Long time no see, or I guess write. This has been one crazy busy summer, a far cry from last summer when I was just trying to keep my head above water. Last summer I think I blogged just about every day, now I'm having a hard time blogging once or twice a week because I've been so busy. My oh my how things change. (I'm not complaining though, I'm happy and glad to be this busy)

This last week was crazy busy, Tuesday was Ry's little boy's 4th birthday and instead of having his party at Ry's mom's house we decided to have it at Ry's house. Let me tell ya...it's a lot of work planning a little kids birthday party! (I'm sure all of you with kids already know this!) Monday night was spent cleaning, getting all the food, and finishing up last minute details. Tuesday was the party and boy oh boy was it HOT that day. We were able to have everyone 17 of eat outside, which was nice. We also watched "Slugger" (that is what I'm going to call Ry's little boy when I write about him, for his total love of baseball) open his mound of gifts up outside as well. Then of course after everyone left there was the clean up to be done. By the time Tuesday was over I was so tired! Wednesday night was Ry's little girls softball game, that are always fun to go to. I think when I write about her I will call her "Little Lady" because she really is. Then on Thursday for Slugger's birthday Ry and I decided to take the kids to A Detroit Tigers baseball game. If you aren't from Michigan or know about baseball the Detroit Tigers are Michigan's Major League Baseball team. Slugger LOVES baseball, I'm not just talking a little bit, I'm talking full out LOVES the game. He knows how to play, can crack the ever living hell out of a ball, knows the entire batting line up of the team, and watches every Tigers game with his Grandpa, Ry and I. The kid loves the game, I've never really seen a four year old who loves the game as much as he does. So Thursday morning, Ry, myself and the kids got all packed in the car and made the almost two hour trip down to Comerica Park. We also went with one of Ry's friends and his three kids. It was hot as all get out on Thursday and the sun was shining bright but we all had tons of fun. I think the best part of the day was seeing Slugger's face when he realized he was actually going to see all of his favorite players. His face just lit up when he saw them practicing out on the field. We also had great seats so the kids were able to get up close and personal with all the action. The only bummer of the day is Sluggers favorite player was not in the line up when we were there. Ry and I told him that he wasn't playing and he looked at us and goes, "It's okay guys, I still get to see everyone else play." So stinking cute! I think Ry and I were more bummed out that he wasn't playing than Slugger was! The four of us had a great day, but the kids especially had tons and tons of fun. The only bummer of the day was the price of food and drinks. I think we probably spent close to $100.00 bucks by the end of the day. I knew it was going to be expensive, but paying $4.00 for a little bottle of water is totally ridiculous!! Can we say high way robbery!!! Oh-well what are you going to do, it was one day of fun and worth every penny. Now for some pictures of our day at the ball park.

I totally love this picture. It's of Slugger and his friend walking down the sidewalk to the field wearing their matching Cabrera jersey.
The scoreboard to the left of where we were sitting.
Our favorite pitcher Jason Verlander. He was warming up directly down in front of where we were sitting. We all so wanted to catch a stray ball of his, but we we didn't have much luck.
Ry, and his sweet little girl.
Little Lady took this picture of Ry, myself and Slugger.
The four of us in our Detroit Tigers gear!

It was a long, and hot day, but a fun day none the less and we all had a great time!

Just a side note, within the last few days a few of the major players of the Tigers line up have been hurt and will be out of the game for up to six to eight weeks. Anyone who can send some extra luck to our Detroit Tigers it would be greatly appreciated!

Wow...look at this...two posts in one week!! I'm on a roll. Sure I am, lets see if I can keep this up.

Okay, so I think it is time that I reveal one of little secrets that I have been keeping from all of you. I'm not sure why, but for some reason I just think the time is right that I share this with you. Are you all ready???....

