Some time ago I received the below email from a blog reader. With her consent, I am sharing pieces of our dialogue in the hopes that through it, someone else who may be going through something similar can be encouraged. Life is messy. This story is messy. But messiness often affords the Lord the opportunity of glorifying Himself and acquaints us with His mercy, His power, and His character in ways that we’ve never known before…

Hi Janel,

I don't usually send emails to strangers, but I have known for at least the past month that I needed to send you an email….

….so you understand I'm not some crazy person (well, not completely crazy) I'm a 39 year old mom to two boys ages 9 and 10. Without going into details this has been the hardest emotional year of my life. I would define myself as healing right now, but I have had some dark moments. In the midst of this I found your blog. It has been so joyful for me to see you adopt two more children into your home. As the daughter of an interracial couple I love the fact you have created an interracial family….I love seeing your two daughters adjusting to life in their new family, and my heart is literally filled with joy that these girls have the blessing of being part of your family and in our country...

…as you can probably guess, this year has also called me to trying to figure out my own spirituality. I was raised catholic, but haven't been practicing in the last two years. I have known throughout this year that I NEEDED to find a way to get closer to God, and that my children also needed to know His love. That said - I was scared. Scared to find another church. Scared that the only reason I was trying to find him was because I was in emotional turmoil. It feels almost dishonest – “Hey God, I'm here now, but only because I am a hot mess.”

My point (yes, I really do have one) is that the other thing you have done for me is shown me, through your faith, that this is something that is okay for me to do. To work on this aspect of my life - no matter what the catalyst is, because I NEED it.

So, thank you. I will continue to read your blog, and know that your story has impacted someone you probably never intended for it to impact. I wish you and your family well.

Sincerely,
‘Diana’ (named changed for privacy)


Hi Diana!

After reading your email the Lord put it on my heart to send you this little daily devotional, ‘Jesus Calling’. The author writes as if Jesus were speaking to you face to face. The imagery and conversational style speak to my heart in a piercing way that literally seems to lift the burdens off my shoulders. This book has taught me how to practically rely on the Lord, and has completely changed the way I think about trials, hardships, and outcomes. I love to read each day’s segment and then look up the verses that the author wrote off of which she puts at the bottom of each page. These writings have given me such a fresh perspective on how I understand scripture. I hope this book is a blessing to you, and that it speaks to you with just the right words, at just the right time. God is known to do that! :)

I also wanted to share some truths with you about a part of your email. You had mentioned this: ….scared that the only reason I was trying to find Him was because I was in emotional turmoil. It feels almost dishonest - Hey God, I'm here now, but only because I am a hot mess.

Oh please let me tell you that this is THE MOST HONEST position that your heart can be in! In your brokenness the devil is trying to smother you in guilt and shame over your past decisions, failures, broken roads, or whatever the case may be. You need to hear the truth found in James 4:6-10 ~

6God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. 7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

A couple of things. First, the key to ‘get closer to God’ is to humble yourself before Him. And from the sound of your note, that is the exact place you are in right now! It feels ugly and painful and raw, but rejoice that you’ve come to this place!!!! You are admitting to God that you can’t do this on your own! That each time you’ve tried to go your own way, you’ve failed and made a hot mess of things. Humbling yourself before the Lord means recognizing that you need His power, His guidance, His favor in your life. That by your independent, prideful effort you come up short and empty. God cannot work in a prideful heart that stiff-arms Him. Rather the brokenness and dark, questioning moments that you have had are the stomping grounds where God’s work begins. The devil also knows this, which is why he is whispering to you to fight it and making you feel like a liar. Really he is the liar and the deceiver (John 8:44). Which is why it is so important to guard your mind and your heart with truth – God’s word – the Bible. Commit yourself to reading, studying, and understanding scripture. This is your defense against Satan, and it is also your offense in coming near to God. One aspect of this is finding a church – one that teaches straight out of the Bible – to help you to glean understanding from scripture. You need to hear, receive, and renew your mind with God’s truth. This will change the way you think, and eventually it will change the way you live. It all starts with learning the hope of God’s promises, finding out about His character, and receiving daily reminders not to put your trust or hope or faith in the things of this world or the people of this world. You will find that once you do this whole-heartedly AKA ‘all in’, the Lord will reward you by giving you additional information about Himself (Hebrews 11:6). It’s just the coolest thing, and it’s how your relationship with Him will mature.

I always found verse 9 interesting. Why would God tell us to grieve, mourn, cry, and be gloomy? I’ve come to learn that in these verses He’s speaking to those who have hit bottom. Those who have thrown up their hands in defeat and are facing surrender. God is saying to grieve over the ugliness of our sin. The way we lived without Him, the choices we made without Him when we aligned ourselves with the world and its value system (read James 4:4). Our sinful past should sicken us to the point that we are so sorry for the mess we’ve made. We want to change. We are ready to change. Ready to submit/surrender to God and to do things His way.

And to speak on purifying our hearts (verse 8), some notes I have explain it this way: ‘In the process of refining metals, the raw metal is heated with fire until it melts. The impurities separate from it and rise to the surface. They are then skimmed off, leaving the pure metal. Without this heating and melting, there could be no purifying.’ Well, it’s the same way with our hearts – spiritually speaking. God has to expose and root out all the ugly (impurities = deliberate sin) to make way for Him to work in our hearts. Often He does ‘give us over’ to our sin and empty choices because He knows that when we go our own way, we will eventually see that it doesn’t work out so well. This is some of the emotional turmoil that you are feeling and have felt. All the junk is rising to the surface, and you find yourself, well, in a hot melted mess! From here, it is our choice as to whether we will turn to God (repent) or not. You are so choosing the right path!

With all this, I am trying to say that scripture shows that you are really in the perfect place to begin a whole-hearted pursuit of the Lord. You’ve clearly already come to that conclusion, but I just wanted to encourage you that you don’t have to clean up your act before coming near to God. You don’t have to comb your hair and straighten up your dress in order to receive His love. He’d rather you come to him a mess, and allow Him to do the work of setting you on your feet, and giving you a firm place to stand. It’s so hard to fathom – that His love is UNCONDITIONAL. No matter what we do, or what we’ve done, He lavishes us with His love and forgiveness. He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve. It’s so unheard of. We’ve never known a love like this. But then, God goes further. He imparts to us Jesus’ clean record. Jesus’ blood speaks on our behalf. “Once God’s enemy, now His beloved child.” All our junk and records of sin…..gone…..in a precious moment on the cross. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us (Psalm 103:12). And in that same precious moment on the cross, the WORK of salvation is done. Finished. Nothing further is needed from us except a humble, receptive, open heart, ready to embrace this undeserved GRACE. One hand stretched out on the cross to the other….that is our definition of love. A love that we’ve never known, but so need. Who would not want to live, pursue, and commune with a loving Father who has done this all for us? Your heart is ready to know God – no more going through the motions! You go girl!


It was a few months until I heard from Diana again, and her next email blew me away. God had begun to reveal His love for her, in very intimate, personal, and timely ways. To understand the depth of this next dialogue, you will need to know this detail about Diana’s situation: After 43 years of marriage, her father had been found to be having an extra-marital affair on her mother. Diana’s family was completely blindsided by this hidden affair. She had since been walking through layers of hurt, grief, and that ugly feeling of being deceived. But just wait and see how God spoke His love into her life! More excerpts from Diana…


…words cannot convey the evil that has come into my family. My father is no longer the moral, loving, and Christian man that I have always known him to be. He no longer goes to church. He lies without remorse. He has treated my mother, and his children, as though we were disposable.

