Thursday, September 30, 2010

Old Photos...Old Stories

I know I post harsh stories on my site quite often. Some of them are brutal. Murderous. So, I am trying to write a bit of a disclaimer here. I did see some really rough stuff as I grew up, and not just in the news. Sometimes I make fictions that carry those grains of truth. I change the places, the people. But, try to stay to true to some awful dynamic.

I am so fascinated by people, and their lives. I collect old photos of by-gone eras. I have several hundreds. I buy them in bundles at flea markets. The very fact that these are for sale, creates questions in my mind. Why would these treasures of a family's life be floating around like this? I cherish any of my own family's photos I can get my hands on. Was there some finality wherein there was no one left to care? People I don't know. I look at these sometimes and imagine some aspect of their lives. Stories sometimes come from such pondering. I make up some reason why I am holding these pictures in my hands.

Most recently, I wrote a short piece, "What's The Matter With Kids Today?" A soldier getting mail, dying a few days later. It was pretty blunt. Some two decades ago, at a flea market, I picked up a few old photos, as well as some correspondence. The letters were from a girl writing to her boyfriend in Vietnam. She had attached photos of herself, and her boyfriend's car. How does such personal material as this wind up in a flea market? I can only assume things went south, in one sense or another. Maybe he came home, and they broke up. Maybe he never came home at all. I chose the latter possibility, because I had buddies from high school that died in that war.

The admittedly pitiful photo below is of lots of photos, lots of stories. Foremost, and on the right, sits a girl on top of a soldier's car. Waiting for him to come home, I suppose.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Tramp on the Street

(Grady and Hazel Cole)

Only a tramp was Lazarus that day,
He lay down by the rich man's gate.
He begged for crumbs from the rich man to eat
But they left him to die like a tramp on the street.

And Jesus who died on Calvary's tree,
Shed his life blood for you and for me
They pierced his side, his hands and his feet
And they left Him to die like a tramp on the street.

He was Mary's own darlin', he was Mary's own son;
Once he was fair and once he was young,
And Mary she rocked him, her little darlin' to sleep,
But they left him to die like a tramp on the street.

When the battles are over, and the victory's won,
Everyone mourns with the poor man's son,
Red white and blue, and victory sweet,
And they left him to die like a tramp on the street.

(Is it too out of this world to think we might find ways, find monies, to help young men and women coming home from war? We certainly funded their going there. Can we afford to fund their coming home after things seen and done in battle? We bailed out Wall Street, banks, car companies, too. Can we find a way to help these young men and women find a life after putting their's on the line for us?)

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Tuesday, September 28, 2010

What's The Matter With Kids Today?

Well, for one thing, the past decade or two has run the educational system into the ground. The worse it gets, the fewer good teachers want to apply for a job that pays little and asks too much. Keeping people stupid pays off when you make your money off of war. If you flunk out of school, Uncle Sam wants you. We will give you a fat sign-up bonus. And you can buy that cool car. Of course, you won't be able to drive it until ( and, if) you finish your tour of duty.

"Private Johnson?"
"Sir, yes, sir!"
"You've got mail."

It was a letter from his sweetie. And, a Polaroid photograph. She was standing under his mother's carport in a bikini. She had one hand on her hip, the other, on the side of her thick shiny auburn hair. She was leaned back onto the hood of his Dodge Charger. '"I love you, baby!" was written in ink at the bottom. Along with a lipstick smudge. Over the next three days, he jacked off frequently, looking at that picture. On the fourth day, he was dead; face down in the dirt.

"Cadillac. Good car to drive after a war." (Bob Dylan said that.)

Monday, September 27, 2010

Ol' Paint

Axel Hollars wasn't born in Oklahoma. He just appeared there at the age of five. His dad moved around a lot. Axel mostly looked at life disappearing behind him from the window in the back of a station wagon. Things smelled different in Oklahoma than back in South Carolina. That's about all he remembered from that time. It was some vague difference, somewhere between the pleasant dry winds of a Carolina fall, smelling like Hickory nuts, and a summer that mostly smelled of cow shit simmering in the sun. He got used to it after awhile.

