Still here... just in my cave. Who started the cave... was it Tertia? Anyway, I've got about 6 posts half-written, and they all degenerate into whininess, so I'll spare you.
26 weeks tomorrow. 15 days to go until our first big milestone. I cannot wait.
Showing posts with label Moaning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Moaning. Show all posts
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Hiding in My Hole
I can't blog. I've gone from over the moon ecstatic and optimistic, to terrified of what tomorrow's cervical measurement will bring. We're right in the middle of where things tanked with my pregnancy with D and I am not handling it well. I'm contracting all over the place and H is nervous and his anxiety is rubbing off on me. Which is weird becasue deep down, I really am starting to think that I am just a woman who contracts a lot while pregnant (my mother says she was the same) and the thing that made that matter when I was pregnant with D was the subchorionic bleed, which by all accounts was a fluke and unlikely to recur this time around.
I know that makes no sense. I need to go to bed. Tomorrow we'll know what's up in there. Then I get to go give my lecture students their first exam of the semester. Giving an exam is much easier on me than lecturing for three hours. I really hope everything goes well tomorrow. It feels like a particularly crucial checkup to me. Maybe that's because at 21 and a half weeks, we really are teetering on the brink of viability here.
Long cervix. Long cervix. Breathe. Breathe.
I know that makes no sense. I need to go to bed. Tomorrow we'll know what's up in there. Then I get to go give my lecture students their first exam of the semester. Giving an exam is much easier on me than lecturing for three hours. I really hope everything goes well tomorrow. It feels like a particularly crucial checkup to me. Maybe that's because at 21 and a half weeks, we really are teetering on the brink of viability here.
Long cervix. Long cervix. Breathe. Breathe.
Monday, September 03, 2007
Doh-dee-doh-dee-doh
I don't have anything in particular to say but I feel like I should post. So, perhaps we'll do bullet points today.
--It's hotter than hell here. All of Southern California is having "unseasonably warm weather." Unseasonably warm my ass. It's a friggin' sauna. And I've got this thing squirming around inside my uterus. I don't think crabby and grouchy are strong enough words to describe my mood. I do not handle heat well.
--I'm having a hard time adjusting to the idea of this child, if born safely, being a boy. Which is odd, because I had really thought D was going to be a boy and I had to get used to the idea of her being a girl. Now I'm mourning the loss of her potential sister. Go figure. H has picked up on this and is afraid to express excitement over our potential son because he doesn't want to upset me. That poor man. I don't know how he's going to tolerate me if I keep this up.
--We bought a new car on Friday. A family car. My teeny convertible got me through one kid, but even I could see we needed something bigger. My husband loves it. I'm ambivolent. Friday was an expensive day.
--Yesterday I hit 20 weeks. Halfway to the mythical 40 weeks of a "normal" pregnancy. I'm on the downhill slope of this one. Of course, I have not failed to note that I am now past the last point in my pregnancy with D where my cervix was well-behaved. They measured it on Friday at 41.9 mm so now we wait and see if things are headed down the same path as with D. Oddly enough, now that we're into the preterm labor danger zone, I am calm. 20 weeks is still too soon for viability. I think I'm going to lose my grip when we get into that area where the baby could survive but would likely have major problems. 24 to 28 weeks is going to be hard for me.
--I made my first new baby purchases (besides the car, of course). I carefully read and considered all return policies. I got a pouch (I hated my old sling) and some new and improved bottles. I find it odd that right as we enter my personal pregnancy danger zone, I feel comfortable enough to buy things. I am insane.
--My next appointment isn't until the 13th. I don't know what I am going to do with myself until then. I'm no longer supposed to do anything active in the evenings (this is when I tend to contract). Other than that, I am to use my own judgement.
--Oh, and we checked out double jogging strollers today, too. The one I like is $530. Um, I'm sorry, but that is INSANE. I will now haunt Craig's List in the hopes of finding one used for a sum that I am willing to part with.
I'm sorry this post is so lame. I've been putting off posting all week due to the heat and my associated mood. Maybe I should have kept that up. Oh, well. I'll try and sleep and hopefully things will be better tomorrow.
--It's hotter than hell here. All of Southern California is having "unseasonably warm weather." Unseasonably warm my ass. It's a friggin' sauna. And I've got this thing squirming around inside my uterus. I don't think crabby and grouchy are strong enough words to describe my mood. I do not handle heat well.