On my part, I couldn’t physically work for my father after all of this came out. I hung in until April, 2012 when my husband looked at me one day and said no amount of money is worth the pain this is causing you, and we will just have to find a way to get through this financially without you working for your father. I was always SO CLOSE to my dad, talked and worked with him daily, and suddenly I was without a father. Throughout it all I have struggled, as you know, with my faith. I have struggled with still being a good mother to my children while my entire world has crumbled down. The hardest part of all of this, by far, is that this has DEVASTATED my mother. The toughest woman I have ever known, the woman who has always put her children and grandchildren ahead of herself, was completely wiped out by this. She is in so much pain that it makes me sick…

….the night before I got your gift I was lying in bed and heard the words “Psalm 68”. Um, okay, I think to myself. Not one to have actually studied the Bible before, I didn’t have a clue what was in Psalm 68. But I heard the words and figured I’d look at it in the morning. Which I did. And became breathless when I read: “A father of the fatherless”. An hour later I got my mail, and received “Jesus Calling” from you. This was on a Monday. That Saturday we left for a cruise in the Caribbean. After all the pain and suffering we had all endured as a family, my mom decided to take the family on the cruise. I had started using the daily devotionals in Jesus Calling the night that I received the book, but the timing of this vacation could not have worked out better.

Each night I would sit out on the balcony and read the devotional. The second night, as I was praying with God and focusing on how I could repair my relationship with Him, I could hear the following:

“I am right here with you. I’ve been here the entire time. I haven’t left or forsaken you, and I won’t ever. My love for you is everlasting.”

As I sit here typing my hands are shaking at the remembrance of that moment. I began to cry. I could feel His love. I could feel calm. I felt loved and cared for. After months of feeling abandoned by my biological father, months of feeling like I had to be the one to keep it together, to be strong for my Mom, my sisters, my brother and my children, I felt like I could just be weak. Be weak, yet cradled in love. It was a beautiful moment for me. This feeling has continued ever since. Each night I would sit on the balcony, in such a place of physical stillness and warmth, with the Caribbean air – not too hot, nor cool, with minimal noise, just the light of the stars reflecting off of the waves, and I would read that days devotional and pray. I continued to hear Him – "I’ve been here the whole time. I am here for you now." Over and over, each night. 

This knowledge that I was loved changed everything for me. When I look back on that week, it was one of healing. My frame of reference had changed. I just felt calm. I loved every moment of being with my siblings, whom I don’t get to see as a group nearly often enough. I loved being with my boys and my husband. I loved watching my mom jetski, and go ziplining, and just LIVING again. We were away from all the distractions, all the hate and anger and hurt and we just enjoyed ourselves to an extent I wouldn’t have thought possible given the turmoil of the past year. For me though, this ability to just let go stemmed from the knowledge of His love. Of knowing that He hadn’t abandoned me. That He welcomed me into His loving arms.

After the trip my brother sent me an email. He told me that he knew I had taken a lot of the emotional burden of caring for Mom during the year, but that he was so happy to see me being silly and laughing like I had before all of this. Since returning home I won’t say that every day is perfect, and that I don’t still have “down” moments, but I have to say they are so quickly resolved because I know I am loved by Him. I have been able to change my perspective on my father. Instead of being angry with him, I feel badly for him and pray for him daily. Rather than focusing on all the hurt he has caused, I think about how lost he is, and I ask God to help him find his way back to Him. While the loss of our relationship will always sadden me, it no longer hurts me as it did before. I have literally given it to God. I cannot control my dad’s actions. I cannot control his mistakes. All I can do is pray for him, and continue to allow God to help me heal. In doing so I am a better wife, mother, sister, and daughter. This new knowledge has permeated its way into other areas of my life. There were aspects of being a CPA that I liked, but I never had any great passion for my job. I have always been jealous of people who knew what they wanted to do with their lives, when I never had any real career passion. The only thing I knew I wanted was to be a Mom. I cannot tell you how much this has bothered me throughout my life.

Now, because of what’s happened, I found myself able to walk away from being a CPA (I always had a lot of pressure from my father to pursue that field). An opportunity to work on financial planning came to me last month. Suddenly it was the perfect marriage of what I liked about being a CPA (working with clients, getting to know them) and actually being able to help them financially. I thought to myself ‘now why didn’t I think of this earlier’. God’s response: if you had discovered that career path earlier you never would have stayed home with your children and fulfilled your real passion with them. If I’d presented you with a career you were passionate about when they were 2 and 3, who would have mothered them? I didn’t want to give you that temptation. They are ready now, and you are ready now.

I think back to the man I was engaged to in my early 20’s who cheated on me. I realize that all of that pain and suffering has allowed me to be empathetic to my mother in her situation (although obviously hers is far, far worse). I look at every “negative” experience now in my life and can generally see now why I had to endure it. In other words, I trust in Him. I know that everything I am enduring will somehow, somewhere, benefit either myself or allow me to help someone else. I know that He isn’t going to leave me no matter what. I know that when I am in pain I need to hand my troubles to Him.

Clearly this is going to be a process for me for the rest of my life. I am trying a new church that will hopefully allow me to continue to develop and grow my relationship with Him. I am working on developing my children’s relationship with Jesus.  Your gift helped me start on the journey. So, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for taking the time to listen to Him when he asked you to send me “Jesus Calling”.

Dianna :)


WOW, eh?! I’ll end this post with this thought: What a living, breathing example Diana’s situation is of Romans 8:28 ~ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

My Bible ‘life application notes’ explain: God works in “all things” – not just isolated incidents – for our good. This does not mean that all that happens to us is good. Evil is prevalent in our fallen world, but God is able to turn every circumstance around for our long-range good. Note that God is not working to make us happy, but to fulfill His purpose. Note also that this promise is not for everybody. It can be claimed only by those who love God and are called according to his purpose. Those who are “called” are those the Holy Spirit convinces and enables to receive Christ. Such people have a new perspective, a new mind-set on life. They trust in God, not life’s treasures; they look for their security in heaven, not on earth; they learn to accept, not resent, pain and persecution because God is with them.

What a turnout there was for the first annual Kael Man 5K - Race to Make Adoption an Option - that was held this past Saturday, on a beautiful (and hot) day in Ames, Iowa!


[You can read more about Kael's story and the reason behind this race HERE and HERE.]

As the runners lined up to take their marks, I was hit hard by the bittersweet of the moment. Yes this race was going to be raising money for an awesome thing, yes these runners were excited to race - and there were smiles and laughter everywhere. But the truth is that this couple has lost a son. And they are still grieving. Yet, amidst that, you could just feel God’s whisper, In all things I work for the good of those who love Me (Romans 8:28). That truth seemed to be floating through the air. I can’t really explain it, but later, after the race, Dawn nailed it when she told me that she felt such PEACE on race day. That’s what it was. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Phillipians 4:7).

The neatest thing upon arriving at the race site, was seeing Kael’s sweet face on the race t-shirts that were everywhere. It was like his presence was everywhere! As I looked around, I was also just overcome with the sheer amount of people who had signed up for this race and who had come to support Derek and Dawn. Police officers, adoption families, runners from ISU, moms pushing their kids in strollers, dads running next to their kids riding bikes, numerous families from our church, race rats, and on and on. The scene just shouted LIFE !!!! BEAUTIFUL LIFE!!!!

That’s Kael’s big brother, Kyler, leading the race route on the tandem pilot bike!  Runners take your marks!


Ready....set.....go!



This is the gal who ended up winning the whole race. By the time she crossed the bridge she had passed the pilot bike!
An adoption family crossing the finish line :)

And, some awesome news post-race, check this out….in Dawn’s words….

The Kael Man Race was a great success!!! Everything went SO well! God really worked during the planning of this race, race day, and His work will be seen far beyond race day. We received so much support. We had about 225 people registered for the race. God met our goal of 200-250 participants. He met us right in the middle :o) After tallying all the donations, registrations and taking out expenses, we have raised over $10,000 for adoption grants. We think that is so awesome and we are so excited about this.

The race went so smoothly and we have received several great compliments about how much fun the race was, even though it was so hot. We had no injuries and no one passed out from the heat, which was a concern, so a major blessing there. The only glitch we had was a technical issue with the timing so we can’t provide exact times to the participants. But we can improve this for next year. God really gave us peace during the race. As I watched the crowd of people running, I knew this is what God wanted us to do and it was just how I imagined it would be. I was able to hold it together until the race was done before all the emotion hit me. God supplied us what we needed when we needed it. He is faithful!

