Fear is an ugly thing. Recently I've found myself consumed by it, and it's eating away at my peace and my sanity, ripping through truth and implanting lies. I was reading Psalm 27 last night ("The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?") and it occurred to me that whereas in that psalm David had a legitimate fear (if fear can actually be legitimate)of people who were seeking him out, I don't fear the "who" but the "what if". David had real problems; I just have phantoms of problems. For example, what if none of the schools I applied to give me money? What if I get in but then I flunk out? What if I am stuck living with my parents for the rest of my life? What if I never find a job I love? What if I get married and have kids and then find out that I'm a terrible mother and wife? What if I don't get married? What if, what if, what if...and the thoughts go on and on until I feel like I'm going to explode. And looking at the list of things I just typed I am reminded once again that I have no control over any of it, and that more than likely these things I am afraid of happening won't happen. And if they do, it's not like God will leave me to fend for myself. No, for even though I am faithless and unfaithful, God is ever faithful and true to His Word. I think it's time to kick fear out and let peace in...
"Oh, the differences that often are between everything we want and what we really need." Nichole Nordeman
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