When he got a bit older, his dad bought him a horse. He was black and white. Very pretty little guy. Axel called him Paint. Not an original name, but his pony seemed to like it. He and Paint learned to cut out cows running off from the herd; They were mostly those horny yearlings. He learned to hamstring them with rope, brand them. Cut the balls off of young bulls. In the evenings sometimes, bull's ball's were what you ate. They were good, but that was another bad smell in his head. The stink of an animal's flesh.. You get hardened to it in awhile. At night he played a ten dollar guitar he bought in Tulsa. He was clumsy with it. But, he got three or four chords down. Enough to make a song. Of course, lacking a girl friend, he sang to his horse.

"Well, ol' Paint, ol 'pal, you know, I'm gonna miss ya'. But.I tol ya' all along. There'd come a day, I'd be goin' away to Nashville. Make a little money, maybe, a whole lot of money, singin' cowboy songs.

But, I just want ya' to know I'm gonna miss ya, an' that ol' prairie. Roping them doggies. Cookin' them beans on the ol' campfire. And the north wind yellin' like th howlin' of a mean coyote. Lord knows, I'm tired of splicin' up rusty barbed wire. I just wanna yodel. "O...ladee hoo" Stuff like that that.

But, I'll be back someday, with a saddle trimmed out in silver. A new pair of cowboy boots, I'll even get new shoes for you. An' I'll be ridin' with a lady, she'll be riding on a pretty little filly. Can't ya' jus' imagine that Paint? When the nights get cold? Ohhh, ladeee, hoooo.

Little ol' lady who will keep ya' warm when the night winds howl. Litle ol' laydee hoo...get along now. I'll be back one day, Ol' Paint, get along now."

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Saturday, September 25, 2010

I'm Sorry...I'm Sorry

That is all he kept saying as I cuffed him. It is hard controlling the border. He had a wife and baby back in Paloma. He had nothing to do with the cartels, except that his uncle was killed by one. That's putting it mildly. The man was beheaded, and left in the desert. He was hoping to find some ranch with horses. He was good with horses. He had a cousin in Phoenix. None of this mattered. It was my job.

I drove him on that long ride to El Paso. To deliver him to agents there who would fly him, and others to Mexico City. He had never even been to Mexico City. It was seven hundred miles south of his wife and child. He would arrive without a dime in his pocket.

We talked a lot. It was tedious, because my Spanish was not so good, and his English was the same. At the airport, I turned to him and said,
"Can you fix cars, Carlos?" He nodded.
"If you make it across next time, come and see me." He nodded. My job sucks some times. But, Carlos did make it back across. He lives now in the trailer behind my house, along with his wife and little Anita, their child. If anyone finds out, I will be totally screwed. At this point, I don't give a shit. If I was down there, south of the border, I would want to get the hell out of there too.

"Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep, ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-lost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Emma Lazarus, The New colossus (Inscription on the Statue of Liberty)


"Ah, Carl, while you are not safe I am not safe, and
now you're really in the total animal soup of time..."

Ginsberg, Howl

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Sam Stone, by John Prine

Sam Stone came home,
To his wife and family
After serving in the conflict overseas.
And the time that he served,
Had shattered all his nerves,
And left a little shrapnel in his knee.
But the morphine eased the pain,
And the grass grew round his brain,
And gave him all the confidence he lacked,
With a Purple Heart and a monkey on his back.
Chorus:
There's a hole in daddy's arm where all the money goes,
Jesus Christ died for nothin' I suppose.
Little pitchers have big ears,
Don't stop to count the years,
Sweet songs never last too long on broken radios.
Mmm....
Sam Stone's welcome home
Didn't last too long.
He went to work when he'd spent his last dime
And Sammy took to stealing
When he got that empty feeling
For a hundred dollar habit without overtime.
And the gold rolled through his veins
Like a thousand railroad trains,
And eased his mind in the hours that he chose,
While the kids ran around wearin' other peoples' clothes...
Repeat Chorus:
Sam Stone was alone
When he popped his last balloon
Climbing walls while sitting in a chair
Well, he played his last request
While the room smelled just like death
With an overdose hovering in the air
But life had lost its fun
And there was nothing to be done
But trade his house that he bought on the G. I. Bill
For a flag draped casket on a local heroes' hill.
Repeat Chorus

Friday, September 24, 2010

War and Metaphor

If a country is frequently warring from one generation to the next, it begins to shape the way it thinks about all kinds of things. Metaphor is one of the fundamental building blocks of language. Marshal McLuhan put it this way in one of his texts. We look at the present, as though through a rear-view mirror. We define what we see in terms of things seen before. Life is always changing. How do we describe what we've not seen before? In terms of things we have known in the past. And, what is interesting to me, in this day and age, is how militaristic metaphors seem so rampant. It's no wonder, but, a thing to ponder.

