MiTcH*-

I tried relogging in 7times before i enter this page cos i forgot my password. This shows how poor my memory is nowadays.

Ps, im late. 23Nov, happy birthday to ChenYi :). 25Nov, happy birthday to XinHui :).

Countdown: 3 more papers, 9 more days to the end of my misery.

God.

Happy birthday my dearest sis :)!!!!!

I wish i was part of the elite group.

2 words to describe my life now.

Life sucks.

Have studies took over my entire life?

Love the people who treat you right. Sometimes we just dont realised what true friendship means, until it is too late.

i felt like giving up each time i finished a test. i wonder how badly i am going to do for this semester.

Time to slim down.

And i mean it.

Time for some updates..

Cleared material sci paper today. Left with 7 papers more.Alll the way till 8dec. Its a long and torturing journey. But yet when i think of BKK trip, everything seems lighter :0

Today is the last material science lecture that Yting Vivian and i will be sitting together in the same hall and having lessons togother. It just lead me back to 7years ago when both Yting and I were sitting in the same class. :)

As usual, the 3 of us have a fun time hanging out together... :) I bet friends support is really important, especially in a compeititve environment...

I will hold on there, hang on strong. Even if i fail, i will study harder and retake the module, if i duno i will study til i know, i believe so long as i keep on trying i will surely get the result that i desired.

Especially when i see my mum being so worried for me, i really feel bad. And each time before i go for a test she will write me a quote :). Im so glad that she is so supportive of me.

The journey ahead is long and tiring and miserable, but i hope i can pull through.

During the weekends.. Im really affected by something...

Dun look down on me. I didnt choose to be in all this shit. Everyone knows what was my aspiration a few yrs back. But because i didnt do well in my o levels i hav to go for engineering courses which i hated. But i didnt let myself down, i did my best even in the deepest shit. And right now just as i started to develop more interest in materials sci n semiconductor, dun tell me this is a bad field. This is the only hope i have right now. Dun crash my hope. And from 3months ago when i decided to tak this course, i have already told myself that i will be an engineer 3years later. That is it.

Words are words. Perhaps sometimes you all didnt mean it. But somehow that is very discouraging. Hais.

I never regret my choice. and i will make the best out of the worst. Dun give me any conclusion yet, up til one day you see me rise.

I dun deny you were once my everything, someone whom i cant imagine living without, someone whom im willing to die for.

But, dun take me as a toy and come to me when you feel like it. That's not going to work. Ive got a life too, now.

What if :

- i cant hang on there anymore
- i regretted studying engineering
- i still love business the most
- i hate mathematics
- i hate physics
- i hate chemistry
- i hate understanding
- i hate concepts
- i hate theory

?

Engineering is not my forte. Normal people take 1 hour to understand, i take 3hours to understand. Normal people did well if they study hard, i did badly even if i study hard.

God.

I need strength and courage to carry on with all these shit in life.

Happy birthday JOCELYN : ) wish you all the best and hope you enjoyed the dinner just now. Wish you soar high in your career :)
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Its a disgrace to feel fed up about my own life. Ever since 11 august sch started, ive not felt real happy at all, except those times that im having fun. But imagine how little my fun time was cut down to. So in conclusion, im not happy and have not smiled/laughed from the bottom of my heart since school started.

Have you ever felt that you are partially hanging there? Can have fun but its partial. Did tutorial but its partial. Listened to lect recording but its partial. Went to sch but its partial. Everything else is, nothing but partial.

Time. Less time with my family, less time with my friends. My life seems to lost its balance ever since. I felt the guilt that ive so little with my family and friends nowadays. And even when im having fun and trying to enjoy myself, my sub mind is thinking about sch again. It doesnt matter if i score well. But sad case, i did so badly for my tests.

Changes. Ive to change the way i study, change my fucking partial attitude. Things are no longer the same as the past, its not as if i memorise i will get full marks. Its about understanding the concept now and applying it to all sorts of other ailens questions. I know how i lousy im.

I was chatting online with Geraldine from NUH last night. She updated me the progress of the renovation plan and many cool stuffs. I wish i was there as well. I realised. I seem to miss NUH, the people in NUH. The closeness, chattings, laughings, coffees, shoppings, buffets, lunches, toilet breaks, sneakings, gossips, enduring, war time etc etc.

I was texting with Sze Yung today. And she left me a string of words that her lect left her last week 'the real test in life is far harder than that in school.'

And in Sze Yung own words, she told me take care of your health too. She is a special lady that ive known in NUH. Though we are buildings separated, we are good friends.I think she really understood the life of a student. For my farewell, she gave me a chest box with a few sachets of coffee inside and said i'll need it and i really did. She is a special lady, a strong lady that i look up to. I wish her all the best in her masters and hope she can spread me some 'clever' cells. She is one strong lady who believes in continuous improvement, constant upgrading herself while working.

I can never forget the tough 4months there in which shape me. I will never forget the values that i have learnt in NUH.

I will change, frm now on. No more partial fucking attitude.

PS: I really enjoyed my weekends with Pyin, Py's Lu Yting Lyan Xying. The late night mustafa shoppings, the RELAC of east coast park, the texas poker!

Meeting up with Vivian in the morning at toapayoh to study together, goodness its the word study again but luckily with friend :)

Happy 20th birthday XIAOHUI :).

Blessed. But do not know how to carry on with it.

Starbuckings with Pyin now :).

Today is a longgggggggggg day...

Morning went for Mac breakfast alone :), relaxing and enjoyable. I realised if i didnt go to school, my day is really long, perhaps because the to and fro journey itself a 2hours plus already....

