For the Love

Wow, sometimes it feels really good to just sit down and be alone! This has been one crazy weekend. My grandparents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary yesterday by renewing their vows and having a lovely reception, so practically all of the family on my mother's side was there for it, along with a bunch of other people I had never seen before in my life. As the priest was officiating over the vow renewal ceremony, one portion of the ceremony mentioned something about raising children up in the Lord, which got a good laugh from everyone since I'm pretty sure my grandmother would end up on national television if she started having babies at her age. (Apparently the priest was reading from the typical marriage ceremony rites and then improvising other stuff, and he just read that part without thinking.)

Poor Stephen accompanied me to this event and then stayed overnight at my parent's house (along with several other people), so he got a nice glimpse into the craziness that can be my family. Hopefully they didn't scare him away. ;) He brought his dog Bailey with him, and we thought it would be fun to introduce Bailey to Sandy and Bear (my parent's dog and my brother's dog). That was a mistake on both counts. Sandy hated Bailey, as she hates almost everyone else, and Bailey was terrified of Bear (he's an 80-pound lab). It was quite funny, except for when Bailey got so worked up that she was practically foaming at the mouth. I had to feel sorry for Bailey because she was clearly confused about everything and all of the new, strange people she was having to meet. At least she likes me!

I don't know why I haven't been updating my Xanga as much. It seems that Xanga in general seems to be suffering from a bit of a traffic flow problem or something. Perhaps MySpace is stealing all of the cyber-addicts away from Xanga. Oh well.

I think I need a nap to recover from all of this "family time." That or a stiff drink.

Spiritually, that is. Nine years ago on this day I quit fighting God and gave Him my life. It was the best decision I ever made, and it's been one wild and crazy ride. (I wrote about that day in an earlier post, so feel free to read my "God-story.") I wouldn't have it any other way. In some ways I feel as though I've grown a lot, and in other ways I feel like I'm still a "baby" Christian. I still struggle with reading my Bible and praying regularly, and I still stubbornly try and do things on my own far too often.

But I have realized how amazing my God is, how sinful I am, and how completely undeserving of His love I am. It's incredible to think that the God of the universe, the one who placed the starts in the sky and the flowers in the grass and the birds in the trees, LOVES me and knows my name and longs to spend time with me. I've learned that the world is bigger than my state of Tennessee, and that people in Thailand and Honduras and Kenya and Australia and California all need Jesus, too. I've learned that it's important to not only think about the needs of those in far-off places, but to look around my microcosm and search for ways to show God's love to those who live in my hometown. I've learned that it's much better to trust God and let Him lead than to try and do it on my own. I've learned that humility goes a long way towards getting to know God better, and that pride is the biggest stumbling block between me and God. I've learned to look at myself the way that God sees me and not as the world sees me, and to focus on pleasing Him instead of trying to please everyone else. I've learned that God will never love me more or less than He does this very minute, and there's nothing more freeing than being completely and totally and unconditionally loved.

Tom needs to hurry up and fix MySpace; I'm suffering from withdrawal.

I'm up early this fine Monday morning because I'm being spontaneous and driving to Jackson to see Stephen. We're having the carpet in our apartment cleaned today as an "incentive" for renewing our lease (I think it's funny they call it that since we already renewed it, but whatever.), and I have to be out of the apartment all day, so last night when Stephen and I were talking, we joked about my just driving to Jackson. Then I decided I would, since I was planning to go on Thursday anyway. I'm just a few days early, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't mind.

Happy Monday!

1. School supplies.
2. Swimming on a hot day.
3. Getting MySpace messages from Stephen.
4. Stephen. :)
5. Organizing my desk.
6. The sense of accomplishment that comes after assembling something.
7. Reading something in the Bible and feeling like it was written just for me.
8. A really good shuffle of songs on my iPod.
9. Daisies. Any kind.
10. Pictures.
11. Giggling.
12. Facebook.
13. Blogging.
14. Gel pens, especially pretty colored ones.
15. Target.
16. Clothing sales.
17. Shoes.
18. The smell right before it's going to rain.
19. Men's cologne, especially Polo Black.
20. Spending a day in complete contentment.
21. Snuggling.
22. Reading for pleasure.
23. Hammocks. (I wish I had one!)
24. Puppies.
25. Hearing Bailey's squeaky toy while Stephen and I are on the phone. (It's very cute.)
26. Listening to music with the windows rolled down.
27. Live music.
28. Chocolate.
29. My teddy bear, Mr. Butterscotch (Stephen gave him to me, and he's adorable and soft and comforting).
30. Singing.

What do you love?