Because we are so much at war, it gets commonplace to use the language of war in talking about almost anything. We declared a 'war' on Aids. And Autism. We speak of killer cells, whether they are about terrorism, or viruses. There are 'invasive species'. In a debate recently, someone 'shot down' my argument. Homeland security. Biosecurity. Global war on global warming. This kind of language we use to define reality affects our thought processes, and our behavior.

It's been going on a long time. "Onward, Christian SOLDIERS, marching as to WAR, with the cross of Jesus, going on before. Christ, the royal master, leads against the FOE. Forward into BATTLE, see his banners go." It is a common song in Christian hymnals, ever since it was penned in the late 1800s. Never mind, that Isaiah said, "Nation will not take up sword against nation, nor will they train for war anymore." Or, that Jesus said, "Put your sword back in its place. For all that live by the sword, will die by the sword." We frame reality in terms of past reality. Is there any chance of getting ahead, this way?

The Queen, to Alice in Wonderland: "It takes all the running you can do, to stay in one place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must be at least twice as fast as that."

I saw a headline on major network news the other day. It said. "Republican War Plan". It was followed by some other headline that I don't recall specifically. It had to do with Obama's War Plan. Is this what we have come to?

Militaristic metaphors become the filter through which we view life. It is based on militaristic battle. The military has its own laws. It has a lot to do with leaders and followers. Subordination. Compliance. Even, blind obedience. It is a very hierarchical thing. A few rule from the top. The ones at the bottom are the first to die. Fighting is more important than thinking, cooperation, community.

It is interesting how many wars we have got going on now. Wars against every damn thing. Instead of approaching a problem, and thinking collectively about it, we declare war on it. This is as rampant in the sciences, as it is in Afghanistan. It is our strategy. I for one, would like to see militaristic metaphors about every society ill, be replaced with something where we are all in this together. So, let's figure this shit out. Health, Education, Safety, The Environment. These are not wars! These are societal problems. They call for cooperation, collaboration, networking, consensus, a whole different set of metaphors. It is not about who wins, who loses, we are in a boat going down.

"We must indeed, all hang together, or most assuredly, we shall all hang separately." Benjamin Franklin, before the Continental Congress, just before signing the Declaration of Independence, 1776.

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Thursday, September 23, 2010

Moving Right Along.............

'In A Journal, Far, Far Away', is the story two posts down. A tale of dysfunctionality I suppose, centering on a young woman named Shannon. I followed it with 'From Sunshine's Notebook', immediately below. This an account of Shannon's daughter, Sunshine, who, it seems, carries the dysfunctionality forward into her own life. I decided to write an alternative future for Sunshine in which she breaks free from the past. You can read this at my Mything Links site, or just click on The Other Sunshine.

(If you haven't been to my site in a few days, you might want to scroll down to 'In A Journal Far, Far Away'.)

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

FROM SUNSHINE'S NOTEBOOK

While this little entry may stand on its own, it's actually a sequel to the story below it. ( In a Journal, Far, Far Away) And, if you haven't read that one, perhaps you should go there first. Shrinky commented on the earlier story, that such things likely repeat themselves from one generation to the next. So, this is a play on that. I have also another alternative sequel in mind. I will write it in a day or two.

FROM SUNSHINE'S NOTEBOOK

April 3

Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday, dear Sunshine! Happy Birthday to me! I turned 15 yesterday. Well, 'whoopty doo'! Turns out, it was no big 'whoooo!' It kinda sucked. My stepdad, Eddy didn't even remember. Then, when he finally did, he fumbled for his wallet, and gave me a twenty, along with a sloppy kiss on the cheek. Oh, yuk, and gag me with a spoon! My little brother gave me one of his Hot Wheels. Such a joke, cuz he gave me one at Christmas too. A week later he stole it from my room. Mama was mostly mad cuz, I didn't wanna sit around and blow out candles after dinner. I just wanted to be with Bobby. Mama doesn't like Bobby. She says he reminds her of someone she doesn't wanna talk about. What's that supposed to mean?

