Things Are Subject To Changes

A close friend of mine was hanging out in my room last night - and I told her that I kinda regret studying at UCSI now. It's not because of UCSI, but it's studying itself. She asked me why, I could not answer her. "It's just a shitty feeling" I said.

As I was watching videos of BJJ fights and some other training videos - She asked me " What happen to you BJJ training?"

"Where got time to train - see my schedule so tight. The worst thing is all the training centres are damn far away - Kota Damansara bla bla ... " I asnwered her.

"Perhaps that's why you feel shitty - you missing all your trainings and things you love due to your tight schedule from University."

I am a volunteer with a Buddhist organization, technically I am a Buddhist, because my IC says so. But let me state this clearly, I am not a Buddhist. So what am I?? I am a truth seeker. I am spiritual but never religious.

Why am I not a Buddhist? "Buddhist" or "Buddhism" never even existed in the first place.
The Buddha did not created Buddhism and called himself and his followers Buddhist.

It is merely conventional labeling and I am never attached to it.

I dislike when people get so attached to Buddhist this and that.
I usually hear people say : "Buddhist should have 'these' qualities", "This is Buddhist values".

What the Buddha taught was Universal Values and Law.
Stop claiming it belongs to the Buddhist and get BIG headed! .
Enough of being ANAL with it.

POOORAH!

It goes like this, we were asked to discuss about so-called taboo issues, from homosexuality, pre-marital sex, abortion and yada yada the list goes on.

Our group choose pre-marital sex because we think it's fun. Why fun? try it and you'll know. HAHAHA! one girl group member actually said that to me lah ok...

One group member said, " Damn! Pre-marital sex is soooo taboo lah for me "
"Ok then, let's discuss about Post-marital sex then " I replied.
Everyone laughed, although I never thought it was funny.

After 20 minutes discussion, we were asked to present our point to the class, and the last point made the whole class went " huh ?? " for a second before breaking into laughter. The lecturer was kinda stunned too ..

" Pre-marital sex is like test driving before buying ".

Make sense? in a way also lah, girls won't want to marry some impotent guy right?
and same goes to guy, who wants to marry a girl who can't fuck or ok lah, fuck properly. lol

Yes, that is a point that I actually mentioned. But then it's all the girl's fault also lah.

Got one girl actually told me "I don't wanna marry and only know that my husband can't fuck me on the special night". Another one told me " I don't wanna be the one teaching him how to fuck"

Coming from girls, I'm loving it ! hahaha!

I've arrived safely in Penang about 2 hours ago, only to be kept awake by the caffeine that I consumed to keep me alert while driving back here, my father took over later on for the remaining 70++km before arriving to Butterworth.

As I was sitting and relaxing, I did a short reflection;

I will be turning 21 this year. I used to think that "I am still young and I have plenty of time". But this few days a feeling in me that somehow made me uneasy was " I am young, but not too young in a few years time ". I used to live with the excuse that I am still young, therefore it's fine to be ignorant when I don't know about something, but soon that excuse will come into expiry as my age grows. Responsibilities are getting heavier as well.

Personally, I think there is no reason for me to be procrastinating and thinking I still have plenty of time anymore. Things that are needed to be done, should be done as soon as possible. Opportunities that arises should be appreciated and made use of.

If I were to look back what I've allowed in the past 5 years, since 2004, I am indeed glad and never look back to my journey of my growth that made me what I am today. Nothing great, nothing big, I only did small things with love, and still allowing it.

Hmm .... some reflections of things that has taken place this year ...
I won't be reviewing too much of my thoughts here, somehow it's too messy for me that I don't know where to start.

1. Did my internship at UKM Medical Centre, Child & Adolescent Psychiatry Unit as a Trainee Counsellor.
( I have to thank Dr Phang Cheng Kar who helped me with the application procedures etc. )

2. Diagnosed with a herniated disc on L5/S1.

3. Joined a blind date organized by The Star Education Section, which was something I never thought I will be doing in my life.

4. Got myself to become a certified Emergency First Responder to fulfill ISSA's requirement.

5. Kicked my smoking habits.

6. Started a relationship with my blind date unexpectedly, and only to end it 6 months later.

7. Getting Aunty Nancy to buy and bring me an iPhone from Hawaii.

8. Getting my batch of honor as a grappler, cauliflower ear.

9. Joined True Fitness as a Fitness Instructor and left within a month after deciding to pursue my Degree instead of switching course. But of course, partly because it was an unexpected conditional offer from UCSI for me to be enrolled into their programme.

