WARNING: This is a post for me to just vent. I don't want sympathy. I just need an outlet, and what better than my own blog?
I have been waking up every day for the past... oh, 2 months with a migraine. I know - FUN! Not. There have been several contributing factors. I'm the Activities Chair for my ward. Don't get me wrong just because I consider it to be a "factor" in my migraine status. I really do love the calling. HOWEVER, I have only had 1 couple on my committee for the past 2 months. Which meant, basically just us 3 putting on two major ward activities by ourselves. Yes - we asked for help. No, we didn't get much. Now, as it stands, my 1st couple - well, they have an 11-month old baby plus she just had her 2nd a week ago. Not much help there, understandably. The Bishopric were finally able to call 2 more couples to the committee. "YAY!" or so I thought. Couple #2 is of the hot/cold variety when it comes to church. I'm fine with that and have been hoping that they would seize this opportunity to branch out and get to know more people. Unfortunately, they seem to view most of the ward as the people who have wronged them. That's a whole other subject I'm not going to get into now. Which leaves me to couple #3. So now what? It's still only 3 people to pull off a major ward activity in less than 2 weeks. None of us have any money... so how we're going to buy food & such for the activity, I have no idea. It may be that I'm going to have to ask the Bishopric to either buy the stuff themselves or see if they could give me a check (ha! good one!) - which makes me cringe because 1) I'm embarrassed about this and 2) That means I have to give up some control, which to me, means quality.
I am so anxious about the activity - it's the first time that this ward has ever done any thing SPIRITUAL for Christmas. (We're doing the Night in Bethlehem activity.) So - I want it to be a success.
I am anxious also, that we are not going to have Christmas this year. Now, before I get criticized for thinking materialistically, hear me out. Hero & I, we don't need presents. We're totally fine with that. The only thing I look forward to every year is the annual Christmas letter he writes me. That doesn't cost anything. This year, I've been crocheting an afghan for him with yarn I already had. It's the KIDS. A 5 year old & a 20 month old. For the baby, really - all we would have to do is wrap some old things of his. He would get a kick out of ripping the paper off more than what was inside. But, for my 5 year old.... she believes in Santa and we are NOT about to dash that childhood fantasy. I have NO idea what we're going to do. None.
It's times like these that lead me into wistful thinking... What if some kind, old man just came up to me and gave me a check for $5,000? What if, somebody decided to give me half of their lottery earnings? What if, what if, what if? And then... much to my dismay, I am once again resigned to the fact that HAH! Like THAT's ever gonna happen.
I think I'm going to go give myself a good cry, play with my baby, and search through my storage to see if there's perhaps a forgotten present. Or at the very least, something that I can jazz up for Boo.
2 comments:
I totally understand. while we are not completely destitute, this Christmas will be meager. And as I am not one to promote the materialism of Christmas, I, too, have 4 kids under the age of 7. What to do? Well, Santa is bringing a dinky gift & stocking stuffers & Popeye & I are providing a present for each child. I thought that I spend WAY too much time on the computer so I'll be wrapping large boxes and inside will give each of my kids more time & attention.
My heart aches for you. I'm sure that something will happen - and as far as the Christmas party goes, ask the RS president for help with the food. Or uh something like that...
I wish I do something to help. Is there anything I can do to help?
I know that sounds so stupid. I just always want to help when someone is in need, whether it's $$$, hugs, time,...
Would your bishop give you advanced funds if he knew there wouldn't be any food for the party otherwise? Maybe they just need to experience having nothing as a result of not providing the necessary assistance - money, other helpers, etc.
Wow. I think I'd better shutup while I'm ahead!
You're in my prayers, anyway.
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