Live Life. Love Life. Embrace Life.: Serial

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Live Life. Love Life. Embrace Life.

ACT I

Many many years ago, when I was still a puny kid trying to find my place in the Red Crescent Youth Unit, a leader used to tell me that I need to learn to be more sincere. Actually I blogged about it before in this very same blog. If you had read about this before then I must say you are the no.1 fan for http://stupiakboy.blogspot.com, meet up and I will treat you to a good meal. =)

Yea, so back to the story.

I was told to learn to be sincere. What is sincerity, i wondered; and what does it take for someone to be be sincere?

Isit in the way we talk?
or isit in the way we walk?

Being a clown-ass guy back then, all I knew was to make jokes and try to make others laugh by making a fool out of myself. That was how I try to show how I care for people, by making them laugh, which turn out to be annoying, in their eyes.

No one taught me how to be a sincere person, and they measured sincerity with a ruler and scale that I don't understand back then. Is sincerity measurable, quantifiable, by acts of a certain kind?

And why trying to make people whom we care about laugh is not considered a sincere gesture?

Maybe its just not an "adult" thing to do.

I dont blame anyone, now that I've looked back. I am who I am today because of this miserable teenage years.

...

ACT II

Many things happened along the way.

I broke up twice.

Lost a couple of friends, both figuratively and literally.

One thing that I realize is that, to show that you care, trying to make them laugh is never enough.

You want to make some friends by making them laugh? SCREW YOU.

You want to care for someone by making some funny jokes? FUCK YOU YOU ARE ANNOYING

You want to be a funny guy that everyone loves? GO TO HELL DONT YOU KNOW YOU ARE ANNOYING ENOUGH?

But there I was, confused, tired and drained, wondering why no matter how hard I try, people turn away from me. What is it that they are looking for? Am I not the one that they want? Am I not the friend/partner choice? Am I really that bad?

No one told me to be sincere, you need to act a certain pre-scripted way in a SOP-ish manner.

Not what you feel from your heart, and what you want to do from your heart.

Come the fuck on man, I am just a kid who wants, who loves to make people laugh.

maybe people wont get it, or maybe I am just that weird with my own Modus Operandi.

Those people killed me, and I never try to make anyone laugh anymore.

I lost my way. I stumbled around, hating everyone. Trying to love myself more. Putting myself first. Honestly, it was all a blur. I cant remember clearly what happened in those days; or maybe my mind never want to try to remember. Because I was that awful, at least in my own eyes.

...

ACT III

Then I learnt,

To be sincere, you have to make the person feel important. You have to go out of your way, sacrifice everything and lay yourself down for the person so he/she would know, that they are on the top of the world.

...

ACT VI

One day she told me, I am the most sincere person she knew. That I would always give my best to give the best to people I care about.

I dont know how true is that, but at least someone noticed.

Well, I am not saying being sincere is a bad thing, that making someone feel loved and treasured is a wrong act to commit.

But is sincerity a made-up construct, defined by a certain set of rules and bounds?

Does hearts and intentions weigh in then? Is the heart and good intentions important then.

Are we sincere, as long as we mechanically replicate what others do, as seem fit by the society and accepted in the norm?

Are we just machines programmed to love only in a way we are allowed to?

...

ACT V

I appealed to the boy who loves to make people laugh, as he lay rest in the tomb of fading memories.

I told him, "Its just how the world is, Its how it works. People accepts the love in a form they think they deserve, other than those, are trash"

The boy smiled, and said nothing. But something in his smile, tells me he meant well, with the good intention of the whole big world.

Rest In Peace. I will remember you, boy.

Starry Night

Starry night. Starry sky. And under it, just he and she.

“Well, it’s fascinating right?? I always love it when the sky is full of stars. Makes me feel like they are watching over me, somehow I feel secured and relaxed.” She giggled and breathed out, which vaporizes into a thin coat of mist in the cold air. He stared at her lovingly, fully amazed by every little actions that she had done.

Wow. He thought. He found out that his breath shorten from time from time as he lay his gaze on her, the way she laugh, the way she tell him her stories. Everything is like a little piece of melody, on and out and on and out, fading in the air and reechoed, reverberate in the thick cold atmosphere, like a lullaby stuck on replay. Or rather, are her voice stucking in his mind, that he somehow feels empty after each time she stopped talking?? He himself doesn’t know what’s up with him too actually.

Mild breeze wheezes through, bringing her hair up, making it messy, but somehow it looks adorable and alluring. He could not find any word to describe the beauty that was laid infront of him. It was just perfect. It was just wonderful, and he doesn’t want to waste any time talking, to interrupt her from keep looking like this. He offered his hands and brushed her fringe up back to where it was suppose to be. She blushed, and he felt nothing comparable to this as her warmth surged into his hands.

“What are you looking at??” she asked shyly, and he thought he knew why, but he was not sure of it, and he was pretty sure that she knows why he was staring at her. Cricket croons, and the mild breeze brush through the land, freshen up the mood. And he thought he saw fireflies, dancing, juggling through the dark night sky, as it sparkled while it flew through the darkness, doing their own unique band of twirling. Should he call it dashing?? Or was it not fireflies?? He wasn’t hesitant anymore when he realized that it was a falling star, plummeting into the horizon.