It was a great way to remember Kael and honor God for what He is doing in our lives. We would love to make this an annual race and continue to help families that want to adopt. We have 2 families already that I have emailed applications to, so we are moving onto the process of distributing the grants. We are keeping the donation feature on the website up, so people can continue to donate all year long...

Thankful for this family, and how God is putting their faith on display to draw others to Him.
Lord, we cannot fathom Your ways this side of heaven, but we look forward to the day when our every hope will be fulfilled, and sorrow will be gone forevermore.

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."...(Revelations 21:1-5)

On a Sunday morning last summer Dawn came up to me after our church service and said she had an idea, and she wondered if our non-profit foundation could help. In her words….

One thing I love to do is run and I spent several afternoons in 2010 running with the boys in our Burley stroller. Both the boys loved being outside and stroller rides. One day in May 2011, I was running and God had put it on my mind several times to set up a race in Kael’s name to help honor his memory and do good for someone or something. That morning as I ran, I asked God “what do you want me to do with this?” Then He answered me, “I gave Kael parents who loved him and took care of him. I want you to help the children I have already put on this earth have loving parents too. Use this race to help families who want to adopt and love children.”

WOW. Even more interesting, and what Dawn didn’t yet know, was that over the summer months God had started fueling my own brain to try and find a way to help adoptive families raise money for their adoptions. I thought that it would be great someday if our Kingdom Cares Foundation could raise money and give out adoption grants (I’ve been inspired by 3 different foundations that do some form of this, you can check them out here and here and here). Of course I knew this was a long-term goal, but I had started thinking of ways that our foundation could eventually grow into serving this purpose. You can imagine my excitement when Dawn shared her heart with me on this day.

From that day, plans for the race have been rolling ever since. Here are some specifics so you can save the date….

Kael Man 5K Run/ Walk
Saturday, July 7th, 2012 at 8:00 am
Ada Hayden Park, Ames, IA

Dawn is currently setting up a website for race registration - I’ll post it on the blog as soon as it is ready. For now you can keep track of things on the race Facebook page here. Dawn and Derek will use an application process to distribute the race proceeds/donations as grants to families who need financial help in their adoption process.

I SO wish you could meet this couple in person. In the midst of their tragedy I’ve told Dawn that many times I’ve worried about what words to say to them, or how to comfort them when I see them. Yet, when you are around them you can FEEL this tremendous peace about their spirit….it’s like they almost comfort you. The Bible calls it ‘peace that surpasses all understanding’ (Phillipians 4:7). That’s what I feel when I am around them. Though they are grieving and experiencing such awful heartache, I know that they find rest in God's Sovereignty. He is their refuge, He is their comfort, He is their strength. Like Dawn said - God put Kael on this earth for 11 ½ months for a reason. I think we are only seeing the beginning of how God intends to continue to use Kael’s life to impact many for His Kingdom.

Today I have the honor of introducing you to my friends Derek & Dawn Grooters. Theirs is a story of suffering and tragedy. They have walked through the valley of the shadow of death in a way that no parent would ever want to experience. And yet, as they share their story of their little man Kael, in their words you will see something. You will see their unwavering hope in our God who gives and takes away. The same God who brought them to this has picked them up and is literally carrying them through…they feel it, and all that know them or meet them in person can clearly see it. Dawn has said that it has taken them awhile to come to terms with sharing their heart break out loud, but by doing just that they have seen God work in so many people. Today, you will hear part 1 of Kael’s story. Tomorrow you will see how God is using Kael’s story to help orphans around the world to come home to their forever families…

In Dawn’s words…

When 2011 started out, we had no way of knowing what God had planned in our lives. We started out January 1st, 2011 with 2 beautiful boys and we thought our life was so full. Kyler, our oldest son was 3 ½ years old and our 2nd son Kael was 11 ½ months old, he would turn one year old on the 26th of January.

But everything changed so quickly for us on January 7th, 2011. Our son, Kael passed away during a nap at his daycare shortly after he fell asleep. Kael was a healthy little boy and so full of life. We still don’t know medically why Kael’s little heart stopped that day, but we do know that God wanted to take Kael to heaven that day and we know that God has a purpose. We may never fully understand why our family had to go through this but in the grand scheme of things, our understanding won’t help us heal. We have seen God work through each one of us and he has helped us touch so many people through our faith and God’s strength he has provided for us. There are so many stories we have heard from people that have been inspired by our faith, but truly it is God working through us. There is no way we can get through each day and keep going without God’s continued strength and grace he provides for us.

Before I go on, let me tell you a little bit about our boys. Kyler is all boy and very energetic. He loves to run around, play with construction trucks, legos and loves everything orange. Kyler is just full of spirit. Kyler helped to keep us going this past year, and his childlike faith was an inspiration to us. We experienced several Holy Spirit moments with Kyler; it was so neat to see God working in Kyler as well. During the first few months after Kael’s death, Kyler would randomly sing Jesus loves me and that made us feel like God was right there with us in that moment.

Kael was our laidback son. He loved watching his brother and Kyler made him laugh more than anyone. Kael was crawling and had just learned how to walk. He had bright blue eyes and always smiled so much. He was a happy and content baby who loved to be held. He was such a joy to be around and his smile would light up a room.

About 1 ½ months after Kael passed away, we found out we were pregnant. This was a bittersweet moment. We were happy to bring another baby into our family, but it made us miss Kael more. We knew God had a plan for this baby and she is a gift that has helped our faith grow even more. God is good. She is an example of that and we are putting our faith in God to help us parent our children with the faith that God will take care of them. The birth of our baby also gave us something to look forward to especially on the dark days. Grieving the loss of my son and experiencing a pregnancy was not easy, but on the days and moments that were full of sadness, they were interrupted by kicks from a little girl who reminded me God is with me. Our beautiful baby girl, Kella Faith, arrived on November, 10th, 2011 and she has brought us so much joy. If you are a parent, you know that the more children you have, the more your heart grows and expands to love all your children. And that is what happened for us. Kella does not replace Kael or the love we have for him but she added much more love to our hearts. She is a blessing and we are so happy she is part of our family.

As we look back, before Kael passed away I know that God was preparing us for what we were going to experience in several ways. I knew how quickly the baby stage would be over so I always held Kael a little longer, hugged him a little closer and kissed him a little more. I just knew after having my first baby, Kyler, that the time goes so quickly so I was going to savor it with Kael. I think God put that on my heart so I would take advantage of the time I had with him on this earth. The night before Kael passed away, we finished his 1 year birthday party invitations and we made chocolate cupcakes and Kael got to eat one. It was his first cupcake and I was so glad he got to have a birthday cake here with us before he was gone. The morning of Kael’s passing I was listening to the Bible on CD as I drove. The last story I heard that morning was the story of Abraham sacrificing Isaac. As I listened to the story, I kept thinking how hard it would be for a parent to sacrifice their child. It is so incomprehensible and then I thought about how God sacrificed his son for us. That afternoon, I got the call about Kael. God was preparing me.

As we look back this year, there are so many events and ways God has helped us walk with Him through our grief. We were Christians before Kael passed away and afterwards we relied and trusted in God to carry us through this time. We never intended to inspire people by walking in faith but that is what happened.

Derek’s Lieutenant was the one to call me and tell me that Kael was in the hospital and that it didn’t look good. He was greatly affected by going through this with us. His family went to a church but never felt challenged in their faith. After attending Kael’s memorial service and watching our faith in God, he decided that he wanted to attend our church, Cornerstone Church. They jumped full into Cornerstone and their 2 kids absolutely loved the D6 kid’s ministry and Sunday school. Their family just told me how much their lives have changed and how much their children’s faith has changed in one year. They never would have imagined such a positive change in their family.

We just recently received a note from one of our pastors at church that told us about a junior high kid that accepted Jesus into his heart because his family started coming to Cornerstone after attending Kael’s memorial service. We don’t know who the family or child is, but we are so thankful God is using us to help people come to Jesus.

Last year, I was a sales rep and one of my customers was deeply affected by Kael’s story. In her church, she was asked to speak one Sunday. She asked me if she could tell her church our story and inspire people to live for God. As we sat in the back of the church we watched the tears flow and prayed that God would change hearts in this community as well. We initially said that if 1 person would become a Christian because of Kael’s life then this is worth it. We have seen this multiplied over and over.

