Well, today is December 31, 2009...New Years Eve. For some reason I have never been a huge fan of New Years Eve. I really don't know why, I guess it's because I don't get the hype and for the most part it just feels like any other ordinary day. Last year I didn't think New Years Eve was going to bother me at all. I mean really why should it, Shawn and I never really did anything special on that day. However, the closer to midnight it got the more and more anxiety I started to feel. As the seconds ticked closer to 2009 I was also getting closer and closer to saying goodbye to 2008, the last of the year that I got to spend with Shawn, the last year of 'us'. Once the clock struck mid-night and it was officially 2009, I was going to be starting an entire new year with just myself. 2009 was going to be the first year in 12 years where Shawn wasn't going to be with me, and that freaked the hell out of me. Last New Year's Eve brought many emotions that I really wasn't expecting. Over this last year lots of things have changed in my life and I've also figured more and more of 'me' out. As of this second (who knows how I will feel at 11:50 p.m tonight!) I'm not feeling the since of dread for 2010 that I was feeling for 2009. I think the only thing that is really going to bother me is now when I talk about Shawn's death, I will have to say he died two years ago, instead referring to it as last year. (not that it has officially been two years, but you know what I mean) It's just another odd little reminder that 'us' is slipping away and I'm continuing to move on and to live without him. On a happy note I'm kind of looking forward to what 2010 has to offer me and I'm ready to tackle it. I know I will still miss Shawn, I know I will still have hard days, but I'm also hoping that 2010 can be a year filled with more and more happiness for me as I continue to figure more of 'me' and my life out. Who knows...maybe in 2010 I will be able to say that I'm in love again. Huh, it's not looking too promising at this moment, but a girl can hope can't she?! Anyways, I do have a post that I wrote in my head about 2009 and in the next day or so I will share it with you. But for today I found this fun little 2009 questionnaire on Amy's blog at http://keepingupwiththeschultzfamily.blogspot.com so I figured I would keep you all in suspense for that post and answer these questions for you.
1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Uhm, just in case you didn't ready my last post...I got my first TATTOO!!! I know it's not really that big of a deal and people get tattoo's all the time. But for me it was a huge thing!! If you haven't read the story, scroll down and read my last post. I got a set of angel wings on my shoulder to represent Shawn and our baby. Oh, and for the first time in my life I bought a brand new 2009 car!! Geesh, and I got Bo!! Come to think about it 2009 was filled with lots of stuff for me that I had never done before!
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't really make a resolution for last year, at that moment a resolution seemed like to daunting of a task when I was just figuring out how to live my life without Shawn. I knew I wanted to work on figuring more of 'me' out. I think I did a pretty good job of that in 2009. I'm expecting 2010 to bring more of the same, I still have more of myself that I need to get to know a bit better. The only real resolution that I will make for 2010 is to continue working out, going to the gym and eating healthier.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Oh gosh...I don't think so. Man, I hope I'm not missing something here. But as far as I can remember nobody close to me gave birth. However, one of my best friends Meg is pregnant right now!
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Our neighbor for my entire life Ruth died this fall.
5. What countries did you visit?
None, heck I don't even have a passport!
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
More joy and happiness. 2009 did bring me happiness and a lot of fun times. But I would like for that feeling to stick around more in 2010.
7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August 18, 2009 the one year anniversary of Shawn's death. I thought that day was going to be impossibly hard and in many ways it was. However, on that day I had so much love and support in my life it truly amazed me. Every single one of my friends called, many of them more than once or twice and all the coaches called me. I spent the day with friends and I also spent the day remembering the good times I had with Shawn. For the first time on that day, I was able to watch his tribute video, look at our wedding album and other pictures of Shawn without crying. It was a hard day, but a good day at the same time.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Just getting through last year and all of the firsts without Shawn is a big enough achievement for me!
9. What was your biggest failure? Okay, this is probably going to sound really snotty of me, and I don't really mean it to. But, I don't really know if I failed at anything this year. 2009 was one of the hardest years of my life, but I chose to fight through all the pain and shit and continue to live my life. Every single day I got up and lived my life, did things I never did before, and everyday I figured more of me out...in my book that's not failing...that's living!
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I had strep throat once but that is it!
11. What was the best thing you bought? Hands down...Bo!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Every single one of my friends for always being there for me and for sticking by my side whenever I needed them! I have the best friends ever!!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I was really getting sick and tired of the entire Jon and Kate thing!
14. Where did most of your money go? The mall!!! Hahah....really seriously, I did pay off huge amounts of credit card debt.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Whenever I had a chance to go back down to Ohio and spend time with my friends. Also when I was able to go to Chicago and spend an entire week with Megan!
16. What song will always remind you of 2009? Oh gosh...I don't know. There were many songs last year that I liked and will remind me of 2009.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? (c) richer or poorer?
I think I'm for sure happier. I've gained some weight back that I lost right after Shawn died, but I'm now at a much healthier weight and plus I've got muscle now and as far as being richer or poor...I think I'm much richer in my life now than I was last year, but I'm not talking about money, I'm talking about things that are way more important in your life other than money!
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Spending more time outside when it was nice out.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Maybe less complaining about my life. But then again, I think that was a process I had to go through as well.
20. How did you spend Christmas? At home with my family, it was very laid back, but very nice as well.
21. Did you fall in love in 2009? Nope, not unless something magical happens in the next 12 hours!!
22. What was your favorite TV program? I'm a huge sucker for reality TV...Loved Dancing with the Stars!
23. Do you hate anyone now that you did not hate this time last year? I try hard not to hate anyone. Although I'd be lying if I told you there weren't a few people that I strongly dislike or get very irritated with!
24. What was the best book you read? The Time Traveler's Wife.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery? The Kings of Leon. Love them!!
26. What did you want and get? I wanted a dog, a new car and a tattoo. And guess what...I got all of them!
27. What did you want and not get? Hahaha...that's a hard question
28. What was your favorite film of this year? Hands down...The Blind Side!! and I went to the movies A LOT this year!
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 32 and I honestly can't tell you what I did, because I honestly don't even remember! Wow..that's bad!
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Too not to have had to go through all the grief and misery that I went through in 2008/2009! But I had no choice, so, I went with it, lived through it, and learned from it.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? I personally think I'm pretty fashionable. In 2009 I stepped out of the box a bit and wore outfits and colors that I have never worn before.
32. What kept you sane?My friends, family, Bo and praying!
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I'm about totally in love with looking at Shemar Moore from Criminal Minds. I mean seriously...can he be any hotter??!!
