Have you ever wondered to yourself before?

When you and your loved one have reached the hardest rocks of your love life, what’s the real reason for being insecure?

For me, I’d be insecure because I know I have time but not for her, have love that’s just for her, have trust which keeps us moving on, and have faith that strength will help us tide through this period.

Would you choose someone who loves you the same way she loves you or choose someone who you don’t and can’t love but yet loves you more than anything in the world that there are no restrictions between you both? One of the answers is enough to make my imagination run wild. I don’t know what I’ve been doing for the past hours, not knowing why a swell doesn’t seem to hurt that much anymore. When tears keep flowing as if I never cried before, but yet I can’t figure out the reason why I let those tears come out. Confusing uh? It’s a blank page for today’s chapter. I’m so afraid I can’t carry on by myself. I wished someone would just tell me what to do, because making my own call now might be equivalent to committing suicide.

house bunny: REMEMBER, you got me all ways & always (: even when everyone turn their back on u, you know you still got me. I love you, babyg. – Even though it’s just a simple tag on the tag board, it has never failed to make me smile and tolerate hardships because I just know you’re there to understand and guide me through each day. Would you still stay the same towards me from this day onwards? Mess is evil but it can be fruitful if you know how to deal with it correctly.

When you try hard but it isn’t hard enough, what would you do?

I think these few days just seem to get worse for me. To tell you the truth, I haven’t really gotten over the death of my grand uncle. Uncle Adrian seemed to be so carefree and all. I didn’t expect him to go through all of the operations and all. I guess he died peacefully, from all of the pain. If I can remember well enough, the last time I really cried was when grandma passed on when I was at the age of 8. The sad thing is that Aunty Maggie is diagnosed with breast cancer; I don’t want her to die. The fact that I have not shown my emotions doesn’t mean I’m not feeling anything about this issue. It sucks to feel this way. Husband and wife to be both diagnosed with cancer. Life sucks. I don’t want her to pass on. In fact, she doesn’t know my family knows about it. I guess she doesn’t want anyone to be worried for her. I’m so sad now. Grandma and Uncle Adrian were the 2 out of the 3 who took care of me, practically the ones who told my parents to give me more love. Now that both are gone, I don’t want another one to go.

I guess I do have a reason for a bad temper. I just don’t think anyone should know why. But I just want my team mates I never meant to be an angry person. I’m gonna change. Cos I know everyone will be there for me. Especially my baby! Right?

Something that my clique doesn't know is that I might be moving to somewhere. No more sengkang. Probably somewhere in Hougang near Elly and Chew Ling or Pasir Ris where I can feel how Vicky feels. HAHA

A change’s something to look forward to.

Did I say I miss you alot now?

Life is getting more and more difficult now. I think its this phase that everyone has to face?

Anyway, I can't imagine how much torment I'm going through, although I know that my mental health is going strong. Credit must go to my parents cos they made me go through life that I never imagined myself to go through. Not to forget, all by myself. But I don't care anymore. My mental state has become immune to torture I suppse. But my health is failing me. Yes yes, I'm undergoing really bad pressure physically. My back and knee was supposed to be curing when I went for accupuncture 2 years ago. But however, my joints and back muscles are somehow killing me. After diving yesterday in the muddy field of SP yesterday, I dived wrongly and I think I over stretched my left lower back. When I stood up I felt numb. It was as if my back couldn't function normally. But I still continued playing, rugby makes you forget your pain temporary. When my boots broke though, I felt the pain somehow like ooze through my veins. It hurt a lot. But a smile always made it through the eyes of others.

Last night was hell for me. Parents didn't help to take the pain away too. Frustrations were taken out on me. I can't find a reason why though. But as I've said, my mental state has become immune to it. Sleeping made me tear. For the pain was inevitable but yet overbearing.

I miss you grandma. You were the only one who loved me the way no one else did till now. Sometimes I used to think back and blame God for taking you away but somehow I blame myself too. Come back and take me to the airport for swensen's please. I really miss you.

If I fell in love with you,
would you promise to be true,
and help me, understand.
Cos I've been in love before,
and I found that love was more,
than just holding hands...


I love this song. :) Midnight 7s tomorrow. SAJC field. Go RP!