Remember at the start of the summer when I posted about how great Memorial Day weekend was? Well if not I will refresh your memory and give you the short answer by telling you it was GREAT! Ry, his kids and myself all went to Traverse City for the weekend to my Grandparents house. It was a wonderful weekend and we all had a great time. It was probably one of the best weekends I have had up there in a long time. My entire family totally embraced Ry and the kids. It was just an overall fantastic weekend! The second half of the weekend we spent at Ry's parents cottage on another little lake near our town. The kids spent Sunday night with his parents so the two of us could go out with some friends and once again we had a great time. Okay, I think that pretty much sums up the background of our weekend. Now onto the secret....

You ready???

Well at the end of that fantastic Memorial Day weekend Ry and I told each other that we loved each other! You read that right...the big "L" word was used for the first time late that Sunday night! Here is the story....

Before Ry, the kids and I left Traverse City on that Sunday afternoon we decided to take the kids out to lunch at a little local pizzeria. Outside of the restaurant was a wishing well. Ry and I explained to the kids what a wishing well was and told them to make a wish when they threw their penny into the well. We told them that they couldn't tell anyone their wish because otherwise it would not come true. Ry's daughter who is seven totally got the concept, his little boy who is four not so much, but he still thought it was fun throwing a penny into the fountain. So Ry, gave each of the kids and myself a penny and with a smile told all three of us to make a wish. With that the three of us threw our pennies into the fountain. We all walked away with smiles on our faces and made the three hour drive back to Ry's parents cottage. We talked about wishing wells during our drive but none of us shared our wish with anyone.

So later that same night the kids stayed up at the cottage and Ry and I went out with some friends of ours. We ended up staying out really late but the four of us had a great time hanging out. After we left his friends that night Ry and I were talking. We weren't really talking about anything in specific, but we were having a great conversation. We tend to have our great talks late at night. So anyways, we were talking. All of a sudden Ry says, "You are awesome" Me being the idiot I am and not thinking this was going to be a "serious" moment says, "Yeah, I know that, I've been telling you that for a while now." Ry then goes, "No seriously, you are great, you are so awesome, I love you"

Uhmmm excuse me what did you just say?? So with those words, a lump in my throat and little tears in my eyes I replied with just that, "What did you just say?!" Ry says, "I love you" To which I respond with, "Well that is a really good thing because I love you too!"

After that the two of us talked about how we had both known our feeling for each other for a while, but we both had wanted to make sure our feelings were real and we weren't just caught up in the "emotions" of being in a relationship again. I think in a way we were both a little scared to say the "L" word because then it would take it to the next level. And while we had both been hurt in two totally different ways we had been hurt and didn't want to be hurt again. We talked about how things happen in your life for a reason and that yes, shit does happen to good people, as it had to both of us. We talked until the wee hours of the morning that night. We talked about how there are different kinds of love for the different people in our lives. He knows I will always love Shawn and I know he will always love his ex-wife who is the mother of his amazing kids. We talked about how the timing of things just happened to be right for us. So on Sunday May 30, Ry and I said that we loved each other for the first time.

But, here is the kicker of the story. Remember earlier that day when we all made the wish at the wishing well? Well the wish I made was that Ry and I would soon get to the point in our relationship where we would be able to tell each other that we loved each other. I had known for a while that I loved him and I figured he did too by his actions and things we talked about, but I wanted us to be able to get to the point where we actually said it. So saying "I love you" with Ry is what I wished for at the well earlier that day.

As we were talking I asked Ry if he wanted to hear something funny. He said sure he did. With that I told him that when we were at the wishing well with the kids that I wished that one day we would soon be able to say we loved each other. Ry, then gave me huge hug, gave me a kiss and whispered in my ear "Sometimes wishes do come true"

He was right, sometimes your wishes do come true. Little did I know that a wish I made hours earlier would come true. About seven months after Shawn died I wished for the happiness and for love to once again return to my life. I wished to be able to share love and happiness with another great guy, a great guy that Shawn would like and would approve of. I wished that wish every single night. Little did I know that both my wishes would come true when I would least expect them. I found Ry when I wasn't looking and our relationship is so great and he is just amazing. Wish one accomplished. Then once again when I wished to be able to say "I love you" it happened and how it happened was so special and great.