34. What political issue stirred you the most? It's probably bad for me to say this, but I don't usually get upset about much dealing with politics.
35. Who did you miss? Shawn!
36. Who was the best new person you met? I've met several new people in 2009. Recently two 'old' friends of mine that have been gone from my life have reappeared and that is wonderful. People really do come into your life when you need them the most!
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009. Love like you have never loved before and cherish what you have because in a blink of an eye it can all be gone.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I don't know if this quote sums up my year or not but on a friends facebook page he has this quote and I really like it and I think it has lots of meaning in it. "To this world you may be one small person, but to one small person you may be the world!!"
I know this got really really long...shocking I know on my blog!! Thank you to each of you for reading and I hope you have a happy, safe, healthy, and blessed 2010!!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Holy Cow Look What I Did!!!
In college I wanted a tattoo really, really bad. I went two different times to get one and both times the place was closed. With that I figured fate was playing a role and it just was not meant to be. As time went on I was actually glad that I didn't get one when I was in school. I would hate to wake up one day when I'm 70 and regret getting something tattooed on my body that didn't have any meaning to me and that I had just gotten on a whim because I was young and stupid.
However, after Shawn died I thought lots and lots about getting a tattoo in honor of him. I just really wasn't sure what I wanted. I wanted a tattoo to be about Shawn, but at the same time I didn't want it to 'scream' Shawn either. I kind of wanted it to be a design that meant Shawn to me, but nobody else would really know. Then after I saw the Medium and after she made the comment about the baby and Shawn being my angels I knew exactly what I wanted.
Since I have no artistic ability I had a friend draw up a picture of a pair of angel wings. The drawing was almost 100% what I wanted. The only thing missing was a few little wispy aspects that I wanted placed on the wings. I have had the drawing for some time now, but really didn't do anything about finding a good tattoo artist. Enter my cousin. A few weeks ago my cousin had one of her tattoo's fixed and she went to a local artist here in town. She called me and told me that he was a super great guy and did amazing work. I then looked at her tattoo and was amazed at how he fixed an "artistic error" of somebody else. I knew then that I wanted him to do my tattoo. So last week I made an appointment to finally get my tattoo... a tattoo to memorialize Shawn, our baby, and a huge part of my past, a tattoo that would have significant meaning to me, even when I'm 70 years old.
About a half hour before my appointment I started to get a little nervous. I wasn't nervous at all to get the tattoo. I'm not going to lie...I was nervous as all get out for the pain. I've never been big on pain and I'm actually a big ole whimp! I was scared!! I'm not a big sweater unless I'm working out and I was so nervous I had wet spots on my shirt. Nice huh!! Nothing hotter than a lady sweating like a pig because she is so nervous. Anyhow, John the tattoo artist was amazing and he was so nice...almost gentle with me, but in a tough tattoo guy kinda way. I climbed up into the chair and he placed the stencil on my shoulder. The placement was perfect and exactly where I wanted it. Then he started and asked me if I was ready. I'm telling you I was so tense my muscles were actually shaking. He told me that if I just relaxed it really wouldn't be all that bad. Sure it won't!!! I bet that's what he tells everyone before he starts poking them over and over again with a huge needle. I actually was very pleasantly shocked....it really didn't hurt all that much. I mean yeah, there was pain, but nothing like I was expecting there to be. I for sure was thinking that it was going to be the worst pain of my entire life, but it really wasn't. The time's I've hurt my back were far worse pain than this. To me getting my tattoo was more of an irritating type of pain. Kind of like getting slapped with a rubber band a few times in a row, it was more of a burn than anything else. It was over before I knew it. After about 12 minutes he told me to get up and to look in the mirror. What?! I was done so fast!! I couldn't believe it was over already. I got up looked in the mirror and loved what I saw. It was exactly what I wanted. I was so happy to know have another part of Shawn and our baby always with me. After looking at it more once I got home I realized I may want the outline to be a bit thicker. He told me I could come back anytime I wanted and he could thicken it up for me. Since I was knew to tattooing he wanted to give me a softer look first. (I thought that was really nice of him)
I decided to only get black, white and grey. I didn't want there to be any flashy color. I wanted it to be simple and soft. As it heals the red that appears in the picture will fade and it will be just nice grey shading.
Are you ready for some pictures?
The artist's name was John and he was so nice. He knew I was a tattoo virgin and told me he would be "extra careful".
Ok...I know I look like I'm in lots of pain in this picture, but I'm really not. Really no idea why I have such a death grip on the chair!
This picture was taken immediately after the tattoo was finished.
This was taken about an hour after I had been home.
Same time frame, just in different light. Again, as it heals the red will fade.
However, after Shawn died I thought lots and lots about getting a tattoo in honor of him. I just really wasn't sure what I wanted. I wanted a tattoo to be about Shawn, but at the same time I didn't want it to 'scream' Shawn either. I kind of wanted it to be a design that meant Shawn to me, but nobody else would really know. Then after I saw the Medium and after she made the comment about the baby and Shawn being my angels I knew exactly what I wanted.
Since I have no artistic ability I had a friend draw up a picture of a pair of angel wings. The drawing was almost 100% what I wanted. The only thing missing was a few little wispy aspects that I wanted placed on the wings. I have had the drawing for some time now, but really didn't do anything about finding a good tattoo artist. Enter my cousin. A few weeks ago my cousin had one of her tattoo's fixed and she went to a local artist here in town. She called me and told me that he was a super great guy and did amazing work. I then looked at her tattoo and was amazed at how he fixed an "artistic error" of somebody else. I knew then that I wanted him to do my tattoo. So last week I made an appointment to finally get my tattoo... a tattoo to memorialize Shawn, our baby, and a huge part of my past, a tattoo that would have significant meaning to me, even when I'm 70 years old.