10. Getting myself certified with ISSA after months of delaying my examination submission.

11. Graduated one semester later from TAR College with Diploma in Social Science ( Counselling )

12. Wanting to start training with Escobar BJJ team after Brutal BJJ team dissolved after Quico left for Bali. But only managed to train there twice ( once with Quico taking over Marcos's class when he was away for competition, once open mat ) due to various reasons.

13. Started to enjoy working out at the parks, terminating my 1 1/2 years old membership with Fitness First.

14. Started to shoot in weddings as an assistant photographer and enjoying it to the fullest in the process of learning and improving my skills.

15. Being suspected as a homosexual.

I'm looking forward to challenges in 2009 ^_^

I never thought that I'll be getting weird reactions through my instant messenger not long after making the earlier post. And getting such attention wasn't my intention at all.

Trust me, I'm still straight despite the post I made earlier.

So, to all my male friends, no worries, none of you stand a chance anyway even if I'm not walking the straight line. Unless you look like ..... well I got no idea who?

Anyway, the bottom line is that I'm only interested to date girl(s) :)

Cheers !

After a wedding dinner shoot with the team, while heading to the nearest cafe for supper, I took a bunch of leftover flowers. Our only girl photographer, Lea started a conversation with me;

Lea: Taking for your gf ah??
Me: Huh? gf? I got no gf.
Lea: hmm ...
Me: But I got bf la ..

Lea Stares at me for a momment, silently.

Lea: Huh?
Me: What huh? yeah you heard it right, I got a bf.
Lea: *Tone goes up* I've suspected from the beginning !!! ( in a serious manner)

Teammates laughed ! While I stare at the mirror, pondering which part of me actually looks that I'm into boy-boy relationship ?

After sitting getting ourselves a table, Lea asked me;

Lea: Really ah?
Me: What really?
Lea: Really ah?

Another teammate, Vin joins in;

Vin: Aiya, really or not also doesn't matter la .. don't have your share.

HAHA! I'll stop about our conversation here.

That was after the dinner. On the same day, same morning, my boss actually said to me I looked gay, so it's better for me to be shooting the ji muis more than the heng tais, just in case I might scare them off. And that night, such conversation happened.

Well ... what can I say? Am I really turning into one of them after going through what i've gone through ? Especially the most and very recent one.

You'll never know, things are subject to changes after all :)

I'm currently having a fruitful semester break.
Learning and experiencing new things.

I'm also looking forward to my 1st wedding photo shooting soon. Hope everything goes well ^_^

While I was updating my resume to apply for a part-time Fitness Instructor opening, I recalled something my dad told me few years ago when I was still actively competing in Taekwondo competitions and other sports.

My parents are the conservative types where they think their child should be studying hard, get a good job with high salary. They never want their child should be taking part in any sports as it's just waste of time and will not bring any benefit.


Worst still, my dad told me no employers will want to hire someone who's into combat sports.
During that time, I wasn't able to defend my stand although I believe whatever I go through with combat sports will be beneficial to me one day in the future, somehow or rather.

Today I realized, what I believe appears to be true. As I would like to venture into the fitness industry once I complete my tertiary education, my experiences as a district level and state reserves athlete will be giving me credits as part of my resume.

I am certainly feeling pissed off with my dad somehow today, if not for his disapproval for me to take part in sports, I would have made it further than what I've achieved before I ended my career prematurely.

"Defeat is a state of mind. No one is ever defeated until defeat has been accepted as reality. To me, defeat in anything is merely temporary, and its punishment is but an urge for me to greater effort to achieve my goal. Defeat simply tells me that something is wrong in my doing; it is a path leading to success and truth."

Bruce Lee
1940-1973, Martial Artist, Actor and Author

Being a coach at the gym;

On Tuesday morning, I made 2 students vomited by running 3 rounds around the college's Olympic-sized swimming pool. I was leading the students in the run and they tried to keep up with my pace.

2 days later, I threatened a small size girl that If she could not lift 30pounds on the shoulder press machine, she'll fail. She cried. The reason I treated her like that because she was playing around during warm up session, and I got sibeh tulan with that kind of attitude. But of course, I joked with her and she start smiling again. But I hope it was a sincere smile.

