm still a kid. I still love to watch old Land of the Lost reruns. I'll still read a comic book if I can find one, even from my collection that I still have. I enjoy silly songs and bad jokes and making goofy voices. I can still turn off that little part of my brain that says, "Ok, there's no way Indiana Jones could make THAT jump" just for the fun of it - like we all used to. I can still crawl around on the floor and jump cars and build Legos. I can recite the whole preamble to the Constitution - not because it was taught in school, but because Schoolhouse Rock taught me on Saturday mornings. And not just recite it - sing it. People may also look at me a little strangely when I try to sing "Bohemian Rhapsody" as a solo (all parts included), but that doesn't mean I'm truly off my rocker. It's because I enjoy still hanging on to that part of my childhood.

This of course doesn't mean I don't take life seriously. I absolutely do. I have a family, two kids we're trying to raise. Planning for their future is a serious business whether it's school choices, tough homework assignments, discipline or teaching morals and the difference between right and wrong. My job future is always in flux...stable one minute and murky the next. I have many friends and church that mean the world to me, as we do to them. I stay attuned to the issues of the day - politics, world affairs, money... And I'm still working on my 15+ year marriage to a wonderful woman whom I perplex on a daily basis, but still somehow loves me.

Life isn't for children. It's a very adult thing. We have to put our childish ways behind us, to a certain extent. But I don't want to be known as that guy who's still basically immature but means well. I need to present a mature image to deal with mature things.

So what brings out the kid in me? Simple. My own kids. I remember when I was young, and the wide-eyed innocence I had watching Star Wars for the first time. I remember dreaming, making up worlds, situations, stories with my action figures. A 10-yr-old dares to put people in impossible situations, and figures out ways to get them out. They read Robert Heinlen and learn what's possible. They read Franklin W. Dixon and learn how to figure things out. They read Judy Blume and Beverly Cleary and learn how to cope with siblings, parents, friends and the difficulties in growing up. They gaze at the majesty of Cinderella's Castle and hide from scary Pirates of the Caribbean and grim grinning ghosts of the Haunted Mansion. They climb trees and chase butterflies and bat balls, all with the incredible knowledge of there's still more out there. What an incredible awareness, that with all this there's still so much, much more. And I share that with my own kids, and show them what I loved when I was their age. And they love it too, thankfully. I've tried my best to show them that life is what you make it - not what others tell you it's "supposed" to be.

In many ways, I get to relive my childhood through them. In less than a week my son, Brainyboy, will experience (if he has the nerve) his first real roller coaster ride at Busch Gardens Williamsburg). Probably Big Bad Wolf. And I'll be right there with him every curve of the track, knowing that the cycle has begun again.

What brings out the kid in me? Watching my daughter's eyes as they twinkle, mischievously. Watching my son's face as he sobbed real, silene tears when E.T. "died". Because I know that even though one day they will grow up, they will still keep with them an innocence of youth that transcends the cynicism and detachment of many kids today. They will keep with them the memories of glorious possibilities, the endless days of "what's next, dad?" And someday pass them on to their kids.

Our world is so sad these days. And so competitive. And so mean-spirited. Just a casual flip through the cable news and network channels will show you how simple differences of opinion divide our country. Children bring guns to school to protect themselves from bullies, while parents stand idly by. The images of children are endlessly sexed up in the media, from "Bratz" dolls to the latest line of teen clothing. 15-yr-old girls are routinely presented as objects for boy's (and men's) desires. Politicians and pundits give forth hate and sling mud only to gain a little prestige over the other side. People with different idealogies blow up buildings, kidnap boys from their villages to be soldiers in petty, greedy wars none of them understand. Other kids end up wrapped around telephone poles in their cars because mom and dad wanted to sponsor a graduation party with a little free booze. It's a cloudy world out there, and it's up to us to give our kids the wisdom to understand they don't have to feel like their destined to have to buy into it.

That's why I make funny voices at my daughter. That's why we always do the "gimme some fin...noggin...Dude!" from Finding Nemo and laugh ourselves silly. That's why I want Brainyboy to read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, or keep practicing with the bat. And the piano. It's up to us as parents to get the kids ready to change the world, like we wanted to long ago in our own backyards.

What brings out the kid in me? Hey, they're already here, and always will be.

Last night I opened a cabinet to get a glass and another glass rolled out and shattered on the cabinet. I thought I'd cleaned up all the glass on the cabinet and the floor.

Apparently not.