About a half hour before my appointment I started to get a little nervous. I wasn't nervous at all to get the tattoo. I'm not going to lie...I was nervous as all get out for the pain. I've never been big on pain and I'm actually a big ole whimp! I was scared!! I'm not a big sweater unless I'm working out and I was so nervous I had wet spots on my shirt. Nice huh!! Nothing hotter than a lady sweating like a pig because she is so nervous. Anyhow, John the tattoo artist was amazing and he was so nice...almost gentle with me, but in a tough tattoo guy kinda way. I climbed up into the chair and he placed the stencil on my shoulder. The placement was perfect and exactly where I wanted it. Then he started and asked me if I was ready. I'm telling you I was so tense my muscles were actually shaking. He told me that if I just relaxed it really wouldn't be all that bad. Sure it won't!!! I bet that's what he tells everyone before he starts poking them over and over again with a huge needle. I actually was very pleasantly shocked....it really didn't hurt all that much. I mean yeah, there was pain, but nothing like I was expecting there to be. I for sure was thinking that it was going to be the worst pain of my entire life, but it really wasn't. The time's I've hurt my back were far worse pain than this. To me getting my tattoo was more of an irritating type of pain. Kind of like getting slapped with a rubber band a few times in a row, it was more of a burn than anything else. It was over before I knew it. After about 12 minutes he told me to get up and to look in the mirror. What?! I was done so fast!! I couldn't believe it was over already. I got up looked in the mirror and loved what I saw. It was exactly what I wanted. I was so happy to know have another part of Shawn and our baby always with me. After looking at it more once I got home I realized I may want the outline to be a bit thicker. He told me I could come back anytime I wanted and he could thicken it up for me. Since I was knew to tattooing he wanted to give me a softer look first. (I thought that was really nice of him)
I decided to only get black, white and grey. I didn't want there to be any flashy color. I wanted it to be simple and soft. As it heals the red that appears in the picture will fade and it will be just nice grey shading.
Are you ready for some pictures?
The artist's name was John and he was so nice. He knew I was a tattoo virgin and told me he would be "extra careful".
Ok...I know I look like I'm in lots of pain in this picture, but I'm really not. Really no idea why I have such a death grip on the chair! 
This picture was taken immediately after the tattoo was finished.
This was taken about an hour after I had been home.
Same time frame, just in different light. Again, as it heals the red will fade.I'm so happy with my choice not only to get my tattoo, but with the design as well. I know that Shawn and our baby are always with me and are always watching over me. But now with my tattoo, they really are with me, will always be and nobody can take that away from me.
Holy Shit!! I got a tattoo today....yeah, I'm a rock star!!! (hahahah yeah right!)
Friday, December 25, 2009
Merry Christmas To You
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Today I'm going to share with you my Christmas letter that went out in my Christmas cards this year.(if you got a card from me, without a letter...this is why...I figured I would save paper and you could read it here)
Today I'm going to share with you my Christmas letter that went out in my Christmas cards this year.(if you got a card from me, without a letter...this is why...I figured I would save paper and you could read it here)Dear Friends,
I hope this Christmas card finds you and your family happy and healthy this holiday season. It seems as though I have so much to share with you but so little space on the page. I will do my best to fill you in on what I have been up to since last year.
I am happy to report that I am doing well. A few weeks ago while at the mall I ran into somebody that I had not seen since Shawn's funeral. She asked me how I was doing and for the first time since Shawn's death I was able to reply with , "I'm doing good." Instead of, "I'm doing okay." Don't get me wrong I've had many good days and good stretches of days this past year, but it really hasn't been until the last few months that I have really started to feel "good" again. I still miss Shawn more than anything and wish every single day that he was here with me. However, the happiness is starting to return to my life. Little things are making me smile and laugh once again. I'm also making new memories for myself as I'm living my "new life." I'm learning more and more about myself every single day. During the last 16 months I've learned that I'm a much stronger person that I ever thought possible. That strength is something that Shawn instilled in me and I'm grateful for that gift that he gave me. I'm also starting to once again look forward to my future instead of dreading it.
In April I realized that I was starting to get "bored" sitting at home, but also knew I wasn't ready to return to work. Instead I decided to hit the gym. I have been working out around three to five days a week. I have found that I really enjoy working out. Yes, I said...love to work out! If I miss more than a day or two in a row I'm finding I really don't like how I feel. Working out has been a huge stress relief for me, not to mention what it has done for my energy. I'm probably in the best shape of my entire life and that feels good! I'm also strongly considering going back to school next fall for either personal training or massage therapy. That's how good working out makes me feel. I think it would be amazing to share that with somebody else! Shawn always wanted me to either become a trainer or a massage therapist. So I figured that would be a great way to honor him as well. I will keep you posted on what path I choose. Who knows, maybe I will decide on both!
I have not yet returned to "work" I've looked, there just aren't any jobs. In July I started babysitting for a friend. It was only going to be one day a week, but has turned into around three. For right now it's a good fit and it's working rather well for me. As you know I love being around kids so it has been fun getting to be around children once again.
My dog Bo is awesome. I've said before that I really do love him more than I should. He has been a great distraction and form of support to me. Bo however has a TON of allergies. (I swear only I would get a dog with major allergy problems!) We have been to the vet every four weeks since May! They can't find out what he is allergic to because he has been on to many different types of allergy medicine. Currently, I'm making his dog food and that seems to be helping. (Yes, I said making his dog food...as in from scratch) Hopefully within the next few weeks we can get the testing done and find out what the little guy is allergic to.
Okay, I'm running out of room and I'm sure you are all bored to tears reading all this. Thank you for your continued support and love throughout this last year. It has been the hardest 16 months of my life...but I'm going to make it.
Love,
Jenny
Remember last year when I did a UofM tree in honor of Shawn? Well, I've decided to make this a new tradition and did one again this year.
I was soooo happy when I found this ornament. It is a UofM hat. Shawn never went anywhere without a hat on his head, especially one of his many UofM hat's. So when I found it I grabbed it as fast as I could.
Here is the tree all decorated. It has a few blue snowflakes on it, but it is mainly decorated in UofM balls, candy canes, the helmet, several block M's and of course the new Hat. We were even able to find UofM garland to wrap around the tree. It has clear and yellow lights. (The blue and gold lights was just plain ugly!) I think it turned out great and I know Shawn would love it!!Wednesday, December 23, 2009
"Even for your Husband?" and Simple Things
Well, tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I can not believe that this is already my second Christmas without Shawn. It just doesn't seem possible to me, how can it already be two Christmas's without him? Probably the same way it is going to be a year and a half since his death in just two very short months. A year and a half, it really blows my mind to think that! I remember everything about August 18, 2008, the day Shawn died and that day feels just like yesterday, so how can it be 16 months already and Christmas number two without him?! Is the saying true..."time fly's when you are having fun"? Huh...I think NOT!!
On Christmas day I will be posting my Christmas letter for you all to read. In that letter it says that the last several months I have been doing really good. And I have, really. I've been going out, laughing, talking to a few different guys (yes, I said guys as in more than one...more on that in another post), the last few months the fun has started to return to my life and for the first time since Shawn died I have started to feel 'good'. That feeling has felt amazing and I was waiting patiently for the 'good' feeling to return. It's a different 'good' than before, but 'good' none the less. I have also been kind of looking forward to Christmas this year as well, which was much different than last year. I'm still not all gung-ho for Christmas Eve or for Christmas, but I'm a bit more excited than last year, so I guess that is a step in the right direction.