SC came to Woodlands to find me. Im really surprised that instinct can led a person to another :)

Slack together for half a day... Den met up with Pyin. Yting joined for a short while... Have fun chit chatting together...

Chatted about lots of things...

In conclusion, its a great day today :).

I hope it goes well this time round. LOL.

NO SCHOOL TODAY! Wooo. Took my own sweet dream time and woke up at 930am today. Feeling so restless from yesterday.

School was as usual. Vivian was so funny, saying that we accomplished so many things during our 2hours break in which i agreed. We went to have our Old Chang Kee Curry Rice, met up with mentor, collect matric card, walking from north spine to south spine and back to north! And conclusion, damn school is just situated in a jungle! The whole place is so ulu and it feels like a jungle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After school went to Nanyang lake, thought there should be fishing activities by the anglers club. And then, i was the only soul standing in Nanyang lake. LOL. I must have remembered the timing wrongly, it couldnt be the whole club just vanished into thin air!

So went to Raffles city Ripples to buy Siew's present. Went to SMU to wait for bro and Elise. I was there at 6pm, and i waited for 1 full hour. Imagine what did i do there? I acted like a SMU student, sitting in their campus. But i realised i was so not blend into the culture. Everyone is eithere doing project work or self studying there. I was the only one who sat there and did nothing for the hour.

Proceed to Bugis after that to hunt for perfect bikinis for Elise. Her expectation is soooo highhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! LOL. Stopped over at Crystal Jade La Mien for dinner, thanks for the treat hehe :). Then had the Japan Ice cream, very nice!!!!!

After the hunting, bro and i thought it was no hope that Elise can find her perfect bikini. So decided to try at Iluma. And then, bingo! She got what she wanted.. And we were caught in the rain after that. So changed my shoe to my new Ripple flipflops, what a good timing. LOL.


Went home. And PYIN delivered her love made salad to my house :). Heehee. And so, met up with Pyin Yting and Lyan at 11plus. They were going for supper and some fun session after that. I didnt want to go cos i decided not to stay out late once school starts, but when i see their faces i'm so tempted to go!!!! LOL.

Saw a very serious accident at exp way. The entire car was burnt! :(

Supper at Bedok 85 then went to Pyin's bf house. Pyin and Lyan stayed for their gambling session. Pyin's friend, Nelson and another man sent Yting and I home! The van was sooooo luxurious.... LOL. Both Yting and i were wow-ing to each other all the way... Good journey... Untill... Yting alighted first, and i was left alone in the van.. Before she alighted, she whispered '' *&^_DFGJGDSDSDGHFDDSASA********'' into my ears and i was like ...... LOL. But i still got home safely by the escortion of Nelson and his friend :). Thanks for the super cool journey!!

Today early in the morning got a call from vendor. So i called Geraldine... And then i was chatting with Claire on the phone. LOL. I was telling her how handsome my Prof was and how i couldnt resist looking at him! Though i cant really understand what he's teaching but he's handsome la!

Waiting for Pyin to wake up now!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just realised something. I am taking 10modules this semester, dead dead dead. How could I? Dead dead dead!

And for the next few months, the below will NEED to be my best friends

1) Mechanics of Materials
2) Electronics & Magnetic Properties of Material
3) Technical Communication
4) Polymers & Composites
5) Laboratory
6) Introduction to Manufacturing Processes
7) Management with Humour

and 3 additional modules because of direct entry to second year

8) Essential Materials Science
9) Essential Mathematics
10)Proficient English

I cant imagine how will i die! I hope it is only this sem that i have to cope with 10modules. I told Elise that i got 10modules to take this sem and she said NTU is crazy, it seriously is!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There should be a CAP :(, it's 50% more as compared to the normal load! But, as what Yting says, if i take more modules this sem then i wont have to take or struggle with a lot more in the later years. So i guess i just have to go through this.

As some of the modules do not have tutorials for this week so went to Jurong Point with Vivian today to hunt for Siew's bdae present. Then met up with Yting, Lyan, Pyin, Pyin's mum, Pyin's bf and friends for a ghost comedy movie. Long long time since i catch a movie..!!!

Saw in NTU bazzar the popcorn stall that was in NUH bazzar and Geraldine mentioned before that it was nice. So, bought 4packets for the movie, and thumbs up! Ok, imagine the FATS i have taken in for today!

Excited for the fishing recruitment drive tomorrow, hopefully Yting and I will get something that we both like : ).

Oh yah, Steph not feeling well, take care of yourself and recover fast :).

* Last point of the day....
Maybe.... Giving someone all your love is never an assuranxce that they will love you back.. Dun expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their heart, but if it doesnt, be content that it grew in yours, at least. :)

This is the second week in NTU. The first week is hectic, and im learning to cope better this week. :)

I am so glad im in the same class as Vivian, haha another 3 long years. Life in NTU is different without Siew! Ahhhh :( it seems so much quieter and we have no one to trick now. haha. Opps.

Also, luckily i have Ying Ting with me in NTU! Ahhh ha, thurday fishing session at Nanyang LAke, i hope we will enjoy yea :)

My journey in NUH ended last 2 week ago. I'm glad ive made some friends and will definately bring them to the next chapter of my life. : ). Thanks for all the presents and well wishes!!!

I met up with Candice on the last day of work. It was significant because i wanted to have a good talk with her b4 i move on to the next chap of my life. Her encouragement and love never fail to touched me :)

Ok, im lazy to type on, sleeping time!!