School supplies make me giddy.

So I'm convinced that Samantha Brown, host of Travel Channel's Passport to Europe and Great Hotels (and provider of my daily noontime entertainment), has the coolest job in the world. I wonder if the Travel Channel would hire me to do a little globe-trotting and stay in the swankiest hotels the world has to offer. I'm totally qualified to live a life of luxury.

I had a dream last night that I was a teacher, but all of my students were fifth graders. No, thank you! I think I had that dream because teaching has been on my mind recently, since I'll have my own classes to teach starting Aug. 23. To say that I'm terrified is an understatement. I hope I can do this...

I feel like I've posted this before, but it made me giggle and I currently have fall on the brains since it's so hot and sticky and gross right now.

You Are Changing Leaves
Pretty, but soon dead.
What Part of Fall Are You?

I'm sad because Lost isn't coming on tonight. I've been watching the reruns of the second season since I didn't get to see them, and it is what I look forward to every Wednesday. Tonight, however, they are airing the show The One, which looks like an American Idol ripoff. I won't be watching that, primarily because I'm bitter that it has displaced my dear Lost. Oh well. It's sad when the highlight of my day is a TV show. I think that says something rather depressing about my current lifestyle. Oh well.

I saw You, Me and Dupree last night with some friends, and I really have no words to describe it. Owen Wilson annoys me, though, so I didn't expect too much. Confession: I really want to see John Tucker Must Die, despite the fact that advertising for this movie has taken over MySpace. You all can start laughing at me now.

Swimming. It's pretty much the only thing to do when it's blazing hot and 115% humidity. (Although I must say that it's better in East TN than in West TN, so lucky me!) I went today for the first time by myself, and I had a lovely time. I swam 22 laps (not the long way, mind you. If I did that, I'd be able to do about 2 and a half laps) and read some from She's Come Undone book and listened to my iPod. So not only did I get exercise, but I got a tan and enjoyed myself. This is going to be a daily thing, possibly. Or if not daily, perhaps every other day. What else do I have to do? I don't even care that I look like a beached whale compared to the other girls there; it feels so good to glide through the water that I forget all about what I look like. That's certainly a feeling I'd like to have all the time.

Now I'm off to do something decidedly less exciting: buy groceries. Oh well, a girl's gotta eat!

This morning was the first time I've been to church in Knoxville pretty much since the end of May, and it was really great. The choir sang a bunch of really excellent songs, one of which gave me chills. I really want to be in that choir. The sermon was also really good and coherent, and the people around me actually acknowledged my existence, which was nice. Next week the test: Sunday School. If I like that, I'm definitely staying at this church. They're starting up a new small group program in August, which is just what I want, so I can have accountability and friends to encourage me in my walk.

I can't stand this heat. Diana and I are going swimming this afternoon though, so that should help. I'm definitely ready for fall to come, so the leaves can change, the wind can be crisp and cool, and I can wear sweaters and turtlenecks!

DISCLAIMER: Complete cheese to follow. Squeamish readers, beware!



If someone could figure out a way to put the feelings of love into a bottle and sell it, there would be world peace. I guarantee it. No one would feel like blowing up a country if they felt the way I do. Stephen and I had a perfect day. It rained, but it managed to start raining a minute after we got in the car and stopped a minute before we got out. Even the weather is rooting for us!

*Floats away on a cloud.*

I have a deadline looming over my head (tomorrow), and yet I can't muster up any sense of urgency. Remind me never to try and get published in the summer. It's just not a good idea. I think it's Stephen's fault, really. Knowing that I'm going to see him tomorrow makes me distracted.

I'm feeling random, so now is as good a time as any to discuss a little gender inequality I have observed. Last week I had to buy new razors, and while standing in the aisle at Wal-Mart looking over the myriad of options available to me as a woman, I noticed something interesting. The type of razor I had selected, a Schick razor in a cheery pink color, was also in the men's razor section. As far as I could tell, the only discernible difference between my razor and the male version was the black and grey coloring. One would assume that these razors would be identical in price, right? You would be wrong. The black and grey razor (a 4-pack, just like the package I had selected) was two dollars cheaper than my pink razor. Can anyone explain this to me? I scanned both of the packages rather thoroughly, certain that I was missing some key difference, but I could find none. Am I to believe that women are paying more for a color choice?! Tell me this is not true because it rather infuriates me. I ended up buying the black and grey razor, and it's working quite nicely. I may never buy another "female" razor again, but this means I am destined to a life of bland razors when I could have pretty ones. It's an unjust world we live in.