I hope they hold no grudges towards me.


Being a student at class;

Having Miss Aggy to be our tutor is real darn fun. She plays game with us during tutorial classes instead of giving tutorial questions. And often it will spark out arguments among classmates on who's idea on tackling certain situation is the best.

It just amuses me to see how people intellectualizes a subject or issue, according to their level of understanding.

Today was the first day of my new college semester. New timetable showed that my Monday classes starts and end at the same time with a college mate. So fetched her to college, and then fetched her home as well.

After dropping her at her home, while I was on my way home, at one of the cross junction, my car was hit by a on coming car.

At the cross junction, I was suppose to stop to see if there is any on coming cars, which I did. But it was raining heavily and my mirror was blurred by vapour, I saw no cars coming from any direction and I was clear to go. However, my judgment was wrong, there was a Grey Naza Ria coming from my left direction, it hit directly on the left of my car, there goes my left side's front and back door. I think the reason I could not see the car coming was probably the Naza Ria's light wasn't turned on, plus with the dark sky and it's Grey in colour.

The Naza Ria's driver was kind to check how was my condition. But my main concern was my car when I came down [ How am I going to travel around without a car? Never mind, make full use of public transport then. ]. Naza Ria's driver decided to make things easy by making a police report and insurance claim. I agreed with that. I'm in the wrong in the eyes of law, because Naza Ria had the priority to move, while my side has the "Berhenti" line. But too bad, I can't see it coming due to the blurred window. The driver apparently told me that he's actually rushing to send his daughter to college.


I'm not cursing or going to blame anyone, if anyone is to be blamed, it would be yours truly for being careless. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I'm very grateful that I have no serious injuries in a serious accident I would say. My car almost turned turtle, call natural reflex of a skillful driver [ Cheewahhh :P ] or just plain pure luck, I managed to pull my steering to control it, something that my driving instructor told me before when I was learning how to drive [ How fortunate for being able to finally unleashed the skill ;P ].


Lessons Learned from this incident;

• When it's raining, drive carefully. Finally I know why people around me always tell me that. Before this, I was overconfident. But now, I know I'm good, but it's other people that might suck. [LOL]
  

• Window blurred and can't see clearly? take a few seconds to open your window to check how's the situation like. rather than trying to save a few seconds, you'll end up few hours trying to solve the problem ( wait for tow truck, go police station etc )
  

• Managed to learn how to deal with insurance company thinggy when involved in an accident.

• Knowing where, what and how to do a police report in an accident.

I admire someone with a great physique(muscles etc) and athletic ability. But by just looking and admiring, wont bring me anywhere. I got to train, eat properly and be disciplined to build the great physique appearance and athletic ability. TRAIN with right effort!



Similarly, by admiring someone who is smart, intelligent, having high intellectual ability, simply by just admiring and not doing anything about it, will not bring me anywhere. What I need to do is train the "mental muscles" as well. By reading, learning with discipline and right effort.


Same concept applies, just on different goals.


In the gym, the harder I train with the right training approach, I get better physique.


In daily life, the more problem people around me gives me, the harder the problem, but with a right attitude and approach to face it, I toughen my mental strength.

Thank you for all the challenges in life =)

Had a family gathering recently. Most of my cousins came with their partner.
Then my uncle(s) asked me when I want to find one ?, when am I going to bring mine to show to uncles and aunties for approval?

Hmm.... good question. Hahaha!

One of my uncle even joked that I should not be waiting too long, or else it will grow shorter if I don't start using it. (A certain level of dirt in the mind is needed to understand this)





Well, I just can't seem to get myself a girlfriend for the past 2 years since my last breakup.


The reason: Till now, there's only 1 girl I really still want to be with, but she doesn't want me anymore. So I'll just leave the space empty for now. I can't find the right girl.

I arrived at college 45minutes earlier for my lecture. The lecture hall that's going to be used for my course's next lecture was still occupied during the time I arrive. But I still went into the lecture hall first. Just to relax myself with the air-conditioned hall.

I don't know which course are they from, but they were having Music studies. The lecturer was playing songs after songs, asking her students to catch how many strings of sounds, type of vocal and etc.

The lecturer of that subject actually played a song that I haven't been listening for very long, which actually brings back some memories about my past break-up with a girl back in 2002 that I love very much.