However, Monday and today two things happened that made my stomach instantly sink and I was left with that uneasy, this still sucks feeling all day long. Sometimes it's the simple things that makes me miss Shawn more than anything, More often that not it's the simple things like ordering new checks for the first time without his name on them that will send me into a river of tears. Over the last 16 months I've made it through tons of simple things and I've learned to control the tears and only cry when I want to cry, but I still haven't figured out how to get rid of that sinking sick feeling in my stomach when a simple thing occurs, maybe that comes with more time. Or then again, maybe that feeling never goes away.
Monday I was walking out of the gym with two of the guys that work out the same time I do. One of them actual knew Shawn when they were little kids and used to play ball together in middle school. He and I talk all the time and he knows about Shawn. The other guy is just a nice older gentleman that talks to everybody and is super friendly. Anyways, the three of us were walking out talking about our Christmas plans and about last minute shopping that we each needed. I proudly announced that I had been done with my shopping for a few weeks now and that all I needed to do was wrap the gifts. The older man stopped, looked at me and said, "You mean to tell me you even have all the gifts for your husband bought already?" Insert sinking stomach feeling right there. I just stood there and didn't really say anything. I wanted to say, "Well, no, not everything I will go Christmas Day to get fresh flowers to put on his grave.", but I didn't. Luckily, the other guy quickly jumped in and made a smart ass comment about forgetting to get his wife a gift. We then walked out to the parking lot and he told me that he was sorry that the other guy made that comment. I told him it was fine, really there was no way of him knowing that Shawn passed away and that I'm a widow. I mean it's not like I have the word, "widow" tattooed across my forehead. I really was fine. It was a simple question, made my a friendly guy who meant no harm. At that moment it really didn't bother me, but then as the day went on and I thought about it, his comment started to suck more and more. Yeah, I wish like hell I could buy Shawn something for Christmas, I wish like hell, that HE could be here for Christmas and that I could see, touch, talk, hold him, and kiss him once again, but I can't. Sometimes, it's the simple things that make me miss Shawn more than anything.
Last Christmas unless a card was addressed to me I didn't read or even look at one Christmas card. No way did I want to see a happy person or a happy family in their yearly Christmas card, so I just decided not to read them. Well, this year things are different. I feel happier and I really want to be happy once again so I've been reading the cards as they come in and I've been fine, well, until this morning. This morning I came down to the family room and noticed there was a card hanging up that I did not see the day before so I opened it up and it said, "Dave, Beth, Jen, Katie, Matt and Erika" I'm not sure why but for some reason reading all of our names without seeing Shawn's name in the listed with the rest of the family took my breath away. Literally, could not breath for a second. Wait, yes I do know why...even though I'm happier and want to be happy it still SUCKS that Shawn isn't here and it is exceptionally hard this time of year. Once again the person who addressed the card meant to harm and they did nothing wrong but once again sometimes it's the simple things like not seeing Shawn's name on a Christmas card that makes me miss him.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, Shawn's favorite day of the whole entire year. He always told me that he loved Christmas Eve more than Christmas Day. He loved spending time with both of our families. We used to ping pong back and forth for two straight days spending equal time with both sides of our family. Ever since I started dating Shawn we would go to his Grandma's house on Christmas Eve, every single family member is there and it's a little nuts, okay a lot nuts, but we always went. It was Shawn's thing and we went because he never wanted to disappoint his Grandma by not going.
Last year I went to Christmas Eve at Shawn's Grandma's house...alone. Not because I wanted too, because I didn't, not at all. But I went for Shawn, because that was his night and he loved it more than anything. At first I wasn't going to go this year. It's just not the same, at least not for me it isn't. I walk in and immediately everybody stares at me. Almost like they expect me to burst out into tears as I walk into the door. I've got news for them...I won't cry...ever in front of them! Everyone wants to know how I'm "doing" and they all look at me with this awful look of pity on their face. I can't stand it! So, I wasn't going to go this year, I figured why do that to myself. Then the more I thought about it I realized I "have to" go. Do I really want to go alone? No, not at all! I have to go because of Shawn, I can't and won't let him down by not going. I will suck it up and deal with the looks, the sitting alone at dinner, the only one there not as "family", the only one there without a person to love and share the night with. I will do it for Shawn and that is all I need to help me get through the night. He will be with me! Will it be the same....no....it will never be the same. I don't know if I will go to Christmas Eve in the future, it may get weird or weirder as time goes on. Especially if I meet somebody new, but for this year I will be going to Christmas Eve dinner and for the second year in a row I will be walking into Shawn's Grandma's house on Shawn's favorite night alone. That is not a simple thing, that is a big thing, and that makes me miss Shawn too.
So on this night before Christmas Eve I wish you all happiness and peace tomorrow and on Christmas Day. Enjoy your families, enjoy your children, please please please enjoy your husbands and enjoy the "simple things"
On Christmas day I will be posting my Christmas letter for you all to read. In that letter it says that the last several months I have been doing really good. And I have, really. I've been going out, laughing, talking to a few different guys (yes, I said guys as in more than one...more on that in another post), the last few months the fun has started to return to my life and for the first time since Shawn died I have started to feel 'good'. That feeling has felt amazing and I was waiting patiently for the 'good' feeling to return. It's a different 'good' than before, but 'good' none the less. I have also been kind of looking forward to Christmas this year as well, which was much different than last year. I'm still not all gung-ho for Christmas Eve or for Christmas, but I'm a bit more excited than last year, so I guess that is a step in the right direction.
However, Monday and today two things happened that made my stomach instantly sink and I was left with that uneasy, this still sucks feeling all day long. Sometimes it's the simple things that makes me miss Shawn more than anything, More often that not it's the simple things like ordering new checks for the first time without his name on them that will send me into a river of tears. Over the last 16 months I've made it through tons of simple things and I've learned to control the tears and only cry when I want to cry, but I still haven't figured out how to get rid of that sinking sick feeling in my stomach when a simple thing occurs, maybe that comes with more time. Or then again, maybe that feeling never goes away.