This morning, after warning her to be careful Tink cut her socked foot on a tiny sliver still on the floor. While at first she said it only felt to her like a bee sting, soon after she noticed with some drama one portion of her sock was rather soaked with blood. After calming down the resulting hysterics, we got her up on the sink (thank goodness at eight she's still small enough to pick up easily), got the foot cleaned off and band-aided.

Way to go, dad.

Pour me something tall and strong,
Make it a hurricane before I go insane.
It's only half past 12, but I don't care.
It's 5 o'clock somewhere.

My band is adding this song to their playlist for a special island-themed party coming up, and we rehearsed it last night. As it's been running through my head, I started thinking about the mindset behind the song.

No, not the idea that often the bed things in our lives are the result of our own stubborn attitudes, and that good times are where and when you make them...I'm not thinking that deep.

I'm thinking of the age-old tradition of hitting the bar after work for a drink.

The crux of the song is that no matter how crappy your job is, it's always quitting time somewhere in the world so why wait till then? Go now! Get sloshed and push all those troubles away!

Now, that's a nice thought I suppose if you're into that, though it's not very practical to hit a bar at around noon and not go back, just because it's 5pm somewhere out in the Atlantic or in Europe somewhere. But for decades (maybe longer) folks - usually men - have left work at 5 and found their favorite watering hole for a few cold ones to wash away the cares of the workday. Cheers built an entire TV series around this concept.

I've always wondered about the type of men that participate in this indulgence. First of all,if you're single - more power to you. Go for it. Meet your friends, throw darts, shoot pool, find a girl, whatever. Fine with me as long as you stay off the street afterward. Enjoy yourself!

If the guy's married, there begins the troubling aspect. When a married man gets off of work, in general he should be looking forward to coming home to see his wife. Maybe she works too, maybe she stays at home. Regardless, it never would've entered my mind when I was newly married to stop of somewhere for a couple of hours to drink before going home, knowing my wife was there alone. Again, this presumes she has a comparable schedule - if she works second or third shift, I can understand wanting to kill some time. But once we're married, the marriage becomes first priority.

Then there's the married man with children. This is what gets me. If you've perched your butt on a barstool or Applebee's hightop table downing a margarita while the kids are home doing their homework - or worse, playing a ballgame or just needed some "dad" time - then you are really heading down a bad path. I'm sure some men will say they need that downtime to "unwind" after a hard day, and if they didn't get a beer before hitting home they'd be a worse person than if they came straight home. Somehow I doubt it.

I've been tempted to stop at a place for a drink after work from time to time, just to see what it was like but home responsibilities always took precedence.

Do any men out there do this after work? Did you as a single guy but slacked off as marriage and kids came into your world? Did your own dad do this? I'm curious to see what people say.

When Brainyboy started middle school this past fall, we weren't sure what to expect. Especially since our school was starting a brand new subject that all sixth graders were required to take: Latin.

Latin?? Why would anyone want to take Latin? I remember in high school some of the brainiest kids took Latin, but I never could understand why. Did they just all want to become doctors? Archaeologists? Anthropologists? I was happy taking French (well, happy as a high school could be taking any foreign language).

But hey, I'm all for progress. All this school year, every night, he's brought home a set of Latin vocabulary words that he's written each onto a half of an index card to study. I can't count the number of flash cards he's made...has to be in the hundreds.

He's since become one of the best Latin students in his class, which makes us proud.

But he saw his greatest factum, adeptio (or achievement) last week.

On March 13, thirty sixth graders took the National Latin Exam. They joined more than 187,000 students world-wide who take the exam yearly. I am pleased to announce that 11 of our 6th graders have earned scores high enough to be recognized by the American Classical League. For those students who missed 9 or fewer questions on the exam, they will receive a certificate of Achievement on the National Latin Exam. For those who missed 5 or fewer, they will receive a certificate of Outstanding Achievement on the National Latin Exam. I would like to say how proud I am of the effort of everyone who took the exam and especially for those honored.

Brainyboy is a winner of a certificate of Outstanding Achievement on the National Latin Exam.

Incredibilis!

I hope you enjoy this video of my son, Brainyboy, playing soccer.

Not just your typical camcorder footage, this is something special... please take a look and leave comments. It's my first real attempt at video editing...

Pope: 'Ashamed' of clergy abuse scandal

Pope Benedict XVI said Tuesday he was "deeply ashamed" of the clergy sexual abuse scandal that stained the Catholic church and will work to make sure pedophiles don't become priests.

