I have to remember to watch this and stock up on tissues- I couldn't even make it through this preview without crying
May 1, 2012 Dan Rather Reports: Adopted or Abducted
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Go Ahead and Punch Him
The boys have been in sparring classes through our Kung Fu Studio and
a while back we started D. The younger kids are funny to watch during
their first class. They can't reconcile the fact that they are now
allowed to hit people. So they often just stand in one spot and don't
move. If they do punch or kick it is very half-hearted and they
immediately turn around to look at their parents to make sure they
aren't about to go to time out.
Not D....
(At the time we took this she was 5 and she is fighting a 7 year old. You'll notice the teacher has to grab her to get her to stop at the end. Now there are several boys who have told their moms they don't want to fight her- she is too tough)
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
An Actual Award (that is Worth Something)
In light of the Circle of Moms fiasco, iAdoptee started a contest for the Top 25 Adoptee Rights Blogs Written by Adoptive Mothers. To qualify the blog author must be an adoptive mother and they must have done at least one post about adoptee's rights to their original birth certificates.
I am proud and honored to say I made the list.
Unfortunately it is a pretty short list which makes me sad because adoptive moms SHOULD care that their children are denied their OBC even after they reach adulthood. In fact, I would go so far and say that for an a-mom not to care about this issue makes them pretty darn selfish. The hard work of being an adoptive parent means remembering that it isn't about you. The minute that baby is separated from from their first family it stops being about you and starts being about them. And this is a huge issue for adoptees- it is a huge issue for first families and it must be a huge issue for adoptive families too. So adoptive moms- it's time for us to step up to the plate and realize that providing adoptees with their OBC is about fairness and justice and not about us at all. So fellow a-moms.... Let's hear your voices.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Look Who Got Glasses!
He only needs them for reading and other close up work but he was pretty excited to get them
Friday, April 20, 2012
Falsified Document? Nope- Just My Kid's Birth Certificate
Did you know that at the finalization of an adoption the child's original birth certificate is sealed, and a new one is issued with the adoptive parents names on it.
I will admit that this is not a topic I have given much thought about because I thought of it more as a domestic adoptee issue but in reading some adoptee and first mother blogs I realize how fundamental of an issue this is. And then it occurred to me it really effects my kids too. For K her Ethiopian issued birth certificate lists us as her parents, although I believe it says adoptive (vs. natural) parents- but without pulling out of the safety deposit box I am not 100% sure. For D though, we do have her original birth certificate- but due to the nature of Chinese adoption there isn't really much information on it. But when we re-adopted them a couple of years ago we had new birth certificates from the state issued. We did primarily to have birth certificates that were in English and more user friendly (D's Chinese BC is 4 pages long in a A4 size folder).
The girls' new birth certificates are identical to the boys with the exception of the information about hospital, attending doctor and time of birth.
Identical.
Think about that. We are listed as giving birth to them. In one act, the state has legally erased their first families.
Sign, sealed and filed away.
Yes I am their parent but I am not the parent who gave birth to them as the certificate says.
The new document is a legal fiction.
And not only is the document a legal fiction but in the vast majority of states the original birth certificate is sealed FOREVER. Even after adulthood an adoptee in most states is unable to view their original birth certificate.
Luckily for my kids, because the state did not issue the original birth certificate, it is not sealed and we have multiple copies of them. Most adoptees are not so lucky.
One thing that I saw clearly these past two weeks is the irrefutable was the way the deck is stacked in favor of the adoptive parents at the expense of the parents who brought the child into the world. I know that there are adoptive parents who loudly proclaim they are the real parents and they want the paperwork to show that.
But at what cost to the child and first family?
Adoptees have two sets of parents and if you, as an adoptive parent, can't deal with that. maybe adoption isn't for you.
I am at a loss to understand why states don't develop a birth certificate that respectfully identifies their original family, acknowledges their current family and does so in way to keep their adoption story private should they want it to remain private.