Monday I was walking out of the gym with two of the guys that work out the same time I do. One of them actual knew Shawn when they were little kids and used to play ball together in middle school. He and I talk all the time and he knows about Shawn. The other guy is just a nice older gentleman that talks to everybody and is super friendly. Anyways, the three of us were walking out talking about our Christmas plans and about last minute shopping that we each needed. I proudly announced that I had been done with my shopping for a few weeks now and that all I needed to do was wrap the gifts. The older man stopped, looked at me and said, "You mean to tell me you even have all the gifts for your husband bought already?" Insert sinking stomach feeling right there. I just stood there and didn't really say anything. I wanted to say, "Well, no, not everything I will go Christmas Day to get fresh flowers to put on his grave.", but I didn't. Luckily, the other guy quickly jumped in and made a smart ass comment about forgetting to get his wife a gift. We then walked out to the parking lot and he told me that he was sorry that the other guy made that comment. I told him it was fine, really there was no way of him knowing that Shawn passed away and that I'm a widow. I mean it's not like I have the word, "widow" tattooed across my forehead. I really was fine. It was a simple question, made my a friendly guy who meant no harm. At that moment it really didn't bother me, but then as the day went on and I thought about it, his comment started to suck more and more. Yeah, I wish like hell I could buy Shawn something for Christmas, I wish like hell, that HE could be here for Christmas and that I could see, touch, talk, hold him, and kiss him once again, but I can't. Sometimes, it's the simple things that make me miss Shawn more than anything.
Last Christmas unless a card was addressed to me I didn't read or even look at one Christmas card. No way did I want to see a happy person or a happy family in their yearly Christmas card, so I just decided not to read them. Well, this year things are different. I feel happier and I really want to be happy once again so I've been reading the cards as they come in and I've been fine, well, until this morning. This morning I came down to the family room and noticed there was a card hanging up that I did not see the day before so I opened it up and it said, "Dave, Beth, Jen, Katie, Matt and Erika" I'm not sure why but for some reason reading all of our names without seeing Shawn's name in the listed with the rest of the family took my breath away. Literally, could not breath for a second. Wait, yes I do know why...even though I'm happier and want to be happy it still SUCKS that Shawn isn't here and it is exceptionally hard this time of year. Once again the person who addressed the card meant to harm and they did nothing wrong but once again sometimes it's the simple things like not seeing Shawn's name on a Christmas card that makes me miss him.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, Shawn's favorite day of the whole entire year. He always told me that he loved Christmas Eve more than Christmas Day. He loved spending time with both of our families. We used to ping pong back and forth for two straight days spending equal time with both sides of our family. Ever since I started dating Shawn we would go to his Grandma's house on Christmas Eve, every single family member is there and it's a little nuts, okay a lot nuts, but we always went. It was Shawn's thing and we went because he never wanted to disappoint his Grandma by not going.
Last year I went to Christmas Eve at Shawn's Grandma's house...alone. Not because I wanted too, because I didn't, not at all. But I went for Shawn, because that was his night and he loved it more than anything. At first I wasn't going to go this year. It's just not the same, at least not for me it isn't. I walk in and immediately everybody stares at me. Almost like they expect me to burst out into tears as I walk into the door. I've got news for them...I won't cry...ever in front of them! Everyone wants to know how I'm "doing" and they all look at me with this awful look of pity on their face. I can't stand it! So, I wasn't going to go this year, I figured why do that to myself. Then the more I thought about it I realized I "have to" go. Do I really want to go alone? No, not at all! I have to go because of Shawn, I can't and won't let him down by not going. I will suck it up and deal with the looks, the sitting alone at dinner, the only one there not as "family", the only one there without a person to love and share the night with. I will do it for Shawn and that is all I need to help me get through the night. He will be with me! Will it be the same....no....it will never be the same. I don't know if I will go to Christmas Eve in the future, it may get weird or weirder as time goes on. Especially if I meet somebody new, but for this year I will be going to Christmas Eve dinner and for the second year in a row I will be walking into Shawn's Grandma's house on Shawn's favorite night alone. That is not a simple thing, that is a big thing, and that makes me miss Shawn too.
So on this night before Christmas Eve I wish you all happiness and peace tomorrow and on Christmas Day. Enjoy your families, enjoy your children, please please please enjoy your husbands and enjoy the "simple things"
Monday, December 21, 2009
Oh My Oh So Yummy!!
Phew it has been a busy few days. I'm so sorry for not updating my blog all that much since NaBloPoMo finished up. It's a good thing that doesn't occur in the month of December because I would never be able to keep up. I have a few other things I want to write about this week and then I promise after Christmas is over I will be back to updating on a regular basis. Also sorry for my lack of comments on your blogs. However, I have been keeping up on reading all of your blogs.
Tomorrow I'm going to a Christmas Party with the girls in my "support group" We are each supposed to bring a dish to pass and since I love to bake I said I would bring the desert. Originally, I was going to bake homemade peppermint cheese cake. At the last minute I changed my mind and decided to make homemade peppermint brownies instead. Since it seems like we are all looking for new recipes during this time of year I thought I'd share it with you all. I thought each bite of peppermint cheesecake goodness tasted like a little bit of Heaven. So...so...yummy!! The best part was they were really east to make, here is what you do...
Peppermint Cheesecake Brownies
Cheesecake batter:
See seriously easy to make. I think even if you weren't an 'experienced baker" you would be able to make these. Once the brownies were out of the oven and cooled a bit I added my own special touch. Have you all seen these yummy candy canes in the stores?
If not you should really go on a hunt for them. They are the Hershey's Mint Chocolate Candy Canes. I mean really...what could be better than a chocolate mint flavored candy cane? So after the brownies had cooled I decided to crunch up a box of these yummy treats to sprinkle on top of the brownies. I personally think it added a yummy touch.
Just a small little sample for you!
Now for a bigger taste! Oh yeah, I tasted them and they are so so yummy!!!
Go ahead and try them for yourself!
Tomorrow I'm going to a Christmas Party with the girls in my "support group" We are each supposed to bring a dish to pass and since I love to bake I said I would bring the desert. Originally, I was going to bake homemade peppermint cheese cake. At the last minute I changed my mind and decided to make homemade peppermint brownies instead. Since it seems like we are all looking for new recipes during this time of year I thought I'd share it with you all. I thought each bite of peppermint cheesecake goodness tasted like a little bit of Heaven. So...so...yummy!! The best part was they were really east to make, here is what you do...