--I'm having a hard time adjusting to the idea of this child, if born safely, being a boy. Which is odd, because I had really thought D was going to be a boy and I had to get used to the idea of her being a girl. Now I'm mourning the loss of her potential sister. Go figure. H has picked up on this and is afraid to express excitement over our potential son because he doesn't want to upset me. That poor man. I don't know how he's going to tolerate me if I keep this up.
--We bought a new car on Friday. A family car. My teeny convertible got me through one kid, but even I could see we needed something bigger. My husband loves it. I'm ambivolent. Friday was an expensive day.
--Yesterday I hit 20 weeks. Halfway to the mythical 40 weeks of a "normal" pregnancy. I'm on the downhill slope of this one. Of course, I have not failed to note that I am now past the last point in my pregnancy with D where my cervix was well-behaved. They measured it on Friday at 41.9 mm so now we wait and see if things are headed down the same path as with D. Oddly enough, now that we're into the preterm labor danger zone, I am calm. 20 weeks is still too soon for viability. I think I'm going to lose my grip when we get into that area where the baby could survive but would likely have major problems. 24 to 28 weeks is going to be hard for me.
--I made my first new baby purchases (besides the car, of course). I carefully read and considered all return policies. I got a pouch (I hated my old sling) and some new and improved bottles. I find it odd that right as we enter my personal pregnancy danger zone, I feel comfortable enough to buy things. I am insane.
--My next appointment isn't until the 13th. I don't know what I am going to do with myself until then. I'm no longer supposed to do anything active in the evenings (this is when I tend to contract). Other than that, I am to use my own judgement.
--Oh, and we checked out double jogging strollers today, too. The one I like is $530. Um, I'm sorry, but that is INSANE. I will now haunt Craig's List in the hopes of finding one used for a sum that I am willing to part with.
I'm sorry this post is so lame. I've been putting off posting all week due to the heat and my associated mood. Maybe I should have kept that up. Oh, well. I'll try and sleep and hopefully things will be better tomorrow.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Ouch
So there I was, this morning at 11, lifting my 27-pound toddler into a high chair at local-amusement-park-which-shall-not-be-named, when it happened. That horrible feeling of something ripping in my lower back. Who knows what it was: a muscle, a set of muscles, an already-misshapen disc in my spine... I have once again thrown out my back.
The last time this happened, I was in grad school. My husband was still my boyfriend. Having chldren was a vague plan for far off in the future. I took a few days off, popped painkillers and muscle relaxants like candy, went to a physical therapist for a while, and was mildly inconvenienced.
Today, however, I have a husband who just took 2 weeks off work and can't really take any time off to allow his wife to recline in bed while he cooks, cleans, and does kid duty. I have a job that doesn't come with the opportunity to be sick without massively inconveniencing the rest of the department. I have a rapidly expanding uterus, putting strain on an already dicey lower back. And, of course, I have the 27 pound toddler, too small to climb into her own carseat or high chair.
Well, shit.
On the plus side, tomorrow D goes to day care, and then it's the weekend. I am hoping to have myself somewhat functional by Monday. Wish me luck.
The last time this happened, I was in grad school. My husband was still my boyfriend. Having chldren was a vague plan for far off in the future. I took a few days off, popped painkillers and muscle relaxants like candy, went to a physical therapist for a while, and was mildly inconvenienced.
Today, however, I have a husband who just took 2 weeks off work and can't really take any time off to allow his wife to recline in bed while he cooks, cleans, and does kid duty. I have a job that doesn't come with the opportunity to be sick without massively inconveniencing the rest of the department. I have a rapidly expanding uterus, putting strain on an already dicey lower back. And, of course, I have the 27 pound toddler, too small to climb into her own carseat or high chair.
Well, shit.
On the plus side, tomorrow D goes to day care, and then it's the weekend. I am hoping to have myself somewhat functional by Monday. Wish me luck.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Happy Fourth!!
I meant to post yesterday after my first OB appointment, but I was just too grouchy. It went fine, in terms of the fetus (it's now a fetus!!!)-- measuring right on, wiggly as a worm, good heartbeat. BUT, what a colossal pain in the ass. I left my house at 11:40 AM and got home at a quarter to six. A little long for a doctor's appointment, don't you think? I'd forgotten how long appointments at my OB's office can take. Ugh. I shall break it down for you:
11:40 AM: depart for day care lady's house.
12:00 PM: drop D off so I can pay $40 for her to nap nearly the whole time I'm gone.
12:01 PM: reflect that I ought to go into the daycare business.
12:02 PM: remember the 6 years I spent getting my PhD and ponder what being in your house all day with 4 small children must be like.