However, what I am at a far greater loss to understand why the original birth certificates can not be issued to adult adoptees without question. That document contains fundamental information about who they ARE, not just who they were.
Why in 2012 is this even an issue?
Think about this- if President Obama had been adopted- it would have been impossible for him to get his birth certificate to prove he was born in the US.
IMPOSSIBLE.
For the President of the United States.
Makes you wonder what they are hiding
For more information about how to support the overturning of these archaic laws and to find out about National Adoptee Rights Day please click here
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
It Was Meant to Be
Imagine you are married, madly in love your best friend and soul mate. Then one day you beloved partner dies. You grieve heavily and for a long time. Eventually you meet another person and you fall in love and get married and build a happy life. Then one day they say to you "It was God's plan for us to be together" You know that had it not been for the death of your first partner, you wouldn't be together. How do you interpret that statement?
So I recently spoke an a panel about adoption. The panel included an adult adoptee, first mothers and adoptive parents. And one of the adoptive parents was speaking about her journey to parenthood and made a reference to something that I hear all the time from adoptive parents.
"They were meant to be my children"
Sometimes also worded as
"God knew we were supposed to be your family" or
"It was God's plan for us to be a family"
Think about what that sounds like to an adoptive parent. To an adoptive parent it is warm and fuzzy thought. A sense that the child is right were they should be- right where they were meant to be.
(Of course, recognize also the inherent judgement implied in it (whether consciously or not) that "here" is a better place then where they could have been.
Think about what it sounds like to a first mother. Your whole reason for existing was to give birth to this baby solely for the purposes of placing them with the adoptive family. It implies their whole destiny and purpose was to produce a baby for someone else. It relegates them to being little more than an incubator and minimizes the fundamental role they have as the child's first mother. Not to mention first families are so much more than just the people who "made" your baby.
Now think about what it sounds like to a child (especially when you drag God into it) God allowed (or worse, caused) the reasons that my first parents couldn't raise me. God meant for me to be born into this other family so He separated me from my first family to put me here. And for children removed due to violence or death- "God allowed my first parent to hit me so that I could come here" or "God allowed my first parent to die because I am supposed to be here with this family" There are two huge issues with this. The first is that it means that being born into their original family was a mistake. The other is that now the child believes that God would deliberately cause the issue that pulled the first family apart. While I am not an overly religious person, I can't imagine how you would come to love/worship/respect a God that you thought deliberately and consciously orchestrated the painful events in your life in order to get you into another family.
And because someone will bring it up- while I do believe that there are a few adoption stories so full of coincidences and "karma" as to wonder if there wasn't some sort of divine intervention pairing a certain child with a certain family, the difference is in those situation the child had already been separated from the birth family. In other words the child was already in an orphanage or foster care. The "karma" is how the child and family connected- NOT in how the child lost their first family.
I will never accept that God planned on my children's first mother's having to relinquish them- it is too cruel to think that God orchestrated that loss deliberately so that I could parent them. I can't believe that a mother relinquishing her child, no matter the circumstances is the universe's Plan A.
Plan A was that my children were meant to be in their families of origin.
It is only when plan A couldn't happen, for whatever reason, that you consider Plan B.
Adoption is Plan B
Monday, April 16, 2012
Look What Just Moved In
Mama duck has laid about 7 eggs in the planter just outside of our front door on the porch.... We are used to having ducks in the swimming pool this time a year but looks like we may have a family this year.
(once we open the pool we better start building a ramp to get the ducklings out of the pool)
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Shout Out to the New Readers
Just wanted to welcome a whole host of new readers who have joined us from Circle of Momsgate 2012.
So here's how it goes around here (more or less)
I try to post every couple of days. Sometimes it is fluffy, often times it is not. But either way- whichever you are looking for- you will find it here (eventually)
Wednesdays are often Wordless Wednesday
Weekends are usually Weekend Wisdom during which I post a quote from someone far more eloquent than me.