Peppermint Cheesecake Brownies
Cheesecake batter:
- 1 (8-ounce) block 1/3-less-fat cream cheese
- 1/3 cup granulated sugar
- 1/4 teaspoon peppermint extract
- 1 large egg
- 1 large egg white
- 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
- 4.5 ounces all-purpose flour (about 1 cup)
- 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 1/2 cups packed brown sugar
- 1/4 cup canola oil
- 1/4 cup buttermilk
- 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
- 2 large egg whites
- 1 large egg
- Cooking spray
1. Preheat oven to 350°.
2. To prepare cheesecake batter, place cheese in a medium bowl; beat with a mixer at medium speed until smooth. Add granulated sugar and peppermint extract; beat well. Add 1 egg and 1 egg white; beat well. Add 1 tablespoon flour; beat mixture just until blended.
3. To prepare brownie batter, weigh or lightly spoon 4.5 ounces (about 1 cup) flour into a dry measuring cup; level with a knife. Combine 4.5 ounces flour, cocoa, and salt in a medium bowl, stirring with a whisk. Combine brown sugar, oil, buttermilk, vanilla, 2 egg whites, and 1 egg in a large bowl; beat with a mixer at medium-high speed until well blended. Add flour mixture to brown sugar mixture; beat at low speed just until blended.
4. Reserve 1/2 cup of brownie batter. Pour remaining batter into a 9-inch square baking pan coated with cooking spray. Carefully pour cheesecake batter over top; spread evenly to edges. Dot cheesecake batter with reserved brownie batter. Swirl top two layers of batters together using the tip of a knife. Bake at 350° for 26 minutes or until top is set. Cool completely in pan on a wire rack.
If not you should really go on a hunt for them. They are the Hershey's Mint Chocolate Candy Canes. I mean really...what could be better than a chocolate mint flavored candy cane? So after the brownies had cooled I decided to crunch up a box of these yummy treats to sprinkle on top of the brownies. I personally think it added a yummy touch.
Just a small little sample for you!
Now for a bigger taste! Oh yeah, I tasted them and they are so so yummy!!!Go ahead and try them for yourself!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
So Much FUN!!
I had such a great trip to Youngstown I can't even tell you!! (but I'm going to try...it will be long) I had so much FUN!! It was so great to be able to get away for a while and hang out with two of my best friends and their families. I was going to leave Michigan on Thursday, but the stupid winter weather struck so I couldn't leave until Friday morning, but then I decided to stay until Monday so I guess in the long run it all evened out.
I love being able to get into my car and go. I think and talk, and talk and think some more. For the majority of the drive going to Ohio I talked to my other best friend Meg. Then after I got off the phone with her I just drove and thought about more stuff. It's amazing what you can think of and about when you are alone in your car for five hours.
I arrived in Youngstown a little after 1:00. Typically, I head right to Jennie's house, but this time I switched things around and spent time with Lora her husband Chris and their little boy Luca. (I have known Luca since he was eight weeks old, the two of us have a very special relationship) I got there right as Chris was leaving to go to work. We hugged in the driveway and said, "See ya later!" The rest of the day and night was spent with Lora and Luca. The last time I was in Ohio, I didn't get to see Lora so it was great to be able to spend time with her. We had such a great night!! The three of us went out for dinner, did a little shopping, took Luca for a haircut, came home, went in the hot tub, chilled out, and of course talked and laughed!! I don't think the two of us have laughed that hard in a long time. We laughed until we cried, and then we talked and laughed some more! It was so...much...fun!! A little before mid-night Chris got home and then the three of us sat and just talked. I don't think we went to bed until right around 2:30 in the morning.
Jennie, Lora and I have been friends for about three years. As you know we met when I moved to Youngstown, we all worked together at the same Childcare Center. However, the day Shawn died our relationship immediately changed. The three of us got so much closer. Another amazing thing that happened is the relationships that I now have with the two Chris's. (Both Jennie's fiancee and Lora's husband are named Chris) The three of us knew each other before Shawn died and if I called either Jennie or Lora and one of the Chris's answered sure we talked and said "Hi" but that was about it. Last year when I started going for visits my relationship with both Chris's also changed and changed for the better. I can't really explain it but I have such a great relationship now with both of them. I also know that the two Chris's are watching out for me and I know I could call them if I ever needed anything! We all joke that when I come to down that each of the Chris's have two wives. Sure we are all friends, but more than anything now it is like we are one big family and let me tell you it is GREAT!!
Saturday was our Christmas party at Lora's house. Lora had to work Saturday morning so her Chris and I took it upon ourselves to get the house picked up and ready. Lora was in her office on a conference call, but Chris and I joked that she was really just sitting in her office because she knew that the two of us were doing the housework. We talked and cleaned, and talked some more with lots of playing with Luca in between. Again, simple things, but a great time!
Around 4:00 p.m Jennie, her Chris and their three boys got to Lora's house. As soon as Jennie got there the party was under way!! We had an AWESOME time!!!! I mean it rocked!!! We had lots of yummy food, a phew yummy drinks, and a great group of people to have a great time with. The Chris's hung out in the garage, while Jennie, Lora, I and the boys were partying like rock stars inside. Oh speaking of rock stars...we played rock band and it was lots of fun. However, little Miss Jennie gets rather competitive when she plays Rock Band. She kicked me out of the band, and I think Lora was well on her way too. Personally, I think Jennie plays rock band just a bit too much! After our Rock Band playing we decided it was time to open up Christmas gifts...FUN!!!
I got Lora and Jennie matching p.j's. Well ,the bottoms were different, but the tops were the same. Oh and I got them scarf's too. As soon as Jennie and Lora opened their gifts they ran to the bathroom and changed into their jammie's! I was so mad that I didn't buy myself a matching pair...what was I thinking?!?! I mean seriously! Even though I didn't have matching ones I still got into my jammie's and we all took a picture. Lora got me a scarf too, so the three of were in our jammie's with our scarfs....
I love this picture of us!
We decided I needed to be in the middle to break up some of pinkness. I think another good picture.
For Christmas this year I got each of the boys a stuffed animal with a matching blanket. Lora got each of the boys matching jammie's too. Kinda funny if you think about it, I got Lora and Jennie matching jammie's, Lora got the boys matching jammie's and then I got all the boys matching blankets. We were on the same wave length on that one. Great minds think alike.
Devin, Nuby, Payton, and Luca in the chair with their matching jammie's, and blankets. Just adorable! I love those four little boys so much!!
This next picture is of all of us right before we got ready to go back to Jennie's house for the night.
I mean seriously why didn't I get matching jammie's for me?!
Here is a picture of Luca and his Woody doll that I got for him. He is loving Toy Story right now!