After dinner, I went up to my room and climbed out the window. Bobby was waiting. We ran off to our usual place. It was an empty house that was up for sale. Bobby knows how to jimmy the lock. He's so smart that way. He calls me 'Sunny Bunny'. He said he was going to buy us a house just like this one someday.
"One of these days, Sunny Bunny, we'll have a house just like this." We fucked in every room of that empty house. And when we get married, we'll fuck all over that house too.

April 18

I'm three weeks late on my period. Frankly, I'm glad not to have to deal with the bloody mess. But, my mama is gonna freak! But, I don't care. Bobby said he wants to have lots of babies. We'll get married, and buy us a house. It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl. We picked a name that works either way. Sunrise. I am so happy. I go to sleep rubbing my belly.


April 25

I keep calling Bobby, but he's not answering. I hope he's not in some kind of trouble. I thought I saw him the other day in a car going by. With Janie. But it was probably just my imagination. Bobby would never be with the likes of her. She was a whore even in junior high. I read that when you are pregnant, you get all emotional over nothing. Silly me.

April 28

I went to Bobby's house today. His mother said he wasn't home, but his car was in the driveway. She just said again, that Bobby wasn't home. Then she shut the door.

May 3

Mama says not to worry. She is fixing up the storage room into a nursery. At school, my belly is big, and it is like that woman in The Scarlet Letter. People give me funny looks. I didn't actually read that book. Just a Cliff's Notes cheat summary of what went down. I guess, I'll drop out of school. I got to just be thinking about the baby now. At night, I feel scared. What an asshole Bobby turned out to be. But, I keep rubbing my belly, reminding myself Sunrise is coming.

May 7

Lotsa puking. I miss my piano lessons.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

In A Journal, Far, Far Away

September 4, 1971.

"Sunshine came softly to my window today. I could've tripped out easy, but I've changed my ways." - Donovan

It's rainy today, so I think I will write my story. I'll call it, 'Shannon's Story'. Well, it's not about me all that much, so I don't know what to call it yet. I guess I could call it 'The Landlord', since he figured in, most of all. Oh, I don't know what to call it. Eddy certainly didn't lord over anybody that way. I love rain. But only because I've got Sunshine in my pocket. Well, she wasn't that small. She was two years old at the time. Jarvis was her daddy. Kids having kids. That's what we were back then.

It was so romantic at first. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world when Jarvis laid his hands on me. I feel so stupid now, looking back. We were just sixteen and seventeen then. I was so naive to think he really cared. Those first few times we fucked though, turned me into putty in his hands. Then, I got pregnant. And he got all mad in my face, like it was my fault he didn't have a rubber in his pocket. He showed up the day after the baby was born, like his car broke down. But when he bent to kiss me, I could smell where he had been. Down between the legs of some slut.

He did try to stick with it for awhile, but nothing was the same anymore. He was fond of our baby, Sunshine. But still, he would have this jealous look on his face when Sunshine was sucking on my tits. Like they were some property of his. So pathetic now to think of those days.

We met this guy, Eddy. He had a house, and he rented us the apartment over his garage. Eddy was a nice guy. He cut us some slack when we were late with the rent, which was almost always. Jarvis had a job, or so I thought. He left every morning as though he did. Sometimes, he came home with money. That's about all I knew back then. I know this must sound stupid. But, I was young, and I had a baby, and I wanted to believe it was working out. But, believing can sometimes just be desperate wishful thinking...or denial of reality.

One night, he didn't come home. It wasn't the first time, so mostly, I pouted and snuggled up with Sunshine in the bed. He didn't come home the next night either. Or the two nights that followed. I got really pissed, and then really scared. Abandoned? Alone? What the fuck? Sunshine was getting fussy in my arms. Funny, but I think she knew too that we were in a bad way.

