My Lady of the Lantern

Aryanhwy wrote about her daughter's reasoning skills in a recent post. And reading that post reminded me of what Figlia does.  She was eating her food the other day, and said: "In English, lotion is called like ocean". And then one recent evening, she excited pointed at the moon, and chirped: "See mummy, moon! Moon is like a lemon (shape)." It is amazing to watch the little ones develop a grasp of things, and a world that seems too obvious to me as an adult.  - - - I have been having flashbacks from the time immediate after CBub's passing - the time that I finally found that she was gone.  It is not very disconcerting, but I don't know what to do when it happens. I just re-live.  I am sitting on my bed, my feet resting on the floor. I watch myself watch out of our bedroom window in the darkness of the night...the only light coming into the room is from that window. I watch myself watching the shadows of swaying eucaly...

M turned 3 months old last week. Next day to that, he celebrated it with not doing anything as per the routine that had gradually set in, and that included napping. He was fine the day next to this anomalous day, and it was relief. Figlia was finally put on antibiotics, and she is on the mend. This week, she will go away with her Dad to UsualCity, and next week, M and I will follow suit. My parents would accompany us there and would be there for 10 odd days.  M is doing well developmentally...and he smiles easily. Figlia was a smiley babe too. Like his sister, he too has a lazy eye, but it is not as much as it was with Figlia. Figlia's eye became normal on its own around 4 months, and I expect the same with M.  Lo.la crosses my mind everyday. Once we go back to UsualCity, M would also receive all his vaccines at Dr. T's clinic...the very place where L fought her last battles. L walks with me everywhere. 

I have butterflies in my stomach. I can't fathom how we will make to M's first birthday.  I mean we will, right? But it appears a piece of work.  Figlia has come down with cold/cough and low grade fever. The baby has just recovered from a cold.  Here, I can lean on my mother to help me. Figzy slept in my parents' room last night (we are trying to reduce physical contact between F and M, while she is sick).  We are looking for full time help back in UsualCity, but I have truckload of doubts about it. Hubby will help me of course, and yet this feels so hard. 

Every night, I hope that it would be a good night of sleep. Sleep suddenly becomes the most important need from everything that Maslow mentioned as human needs.  - Children are very good profile pic material? I see happy, cute faces everywhere...on my whatsapp and on other social media. I am amused that we consider our progeny more presentable than ourselves. - People who were peers at different points of time....I feel left behind (not career wise, that should be different post). But most of them are way past family building or experiencing babyhood...there is a small fraction at the same stage as me, but still.  Instead, some of my students are now having kids or already have children of their own, and they are not teen moms/dads. - M has his first proper cold and ran a low grade fever this week to show it. Thankfully, the fever disappeared quickly and he has responded to medication. - M began to take his yummy hand to his mouth...he did it for the ...

Dont and No have started ruling the house again. I just seem to be dealing with some new agenda every day. Combing/Brushing Teeth: Girl has to be persuaded for it still. While she is usually ready to get her hair combed, she does like to run her hand in the hair to check whether I have set it right, hence ruining any notion of combed hair.  As far as brushing on a daily basis is concerned, the girl negotiates it every day. Some days we brush on some song, other days she is set on crying not matter what, and the toothpaste must not get anywhere near her cheeks or outer rim of the lips or the Gods are woken up from their holy slumber.  As far as potty training is concerned, I have pretty much stopped pushing her to do potty in anything but her diaper, because this was not going anywhere. However, there has been a regression on the peeing in the toilet as well. My girl, who was going to toilet every time the need to pee be, has decided to not do it. She point blank r...

We spent our New Year's at my aunt's place. On NYE, there was a small gathering of their friends and acquaintances to ring in 2015. One of the guests brought her friend along, and this friend described Figlia as a 'fascinating creature'. Her comment was a bit Seuss kind. But I do believe that Figlia does leave quite an impression on those who encounter her. She is far too eloquent for her age. Her personality comes through everything she does.  And that is why I am filled with a little bit sense of dread. I do not want to do anything that can flounder her blossoming or affect her psychology adversely. I do believe that brilliant minds are more easily pained. I cannot evaluate my own parenting. I look like someone dragged through the forest than an earth goddess most days...some days I look better under the rock than on it.  - - - Death has swept by my lot already this year. A person in the family has recently been awarded the death sentence by Cance...

That's how you would describe my patience - spread thin. It takes all my grit, and steel and spirit to keep a check on Figlia. I don't want to keep check actually. I indulge her when she is doing the bits she is upto, but most days, she tries to push her limits.  Figlia does not take "No" for an answer, and 'No' and 'Dont' have ruled our house for quite a while. In a first, yesterday she purposefully woke up the napping baby twice. One time, the baby had just gone down for a nap. It just made me want to pull my hair out.  Today post-lunch, she spilled a whole glass of water on the floor and and danced cute on it. Then she took out her wet socks and neatly wiped her hands with them. Two adults were busy dissuading, but she just kept on with what she was doing.  She refuses to go pee till they declare a national emergency on it. I have persuaded her, begged her, played logical, and not so logical, told her stories about what happens when...

We celebrated Figlia's third birthday at a local school for the visually impaired, and a birthday lunch. The only thing that mattered to Figlia was the cake, and she had it. And gifts, and she had them too. Celebrating this particular birthday the way we did, I suddenly realized what I want to do with the too-many teddy bears that we have back at our home in UsualCity. She got most of them as gifts in her last birthday, and well, she isn't playing with most of them.  I will most likely give it away at a local place where they school and help special children.  --- Breastfeeding is not going well for me. Whatever I was able to give to Figlia, I am just not able to give to M.  --- I am simultaneously yearning for and dreading the eventual return to UsualCity. In the coming week, I am going to apply for an open-ended extension to my leave from office. My leave ends on March 1, but there is no way I can join then. I want to keep it open-ended because I am...