Us and Things

Last summer, I had a bad attitude, or maybe I was actually clinically depressed?  It was the heat.  I can handle it being hot in the summer.  I cannot, however, handle it being hot in the spring and fall as well.  If the triple digits would mind their manners and stay in their own season, we wouldn't be so much at odds.

Anyway, things started unraveling fast about September.  I remember one specific day, I was in my car, waiting at a light to turn onto the freeway, and the theme song from Phineas and Ferb came on.  This was the extended, album-release by Bowling for Soup and it's actually called "Today Is Gonna Be A Great Day"

There's a part where they sing:

This could possibly be the best day ever
And the forecast says that tomorrow will likely be a million and six times better.
So make every minute count: jump up, jump in and seize the day.
And let's make sure that in every single possible way...
Today is gonna be a great day.

This was the opposite of what I was doing.  My days were not the best days ever.  I was laying down quietly, waiting to be burned to a crisp by the blinding Arizona sun.  (Seriously, though, there is no cloud cover ever, so the sun is always in my eyes... even if it's cold outside.)  I needed to do something to make sure that in every single possible way my summers would be great.

I sort of snapped that day and announced to Tyler that I was leaving next summer.

"So... we're getting a divorce...?" he asked.
"No no no, I love you.  I'm just not going to live here."
"You're moving forever...?"
"I don't know."
"Where are you going?"
"I don't know.  All I know is that I won't be here."

My first plan was that I would get a job as a summer camp nurse and take my children with me.  Tyler said he could come with us and work remotely during those weeks and watch the kids during the day.  I applied with several camps and got accepted at a camp in Maine.

I didn't end up doing this because it seemed likely that Tyler would get a job in California AND HE DID!  We leave in a few weeks and I am beyond excited and grateful once again to Phineas and Ferb for making the world a better place.

An old picture of the hospital.  Patients call the new 6-story building the "nice" part of the hospital and always lament when they have to come to the "old" part of the hospital, where I work.

When I think back to when I just had one child, the prevailing emotional memory is B O R E D O M.  Sure I loved my kid and found joy in taking care of her, but seriously, you can't tell me that playing Ele-fun is intellectually stimulating.

Then I got a job, a full-time job.  And, I was no longer bored.

Full time is 3 12-hour shifts per week.  Plus a staff meeting once a month, plus I do some monthly audits, plus whatever other training or meetings I have to go to.  This was all manageable, kind of, until Lillian started 1st grade.

 I sent an email to Mrs. B like the 3rd day of school and said that Lillian was having a really hard time focusing doing her homework (suggested time to spend on homework: 30 minutes.  Time Lillian was taking: 1.5-2 hours) and did she have any suggestions.

She replied something like "Oh, it's just the beginning of school, she'll settle down and work it out."

A few days later, I got another email. "Yeah... so... Lillian is having a hard time..."  This was while we were in Hawaii, and the next day was back-to-school night.  My mother went and told Mrs. B to send home any work Lillian didn't complete in school.  And she did.

Let's just say that I started to long for the days of 1.5 hours of homework each day.  Tyler doesn't get home until 5 and then has to feed the kids, and then start homework and somehow have the kids in bed by 8 so they won't be dead the next day.

It went from manageable to overwhelming very quickly.  I scaled back to 2 days a week and it's pretty wonderful.  Turns out, subtracting 24 hours from my week helps me to strike the perfect balance between being busy but still having enough time to relax and read or watch season 2 of Sherlock on Netflix.  I feel good about my work commitments and I feel like I get to spend a lot of time with my kids.

I always thought I'd be a stay-at-home mom.