I am so lucky to be able to have loved and still love Shawn. I'm so lucky to be in love and to be loving Ry and to be loved back once again by a wonderful man. I am lucky.

Ry was right....Sometimes your wishes do come true.

This afternoon I was cleaning and as I always do when I clean I turned the TV on and was listening to music. I usually put on one of the channels that plays nothing but music, but today I decided to listen to a little country music, so I had on CMT. I was minding my own business, sweeping, moping, and dusting away when all of a sudden I heard a song that stopped me in my tracks. It's by a guy named Danny Gokey, I'm not 100% sure, but I think he may have won American Idol one or two seasons ago. If he didn't win it then he came in second place. I'm not really sure, I have to admit, I'm probably the only person who doesn't watch the show. I think I have only seen maybe one or two episodes, ever and they just happened to be the two with him. His wife suddenly died of a heart condition just one month before he auditioned for American Idol. Anyways, I haven't heard a thing about him or by him until today. Anyways, I was cleaning I heard the song and it caught me totally off guard. The song is called "I Will Not Say Goodbye" and it is an amazing song. I would like you all to take a little listen. I think if any of you have ever lost a person close to you in your life you will find this to be a touching song. Just a little warning though...you might want to grab a Kleenex and keep it close to you. It's a great song, but it's a little tear jerker.




Sometimes the road just ends
It changes everything you've been
And all that's left to be
Is empty, lonely, broken, hopin'
I'm supposed to be strong
I'm supposed to find a way to carry on

I don't wanna feel better
I don't wanna not remember
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye

They keep saying time will heal
But the pain just gets more real
The sun comes up each day
Finds me waiting, fading, hating, praying
If I can keep on holding on
Maybe I can keep my heart from knowing that you're gone

I don't wanna feel better
I don't wanna not remember
I will always see your face
In the shadows of this haunted place
I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say goodbye

I will curse
I will pray
I'll relive everyday
I will shelter the blame
I'll shout out your name

I will laugh
I will cry
Shake my fist at the sky
But I will not say
Will not say goodbye
I will not say goodbye
Will not say ooooohhhhh

Need you make it through without any tears? The words in this song are so true in so many ways for me. Although, I'm so happy and blessed to say that today I'm in a much much much better place than I was almost two years ago. Once again, I'm happy and loving life. Ry and I have a GREAT relationship and he is such an amazing wonderful guy. I love him, his family and his kids, and they all love me back which is such an awesome feeling. I feel like Shawn kind of "hand picked" him for me, and that brings such a smile to my face. However, the words of this song left me with tears in my eyes and took me back instantly to the first few months after Shawn passed away. What an awful, horrible, dazed time.

The words are right...sometimes the road does just end. It ends and leaves you without any answers. It just STOPS without any kind of warning. I kissed Shawn goodbye early that morning when he left for work, and then three hours later I was a widow. It just stopped! Right after Shawn died and in the months following I remember thinking to myself "now what am I supposed to do, everything I have known is gone, my life will never be the same, now what" I knew I needed to be strong. I knew that is what Shawn would have wanted, that is what he had taught me during our life together...to be strong. I remember thinking there was no way I was going to let him down. As a little time started to pass and things started to get a "little better" I also remember thinking that I didn't want them to get better. I didn't want to get better. I had this thought because I think I thought that I if I was better and things were better than it would be that I would forget him. I also think that is why months 6-9 were so hard for me. I knew I had to get better. I knew I had to start living my life again, but I didn't want to because I didn't want to forget him. At almost two years now, I know that is not the case. I will NEVER forget Shawn, the husband he was, the man he was, what he did for me, how much he loved me, and how much I loved him. Those things will always, always, always be with him. A piece of my heart will always belong to him.