12:03 PM: decide things are just fine the way they are.
12:30 PM: after driving a total of about 30 miles from house, arrive at chinese restaurant where meeting H for lunch before appointment.
12:31: restaurant closed for fourth of July.
1:15 PM: finish lunch at restaurant next door and head to doctor's office up the street. Doubt husband's navigational abilities only to be proven wrong. (I hate that.)
1:30 PM: emerge from depths of parking garage to arrive on time for 1:30 appointment.
1:30-2:00 PM: sit in waiting room.
2:00 PM: escorted back for weight and blood pressure check after having given urine sample (first of the day).
2:01 PM: assistant doesn't know how to use scale properly, or else I magically lost 20 pounds since yesterday. Ponder speaking up and decide to let it go and see how they react next time when they think I've gained 25 pounds in three weeks.
2:05 PM: finish disrobing and sit on exam table in inadequate paper vest and paper square for covering bottom half.
2:05 PM to eternity: remain on exam table as bladder slowly refills.
2:45-ish: nurse practitioner comes in with inch-thick chart, which she has clearly been browsing through. Nurse practitioner immediately disappears to fetch medical records I brought from RE and gave to receptionist.
2:50- 3:00 PM-ish: have lovely conversation with nurse practitioner regarding history of preterm labor. Decide will do what perinatologist recommended, which is transvaginal ultrasounds every 2 weeks starting at 16 weeks to look for a shortening cervix or evidence of funnelling. Discover must go back to perinatologist and pay out-of-pocket for nuchal translucency screen since I'm under 35 and they don't do them in the OB office anyway. Get lab slip for OB blood panel and thyroid hormone levels. Have exam, swabs, etc.
3:00 PM: nurse practitioner departs and says doctor will be right in for ultrasound.
3:05 PM: ponder emptying bladder before ultrasound.
3:05:15 PM: doctor comes in. This is the new one since I had D, who we've never met. Plans of reunion with Dr. Favorite fade.
3:06 PM: doctor fails to get clear ultrasound shot of fetus since fetus is being cruelly squashed by increasingly full bladder. Doctor claims has never had to ask a patient to empty bladder to get good picture. Doctor applies increasing pressure with wand against full bladder. Doctor chides me for allowing bladder to get so full and irritate already well-known-irritable uterus.
3:07 PM: doctor becomes apologetic after I testily remark that bladder was completely empty when I was first escorted into exam room about an hour ago.
3:10 PM: doctor mercifully asks me to go empty bladder.
3:13 PM: doctor gets a quick grainy ultrasound picture and measurement of fetus and immediately vanishes.
3:15 PM: H and I make another appointment for July 30th and gratefully leave the office.
3:15 - 4:00 PM: I fight early rush-hour traffic to do what should have been a 20 minute drive to pick up D.
4:00 PM: take D across street to lab and give 8 or 9 gallons of blood for lab work. Experience first attempt to provide clean catch urine sample (second of day) while juggling a 21-month-old.
4:30 PM: sit in traffic jam due to terrible car accident at intersection on way home.
4:55 PM: emerge from traffic jam and drop off prescription.
5:25 PM: emerge victorious from pharmacy with barely intact sanity.
5:25:15 PM: start car and gas light comes on. Groan and slap forehead.
5:35 PM: arrive at nearest gas station and fill up car.
5:45 PM: arrive home with 45 minutes to spare before need to leave for work and give 2.5 hour review session to lab students.
__________________________________
You can perhaps see why I did not, in the end, post yesterday. Having slept somewhat of a full night (my class doesn't end until 10:15 and it's a fair distance away) I am feeling somewhat more refreshed today. But, I do not want to have to repeat this experience every 2 weeks. What to do? I love the doctors at this practice, and they were great during the chaotic disaster that was my pregnancy with D. Plus, they deliver at the hospital with the best NICU for micropreemies and the special unit for bedresting pregnant ladies. We used to live much closer to their office, but we moved out here to Siberia right after D was born and I don't want to switch to someone local. If I did, and we had more preterm labor fun and this baby was delivered early, the hospital up here would send the baby in an ambulance down to the hospital this practice delivers at anyway, leaving me stranded in the Siberian hospital and far away from my terribly sick child. I think I'm just going to have to deal with the distance and leave things as they are.
Sigh. Off to decorate my flag cake. Firework fun tonight!! I hope D doesn't panic.
11:40 AM: depart for day care lady's house.
12:00 PM: drop D off so I can pay $40 for her to nap nearly the whole time I'm gone.
