For the last few days I have spent a lot of time thinking about how I want to handle this pregnancy here on the blog. I want to handle it with sensitivity and I also want to rejoice and celebrate this time in my life.
Let's be honest here, there is a gushing pregnant woman inside me dying to get out. I want to celebrate this time in my life and be able to document the milestones of my pregnancy. And I feel like I deserve that. I worked for this pregnancy. I poured my heart and soul into the process of getting here and I earned it. I do not want to ignore that and I do not think I should have to.
At the same time, I know how much of a blow positive pregnancy tests are to all of you who are still in the trenches. I know how it makes you ache and ask 'why not me?' Even when it is someone who deserves that BFP it is still a hard blow. I know that. It is something that I struggled with for almost two years.
And I will be a little more honest here.... I have a bit of survivors guilt. I feel a little guilty that I got here when all of you wonderful women are still fighting to get here. I wish I could express how much I want this for all of you.
I also want to keep this blog true to what it started as. It started out as a way to document my journey with infertility and to parenthood. At it's core this blog is about infertility and the struggles that go along with it and while I want to recognize and revel in my pregnancy I do not want to forget my roots.
So, please, bear with me as I struggle to find the right line between pregnancy and the last two years that brought me to this moment.