That morning Eddy came knocking, I was a wreck. Sunshine had thrown up all over my dress, and it was as though I couldn't care less. He just looked at me at first. It is embarrassing to think about. I hadn't bathed in days. I must have stunk to high heaven. I thought it was about the rent.
"Don't worry about that right now, Shannon," he said. He asked if he could come in. I nodded, but I was scared. The place was a wreck.
"I'm really sorry. Things are hard right now," I stammered. He nodded and touched my arm. He gestured toward the couch.
"Sit down, Shannon," he said. I sat down with Sunshine on my lap, and looked up at him. What he told me, was not what I was expecting.
"Jarvis is dead." I think I just sat there blankly because the words didn't make sense. Sunshine had stopped crying and was looking up at me. Her chubby little fingers reaching for my mouth. I was nodding, as though I understood, but I didn't really. I was pretending, maybe. Or, in shock. Eddy's words were ricocheting around in some slow motion way in my brain.
"What?" I said, after what seemed a long time.
"Somebody killed him, Shannon. Last night." What little world I had, or what illusion of what little world I had, came crumbling down like a load of bricks. I blacked out.

What a dismal tale, so far. But, it gets better. Eddy took us in. Me and Sunshine. Into his house. He rented the apartment to some college kid. Eddy helped me bury Jarvis. Well, not bury him. I had him cremated. I dumped his ashes in the alley behind the house. Eddy was a good man. It seemed my first realization of what a good man was. What a good man does. He is almost thirteen years older than me, but we had a baby in awhile named Rainbow. Sunshine is in the seventh grade. She seems to have her head about her. Her music teacher says she is some kind of piano genius.

I still don't know what to call this story.



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Friday, September 17, 2010

LIPS

How many songs about kissing do you know? According to Google search, there are 5,290 songs about lips. I can think of a few. Jimmy Rodgers sang, "She had kisses sweeter than wine." Echo and the Bunnymen: "Lips like sugar. Sugar candy." And the Violent Femmes: "Trading candy, for candy-coated tongue." Hershey Kisses, anyone?

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Passing Thought

I know that some of my stories are brutal. The one below, a recent example. But fact is, I cannot imagine the kinds of horrors I see in the news. Most recently, the family in New Haven who were senselessly murdered. Two daughters, one a teen, the other but 11 years old. The youngest one raped. The mother raped as well. The father survived somehow.

In my deepest heart, I feel such a pacifist. I don't wish to harm anyone, or wish harm on anyone. Yet, in instances such as this, there is a part of me that would have no problem, if the men who did this got the death sentence, no problem whatsoever, personally executing them. They have, in their depravity, lost the right to exist.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Eye for an Eye For Eve

(This one is not for the faint of heart....)

It was my first experience with death. I was only six. I found my aunt hanging in the closet, her neck choked by her own nylon stockings twisted about her neck and tied to the clothes rack. She had one high heel on, the other lay on the floor. It was quite a surreal thing for someone my age. I didn't know how to cope with something I had never seen in my young life. They say I was found on the closet floor hugging her leg. I have no recollection of that. It's just what I've been told, and what the official reports said. It was ruled a suicide. I do remember that her face seemed blue. It was not the face I knew.

That face haunted me as I grew older. But, it was not her face, per se, that haunted me. It was the incongruity of it all. Aunt Eve would never kill herself. She loved me too much. She had been taking care of me. A mother, in my mother's absence. She went out a lot at night. She would have an older cousin baby-sit me. Guess she was looking for a man. In the evening, I would watch her roll her stockings up her legs. She would ask me if the seams were straight. She would hug me, and I would smell the perfume on her neck. I would watch her slip into a dress. She would ask me to pull up the zipper on the back, and then bend to kiss me. I hated it when she went out.

Some guy named Joey would show up at the door. I was always crying or close to it, when she was picking up her purse and looking back at me. And he would throw me scary stares. One time, I actually peed in my pants, the way he looked at me. At the age of six, you don't really know what is going on. But, you do get funny feelings in your belly. Sometimes, they make you pee. I remember one night in my bed listening. I could hear the car pull up. It seemed a long time before I heard the front door open. Then, my Aunt Eve peeked in on me. The light was on, because I was afraid of the dark. Her lipstick seemed smeared all around her mouth. She seemed a mess, in general. Like I say, at six, it is hard to figure such as this out. She whispered softly, "Good night, baby." Those were the last words I ever heard her say.