Our story is still being written. The month of January has been hard for us. We just made it through what I call Kael’s Heaven Day. That day and the days leading up to the 7th of January were hard but God gave us what we needed to get through that time. We grieved the loss of our son but we celebrated the work God has done in our lives this last year. God put Kael on this earth for 11 ½ months for a reason. We are so thankful for the time we had with him and he changed our lives for the better. Kael’s life has brought so much glory to God and we want to continue that in any way we can. God is using his life to continue to change lives and though we will never know the full extent of what God is doing with Kael’s life for others, we want to continue to be a part of it.

To be continued tomorrow….

I don’t blog much about our finances, but since Jake and I blogged this and this over the summer, perhaps you are wondering what has happened since!

First off, our board of directors raised close to $30,000 in a little over a week (!) to cover the costs for our scholarship player’s travel and tournaments through the rest of the month of July.

We (unfortunately) had to cut our amount of full-time staff members.

Then, come August Jake sat down with his board of directors, which includes two members who do financial advising as well as one member who is an accountant, and they worked through numbers and budgets for the upcoming 2011-2012 year. The goal was to examine the fee structure of the Kingdom Hoops program in order to come out on top of the books instead of losing money - what a concept, right?!. As with any business, we do have real bills such as facility expenses, tournament entry fees, travel expenses, staff, uniform fees, etc. Added to that we also have the financial assistance budget in which we give out scholarships to allow families who do not have the finances to be able to participate and take advantage of the program. Each year, we need to raise roughly $200,000 to cover those fees for athletes that are part of our financial assistance program, and each year we fall drastically short. So, numbers were tried, crunched, rejected and accepted until it all worked on paper. The board of directors has also been key in setting out to raise the money needed to cover the financial assistance budget for the upcoming year. Numerous donations have come our way in the past few months, all due to the relationships that our board members have with giving people. We also have gotten the players involved in raising money which was the basis for the Kingdom Hoops Kick-Off & Fundraising event that I blogged about earlier this week.

At the same time that all this financial restructuring was going on it also was placed on Jake’s heart that his program had gotten too big, too fast. He felt that the size of the program was spreading him too thin. He was ultimately losing the intimate relationships that he desired to create with every player and parent within the program. It was not an easy decision, but he felt that in the long-term best interest of the program he needed to reduce the size of his organization. In doing this, he felt that he would be able to do a better job of maximizing opportunities for the kids that were in the program. Jake also wanted to become more ‘Kingdom’ minded. At the end of the gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John Jesus clearly calls us to go into the world and make disciples. Moving forward Jake desired that his program become more about creating disciples who know Jesus and that would use the platform of basketball to glorify Him!

We’ve been under this new system of a smaller program size (literally cut in half) for about 2 months now, and it is SO MUCH BETTER!!! Like loads better. Jake can spend more time on relationships and discipling and less time on office work and organizing. There are a ton of other youth basketball programs popping up in Iowa right now, so many of the kids cut from Jake’s program still have viable options to continue their pursuit of their goals on and off the basketball court.

On a personal note…..

We had been trying to sell our house for the past year because too much of our income is going to our mortgage payment. A few years ago we were ok with how much our house costs us. But as God has opened up our eyes to the needs around us, we really desired that more of our income could be spent on helping PEOPLE! Then on top of that, over the past year it got really hard to make our mortgage payment every month! In September, after a little over one year of our house being on the market, we finally got an offer on our house. But the banks who do our mortgages would not agree to the sell because the buyer was offering below what we had paid for our house. Obviously we are not going to get the purchase price on our home in this economy right now. So, we’ve decided to take our house off the market. We still would desire that less of our income would go towards our house, but we know that if God would have that happen then He would make a sale possible….it just doesn’t feel like His hand is in the sale right now.

Jake has also turned his individual trainings that he started this summer into a side-business (kind of like having your own personal trainer but regarding basketball). These trainings have absolutely taken off in popularity, and Jake is bringing in a lot of extra income for our family. This has been one of the top ways in which God has helped us to personally recover financially from the hardships this summer. We are now able to crack into paying off bills that piled up, make our mortgage payment and car payments on time without tremendous stress, and keep up with our outrageous grocery bills! And I can’t even believe I am able to write this next part, but we are actually to the point where we can now start saving again!!!! And……we are saving……for something really exciting (to our family anyways) that I will be sharing with you all probably next week. I am so thankful that Jake works so hard to provide for our family. He’s always been the hardest, most dedicated worker I have ever known. He’s making so many sacrifices with his time and energy to provide for us. I know that he values me getting to stay at home with our kids while they are young, and I am thankful that he sees this as important. I feel so blessed that I get to be a part of our kid’s everyday moments. I will never regret this time that I have with them.

And lastly, we finally got our adoption tax credit back. WHEW!!!!!!!!!!!! We will be able to use about half of it to pay off bills, and the other half we are saving for something else……hmmmm….wonder what it is?!?!

So, our finances are recovering. God is providing, and showing us that for now this is where He is asking us to be.

As hard as it was to go through all that, Jake and I both know that we are better for it. Once again God taught us to depend and rely on Him in ways that we never had before. We were literally at the point where everything could have gone right down the drain (house, basketball program, etc) but through God’s grace He showed up when things were looking pretty bleak. I read a blog post over the summer that talked about how God always seems to show up at the exact moment when His glory can be revealed the most. Jake and I found much encouragement from the author's words....the blog post is a MUST READ! You can find it here: Ripe for Glory.

I know that Jake, as the sole provider for our family, was once again ‘refined through the fire’ in the area of our finances. This matured him, deepened his trust in God, and was a teaching point for both of us on God’s incredible power. I can’t even being to tell you how many times God just showed up when we were at the end of our rope….through a grocery gift card in the mail, a shake of a hand with a $100 bill slipped to us, or cards of encouragement from friends who themselves had been in this position before. Not to mention the support from the parents in the Kingdom Hoops program who stuck with us through the valley and encouraged us that God was using this program for great things, and He would sustain it. And the way God provided our board of directors who have been the key piece in helping us come up with a plan to get the program on track financially, set up meetings with giving people to gain donations, and just supporting Jake and I personally and lovingly.

As the page turns to a new chapter we fully realize that at any point God could choose to take everything we have worked so hard for. If He does we will continue to trust in His sovereignty!

God is God. Because He is God, He is worthy of my trust and obedience. I will find rest nowhere but in His holy will that is unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to. ~Elisabeth Elliot~

Dear Lord,

Keep us safe from the evil of gossiping mouths. Where there has been ill spoken of us, touch the lips of those who speak it with Your refining fire. Let the responsibility of those involved be revealed. Let them be ashamed and brought to confusion who seek to destroy our life; let them be driven backward and brought to dishonor who wish us evil (Psalm 40:14). For You have said whoever believes in You will not be put to shame (Romans 10:11). Preserve our lives from the enemy, hide us from the secret counsel of the wicked. Pull us out of any net which has been laid for us (Psalm 31:4). Lead us, guide us, and be our mighty fortress and hiding place. Lord, we look like perfect fools to those who don’t understand the tasks You have assigned to us as a couple and as a family. Their gossip, rumors, and judgemental words threaten to consume and overtake me. It’s becoming appealing to close myself off from relationships with people. Don’t let me become hard-hearted, Lord. Let me dish out grace, mercy and forgiveness, even to those who would enjoy seeing us fall. May we trust in You, and not be afraid of what man can do to us (Psalm 56:11).

Amen.

How do I begin? I believe the best place to start is to steal a line from one of my favorite authors Shane Claiborne. In his book ‘Irresistible Revolution’ Shane says, “My life was going just fine and then I discovered the true God we are called to follow and he ruined my life!” I think Jesus said something similar in the book of Matthew in chapter 10 verse 39 when he said, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

There are many days I have wondered does this really have to be the Way? God do I really have to lose my life to follow you? I am sure there is an easier way? God can you make it easier as I don’t have the strength to carry on another day? It used to be easy, it used to be so easy God; but then you revealed yourself to me. You called me to a ministry where my gifts and talents can be used to fulfill your purpose so why make it so hard? God, “You were the one to call me to this ministry why would you call me to something that would be so difficult?” Aren’t you a God that prospers us, that blesses us, that watches over us, that protects us and strengthens us? But, you tell me I have to lose my life in order to find my life? Why? What? When? How? Come on God! Come on God! Come on God please show up now!