Given my recent sleep troubles, I decided to take some meds last night (a cheap version of Nyquil was all I had on hand) to see if it would help me sleep. 12 hours later, at 1:30 p.m., I woke up, so I'd say it was a rousing success! I haven't slept for 12 hours in a long time (at least not since school has been out and I haven't been up all night writing papers), and it kind of stunk because by then half the day was gone. I do feel rested though. I just hope I can fall asleep tonight. I really need to get into a normal routine because I do much better that way than this "do whatever I want to" schedule.

It's crazy I know, but I kind of want school to start. I MUST be ill.

I get to see Stephen on Saturday!!! We were going to have to wait until the end of the month when I went home for my grandparents' 50th anniversary party, but I had the brilliant idea of meeting up in Nashville this week. I'm sooo excited because it seems like forever since I last saw him, when in reality it was more like 8 days. We're going to meet at Opry Mills because there's lots to do there, and then take it from there. Yippee!!!

Why am I wide awake at almost 3 in the a.m.? I have no idea, but it's been a common theme since I've gotten back to Knoxvegas. At first I thought it was because I was sick, but I'm 90% better now, so I don't think that's it. I don't really know what it is. But there's nothing more frustrating than wanting to be asleep and not being able to get there.

American Idol is holding auditions in Memphis Labor Day weekend. I totally want to go and try out. I wanted to last year, but the Memphis audition got canceled because the city was hosting so many Katrina victims. I really just want to see if I could get past the preliminary auditions and face the judges. I wonder if I'd crack under pressure or actually be able to sing normally. Probably more of the former than the latter, I'm guessing.

What do you think it is that makes people attractive to one another? I mean, I think it is fairly safe to say that there are some people that the majority of the population would find attractive, but what about the others? Because I'm completely judgmental and critical, I sometimes will spot a couple and think to myself, "I wonder what he (or she) see in her (or him)." Isn't that terrible? And then I have heard people describe the person they're with as the "most beautiful" person in the world, and I have to wonder if they really believe that in their hearts or if they're just saying it. I would never expect Stephen to say I'm the most beautiful woman in the world because that's, well, completely absurd. I guess when it comes down to it, personality has to factor in somewhere. I know some really pretty people whom I find really unattractive because I've seen their character (or lack thereof), and it's kind of nullified whatever outer beauty their appearance may possess. On the flip side, I know some people who I'm sure will never end up on the cover of Vogue that have some of the most beautiful souls, and that's what I find attractive. And I believe that's what the Lord finds attractive as well.

"Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart." ~ 1 Samuel 16:7

So this guy apparently traded a big red paper clip, along with a myriad of other random objects, for a house. Anybody want to give me a house? I'll give you my entire book collection. That's a lot of books, trust me.

Your Pirate Name Is...
Arch-Pirate Sweet Waters
What's Your Pirate Name?

Yo ho ho and a bottle of...OJ. I'm feeling better, but still not 100%. I'll survive, it seems. I have to turn in something for a publication by the 15th, and have I started? Of course not! I wonder if I really do work best under pressure, or if I just tell myself that as a reason to avoid the task until the last possible minute. Maybe I should try completing a task before it's due to see how my work compares to that which is done last minute. But that means thinking ahead and planning and getting something done early. Hmm...nah.

I'm sick. I think I might cough up my lung. That might be cool.

The water was turned back on yesterday, right when I needed it. I went to see Tristan Prettyman in concert at Blue Cats. The doors opened at 8, but two people opened for her (the first not until 9:30), and she didn't come on until 11. By that time my friend Diana and I were ready for bed. We're so old. When she finally did come on, she kept talking about how she hoped she was helping us all "start our night off right." Start our night? She was helping us end it. Hehe. Somehow, though, I think we were the only ones planning on going to bed once the concert was over.

Today's plans: lie on the couch watching movies, miss Stephen, cough up a lung. Exciting.

So I'm unloading the dishwasher and getting ready to load the dirty dishes into it, when I turn on the sink to rinse out a bowl. Nothing comes out. I try it again. Nothing. I think, "Crap, I've broken something." I walk to my bathroom and try the sink there, to see if it's an isolated problem. Nothing comes out. Naturally, all of a sudden, I have to use the bathroom, and of course the toilet doesn't flush. Excellent. I call the office and ask what happened, and apparently the guys doing construction at the front of our complex hit the water main, and the whole complex is without water. I never realized how often I use water until I don't have it, but then I guess that's the way it always goes. It could be up to 24 hours before it's fixed, and I definitely need a shower before then (I needed one like two hours ago, but whatever) and it would be nice to use the bathroom and be able to flush. Happy Friday to me!

