So I am a nerd. This is not news to anyone that knows me. However, your thoughts on
how big a nerd may change when you find out that I have a (paid by my company) subscription to
Internal Auditor magazine.
As its Christmas time, I wanted to post this article by J. Michael Jacka from the most recent issue. (Warning: Its a little long.)
[Note: Please do not let this post influence your decision to continue to check for posts.]
"Every auditor, down in Auditvilee, liked audits a lot...
But the auditee, who lived just north of Auditville, did NOT!
The auditee
hatedaudits! The whole audit season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his files weren't documented quite right.
It could be, perhaps, his support was too light.
But I think the most likely reason of all
Was his balances came out two digits too small.
But, whatever the reason,
his files or his bosses,
he stood there on Audit Eve,
hating the process.
For he knew every auditor in Auditville
was busy now, working with
paper and quill.
And he growled,, with his auditee
finger all drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop
audits from coming!”
For tomorrow…
all auditor women and men
would walk bright and early.
They’d rush for a pen!
And THEN they’d do something
he liked least of all!
Every auditor down there,
the tall and the small,
would stand close together,
explaining, supporting.
They’d stand hand-in-hand,
then star their reporting.
And the more that he thought
of these audit reports,
the auditee thought, “I must
stop them all short!”
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
An auditee wonderful, awful idea!
And the auditee took off
and headed on down
to the auditor’s building
set deep in the town.
The office was dark.
there was nary a soul,
the auditors off dreaming
dreams of controls,
when he came to the first little
desk in the row.
“This is stop number one, “
the old auditee hissed
and he walked to the desk,
empty bags in his fist.
Then he slithered and slunk, with
a smile that was grinding,
digging deep in the desk, he
snatched all their findings.
Worksheets! And test work!
Support! Every paper!
Audit plans! Charters! Even a stapler!
Then while he was grabbing
the Red Books they had,
he heard a small sound like
an issue gone bad.
He turned around fast,
and he saw a strange sight!
Little Cindy-Lou Intern who
worked late at night.
He knew he was caught by
this audit intern
working hard at her desk
some credits to earn.
“Why co-worker dear,” the
fake manager lied,
“there’s so much to be done,
so much to be tied,
So I’m taking it home to
work late on, my dear.
I’ll catch us up there. Then
I’ll bring it back here.”
And the auditee slithered
away down the aisle,
At the desk he left nothing
but dust and his smile.
Then he did the same thing
at each auditor’s desk
with so little remaining
it seemed quite grotesque!
At quarter past dawn…
his car filled with findings.
With worksheets! With plans!
With three rings of bindings!
He drove his packed car up the
side of Mt. Crumpit,
He drove his car up to the
tiptop to dump it!
“Pooh-pooh to the audit!” he
was strutting and humming.
“They’re finding out now
that no audit is coming!”
“They’re just waking up! I know
just what they’ll do!
Their mouths will hang open
a minute or two. Then all of the
auditors will cry BOO-HOO!
“That’s a noise,’ grinned the auditee,
“I must hear!”
So he paused. And the
auditee tilted his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising
up to the mount.
It started out low. Then it
grew like a fount…
But the sound wasn’t sad!
Why, it sounded exciting!
It sounded like auditors
talking and writing!
Every person in Auditville,
average and bright
was reporting! Without
any findings in sight!
He’s NOT stopped the audit
from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the auditee, with all
that paperwork flappin’,
stood puzzling and puzzling:
“How could this happen?
It came without spreadsheets!
It came without tests!
It came without analysis,
risks, and the rest!”
And he puzzled three hours,
till his puzzler was sore,
then he thought of a thing
he’d not thought of before!
“Maybe audits, “ he thought,
“don’t from paperwork start.
Maybe audits…perhaps…
really start with the heart!”
And what happened then?
Well…in Auditville they say
that the auditee’s figures
balanced that day!
And the minute his numbers
fit perfectly right,
he whizzed with his load through
the bright morning light
and he brought back the tests,
the worksheets, the binding!
And he…
…HE HIMSELF…
wrote up all of the findings!
Labels: Christmas, Nerdity, Random, Scott