At first I didn't believe it when people told me that time would help. To me in the early months time just made it worse. It was just more hours, days, weeks, and months that I wasn't going to be with Shawn. Time without Shawn (a.k.a the future) was scary and I didn't even want to think about time going by. However, at a month shy of two years I can now say that time does help, time does heal and that takes time to get to that point. It never takes the pain away, but it does help. As more time passes I have learned different ways to deal with the grief, and I think that is what helps. Or at least that is what has helped me.

The widow in the video who lost her husband in the war said it best when she said that she is blessed to have the time with her husband that she did even though it was too short, and when she says she can't imagine not having her husband in her life. I feel exactly the same way. I'm so grateful for the time I was able to have with Shawn. I'm grateful for what he taught me, and for the love that we shared. And, I can not imagine my life without him in it. Those moments will always be so special to me and it will be a time that I always hold close to my heart.

I just wanted to share this song with you in case you had not yet heard it. Stay tuned...over the next few days I'm thinking it's time to reveal one of my "secrets"

So I know it's a few days past the July 4th weekend, but I want to tell you and show you all about my weekend anyways. I don't know what the weather was like where you were but it was simply AMAZING here in Michigan. Hot and sunny every single day, which just happens to be the way I like it. The combination of great weather, great new friends, and Mr. X lead to an awesome weekend!

Before I get to the weekend festivities I want to tell you all that I have decided to change Mr. X's name on my blog. A few months ago his kids started calling me JenJen, in turn he now calls me JenJen. With that the kids said that I should start calling him RyRy, so that is my little nickname for him either that or just Ry. I'm not sure why this has stuck, but it has, and it works for the four of us. So I just figured I would call him RyRy or Ry on my blog too. Many of you have said that you don't really like the whole Mr. X thing and I have to say I agree with you. So, for now on Mr. X is now RyRy. Does that work for all of you?

Now onto the weekend...

Starting on Friday morning it was just me and RyRy. My mom and sister took Bo up north with them for the weekend and the kids spent the holiday weekend with their mom so it was just the two of us, something that doesn't happen all that often. It just so happened that he took the day off of work as well so we were able to spend the whole day together. We ate lunch together and then decided to hit the grocery store to get things...food and drinks that we would be needing for our big day out on the lake on Saturday. After than we went over to one of Ry's friend's houses for a night of cards. Ry loves to play cards, in specific he loves Poker. I however, do not know a single thing about the game, (but I'm trying to learn). Anyways, I just kinda of sat back and watched everyone else play and took in what I could. Ry actually ended up winning the tournament so that was pretty cool. After that we went to a local sports bar and met up with a few of the couples that we were going to be spending Saturday with. Once again it was a great night spent with some of Ry's best friends. Friends who have embraced me and now I consider friends of mine too. Since we had to be up early Saturday morning we all decided to call it an early night.

Saturday we woke up way early in the morning. Okay, we really woke up at 7:45, which may not be early for some, but for us was crazy early, especially on a Saturday. We needed to be up and at 'em early in the morning because we were heading to the lake for the day and we needed to make sure we got a "prime location" to anchor the boat for the day. Ry, myself, and three of his friends and their wives all met at his Grandparents house, which just happens to be on a lake. We packed up about six coolers with food and drinks and headed out on the water. By 10:00 our boat was anchored and we were the first boat out there. Needless to say getting up crazy early paid off for all of us, our spot was perfect! We went to a place on the lake called Pontoon Ally. You guessed it, it's a portion of the lake where it is pretty shallow so all the pontoons line up two to three deep in the water. By noon boats were everywhere!! Boats with grills, boats with coolers, boats with DJ's on them. Yes, I said D.J's, music was blasting and tons of people where partying like no other out on the lake. I really have never seen anything like it in my life, but let me tell you while it was crazy, it was SO MUCH FUN!! On our boat there were eight of us. We drank, ate, talked, sat in the sun, played football, walked in the lake and just hung out all day long. We were out on the boat in Pontoon Ally from 10:00 to 6:00 at night. After that we all went back to the house and had the most amazing cookout and food!
Here is a boat that was anchored just a little bit down from us. It had a thatch hut roof on it, a volleyball net off the back, and you can't see it in the picture, but there was even a "stripper pole" on the boat. Yes, people were getting down over there! I said, I had never seen anything like it and I so meant it!