Randomly the new feature What the ----? will appear
Other than that- You will find posts about the kids, race, adoption, special needs, social justice, holidays, politics, cool things from the internet-just about anything- and sometimes just random thoughts.
Comments are moderated but unless you are abusive and rude, spamming the blog, and/or identify me personally- I will post comments- even when they don't agree with me. So please feel free to leave comments.
For people like me who forget to check in- you can subscribe via RSS, follow on Google reader or like of on Facebook- then the posts come to you. (of course it would be better if they came with pizza)
Welcome- we are glad you are here and enjoy your stay!
(and of course a HUGE shout out to my readers who were voting every day- when the contest ended we were at number 21)
Friday, April 13, 2012
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Introducing a New Feature, What the ----?
I have decided it is time for a new feature around here (and after the last couple of days with the Circle of Moms craziness) it seems like as good a time as any.
Making it's debut soon after this post will the be first addition of a feature I will be calling
What the ----?
(you can insert whatever four letter word you would like. I know which one I will use, but I didn't want to offend)
Once you see the first one- I think the rest will be self explanatory
Well This is an Interesting Development
I just got this email.....
Hello,
After serious consideration, we have decided to cancel our Adoption Blogs by Moms – 2012 contest. Our Top 25 program is meant to celebrate, connect, and support mom bloggers. Following some feedback from participants in our 2011 contest, we decided to make this year's Top 25 more inclusive. In doing so, we unknowingly stepped into a very sensitive issue and debate, and we apologize to all the moms who have been offended, no matter what your position on adoption is. We're committed to finding a way to give all parties in the Adoption Triad a voice on Circle of Moms. If we run a Top 25 Adoption Blogs in the future, we'll consult with mom bloggers in each part of the Adoption Triad on how to create a supportive contest where all bloggers would feel welcome and respected by Circle of Moms and by all participants. We appreciate the time and energy every participant put into this contest during the past week, and we sincerely regret that we can't reward those efforts in the way we had planned to when we launched the contest.
We will be closing the contest at 3pm PST today and all blogs will be removed from the contest page.
Sincerely,
The Circle of Moms Team
After serious consideration, we have decided to cancel our Adoption Blogs by Moms – 2012 contest. Our Top 25 program is meant to celebrate, connect, and support mom bloggers. Following some feedback from participants in our 2011 contest, we decided to make this year's Top 25 more inclusive. In doing so, we unknowingly stepped into a very sensitive issue and debate, and we apologize to all the moms who have been offended, no matter what your position on adoption is. We're committed to finding a way to give all parties in the Adoption Triad a voice on Circle of Moms. If we run a Top 25 Adoption Blogs in the future, we'll consult with mom bloggers in each part of the Adoption Triad on how to create a supportive contest where all bloggers would feel welcome and respected by Circle of Moms and by all participants. We appreciate the time and energy every participant put into this contest during the past week, and we sincerely regret that we can't reward those efforts in the way we had planned to when we launched the contest.
We will be closing the contest at 3pm PST today and all blogs will be removed from the contest page.
Sincerely,
The Circle of Moms Team
Ironically- I think all members of the triad felt welcome and supported UNTIL they disqualified Cassi. (although I suspect there was a contingent of "Sunshine and Roses" bloggers who complained about Cassi's blog in the first place) They don't have to agree but Cassi had the right to be on that list- if they didn't like it they didn't have to read or vote. Circle of Moms should had left it alone. It was when they didn't that the problem started.