I hope he's sincere about it, unlike apparently his predecessor (although I would imagine the blame lies more in the US church's leadership). But I certainly hope he doesn't imply that once the "vetting" process is over, and they are satisfied pedophiles have not slipped through the priestly screening process, that they will clap themselves on the back and congratulate themselves on a job well done.

Because even more diligence needs to be paid to ensure that existing men of the clergy do not become pedophiles - or have long-suppressed urges emerge - while being around children. Because that's what happened before. Local bishops were seemingly aware of the conduct of their priestly charges and turned a blind eye.

There doesn't need to be a witch hunt, and innocent, Godly men need to not be falsely accused. There's a line between genuine fatherly affection for children - the same that Jesus showed the little ones that came to him - and unnatural, hurtful contact that can affect a child for years and years. The entire process needs to be dealt with in love, fairness and openness. But it needs to be dealt with and not again swept under the rug.

It's not enough to say we've done all we can to keep the bad guys out. We have to make sure they're not already here...

Why in exactly would a kid not play with this toy just because he's a Charlie-in-the-Box, and not a Jack-in-the-Box?

I mean does a kid really care what his name is? I've never quite understood why he was a misfit toy.

Well, other than the fact that he had a really disturbing, scary voice, looked like one of Joker's henchman and sat around all day feeling sorry for himself...

A few months ago, I noted some good lessons attempting to be taught by an adult to some kids at the movies: Politeness

Overheard in the movie theatre the other night

Two 13-yr-old kids running down steps of theatre, one stumbling: "Sh*t!"

Man with wife, passing them on stairs going up to seats, back at the kid: " 'Shoot!' "

Doug relates a recent example of how he took it upon himself to reprimand some kids who were littering and otherwise making nuisances of themselves:

I watched 3 younger boys, 11 or 12ish, tossing an empty 20 ounce beverage container back and forth like a football. They pause and one of the boys rips the label off, tearing it into 3 pieces in the process, and threw them to the ground. I spoke instantly and instinctively. "Gentleman! I need you to pick up this trash and throw it away."

Doug wonders if he should've ignored it, in today's age of hyper- and micro- parenting, but concludes he was correct - and hopes others do the same to his kids if they see them misbehaving.

I totally agree. Last night at the baseball field I observed Tink, with other younger kids, playing at the playground next to where BrainyBoy was tearing up the diamond. I happened to glance over and saw this young boy, maybe 7 or so, throwing gravel in the general direction of my daughter and other youngsters nearby. I hopped off the bleachers, marched straight over to them, and in a no-nonsense, I'm-the-grown-up-and-don't-you-forget-it voice instructed him to "...kindly stop throwing rocks, and don't throw them any more. DO YOU UNDERSTAND???"

(meekly) yes sir..

"Ok, thank you."

My wife informed me when I returned to my seat the boy was also calling names such as "Cheesebutt" but I didn't hear that part at the time. Plus it was actually kind of amusing. So I let it slide. But that's beside the point.

The point is, every parent - every adult, actually - has a responsibility to look out for the kids in our field of vision, to keep the area reasonably clean when possible, and generally do what we can by working together to help keep a general sense of order wherever we are. This shouldn't be something we even think about - if there's a coke bottle on the ground, pick it up and throw it away if you can. If some kid is throwing rocks in a general area where someone might get hurt or a window could be broken - stop them. If some young hooligans are causin' a ruckus (forgive me, I watched the Jubal Myers/Moonshine/Opie's Secret Club episode of "Andy Griffith" last night and it's on my mind) then you should have no qualms in breaking it up and restoring order. You are the adult, they are the child(ren). It is our job to teach, and their job to learn. Of course, all children have rights but they have to respect the way society works and it's up to us to teach them.

Some people might be apprehensive about correcting and instructing other people's children. Now, I don't advocate attempting to convince the 5-yr-old daughter of a college professor to join the Republican party, or admonish a middle-schooler on paying attention to hot stock tips or whether to invest their paper route money in Mutual Funds or IRA's, but it's up to all of us to build and maintain a productive society. And how kids behave in that society is a huge part of the future.

So I say, if a kid is doing something wrong, never hesitate to correct them. Do it wisely, do it fairly and compassionately - don't lash out. Unless the situation calls for quick and decisive action, take care of your tone of voice.

One last thing - if the parent of the child is nearby and either oblivious of the situation, or just unaware anything's going on, it might be a good idea to bring the disruption to their attention first. Let them discipline their own kids in the way they see fit. It's only fair. But if there are subsequent incidents even after the parent has spoken to the child, you may have to remove your children or yourself from the situation. It's a touchy subject but deal with it fairly.