EDIT: Stephen was my 20,000th visitor. He wins...me!

I read this article today on Yahoo about those who want to change English spelling to make it more like it sounds. Nice idea, but it's never going to work. It would be as successful as something like suddenly switching to the metric system would be. What do you think, Stef (she's an elementary school teacher)? Do you want to start teaching an entirely new way of spelling? Wouldn't that be fun? Apparently even Teddy Roosevelt was pushing for simplified spelling at one point. It's an interesting idea, but I can't see it ever coming to fruition.

In other news, Liz and I saw The Devil Wears Prada tonight, and I liked it a lot. It wasn't quite what I was expecting, which in this case was good.

And I miss Stephen. I wish there was a way to squish the state of TN so that Jackson and Knoxville weren't 5 hours apart. Can someone work on that for me? Thanks so much.

To celebrate the fourth of July, Stephen and I gathered at the home of our friends Jonathan and Erin in the booming metropolis of Oakland, TN.  (And by "booming metropolis" I mean town where everyone knows your name.  Kind of like Cheers.)  Always looking for ways to be nonconformist, we had our celebration on the third instead.  (Truthfully, we had it on the third because I had planned on going back to Knoxville on the fourth, but I like to think I'm a nonconformist, despite the fact that my keeping a Xanga completely disproves that idea.)  Stephen's dog Bailey made nice with the Hitts' new kitten, She Who Has Not Been Named:

Promptly after this picture, kitty hissed at Bailey, which ended the love fest.

Since it was soooo hot, we thought it would be fun to see if we could fry an egg on the pavement, so we went outside and Stephen did the honors.  Here are Stephen and Jonathan after the egg dropped:

 (It was kind of sunny, hence Stephen's oh-so-cute squinty look.)  Unfortunately, the whole event was rather anticlimactic, since the egg did nothing but splatter on the pavement and run yolk down the drain.  We kept watching it, thinking it just needed a minute or two, but to no avail.  Oh well, it was no MythBusters, but it was fun.  (Had this been a MythBusters challenge, Adam and Jamie would have found a way to make the egg fry, perhaps by torching the pavement to 400 degrees or something nutty like that.) 

After our little experiment that wasn't, Stephen and I took some pictures because we realized that up until then all of our photos involved us sitting on a couch in front of Stephen's window.  So we shook it up a bit with some outside shots.  (We're wild and crazy, I know):

That one's my favorite.  Stephen's a goober.

 
We weren't really sure when Jon was taking the pictures...

Here's the Hitt family.  Isn't their little girl a cutie?

Thus concludes my holiday narrative. I'm back in Knoxville, and I can see myself becoming bored very quickly.  If everyone I knew didn't have an actual job during the day, perhaps I'd have more fun, but as it is I'm stuck at the apartment by myself.  Honestly though, it's nice having a little time to myself since I haven't had that since I've been in Memphis.  It's just slightly dangerous when I'm bored, though, because when I"m bored I go shopping.  Resist, Erin, resist...

On a completely unrelated note, I would just like to say that Stephen is going for the Boyfriend of the Century award. 

I'm 60 hits away from 20,000!  If there was a way to figure out who the 20,000 visitor is, I would give that person a little prize.

Did everyone decide to return to Xanga on the same day? I think half of my subscriptions updated today! (The other half of you, step on it! I'm bored here!)

I went to a wedding tonight and saw a bunch of people I haven't seen in a while, and the wedding was absolutely beautiful. I'm glad I went.

I noticed something tonight when I stopped by Sonic for a little refreshment on my way home; we (as in the American public in general) are afraid of being too close to other people. The next time you go to Sonic, notice where the cars are situated. Almost never does a car pull in right next to another car. There will usually be at least one open space between each car, if not more. I do it, too. I will always pull into a space that has empty spaces on either side. The same is true for the movies, I think. People will always leave at least one seat in between them and the person next to them. Why is this? Why are we so afraid of this incredibly impersonal form of human contact? Are we afraid of some communicable disease? Do we not want to get a whiff of someone else's body odor? I don't think so, although in some cases that probably is warranted, hehe. I can't quite say why it is that I do this, so I'm wondering if anyone else has noticed this and has any thoughts as to why this is such a common behavior. It's really interesting to me. Perhaps it's just our way of preserving whatever speck of privacy we can, in a world that is becoming increasingly public. Or maybe I'm just imagining things. Stranger things have happened, believe me.

Tonight I just want to sing this from the rooftop:

"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable His judgments and His paths beyond tracing out! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been His counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To HIM be the glory forever! Amen." ~Romans 11:33-36

And forever and forever and forever...