I guess I was sixteen when I ran into Joey at a pool hall. I was in a foster home then. He didn't recognize me, but it was the look in his eyes that ran chills down my spine. By then, after tossing and turning at night all those years, I knew he had killed her. It was weird how calm I was. I even put a buck down on the table, and shot a game with him. He laughed as he scooped it up, running the table on me in short order. It didn't matter much to me. But, somewhere in the middle of that game, watching him chalk up and sneer at me, I knew I was going to kill him. He came to this place a lot. It was just a matter of time. I just had to figure out how to bring him to the justice I so sorely needed. I spent several nights thinking about it. Certainly, I could find a gun. But, that would be too easy. Too kind. He needed to suffer longer than that. He had to gasp for his last breath as my Aunt Eve had.

My inspiration came when I had a flat tire on my foster parent's car. The tire iron. I would bludgeon him to death. I had it on the front seat that night as I headed down to the pool hall. I didn't play the table that night. I sat in the shadows observing what an asshole he was. When he staggered off to the bathroom, I followed him in. The tire iron in my pants eating at me each step of the way. He was splashing water on his face when he looked up at me. He turned and stared. It was the same stare I remembered from long ago.
"You got a problem, kid?" he said. I smiled, and shook my head.
"No. I just came to tell you that Eve said hello." He straightened up, and I could tell he had registered who I was. A rather stupid slack-jawed look. With that, I pulled out the tire iron, and bashed his skull in. I don't remember it clearly. The police report said I had hit him over and over. Some seventeen blows to the head. One for all my years. The last one for my Aunt Eve, I guess.

I got 30 years to life. I failed to show any remorse in the parole hearings at least six times. Finally, I pretended I was sorry. I am out now, and mostly feel ok. Like I had avenged my aunt. I go to the cemetery now and then to leave a flower for my Aunt Eve. Then, I stroll over to his grave and spit on it. I guess there are some things you don't get over.

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Monday, September 13, 2010

Periodic Disclaimer, and the Story I haven't Told You Yet.

I need to say now and then, that all my posts are copyrighted by me on the day posted. They are fictions. I like to make stuff up. Sometimes, I make stuff in the form of drawings or of objects. People might think they are about me, but they are not. Even if I make a piece of furniture, it is not a piece of furniture, it is just something I imagined. I don't view it as deception, it is just the way some other 'me' comes out.

Now and then, I would like to tell the truth. Maybe, I am getting old. Last night, I had a dream. It woke me up at 12:15 in the morning. An insane time of night to be waking. I was getting married to some woman, and her maid of honor was a woman with a skeletal face. I don't mean it was gaunt or bony. It was a white skull with no eyes. How do you go back to sleep after that? I got up and made coffee. I laid down on the couch watching late night infomercials. Thought about how stupid life seemed in those moments.

In my mind, I went back to being born, or what I've been told about it. It is a thing I don't really remember. Just a thing people tell me about. How it happened. And the truth of it came out in bits and pieces over the years. Different relatives seemed privy to some of the many bones in the closet of the family tree. Turns out I was I was one of those bones. I don't speak much about it, because not too many could possibly relate.

It has taken this long to figure it out. Sixty years. People keep things incestuous to themselves. Turns out, my grandfather was actually my father. It had to do with some thirteen year old girl in the hollow over the hill from where he was living. In times past, such as this happened more often than discussed. Was Lewis Carroll a pervert for wooing a young Alice into fantasy? Life was different back then. Girls were married off, still children. I am not saying that made it right, just that, it was what it was then. And maybe, I am just trying to defend my own grandfather, my father.

It was a decade or so after his death that I heard this story from a cousin. As the story went, Elisha, just thirteen was sick. I was in her belly, unbeknownst to me, of course. She was vomiting. Feverish. She took off into the hills trying to reach my grandfather. It was late November. She was succumbing to the icy dampness of the woods, and finally on her knees upon arrival at my grandfather's house. He was still down in the coal mine. It was my grandmother that dragged her in, and it was in her arms she died. I was born moments later, in postmortem contractions. I knew none of this as I grew up. I was 60 years old when it surfaced. I fault no one, but vaguely mourn my mother.

This is a fiction, of course. Copyright date posted. Dan Smith aka, Dan's Myth.

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Saturday, September 11, 2010

Where were you on this day?

Certain things have a way of marking time in one's life. After awhile it becomes a chronology of calamities. Markers. What went before, what after. It begins with deaths in the family. It was before somebody killed Uncle Paul, or, it was after that. Then, the before and afters widen. Time gets marked by the incomprehensible suddenly appearing out of nowhere. I remember JFK. That day in Dallas. My innocence already shot three months earlier by a car crash killing my father, and almost killing my mother. Suddenly, life is a tough bite. It is not about bicycles, cute girls. It was about things beyond me. I was on some black alley into adulthood. Bodies everywhere. RFK, MlK, rock stars like Morrison, Joplin, Lennon. Vietnam, biting the dust of how stupid life had become.