That is the daily battle that goes on in my mind. That is the struggle I have wrestled with the past two years. One simple day, one simple prayer, one simple revelation that has ruined my life from the perspective of the world but has SAVED my life according to the Word.

In 2004 I officially became a believer in the knowledge that Jesus died for me on the cross, but it was not until 2008 that I started to learn what it meant to give my life to Christ. In 2008 I was becoming bored with my faith. I wrestled daily with the idea that there had to be more to this whole Christ thing than just going to church on Sunday and participating in a young couple’s bible study. I wrestled daily with reading my Bible because that is what we were supposed to do. I needed some excitement and I began to wonder, does becoming a believer have any real excitement other than the hope in eternal life?

Before I knew it God was taking me through the book of Isaiah in a men’s group I decided to join at church. Nothing in my rational mind would have said yes to a 6am men’s group on Thursday mornings but I guess God knew just what he was doing. Two weeks into the 6am Thursday morning men’s group God hit me in the head with a hammer when Isaiah 46:9-13 came alive to me.

Isaiah 46:9-13
Remember the former things, those of long ago;
I am God, and there is no other;
I am God, and there is none like me.
I make known the end from the beginning,
from ancient times, what is still to come.
I say, ‘My purpose will stand,
and I will do all that I please.’
From the east I summon a bird of prey;
from a far-off land, a man to fulfill my purpose.
What I have said, that I will bring about;
what I have planned, that I will do.
Listen to me, you stubborn-hearted,
you who are now far from my righteousness.
I am bringing my righteousness near,
it is not far away.

It was so clear what God was asking of me. It was as if God was sitting there right next to me. I could hear the very words of God, “So, Jake you think you have accomplished a lot so far with your life? Well, why don’t you come join me on a new adventure. Jake, please understand you don’t have to come. I will accomplish my purpose with or without you but if you need an adventure, come follow me."

That day I said yes to God even though I had no idea where I was going or what He would ask of me. I said yes to an adventure and I said yes to losing my life. That Thursday morning I laid my dreams, my aspirations, my security, my worldly wisdom at the foot of the cross. I said, “Yes, God I am all in. I want this adventure even though I have no idea where we are going.”

I returned home after work that day and was not really sure what to make of something so clear from God that morning. So, I did what I was supposed to do and I turned to my Bible. I turned to the people of God; the people that He used to accomplish His purpose in the Bible. Suddenly the Bible was alive. Suddenly it felt as though I was walking with Moses as he was leading God’s people, Abraham as he was willing to sacrifice his own son, Joseph as he continuously fell only to be raised up again by God, Daniel as he had no fear and was thrown into the Lions’ Den, Nehemiah as he built the wall, Noah as he built the boat, Jonah as he was swallowed by a whale, Joseph as he obeyed God, Saul as God showed us how he could use the worst of sinners (which I am one) to accomplish his purpose, Matthew & Mark & Luke & John as they told the days of walking with Jesus, and Timothy as he rose as a young leader for Christ, and all the other many people that God would use to accomplish His purpose. I felt and believed I was simply one of them. I was called to God’s team and Christ was my coach and we were going into one hostile road venue with one GREAT opponent to defeat.

As I write on this day of June 30th, 2011 the opponent is still out there and the game has not been easy. God has used our family to win people to Christ. He has shown us how to walk a life that speaks the love of Christ. He has given us the eyes to see. God has sent us on a journey to Africa and in 30 days will send me on my 8th trip to Ghana. God gave us a new son named Justice through and adoption process that only He could have coordinated. Kids in Africa are learning about Christ and kids in Des Moines are learning about Christ through our hook called basketball. Lives are changing through only the grace that God can provide all because He let me play on his team.

As great as the game has been it has been a painful one as well. We have made a bunch of threes and thrown down some alley-oop dunks, but we have gotten just as many shots blocked and balls stolen. God’s word has coached us through it all, teaching us how to let go of the things that the world holds in such high regards. He has encouraged us to let go of the security that we had built up in savings accounts and retirement accounts. He has taught us what it means to fully depend on him as we wonder how are we going to pay the next grocery bill with seven hungry boys in the house. We know what it feels like to have our house head the way of foreclosure. We know what Christ meant when he said the gospel will divide and you will be persecuted. Many people have been supportive but just as many have criticized this “God” that we follow. We have become fools in the eyes of many but yet have learned to stand firm on the word of God and His definition of wisdom is simply : fear God. We have learned what it means to be refined by Christ and made mature in his Word. We have walked in days of pain, days of question, days of fear, days of distress, and yet in it all we are thankful because we are walking on a path specifically designed by Christ for our family.

We know in a fallen world someone has to lead. It may look foolish. It may look ignorant. It may look as though we are just flying by the seat of our pants. But we know someone has to lead for Christ. We know people have to pick up their cross daily and go and allow God to do the rest.

In Shane Claiborne’s new book Follow Me to Freedom he puts it like this: ‘Anybody can say he or she is a leader. Anyone can say, “Hey, I have this great idea to build fresh water wells in Cambodia.” And others can raise a ton of money for wells in Cambodia. Still others will make great websites for wells in Cambodia. But it will just stay a good idea until someone actually risks something and goes to the people of Cambodia. Like John says, it can even be a good idea. But a real leader has more than an idea…… she or he has followers who are eager to carry out a vision with all sorts of skills and passions. And a real leader will be the first to recognize someone is going to lead one part of the project better than he or she can, and will be the first to step aside and follow.'

My wife started her blog in order to provide complete honesty and transparency with our walk with Christ. There is a belief out there that if you fully live for Christ you are going to be blessed in every way possible. The truth of the matter is you probably won’t be blessed by the things of this world but you will be blessed because you will know what it means to become fully dependent on Christ. For moments of time we get to feel what the disciples felt, what the other people of God felt, and what the many people before us felt as they walked a life not filled by the things of the world but by the things of Christ.

What will tomorrow bring? We don’t know. I am learning how to wake up each day not relying on my own strength or relying on my own hard work and skills, but instead I am learning how to fully rely on Christ to meet my basic needs and more importantly allow the ministry he has called us for to continue to produce fruit in the lives of young people. Tomorrow we will crawl out of bed, lace up our shoes, put on our uniform, say a prayer and step back onto the court with Christ in order to make his name known in our very own backyard and amongst the nations.

I will conclude with one last thought from a pastor that I admire from a distance through his books that have directed my purpose for Christ. Francis Chan said in his book Crazy Love, “You know when you are doing something for Christ with the purest of intentions when the only way you are going to make it is if God shows up in one BIG WAY!”

God, let us see what You see, and feel how You feel, and please Lord, direct our hearts to Your purposes.

Jake

Will Kingdom Hoops get the funding it needs to stay afloat for another year?

Will we be able to make our house payment next month?

How will we afford all the travel expenses for the string of live period tournaments coming up in July?

When will be able to catch up on past due gym rent?

Will the IRS ever send us our adoption tax refund or will they keep on delaying it?

These are just a few of the financial realities our family has been facing over the past few months. I am not sharing these things so that you feel sorry for us. I am sharing because I don’t ever want to be anything less than completely transparent on this blog.

Here’s the thing. Today our family is taking off for a tournament in Orlando, Florida. If I didn’t write this post you would never know what a stretch this is going to be for us financially. I think people sometimes equate travel with glamorous lifestyles. For us, traveling together to Jake’s tournaments on the weekends is absolutely vital to the well-being of our family. Although we need to be cutting expenses, this is just not a category that we are willing to do that. Orlando will be a treat for our family….one that we have all been looking forward to for months. But our weekend tournament trips do not come without a price.