“Look!! A comet!!!” he pointed out to the sky of celestials, her hand felt warm in his.

“Wow! I never saw one before you know??” she quickly turned away from him, head bowed, hands crossed, as if she was praying a wish, wishing something wonderful to happen. And there were this momentary silence for him to study her, as she sat there quietly, as if really believing that her wish will come true. He gasped, as he realized that he was mesmerized by her, and he that he had fell in love with this girl. He quickly bowed and wished.

I wish I can kiss her

They walked silently on the road, he wants to hold her hand again but he just couldn’t find a way to summon up his courage and grab her gentle hands, which makes the atmosphere kinda awkward. She turned to him and asked, “Why are you not talking?? You seem so quiet…” He wished to tell her that he is going to miss her so much after this date but he just couldn’t say it, nor he dare to look at her in her eyes, as if something scary is holding him back. He suddenly feel so scared.

“Anyway, thanks for walking me home, bye…” she murmured as she made her move towards her home.

“Wait!” he try to hold her back, fearing that he had no more chances like this after tonight. Deep in his heart he knew that he had to do something tonight. He hold on to her arms, not willing to let go. There’s something in him that doesn’t wish her to go. She still look as beautiful as ever, wide eyes, sharp noses, that rosy cheek, and that face that always smiles, he can feel that the whole world froze just for him and her.

“Erm… I wish I can watch over you, like the stars, you’re beautiful,” a part of him fell back, fearing that a wrong thing that he had done will ruin everything. His words sound like a whisper in the tranquil silence. She blushed again, looking at him as if he was a treasure. His heart melts, as he drew closer and drew her in his arms. His eyes closed, and he was pretty sure that she’d do the same, and for an instant he hopes that they can do this forever.

She finally drew away, acting real shy. “Thank you for tonight Dave, thanks for making my wish come true, it really works, doesn’t it??” something in her voice makes his heart skipped a beat, and she was the most beautiful girl in the world right then, right there. She slowly make her way into her home, closing up the door behind him, and he swore that he caught her looking back as she closed the door.

He stood there in disbelief, savouring the memory with her, from the start until now, like an old man reliving his days again, indulged in his own nostalgic reminiscence. He was pretty sure that when their lips brushed together, the moment will last for eternity in his mind.

我心中的一个秘密～第四段

警方把我的口供当成笑柄，并把我和父母亲的遗产一起送入孤儿院。当然，父母那已被分尸的遗体已经不能成为证据了。自从那天起，我便立志当一个怪物猎人。我开始研究对付怪物的各种方法，从科幻书开始着手，然后到互联网。经过多日废寝忘食的搜寻后，我终于自制了一本“怪物宝典”。接下来是收集资料，再把自己训练成一个好打手。我才成为一个真真正正的怪物猎人。当然，如果没有对怪物的仇恨作为推动力，我永远都不能成为专业的怪物猎人。

2006年1月1日，我，黄旭，13岁踏上了猎杀怪物的第一步。

我心中的一个秘密～第三段

初次遇到传说中的沼泽怪时，我根本不敢相信自己眼睛所看到的庞大巨物。那扭曲，都是泥巴的脸孔，那巨大的身形，肮脏污秽的身体，我永远都不会忘记。我的家人在我眼前活生生地被撕裂了。我只能躲进远处的草丛里，目睹残忍的整个过程。

（I guess this is it, the third chapter for my serial story. To tell you the truth, the real story is just about to start. So have fun reading. And, don’t forget to leave me a comment whenever you read a post. A “please” and a “Thank you”）

我心中的一个秘密～第二段

一切都在我十二岁时开始的。那时为了庆祝我小六评估考试考得六个甲等，我们一家人去国家公园野餐。原本温馨的野餐，却被那次突发的意外摧毁了。那天所发生的事，永远都不会逃出我的脑海。我的家人就在那天被沼泽怪分尸了。

(Hei, this is the continuation of my previous serial post. About an imaginary monster hunter named Joshua Wong Shii (he got my name!!). I actually post two posts straight in one row. So, is anyone interested in reading my first tag!!?? Well, just scroll down and you’ll found it.)

(Again, if you wanna trail the previous episodes, please click on the “serial” tag and it’ll bring you to a special website, full of this short stories.)

我心中的一个秘密～第一段

明天又是新的一天，我常常这样提醒自己。但是明天，新的威胁是不是又会出现？我每天都得拖着疲累的身躯，孤独地一人去学校，把自己溶入社群里。在学校里，同学们都有福同享，有难同担。但是，没有人能够与我一起分享我心中的秘密，那就是：我是怪兽猎人。

(Hope you guys like my this masterpiece. This story is basically about thoughts and happening of a demon hunter……. *sigh* sit back and enjoy…….. remember, you can press the “serial” tag to view all the chapter of my story… Thanks.)