Here is a picture of myself and my friend Michelle in the water off the side of our boat.
This is a picture of the rows of boats there were out in Pontoon Ally. The rows of boats stretched for about a mile each way. There were hundreds of boats out there on Saturday, all filled with very happy, partying people.
This picture of me was taken towards the end of our time on the lake. I don't usually say this about pictures of me, because I happen to hate just about every picture I am in, but I really don't think this picture is all that bad. In fact, I think it's kind of a good picture.

After the day on the lake and the cookout we decided to head back home. Ry and I were back for about two hours and then one of the couples we were with during the day called and had us come to their house for the night. Once again, we sat out on their deck and had a great time talking. We left their house around 2:00 in the morning, it was a long day and everyone was ready for bed. However, Ry and I pulled in the garage and the radio was on and we were just listening to music. Ry also loves music and listens to many things that I don't or haven't ever listened to before. Needless to say we sat in his car and listened to music from 2:00 to 5:30 in the morning! He introduced me to some really great bands and the two of us had an awesome time sitting there listening to all the music. It was kinda funny tho, just as we were getting ready to head for bed the neighbor a crossed the street was getting up to turn her sprinklers on! Ha!

Sunday was a day spent relaxing! Obviously right? After eight hours on the water and up til the wee hours of the morning we wouldn't want to relax? So, we just chilled out all day. Finally, around 4:00 we made our way to yet another cookout and poker tournament. It was hot as all get out! At 5:00 we were all sitting outside in the shade mind you and the sweat was just dripping down my back it was that hot! Nice image huh? I was not alone...everyone was sweaty, but we were all having so much fun. A few of the guys set off some small fireworks and we decided to call it a night. Sunday was a nice relaxing day, much needed after all the craziness from Saturday.

By Monday Ry and I had not seen his kids since Thursday night and we were really starting to miss them. Three days is a long time not to see the little guys! Ry went and picked them up at 11:00 and I think they missed us just as much as we missed them. For about 45 minutes the four of us just kind of hung out together. Then we headed to my friend Patty's house. (She is one of my widow friends) We went to her house and spent several hours with Patty, her boyfriend, her daughter and her daughter's boyfriend. Once again we grilled out and ate the most amazing chicken and steak on the grill I think I have EVER had!! I'm not even lying, the chicken literally melted in your mouth. Both after and before lunch we all swam in Patty's pool! The kids had a great time. Correction...we ALL had a great time! After the four of us got done at Patty's we once again headed up to the lake. We went and spent the late afternoon and evening with Ry's parents and Grandparents. Once again, we ate yummy, yummy food! It's now Tuesday night and I'm still full! Haha! After the lake we headed back home and picked up Bo. The kids were so excited to see him, and Bo was equally excited to see the kids!!

It was a great weekend, I really don't know how it could have gotten much better. The weather was amazing, it couldn't have been any better. The company and friends were great! The food was awesome! And I got to spend the entire weekend with Ry, and his friends, correction...our friends. The only thing that would have made it better is if I could have seen a few of my friends as well. But since they all live in Ohio that is kinda hard, but I will be there in a few weeks so it is all good.

I had an amazing July 4th weekend and I hope you did too.

Oh, thank you all so much for all the sweet comments you left on my last post where I showed you Ry. As the comments were coming it I would read them to Ry and he would just kinda laugh. I'm not sure what he thinks of this whole "blogging" thing. For those of you who guessed that Ry looked like the hot country star Kenny Chesney you were right! I also happen to agree with those of you who said he was hotter than Kenny. I believe it was Tami who said that he was "dead sexy" I happen to think, he is pretty sexy myself. I told Ry that and his response was, "Hell, she must be blind!" That's okay, you can all go a head and think that my boyfriend is hot, I will let you.HaHa! I sure do! He isn't only hot, but seriously one of the greatest, nicest, most caring guys that I have ever met.