My husband works 16 hour days almost every day. He doesn’t get weekends off obviously because that is when the tournaments are. We don’t all get to sit around the table and have family dinners. We don’t get to go to church together. We don’t get to go to together to weddings, or going away parties, or birthday parties, or evening time get togethers with our friends. There’s tournaments, practices, and meetings to work around if an event comes up that I need to get on the calendar. Our quality time together each day usually starts at about 10pm at night, in bed while he sends back emails to parents who are upset about one thing or another. Or returns phone calls. Or sets up meetings for the next day. Or works on logistics of booking lodging for an upcoming tournament trip, figuring out what coach is driving which van, and compiling rooming lists for the kids who’s parents aren’t going. Or he’s organizing his speech that he will share in front of CEO’s the next day in the hopes that they will catch the vision and give donations. Not to mention the time he tries to squeeze in working on Ghana items. Then there’s the time he spends doing individual training sessions to help pay for extras like trips to Nike Outlet stores for the kids or Sea World passes for our Orlando trip.

At the beginning of our marriage, I had huge and I mean HUGE problems with the hours Jake’s job demanded. My idealistic expectations of what I envisioned our life would be were quickly crushed by the realities of his job. I was discontent with our lifestyle. And I let him know it. Our first 6 months of marriage were AWFUL. I did not support Jake and I did not respect him. I never went to the weekend tournaments because I wanted him to know that I didn’t like his job. I thought if I could ignore the whole thing that it would just go away. I pity the people who had to endure me during that part of my life. I know it wasn’t pretty.

But over the years something happened. Not only did God teach me a thing or two about being a wife, but He also grew me spiritually. I started going to the tournaments, not because I wanted to, but because I knew that Jake wanted me to be there alongside of him. And God showed me that Jake’s job could provide me with opportunities to minister to others. I got to have spiritual conversations with parents in the stands. I got to tell our reasons behind why we were adopting. I got to read letters and emails written to Jake by young kids or by parents who told stories of how Jake had impacted their child’s life. I got to watch the way my husband’s face would light up in the midst of competition, just the way it used to when he played in college. I got to listen to his advice for how to execute skills on the court, and how to overcome adversity off the court. I saw him making a difference, and he pulled me in and my heart softened towards his work. Sometime later Sam came to live with us. And for the first time I realized the weight and impact of the ministry we had in front of us…..just through the simple platform of basketball. This wasn’t just about my husband having a good set of coaching skills, or having a background in psychology to give some thoughtful advice, or even about being a good role model. It was so much more. Jake’s job gave us access to directly affect LIVES. Outside of becoming a mom, I had never had the opportunity to do that before. Earlier this year I started teaching a bible study at the gym. God took me out of my comfort zone, and put me up in front of some kids starving for truth. And I was addicted. Their culture and environments wage war against God. But for 30 minutes on Monday evenings I could tell them about Jesus, feed them truth, and pray that it would resonate in their souls.

So what does all this have to do with our finances? Well, for anyone in ministry work, you know that you never quite know how you are going to get your paycheck. You can’t see ahead of time how God is going to provide for you….emotionally to keep on going, or tangibly to be able to sustain your work. But yet your ministry sits there in front of you. And God says ‘Be my hands and feet.’ So you trust him with your life, and each day you pray that He will provide. Just to get you through one more day. For us this shows up in many different ways. We’ll be at a tournament and a player will come up and ask if we can buy him a hotdog at the concession stand because his parents didn’t send any money with him. What would you do? Look him in the eye and say, “Sorry, it’s not in the budget.” Absolutely not! You’re going to buy him the hot dog and pray that God replenishes you for his hot dog and the 10 other ones that you buy the next day for the other kids who have no money. Or I’ll get a text message from Jake that 3 junior high boys are coming home from practice with him to stay at our place for the weekend. Should I tell them, “Sorry, it’s only in the budget for me to make a 9x13 pan of lasagna which will feed me, Jake, Yaw, Ezekiel and our kids. You guys will just have to eat crackers for dinner.” Ummmm….no. I’ll make an extra pan of lasagna, fill up their tummies, and get the opportunity to dig into their lives for 2 days while they stay at my house. We get to sit in our living room and open up the scriptures and we get to tell them how Jesus has changed our lives, and we pray that He will change theirs too. I get to take them to church with me on Sunday and watch as they worship and sing to a God they barely know, but who is chasing after them with His truths.

The problem becomes that the hot dogs and the extra pans of lasagna add up. On average this summer I've spent an extra $150 per week on groceries because of the amount of extra kids staying in our house. When you are struggling to make your house payment each month, that’s a lot of money. But this I know: we are choosing to stay in this ministry. Jake and I both know that in as little as 5 minutes he could make a few phone calls, get a college coaching job, and start working his way up. In 5 years I could guarantee that he would be at the top of his game, getting a six-figure salary, and we would have no financial worries. I could adopt as many kids as I want and never have to blink an eye on the finances. Easily it could be done. And I am not saying this to be arrogant. Rather I know the skill set, mind, abilities, competiveness, and work ethic that God has given my husband. But God has not led us there yet, and He maybe never will. And so, this is where we stay. We don’t ever know how God will provide. But He does. In the last month alone we received 3 separate grocery gift cards….$300 each….sent to us in the mail by friends who know the pressure we are in financially. Through the generosity of others, God blessed us. It’s not easy to have to rely on God in this way. In fact, it is one of the most humbling things to accept money from others. But this is how the Kingdom of God works. This is how ministry works.

Sometimes, oftentimes, I am weary of this ministry. But God provides there too. He’ll send a friend by my house, a friend who is there to listen and to encourage me to keep on doing God’s work. “It’s supposed to be hard,” she says. “Jesus told us that following Him could cost us everything. This is a great place to be…..in full dependency on God….your faith is growing so much.” She’s right. But there’s bills to pay. Sacrifices to be make. And responsibilities, and expectations. And doubters and opinions and rumors and outsiders judging our life who don’t understand our priorities, our reasons, our faith. While people around us are acquiring cushiony savings accounts we watch as God asks us to take ours and spend it on an adoption. While others can take parts of their paychecks and start saving up in a retirement fund, we watch as our paycheck is sucked dry each month and then some by the extra expenses of extra people in our home. We didn’t anticipate this. There was no way for us to plan ahead of time that this was going to happen. The world calls us fools! No savings! No retirement! Janel, you’re setting yourself up to be too dependent on Jake. Get a job! Jake, quit being so generous! Jake you’re not putting your family first! Jake and Janel, you’re going to sink under all this pressure. But we smile because we know it doesn’t make sense. “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” Lose your life for His sake, and you WILL find the true purpose of livng. Foolish? Not to us. For what good will it be for a man if he gains the WHOLE WORLD, yet forfeits his soul?

Rest with me awhile. You have journeyed up a steep, rugged path in recent days. The way ahead is shrouded in uncertainty. Look neither behind you nor before you. Instead, focus your attention on Me, your constant Companion. Trust that I will equip you fully for whatever awaits you on your journey. I designed time to be a protection for you. You couldn’t bear to see all your life at once. Though I am unlimited by time, it is in the present moment that I meet you. Refresh yourself in My company, breathing deep draughts of My Presence. The highest level of trust is to enjoy Me moment by moment. I am with you, watching over you wherever you go. ~Jesus Calling~

There was an old man who lived in a tiny village. Although poor, he was envied by all for the beautiful white horse he owned. Even the king coveted his treasure. People offered fabulous prices for the steed, but the old man always refused. “This horse is not a horse to me,” he would tell them. “It is a person. How could you sell a person? He is a friend, not a possession. How could you sell a friend?” The man was poor and the temptation was great, but he never sold the horse.

One morning the horse was missing from the stable. All the village came to see the old man. “You old fool,” they scoffed. “We told you that someone would steal your horse. You are so poor, how could you ever hope to protect such a valuable animal? It would have been better to have sold him. You could have gotten whatever price you wanted. Now the horse is gone, and you’ve been cursed with misfortune.”

The old man responded, “Don’t speak too quickly. Say only that the horse is not in the stable. That is all we know, the rest is judgment. How can you know if I’ve been cursed or not? How can you judge?”