The Circle Isn't Complete
As you all know- I am competing in the Top 25 Adoption and Foster Mom Blogs Contest over at Circle of Moms.com. But something happened earlier this week that I find disturbing (although sadly not surprising) Earlier this week Cassi, who blogs at Adoption Truth, had her blog disqualified because she (allegedly) wasn't writing "about adoptive parenting in a supportive and positive way"
I have spent some time on Cassi's blog (which admittedly was one I hadn't read prior to finding her on the Top 25 list- but I am a follower now) To suggest that she isn't blogging about adoption in a supportive and positive way is absurd. The issue is that she isn't saying the things that "they" want her to say. She isn't blogging the "sunshine and roses, love is enough" garbage that adoption blogs are so often full of. She is blogging her truth and in doing so, is forcing others (especially adoptive parents) to question theirs. But questioning is what should be done. Adoption separates a child from their family- I think any time we stop to ask the really really hard questions that is a good thing.
I have blogged about very similar things (although viewed through the lens of international adoption) Just some of the things I have blogged about that are not the sunshine and roses view of adoption
Not to mention lots of posts on racial issues in general and transracial adoption issues in particular. I don't think that my posts are not supportive or positive- the same way I don't believe Cassi's were not positive and support. Sometimes positive support can be trying to fix a broken system or to teach someone another viewpoint or trying to counter the agendas of those who make money on adoption.
I am tired of people who speak out being labeled anti-adoption. I believe that adoption can be a positive thing but not when there is coercion or corruption. I think that all voices of the triad (first parent, adoptive parent and child) MUST be heard clearly. But of those voices, the one that is heard the loudest is the adoptive parent and that is absolutely wrong. Of all the voices, we are the ones who should shut up and listen to what first parents and adoptees are telling us. If for no other reason than adoptive parents are the only member of the triad who lose nothing during adoption. First parents lose their children, children (while they gain a different family) lose their first family and no matter what the circumstances surrounding that loss are- it is still a loss. Adoptive parents lose... nothing. So it behooves us to listen to those voices to learn from them.
Luckily there are still several blogs that represent first mothers and adoptees on the list- and not only are they on the list- they are leading the pack.
There was a lot of talk from some of the bloggers in the top 25 that they will remove their blogs if Cassi's is not reinstated. And honestly, I thought about pulling mine as well but the bottom line is that I think these are the messages that adoptive parents and prospective adoptive parents need to hear. And I feel that the response to censorship must be more talk. If I pull out and these other bloggers pull out- then there is no one left to speak about these issues.
We need a new narrative surrounding adoption and that narrative will come from ALL members of the triad.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Hoppy Easter
A recap of the Easter fun!!!
Waiting for the egg hunt to start...
Finding the eggs
The bunny showed up for photos
The annual painting of the eggs...
Easter morning
(oh and while you are here- click the pink button at the top of the right column and vote for us as a Top Mommy Blog)
Friday, April 6, 2012
Totally Self Serving But...
See that button right there on the right of this post. Do me a favor and click it and vote for me as a top Mommy Blog. Scroll down and click the little vote button. Repeat daily until the contest ends. Thanks.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
X's Birthday Interview
How old are you today? 8
What did you pick for your birthday dinner? Nothing (we haven't scheduled it yet but he is picking Chuck E Cheese
What is your favorite food? Milkshake
What is your favorite color? Why? Red. 'Cause it's my favorite color.
If you could live anywhere where would you live? Why? Here. 'Cause it's a nice house.
Do you like school? Why? Yes. I learn things
Who is your best friend? Blake.
What do you want to be when you grow up? Cop.
What is something that you do well? Math
What do you want to do better this year? School.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
I Guess I Should Just Be Glad They Listen to Me
The other day the girls were playing house and D was the Mommy and K was the daughter. Apparently, Mommy D set a limit on daughter K to which K protested
"I don't like you Mommy"
Apparently taking a page from my playbook, D shook her head, shrugged her shoulders and replied
"It's okay if you don't like me. Sometimes I am mean."
However- in light of this article- I will consider this evidence of my of my status as a "good mom"
However- in light of this article- I will consider this evidence of my of my status as a "good mom"
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Happy Birthday D (finally)
The Trayvon Martin tragedy (and not being able to find the cord to connect the camera since my card reader died) got me a little behind schedule but without further ado-
The photos from Miss D's 6th birthday
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