12:01 PM: reflect that I ought to go into the daycare business.
12:02 PM: remember the 6 years I spent getting my PhD and ponder what being in your house all day with 4 small children must be like.
12:03 PM: decide things are just fine the way they are.
12:30 PM: after driving a total of about 30 miles from house, arrive at chinese restaurant where meeting H for lunch before appointment.
12:31: restaurant closed for fourth of July.
1:15 PM: finish lunch at restaurant next door and head to doctor's office up the street. Doubt husband's navigational abilities only to be proven wrong. (I hate that.)
1:30 PM: emerge from depths of parking garage to arrive on time for 1:30 appointment.
1:30-2:00 PM: sit in waiting room.
2:00 PM: escorted back for weight and blood pressure check after having given urine sample (first of the day).
2:01 PM: assistant doesn't know how to use scale properly, or else I magically lost 20 pounds since yesterday. Ponder speaking up and decide to let it go and see how they react next time when they think I've gained 25 pounds in three weeks.
2:05 PM: finish disrobing and sit on exam table in inadequate paper vest and paper square for covering bottom half.
2:05 PM to eternity: remain on exam table as bladder slowly refills.
2:45-ish: nurse practitioner comes in with inch-thick chart, which she has clearly been browsing through. Nurse practitioner immediately disappears to fetch medical records I brought from RE and gave to receptionist.
2:50- 3:00 PM-ish: have lovely conversation with nurse practitioner regarding history of preterm labor. Decide will do what perinatologist recommended, which is transvaginal ultrasounds every 2 weeks starting at 16 weeks to look for a shortening cervix or evidence of funnelling. Discover must go back to perinatologist and pay out-of-pocket for nuchal translucency screen since I'm under 35 and they don't do them in the OB office anyway. Get lab slip for OB blood panel and thyroid hormone levels. Have exam, swabs, etc.
3:00 PM: nurse practitioner departs and says doctor will be right in for ultrasound.
3:05 PM: ponder emptying bladder before ultrasound.
3:05:15 PM: doctor comes in. This is the new one since I had D, who we've never met. Plans of reunion with Dr. Favorite fade.
3:06 PM: doctor fails to get clear ultrasound shot of fetus since fetus is being cruelly squashed by increasingly full bladder. Doctor claims has never had to ask a patient to empty bladder to get good picture. Doctor applies increasing pressure with wand against full bladder. Doctor chides me for allowing bladder to get so full and irritate already well-known-irritable uterus.
3:07 PM: doctor becomes apologetic after I testily remark that bladder was completely empty when I was first escorted into exam room about an hour ago.
3:10 PM: doctor mercifully asks me to go empty bladder.
3:13 PM: doctor gets a quick grainy ultrasound picture and measurement of fetus and immediately vanishes.
3:15 PM: H and I make another appointment for July 30th and gratefully leave the office.
3:15 - 4:00 PM: I fight early rush-hour traffic to do what should have been a 20 minute drive to pick up D.
4:00 PM: take D across street to lab and give 8 or 9 gallons of blood for lab work. Experience first attempt to provide clean catch urine sample (second of day) while juggling a 21-month-old.
4:30 PM: sit in traffic jam due to terrible car accident at intersection on way home.
4:55 PM: emerge from traffic jam and drop off prescription.
5:25 PM: emerge victorious from pharmacy with barely intact sanity.
5:25:15 PM: start car and gas light comes on. Groan and slap forehead.
5:35 PM: arrive at nearest gas station and fill up car.
5:45 PM: arrive home with 45 minutes to spare before need to leave for work and give 2.5 hour review session to lab students.
__________________________________
You can perhaps see why I did not, in the end, post yesterday. Having slept somewhat of a full night (my class doesn't end until 10:15 and it's a fair distance away) I am feeling somewhat more refreshed today. But, I do not want to have to repeat this experience every 2 weeks. What to do? I love the doctors at this practice, and they were great during the chaotic disaster that was my pregnancy with D. Plus, they deliver at the hospital with the best NICU for micropreemies and the special unit for bedresting pregnant ladies. We used to live much closer to their office, but we moved out here to Siberia right after D was born and I don't want to switch to someone local. If I did, and we had more preterm labor fun and this baby was delivered early, the hospital up here would send the baby in an ambulance down to the hospital this practice delivers at anyway, leaving me stranded in the Siberian hospital and far away from my terribly sick child. I think I'm just going to have to deal with the distance and leave things as they are.
Sigh. Off to decorate my flag cake. Firework fun tonight!! I hope D doesn't panic.
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