The people contested, “Don’t make us out to be fools! We may not be philosophers, but great philosophy is not needed to know what’s happened here. The fact that your horse is gone is a curse.”

The old man spoke again, “All I know is that the stable is empty and the horse is gone. The rest I don’t know. Whether it be a curse or a blessing, I can’t say. All we can see is a fragment. Who can say what will come next?”

The people of the village laughed. They had always thought the man to be a fool; if he wasn’t he would have sold the horse and lived off the money. Instead, he was a poor woodcutter, living hand to mouth in the misery of poverty. Now he had proven that he was, indeed, a fool.

After fifteen days, the horse returned. He hadn’t been stolen, he had run away into the forest. Not only had he returned, he had brought a dozen wild horses with him. Once again the village people gathered around the woodcutter and spoke, “Old man, you were right and we were wrong. What we thought was a curse was a blessing. Please forgive us.”

The man responded, “Again, you go too far. Say only that the horse is back. State only that a dozen horses returned with him, but don’t judge. How do you know if this is a blessing or not? You see only a fragment. Unless you know the whole story, how can you judge? If you read only one page, how can you judge the whole book? All you have is fragment! Don’t say that this is a blessing. No one knows. I am content with what I know. I am not perturbed by what I don’t know.”

“Maybe the old man is right,” they said. But down deep they believed he was wrong. They knew it was a blessing. Twelve wild horses had returned with one horse. With a little bit of work, the animals could be broken and trained and sold for much money.

The old man had a son, an only son. The young man began to break the wild horses. After a few days, he fell from one of the horses and broke both legs. Once again the villagers gathered around the old man and cast their judgments.

“You were right,” they said. “The dozen horses were not a blessing. They were a curse. Your only son has broken his legs, and now in your old age you have no one to help you. Now you are poorer than ever.”

The old man spoke again, “Don’t go so far in your judgments. Say only that my son broke his legs. Who knows if it is a blessing or a curse? No one knows. We only have a fragment of the whole.”

A few weeks later the country engaged in war against a neighboring country. All the young men of the village were required to join the army. Only the son of the old man was excluded because he was injured. The enemy was strong and the people feared they would never see their sons again. Once again, they gathered around the old man, crying, and screaming because their sons had been taken. “You were right, old man,” they wept. “God knows you were right. This proves it. Your son’s accident was a blessing. His legs may be broken, but at least he is with you. Our sons are gone forever.”

The old man spoke again, “Why do you always draw conclusions? No one knows. Say only this: Your sons went to war, and mine did not. No one is wise enough to know if it is a blessing or a curse. Only God knows……”

(Excerpt from ‘In the Eye of the Storm’ by Max Lucado)

I came across this little piece of writing on trials and I liked the way it made me think:

In time of trouble, say, "First, He brought me here. It is by His will I am in this strait place; in that I will rest." Next, "He will keep me here in His love, and give me grace in this trial to behave as His child." Then say, "He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me lessons He intends me to learn, and working in me the grace He means to bestow." And last, say, "In His good time He can bring me out again. How and when, He knows." Therefore, say, "I am here (1) by God's appointment, (2) in His keeping, (3) under His training, (4) for his time."
~Andrew Murray~

At first I wasn't sure why the author used that word 'strait' in the second sentence.....I thought maybe he misused the word there or spelled it wrong. :) Then I checked the word meaning on my thesaurus and saw that it means - passage, channel, canal.

The author is saying that a trial is just a passageway or channel into a different section of our lives. But we have to go through it because God has things for us to learn at this particular time and in this particular situation. I like the above author’s mindset of not focusing on the problem, but rather on God and His Sovereign purposes for allowing the trial.

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way (James 1:2-4 The Message)

The other day I saw a t-shirt of a marathon runner that had this quote:

“The miracle is not that I finished, but that I had the courage to start”

As I thought about this quote, I began relating it to stepping out in faith and obeying God. Not too long ago I was convinced that taking that first step of obedience was the hardest part of any journey. Now I would say that ‘hanging in there’ and learning to thrive along the journey is possibly even harder. You’ve heard me mention it before, and it’s boldly obvious from scripture that oftentimes obeying God in certain areas takes much sacrifice on our part. So, what truths can we cling to after we’ve obeyed, and yet find ourselves in a place where our expectations are not being met? What can our encouragement be to finish the race that we’ve entered? Is it possible for us to hold our heads up and rock on in confidence even when we find ourselves in a situation that we didn’t foresee coming? Even when our expectations have literally been kicked, stomped on, and thrown out the window? Even when we encounter a little surprise that causes our innermost being to shout out “I didn’t sign up for this!” I myself often need a pep talk to regain my focus and keep rockin’ on. So this post is that.

I’ve been trucking through the gospel of Luke with a friend and we are now through the chapters of Jesus’ teaching ministry, and up to the part of His crucifixion and resurrection. In the first chapters of each of the gospels we watch and learn as Jesus picks out 12 disciples. These disciples step out in obedience and follow Him, though many have sacrifices to make in this change of lifestyle (for example Levi a.k.a. Matthew leaves behind his job and material fortune as a dishonest tax collector ~Luke 5:27-28). Much of the rest of the gospel of Luke unfolds Jesus ministry as he teaches the crowds and His disciples what it means to follow Him. Then, something unexpected happens. This leader and teacher that the disciples and many in the crowds had put their faith in is arrested, put on trial, and sentenced to death as a criminal. Even though Jesus had clearly predicted his death on three different occasions (Luke 9:22, Luke 9:44-45, Luke 9:31-34) the scriptures say that the disciples ‘did not understand what this meant’. In fact, all throughout the gospel of Luke we see that the disciples do not get a full grasp of what Jesus’ mission on earth was. My study guide goes as far to say that ‘the disciples have only grasped the happy part of the message’ meaning they are focusing on the rewards of kingship and Jesus’ promised kingdom, and have completely missed it when Jesus has said that first will come rejection and death. The point is that at the time of Jesus’ arrest, they found themselves in a place they didn’t expect to be. They had obeyed their calling to follow Jesus. And now their leader and Lord was going to be put to death on a cross. And you know what their response was? Mark 14:50 tells it loud and clear: Then everyone deserted him (Jesus) and fled.

I was struck by this. You know why? Because reading that was like a mirror into my own heart. In my own humanness, when things get tough my default is to throw in the towel. Escape the situation. Run the other way. Hide. Ugh. I hate even admitting that I am a quitter, but that is my heart. When things don’t go my way, I want a way out, even if I have to make my own way out. The funny thing is that these types of situations are the exact ones that we need to be in so that our faith will grow and mature. It’s so painful. But we can hope in this: God’s grace. This is what I am learning in my women’s bible study right now. Not only do we receive God’s grace as a gift of salvation at the foot of the cross, but as my study guide says, we are also utterly dependent on God’s grace to LIVE OUT the Christian life. Consider this verse:

2 Corinthians 9:8
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.

All sufficiency in all things at all times. I want that.

A few months ago, I was having a really hard time with Sam. I felt that he hadn’t met any of our expectations neither at school or at home, and that he wasn’t becoming a functional member of our family. His grades were bad, his attitude was bad, and my outlook of having him in our family was bad. I was ready to be done. That was my heart. Then something happened. I began to pray that God would teach me to love Sam unconditionally. No matter what sort of obstacle was on the radar next, I prayed that God would develop a love inside of me for Sam that no bad report card, no dirty look, no messy room, no careless attitude, no arguing, no undone chores would break. I started praying for this every day. And I had others pray this for me. And over the past few months God has totally transformed my heart. And I’m not the only one that He transformed. God has used other people that have come into Sam’s life who have pointed him towards a relationship with Jesus. And then, two weekends ago, God’s grace intersected our lives. At a youth retreat with his junior high group from church, Sam made the decision to put His faith in Jesus. And literally one day later I saw some pretty cool ‘evidences’ that confirmed to me that his profession of faith was genuine. This spoke volumes to me because I knew that if Sam hadn’t still been with us, he wouldn’t have gotten this opportunity to be at this retreat and have his life forever changed. And you know what one of the first things Sam said to me after 1 day of living as a follower of Christ? He said, “Being a Christian is really hard,” and he went on to share some reasons why. Smile. Oh how right you are!