No wonder I went tripping a few years. Anything but reality was what I craved.

Nine years ago, we dropped our son off in lower Manhattan. We were tearful that he was off to NYU. Sitting in a coffee house, we watched him walk away and disappear into a sidewalk thick with people. Three weeks later, the first plane hit the towers. I had spent the night before with a friend about 20 miles out of town. I was in my truck when the news broke on the radio. I turned it around, and arrived at his mother's house to watch the towers fall. I remember saying 'This is the start of the next war'. We finally got ahold of our son. He was on a Central park bench, processing the experience with a girl. There was a migration going on. Young college students with rolled sleeping bags going north to mid-town to get away from it all. They littered the streets with their desperation.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Burn the Koran

This thing is fueled by the media. I don't believe in any of these various gods, but respect those that do, whatever their belief. Does idiocy still thrive in 2010? Obviously.

Everyday People

Sometimes I'm right and I can be wrong
My own beliefs are in my song
The butcher, the banker, the drummer and then
Makes no difference what group I'm in
I am everyday people, yeah yeah
There is a blue one who can't accept the green one
For living with a fat one trying to be a skinny one
And different strokes for different folks
And so on and so on and scooby dooby doo-bee
Oh sha sha - we got to live together
I am no better and neither are you
We are the same whatever we do
You love me you hate me you know me and then
You can't figure out the bag l'm in
I am everyday people, yeah yeah
There is a long hair that doesn't like the short hair
For bein' such a rich one that will not help the poor one
And different strokes for different folks
And so on and so on and scooby dooby doo-bee
Oh sha sha-we got to live together
There is a yellow one that won't accept the black one
That won't accept the red one that won't accept the white one
And different strokes for different folks.


Sly and the Family Stone



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Monday, September 6, 2010

Life

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -- Mark Twain

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The Hopes and Dreams of Young Billy Hartman

Chester Cowan stepped out onto the front porch of his simple little house of peeling white paint, and sat down in his rocker. This was his custom in the morning. He stared out at Highway 9, as he fiddled with the bib of his overalls, clipping it to the thread- worn denim shoulder straps that dangled down over his bony chest of greying hair. An old pick-up rattled and rumbled in the distance. Chester knew it was that old '56 Dodge before it ever rounded the curve because of the way it backfired gearing down. Old man Sullivan heading over to his field to count the cattle. He honked as he passed. Chester threw him a nod and a wave. He made a sour face as he squinted up into the maple tree at the mockingbird that just would not shut up. He loved her singing most of the time, but it wouldn't hurt if she'd give it a rest now and then. He hadn't even had his coffee. It was too early for such merriment.

Ruby elbowed her way out the squeaky screen door carrying two cups of coffee.
"Here Chester," she said, handing him one. She eased herself down slowly into her rocker next to his, as though every bone was complaining. Her arthritis was always worse in the damp of morning. For a few moments there was just the creaking of the boards beneath the rocking of their chairs. They sipped their coffees and contemplated yet another day. A school bus rolled by followed by a couple of sedans. Children on their way to school. Parents off to town to do one kind of job or another.