I love being able to get into my car and go. I think and talk, and talk and think some more. For the majority of the drive going to Ohio I talked to my other best friend Meg. Then after I got off the phone with her I just drove and thought about more stuff. It's amazing what you can think of and about when you are alone in your car for five hours.
I arrived in Youngstown a little after 1:00. Typically, I head right to Jennie's house, but this time I switched things around and spent time with Lora her husband Chris and their little boy Luca. (I have known Luca since he was eight weeks old, the two of us have a very special relationship) I got there right as Chris was leaving to go to work. We hugged in the driveway and said, "See ya later!" The rest of the day and night was spent with Lora and Luca. The last time I was in Ohio, I didn't get to see Lora so it was great to be able to spend time with her. We had such a great night!! The three of us went out for dinner, did a little shopping, took Luca for a haircut, came home, went in the hot tub, chilled out, and of course talked and laughed!! I don't think the two of us have laughed that hard in a long time. We laughed until we cried, and then we talked and laughed some more! It was so...much...fun!! A little before mid-night Chris got home and then the three of us sat and just talked. I don't think we went to bed until right around 2:30 in the morning.
Jennie, Lora and I have been friends for about three years. As you know we met when I moved to Youngstown, we all worked together at the same Childcare Center. However, the day Shawn died our relationship immediately changed. The three of us got so much closer. Another amazing thing that happened is the relationships that I now have with the two Chris's. (Both Jennie's fiancee and Lora's husband are named Chris) The three of us knew each other before Shawn died and if I called either Jennie or Lora and one of the Chris's answered sure we talked and said "Hi" but that was about it. Last year when I started going for visits my relationship with both Chris's also changed and changed for the better. I can't really explain it but I have such a great relationship now with both of them. I also know that the two Chris's are watching out for me and I know I could call them if I ever needed anything! We all joke that when I come to down that each of the Chris's have two wives. Sure we are all friends, but more than anything now it is like we are one big family and let me tell you it is GREAT!!
Saturday was our Christmas party at Lora's house. Lora had to work Saturday morning so her Chris and I took it upon ourselves to get the house picked up and ready. Lora was in her office on a conference call, but Chris and I joked that she was really just sitting in her office because she knew that the two of us were doing the housework. We talked and cleaned, and talked some more with lots of playing with Luca in between. Again, simple things, but a great time!
Around 4:00 p.m Jennie, her Chris and their three boys got to Lora's house. As soon as Jennie got there the party was under way!! We had an AWESOME time!!!! I mean it rocked!!! We had lots of yummy food, a phew yummy drinks, and a great group of people to have a great time with. The Chris's hung out in the garage, while Jennie, Lora, I and the boys were partying like rock stars inside. Oh speaking of rock stars...we played rock band and it was lots of fun. However, little Miss Jennie gets rather competitive when she plays Rock Band. She kicked me out of the band, and I think Lora was well on her way too. Personally, I think Jennie plays rock band just a bit too much! After our Rock Band playing we decided it was time to open up Christmas gifts...FUN!!!
I got Lora and Jennie matching p.j's. Well ,the bottoms were different, but the tops were the same. Oh and I got them scarf's too. As soon as Jennie and Lora opened their gifts they ran to the bathroom and changed into their jammie's! I was so mad that I didn't buy myself a matching pair...what was I thinking?!?! I mean seriously! Even though I didn't have matching ones I still got into my jammie's and we all took a picture. Lora got me a scarf too, so the three of were in our jammie's with our scarfs....
I love this picture of us!
We decided I needed to be in the middle to break up some of pinkness. I think another good picture.For Christmas this year I got each of the boys a stuffed animal with a matching blanket. Lora got each of the boys matching jammie's too. Kinda funny if you think about it, I got Lora and Jennie matching jammie's, Lora got the boys matching jammie's and then I got all the boys matching blankets. We were on the same wave length on that one. Great minds think alike.
Devin, Nuby, Payton, and Luca in the chair with their matching jammie's, and blankets. Just adorable! I love those four little boys so much!!This next picture is of all of us right before we got ready to go back to Jennie's house for the night.
I mean seriously why didn't I get matching jammie's for me?!
Here is a picture of Luca and his Woody doll that I got for him. He is loving Toy Story right now!Saturday night I headed to Jennie's for the rest of the weekend. We got home and put the boys to bed then Jennie, Chris and I snuggled up on the couch to watch a movie. Well, I take that back Chris bailed on us, so Jennie and I watched our movie. Jennie loves, and I don't mean a little love, I mean totally 100% LOVES the movie Rent. So....she got each Lora and I our own copy for part of our Christmas gift. I'm not the type of person who really likes watching musicals...but I will tell you that I LOVED it!! Rent was such an awesome movie and Jennie was cracking me the hell up watching it. She was grinning ear to ear the entire time! Since then I have been singing the sound track in my head. Saturday was another long night and Jennie and I didn't go to bed until really late.
Sunday is Jennie's day to sleep in and boy did she sleep, until right around 11:00! I woke up around 9:00 and snuggled on the couch with Jennie's three boys. Lora got the movie Up for part of their Christmas gift so the four of us snuggled up on the couch and watched that movie. It was such a good movie, although a little on the sad side. Chris even joined us on the couch as well! Once Jennie woke up we all got dressed and ready to go for the day. However, we really went nowhere and we all just sat on the couch watching The Disney Channel. Again, great family time! Sadly, Jennie had to go to work for a few hours on Sunday night. While she gone I went out to dinner with two of the coaches that I'm still close too. Then I went back to Jennie's house and Chris and I just hung out and went to visit Jennie at work since their boys were at their Grandmas. It was kinda nice just to be able to hang out with Chris for a while, the two of us had a good conversation. Then we put the boys to bed and Jennie was home soon after that. The rest of the night Jennie, Chris and I sat in the living room and watched various shows on TLC. Yup, that's what the three of us do...watch interesting shows on TLC...gotta love it!
I also had two special moments with each Jennie and Lora as well. We have all talked on different occasions about what happned the day Shawn passed away. They have each told me things that they remember or that stick out in their minds. Once again on Friday night Lora and I were talking about it and she shared with me some of her memories and things she was feeling that day. Sunday afternoon Jennie and I got to talking and we talked about that day. Jennie was with me in the small room when the Dr. came in and told me the news. We have talked about this time before, but once again we talked about those moments immediately afte we got the news about Shawn. I'm so blessed to have had both Jennie and Lora with me that day. They were great friends and never left my side the entire day. It probably sounds odd to say, but I'm glad that the three of us can talk about that day 16 months later. I'm thinking that we will all remember the events of that day for a long time.