And yet, there is encouragement for all of us in God’s grace. My study guide puts it best: God is fully aware that we are incapable of godly living in spite of our best intentions or efforts. His grace is His supernatural supply for all that we lack. He promises to equip and empower us to do whatever He requires of us.

Receiving a referral for a red-headed African to add to our red-headed family in the midst of a frustrating and exhausting adoption journey? God’s grace. Giving birth to a little boy on my birthday after I had suffered the emotional pain of a miscarriage in the pregnancy before his? God’s grace. The resurrected Jesus seeking out the disciples to ease their doubts after they had abandoned and disowned him just days before? God’s grace.

I don’t know how God’s grace will show up in your life. But it has shown up in mine when things were rough. If you’ve obeyed God in something hard, and are finding yourselves in a place that you didn’t expect to be, God’s grace is right there with you. And it is sufficient.

There was given me a thorn in my flesh….three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

God will never give you more than you can handle.

Have you heard this saying before? I believe this saying derives from this verse:

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

I think the verse is clear that when we find ourselves in situations in which we are tempted to sin, God will provide a way out.

However, I think oftentimes, this ‘God will never give you more than you can handle’ saying gets thrown around as a sort of coverall for any and all situations. This saying has not become limited to only apply to situations of temptation (and I think the verse is clear that the context is temptation). But rather, it gets applied to everything….even trials, emotional pain, hardships, and suffering. And, I think in this regard, it has become a poor misinterpretation of scripture.

To say that God is always going to have us in situations that we ourselves can ‘handle’ is to me, not biblical. I am going through the Psalms right now, and the cries of distress that come in the Psalmists words illustrate desperate, unbearable adversity. For example Psalm 69 was written by King David. He says this of his situation:

Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck. I sink in the miry depths, where there is no foothold. I come into the deep waters; the floods engulf me. I am worn out calling for help; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God…..

If left to himself and his own ability to handle this one, it doesn’t sound as if David is likely to make it.

Then I think of Jesus’ own words, which have played over and over in my mind the past few months:

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." (Mark 8:34)

Do we understand that taking up our cross means we are ready to identify with and follow Jesus who carried his own cross to his undeserved crucifixion and death? Crucifixion. Death. Suffering. Discomfort. Unsafe situations. No easy way out. Hardship. What if we shouted up to Jesus while he was dying on the cross, “Don’t worry Jesus! God will never give you more than you can handle!” It sounds so foolish to even think that. So then why do we feed that line to each other?

The way I see it from examples in scripture, God is going to dish out situations to His followers that are completely beyond their own ability to handle. He does this NOT because He wants us to look inward and muster up some extra strength, and understanding, and wisdom to as the saying implies ‘handle the situation ourselves’. How will we ever learn that God is truly our Refuge (Psalm 91:2 ), Strength (Psalm 46:1), Shelter (Isaiah 25:4), and Trust (Psalm 40:4) if we are never in situations when we have to completely rely on Him to get through?

I think of my friends’ sister in the medical profession who was serving at a clinic in Africa and accidently contracted the HIV virus.

I think of a couple from my church who a few months ago held a funeral for their newborn baby boy who died less than a few hours into his life.

I think of the numerous couples in our Ghana adoption program who found out last week that the children they were set to adopt were taken back to their villages and were no longer available for adoption.

I think of our Pastor’s wife who offered forgiveness to the man who raped her while she was running on a park trail in high school.

As Christ-followers, we must be prepared to face situations that we are completely inadequate to handle. We are not exempt from extreme pain, suffering, tragedies, and impossibilities that will completely rock our world beyond what we can bear. God doesn’t promise us an easy, trouble-free life this side of heaven. But He does tell us that He will protect us and be with us in difficulties (Isaiah 43:2-5), and that in ALL THINGS God works for the good of those who love him and have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). Through our suffering and trials we will learn that WE CAN’T HANDLE our burdens. But there is someone who can. And His presence in our life is the only refuge in which we can trust.

2 Corinthians 12:9-11
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

….take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ~Ephesians 6:16~

Well, I hope you all have been sporting your Ephesians 6 armor. You’re going to need it if you plan on continuing to support and pray for us and our adoption of Samuel. We are in a battle here.

Last week via a blog connection from our case worker, we found out that many other Ghana adoption families are experiencing this same sort of visa delay that we are. Here is an excerpt from this blog (the writer is an adoption coordinator for a different Ghana program than the one we are in; she has also adopted 2 children from Ghana):

Dear fellow Ghana families,
It seems to me that there are many within our adoption community that are "stuck" in the current visa process. Families have been waiting for visas for months with no end in sight. Some families are given a reason for the wait; others are just told "We are waiting for some things to be verified." My heart is so heavy for you if you are in this position…..

As a believer in Jesus, I know that when we align ourselves with God and choose to follow Him, then we immediately have an enemy that puts up a fight against us. The devil opposes all that God is and everything He does and anyone who believes in Him or tries to live His way. If you do not read your Bible, then you have no idea about what I am talking about, and you probably are ready to send me off to the crazy house. However, it is BLATANTLY CLEAR from scripture that adoption is the VERY HEART of God. I just keep thinking about the AWESOME GOD STORY that Samuel is going to have once he gets here. Through his story, many, many, many people are going to see first-hand the awesome power and sovereignty of our God. The power of our Almighty God IS THE ONLY thing on the entire face of this earth that can break through evil and its hold on these adoptions that are currently being ‘put off’ for days, weeks, and months for no good reason. Please, if you have been praying for us and Samuel, KEEP PRAYING! And, please pray for all the other families experiencing this same sort of hold up with their adoptions as we are. Pray that God’s power would supernaturally BREAK THROUGH the prevention of orphans coming home to their forever families.

I am Samuel’s mother. I will NOT lose heart in this battle. I know that God triumphs over evil. He confuses the plans of the wicked. He silences the lips of evil doers. God hears my complaint and will protect my life from the enemy. He will hide me from the conspiracy of the wicked. They who plot injustice and say “We have devised a perfect plan!” will be brought to ruin. I will rejoice in the Lord and take refuge in Him! (Psalm 64)

I have faith in God. I can look at a mountain and say to it ‘Go throw yourself into the sea’ and I WILL NOT DOUBT in my heart that God will do it! (Mark 11:22-24) God is my strength and my salvation (Psalm 118:14). Though an army besiege me, my heart WILL NOT fear. Though war break out against me, EVEN THEN I will be CONFIDENT (Psalm 27:3). If God is for us, then who can be against us (Romans 8:31)? Certainly it is the Lord who is faithful, and will establish and guard me against evil (2 Thessalonians 3:3). No one whose hope is in you, Lord, will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse (Psalm 25:3). Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God (Psalm 20:7). In the day of trouble I will call to Him, and He will answer me (Psalm 86: 7). God, YOU ALONE are my Savior. My hope is in You, all day long (Psalm 25:5).

I will praise you Lord all my life. As long as I live I will sing praises to you. Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord. You, Lord, are the Maker of heaven and earth. You alone made the sea and everything in it. You remain faithful forever. You uphold the cause of the oppressed. You give food to the hungry. You set the prisoners free. You give sight to the blind. You lift up those who are bowed down. You watch over the alien. You sustain the fatherless and the widow. You frustrate the ways of the wicked. You reign forever. FOR ALL GENERATIONS, You reign (Psalm 146).

We have 3 DAYS until Esi’s flight leaves for America. That means 3 DAYS for Samuel’s visa to be approved so that he can be chaperoned here by Esi and finally COME HOME. I am praying that I get an email today or tomorrow from the Embassy saying visa approved – come pick it up. I know this appears absolutely impossible. Kind of sounds like telling a mountain to go and be thrown into the sea. But I know the One who is in the business of doing the impossible. My hope is in Him. ALL DAY LONG my hope is in HIM.

Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you only need to be still.” ~Exodus 14:13-14~