"Somethin' funny 'bout today," Chester mused, as he looked up and down the highway. "Can't quite put my finger on it."
"Reckon it'll rain?" Ruby said, her eyes looking at a cloud rising up over the hilltop across the way.
"Naw. Wishful thinkin', Ruby gal," Chester grumbled. "Lord knows we could use it. Ain't never seen corn so pitiful as what we got growin' this year."
"I'll pray for rain. I surely will," Ruby said. Even as an old woman, she still had that motherly need to try to somehow make things better for everyone. Even the weather.
"You do that, Ruby gal. I'm sure the Lord would lissen to you afore he'd pay me any mind." He stood and stepped up to the porch rail and leaned on the post by the stairs. "Somethin's wrong," he mumbled, mostly to himself. But Ruby heard him and looked around trying to sense just what it was that he was sensing.
"Wha'd ye reckon 'tis, Chester?" she asked.
"Just listen, Ruby," Chester replied.
"It's purty quiet," Ruby said softly.
"Yeh, that's the problem," Chester muttered. " There aint been nary a quarry truck to roll by this whole time we been out here." Ruby looked up and down the road. He was right. Usually those big dusty trucks would be flying by on their first run this time of day. Except on Sundays. But this wasn't Sunday.
"Oh Lord, Chester," she said, as a faint whining sound came from the south.
"Here come the sheriff," Chester said. The whining sound quickly became a loud piercing wail as Sheriff Johnson's patrol car soared by in a blur of red and blue lights. The valley was silent for a minute. Even the mockingbird seemed to sense something wrong. Something scary. Then there was a faint whine again. "Here come the ambolance," Chester predicted. They both knew something bad had happened. And it must be over at the quarry. And that's why the trucks were not running. The only time work ever stopped over there, it was because somebody was being hauled away to the county hospital, or to the morgue. "Somebody's dead," Chester said, as he returned to his rocker. He sat down with a long sigh. "Ain't nothin' to do but wait fer the news." Ruby took his coffee cup from his hands.
"I'll get us some fresh," she said.

She disappeared into the house, and appeared in the doorway again as an old grey Mercury pulled off the highway, and rolled slowly toward the house. Rupert Miller. Chester stood and stepped down off the porch as Rupert pulled up, rolling his window down.
"It was Billy," he said, tilting his head up to look at Chester.
"Young Billy?" Chester asked, leaning down to the window. Rupert nodded. Ruby dropped her coffee cups and they shattered on the porch floor spilling everywhere. She hid her face in her hands. "Oh, Lord, no! Oh, precious Jesus," she cried.
"He was settin a blastin' cap into a crack in the quarry wall," Rupert said quietly to Chester. "Tampin' it in. Damn thing blowed up in his face, an' blowed him plum off the wall. They jus' now fished 'im outa the water down there." Chester looked up to see the ambulance rolling silently by, headed back to town. No need to ask if Billy was dead.

Ruby sat down in her rocker again, as Rupert drove slowly away. Seems like any time Rupert came by, he had some kind of bad news. It wasn't his fault, he just always seemed the first to know. She reached into her dress pocket for the small kerchief she kept there, and wiped her eyes. Young Billy had been like a son to them. The only son they ever had. He worked alongside Chester in the fields. He helped get up the hay. He would get up on the roof and patch the leaks. Chester paid him well. Ruby loved spending her mornings preparing lunch for her men. String beans and bacon simmering on the stove. Rolling out a pie crust. Billy loved her blackberry pies. She made them with the berries he had picked. He would show up with a big can of berries and a big grin on his face. She loved to make pies for him. And both she and Chester missed him when he went to work for the quarry.

"I tol' 'im he could always work for me," Chester said in a low flat voice. "But he wouldn't lissen."
"He was jus' tryin' to be a man, Chester. He had little Becky to take care of. An' a baby on the way."
"An' now look what's happened." Chester replied. "Little Becky a widder woman at seventeen. A little baby with no daddy." To Chester, it was a bitter taste in his mouth. He felt mad that Billy had gone and died on everybody. And mad at himself for not trying harder to keep Billy from ever going over to that god-forsaken hole in the ground. Ruby broke down and sobbed. The sound seemed to break the wall in Chester down. His chest heaved. He hadn't cried about anything for some ten years or more. Ruby got up and went to him. Ran her fingers through his thinning grey hair. "Pray, Chester," she said softly. He laughed bitterly through his tears, shook his head, and took a deep long breath.
"Reckon we need to make a room for Becky?" he said.
"Yes, Chester. Tha's 'xackly what we need to do, Chester" Ruby replied softly.

So, little Becky came to live with Chester and Ruby Cowan. She had a little boy. His name was William Chester Hartman. He grew up to take over the fields for Chester, who had grown lame over those years. And his mother, Becky forbade him to ever work at the quarry. He went to college instead. In that same year that Chester Cowan died, the quarry was shut down forever by a legal team that had taken on the mining industries. They were able to improve many of the despicable conditions that had taken the lives of so many in the mines, and in the quarries around the country. Chester did live long enough to know that it was the legal team of William Chester Hartman, and Associates. He went to sleep with a thin smile on his face, and never woke up.


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