Then on Monday morning I got up, told everybody good bye and kinda sad liked got in my car and headed back to Michigan. I always hate leaving them. I hate a great weekend and it was wonderful to be able to celebrate Christmas with Jennie, Lora and the entire crew. I love you guys!!
I will leave you of my favorite picture taken during the weekend....Jenny and Luca!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I Feel Like I Need To Ramble A Bit
I have so many thoughts running through my head right now I'm having trouble wrapping my own thoughts around them. I'm telling you this has been a week of about every emotion known to man. This week I have been happy, I've been sad, really happy, and really sad. I've been in a good mood and then two hours later in a bad mood. I've gone to bed smiling and happy, and I've gone to bed sad and crying. I've woke up happy and have woken up sad. I'm not exactly sure what my problem is but I'm telling you, I'm sick of it for this week! Sick, sick, sick of it!! So for this post I think I'm just going to ramble out some of my thoughts and see if that helps.
*Winter is here and I don't like it. Not one bit!! Sure the first snowfall is pretty but other than that I think winter, snow and the cold is highly overrated. I mean really, now that there is snow on the roads we have to start worrying about idiot drivers who have no idea how to drive in the snow. I can no longer take Bo outside in just a 'light" jacket, it's full on winter coat, socks and mittens. Yes, it is that cold her in Michigan today. There is no more jumping into the car and leaving, but the go out and start your car 20 minutes before you have to go someplace to get all the damn frost off the windshield. I just don't like being cold and I can't stand bundling up in a million layers to do something outside. I'm 100% a shorts, tank top and flip flop type of lady. Anybody have a count on how many days until spring? (Come on RN Mama, I know you know!)
*I know I said this last year, but I'm going to say it again this year. ENOUGH already with the stupid Kay Jewelery commercials!! Wouldn't it be just wonderful if each of us could open up a diamond tennis bracelet from our husband on Christmas morning or get engaged on a warm sunny looking park bench? I'm a sap, I love watching romance movies and reading romance books, I love a good happy ending, but those commercials drive me wild!
*So far so good on the Bo front. For now his allergies have been doing okay. If he can make it one more week he can get the allergy testing done. (Damn it, I hope I just didn't jinx it!)
*I thought I had it all figured out what I wanted to go back to school for. I really really thought that I wanted to go back for massage therapy, but now I'm not sure. On Monday I was at the gym having the best workout and blowing off steam at the same time. While I was lifting I thought to myself how much I really do enjoy working out. It makes me feel so much better about myself, not to mention what it has done for my body. I was thinking that it would be so awesome to become a personal trainer and help other people feel that way too. I mean I could be the next Jillian Michaels from the Biggest Loser. NOT!!! Damn, she is way to mean!! So now I'm torn once again. Do I start school in the fall for massage therapy, or do I go for personal training. Just an FYI for you all. When I first started school I was originally going for personal training. (Shawn thought it would be something I would be good at, but I wasn't feeling it so I switched)
*I'm leaving in the morning for Youngstown!! I'm was going to go down today, but once again the stupid snow ruined that. I'm going down to spend the weekend with Jennie, Lora, the four boys and their husbands. We are going to have our annual Christmas party on Saturday. I can't wait to get down there and have fun with them!! I'm sure as always I will take lots of pictures. I also have to try and meet up with the coaching staff to tell them all good bye as well. It will be so different not seeing them anymore when I go down there.
See, I'm telling you, I have lots of stuff running around in my little head and what I posted here isn't even half of it. I hate when I can't shut off my brain!
Okay, sorry if this post was all bitching and me being crabby I didn't intend for it to be that way, it just kind of happened. I do however, feel a bit better. Thanks for letting me get it off of my chest.
I'm now off to Yoga. Breath in, breath out....relax!
*Winter is here and I don't like it. Not one bit!! Sure the first snowfall is pretty but other than that I think winter, snow and the cold is highly overrated. I mean really, now that there is snow on the roads we have to start worrying about idiot drivers who have no idea how to drive in the snow. I can no longer take Bo outside in just a 'light" jacket, it's full on winter coat, socks and mittens. Yes, it is that cold her in Michigan today. There is no more jumping into the car and leaving, but the go out and start your car 20 minutes before you have to go someplace to get all the damn frost off the windshield. I just don't like being cold and I can't stand bundling up in a million layers to do something outside. I'm 100% a shorts, tank top and flip flop type of lady. Anybody have a count on how many days until spring? (Come on RN Mama, I know you know!)
*I know I said this last year, but I'm going to say it again this year. ENOUGH already with the stupid Kay Jewelery commercials!! Wouldn't it be just wonderful if each of us could open up a diamond tennis bracelet from our husband on Christmas morning or get engaged on a warm sunny looking park bench? I'm a sap, I love watching romance movies and reading romance books, I love a good happy ending, but those commercials drive me wild!
*So far so good on the Bo front. For now his allergies have been doing okay. If he can make it one more week he can get the allergy testing done. (Damn it, I hope I just didn't jinx it!)
*I thought I had it all figured out what I wanted to go back to school for. I really really thought that I wanted to go back for massage therapy, but now I'm not sure. On Monday I was at the gym having the best workout and blowing off steam at the same time. While I was lifting I thought to myself how much I really do enjoy working out. It makes me feel so much better about myself, not to mention what it has done for my body. I was thinking that it would be so awesome to become a personal trainer and help other people feel that way too. I mean I could be the next Jillian Michaels from the Biggest Loser. NOT!!! Damn, she is way to mean!! So now I'm torn once again. Do I start school in the fall for massage therapy, or do I go for personal training. Just an FYI for you all. When I first started school I was originally going for personal training. (Shawn thought it would be something I would be good at, but I wasn't feeling it so I switched)
*I'm leaving in the morning for Youngstown!! I'm was going to go down today, but once again the stupid snow ruined that. I'm going down to spend the weekend with Jennie, Lora, the four boys and their husbands. We are going to have our annual Christmas party on Saturday. I can't wait to get down there and have fun with them!! I'm sure as always I will take lots of pictures. I also have to try and meet up with the coaching staff to tell them all good bye as well. It will be so different not seeing them anymore when I go down there.
See, I'm telling you, I have lots of stuff running around in my little head and what I posted here isn't even half of it. I hate when I can't shut off my brain!
Okay, sorry if this post was all bitching and me being crabby I didn't intend for it to be that way, it just kind of happened. I do however, feel a bit better. Thanks for letting me get it off of my chest.
I'm now off to Yoga. Breath in, breath out....relax!
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