It was Nicholas Teo's Huang Hwen ( Correct me if I'm wrong , I just know the song, not the artist and title of the song. LOL)

I don't know why? But after my break-up with the girl mentioned above, I just keep listening to that song, without knowing the lyric and meaning. But just the music and singer's voice, hit me with sad feelings during that time.

I was analyzing myself for quite sometimes about my emotion and songs that I like to listen from time to time. At different time, I like listening to different types of songs, depending on my emotion. When I'm frustrated or sad, I would listen to songs that vent frustrations, Eminem for instance, and when I'm heartbroken over a girl, somehow I would just want to listen to sad love songs.

And I realize, sometimes, when I enjoy listening to sad songs, I'm actually being sad as well, but unconsciously.

While typing this post, I'm actually listening to Jordan Chan's Chui Sui Ji Gok. And yes, I like this song very much at this very momment.

Guess why ?

sigh~

Yes, Happy Birthday to myself today. I was born 1 day after Valentine's Day, and 2 days before Chinese New Year in 1988. So I'm considered to be born in the year of Rabbit in the Chinese Zodiac Calendar. I'm not a Dragon boy :'~(

When I was young, probably from age 1-6, my parents used to celebrate my birthday for me without fail. Birthday cake, cooking good food and inviting people whom are familiar to our family.

When I was 7 onwards, before my birthday, I would start demanding for things for my birthday, to make it MY DAY! Therefore, it's a MUST for my parents to fulfil my demands. It could be anything, from a bicycle, to the latest video game and the list goes on. I remember I would sometimes be unfair towards my parents by demanding more ON my birthday itself if they were to give me my present BEFORE my birthday. How smart am I?

All this happen until I was 14. I overheard a conversation somewhere I could not recall where? Or was I dreaming? I’m not sure. But it just flows by where I heard that for some children, their birthday is also their mother’s death day due to birth complication.

When I heard about that, I paused for a moment to think about it. And it totally changed my view on children celebrating birthdays.

I came to a point that on my birthday; it’s the day I should be grateful that I was born safely without birth complication, I was raised by two wonderful parents and since I was born, my parent has been ‘GIVING’ me all the time(Both tangible and non-tangible), not only on my birthday. So, what there is more to be demanded?

Since then onwards, I never had the thought of wanting my parents to celebrate or giving me anything on my birthday. Even friends, I don’t expect any material things from them. It’s not all about wanting people around me making me happy only, But EVERYBODY around me, Family members and people I am familiar with, should be happy as well.

On my birthday, it’s the day I should be counting my blessings and be grateful. I would also think about the less fortunate, and try my best to do small contributions with my small savings. To me, it’s all about gratitude and 'giving back'.

P/s: Thank you to all my friends whom sent me Birthday greetings. May you all too enjoy what you've wished me.

I've searched around the internet but I still don't know the true meaning or reason why people celebrate Valentine's Day. There are various versions of stories mainly related to St Valentine or also known as St Valentino to some, back in the 3rd century of Rome.

Today, Valentine's Day is the day where tons of pressure will be built up for guys thinking of what to buy and what to do for their girlfriend on February 14 every year.

If you don’t perform up to their standard of expectation, they would probably say that you don’t love them.

Take a moment to digest. What is true love?

One of my favourite stories about Love comes from the book “Who Ordered This Truckload of Dung?” by Ajahn Brahm

The story goes like this;

Ajahn Brahm was in his first year as a monk in northeast Thailand travelling in the back of the car with two other Western monks with Ajahn Chah. Ajahn Chah suddenly turned around and asked a young American novice monk sitting next to Ajahn Brahm and said to him “You are thinking about your girlfriend back in L.A.”

The American novice’s jaw dropped almost to the floor in surprise. Ajahn Chah had been reading his thoughts accurately. Ajahn Chah smiled and told him not to worry. The American novice was told that he could write a letter to her, ask her to send him something personal, something intimately connected to her, which he could bring it out wherever he misses her, to remind him of her.

“Is that allowable for a monk?” asked the novice in a surprised manner.

“Sure! You should ask her to send you a bottle of her shit. Whenever you miss her, you can bring out the bottle and open it”.

Well, Shit is something personal. When we express our love for our partner, don’t we say we love everything about them?

Take a break to digest it once again.