It is never fun to hear when people are going through difficult times.  Unfortunately, my week has been filled with sad phone calls and visits from some very dear friends of mine.   I can say with certainty that our journey has made me much more empathetic to other people's pain. 

I  admire the people in my life who open their hearts and share their struggles with me.   I want to share the good and the bad with the people close to me.  So many people are dealing with such difficult things.   I had three very dear friends share their tears and struggles with me this week and, I must admit, while I ache for my friends, I am so impressed with how they are coping.

They are hurting for some very sad reasons, and they chose to call upon their friends for support.  They opened their broken hearts and allowed themselves to be raw for a moment.  They asked the people who love them to pray for them and to hold their hands while they were hurting.  Of course, they didn't have to ask twice.

I know that, as a friend, I want to be there during those difficult times.  I want to know when the people close to my heart are happy and when they are hurting because I genuinely want to offer love and support. Unfortunately, it isn't easy.   It is never easy to admit that our lives aren't perfect....but, guess what?  They aren't.

Some people don't understand why I would blog this journey.  One reason I share my struggles with infertility is because I believe that when life gets rough (and it does), I believe that it is important to let people in.  I believe that it is ok to admit when we are broken....it doesn't mean we are weak....it means we are human.  And, quite frankly, I believe that those who are brave enough to share their hearts when they are broken are some of the bravest of all.

I know I can't make them feel better....but, I can make them feel loved.

Sic 'em BEARS!
My alma mater,  Baylor, made it to the ELITE EIGHT.  We had a blast going out with our friends to BW3's to watch the games.  (Thanks, Landwehr's - we can always count on you guys to provide a night of laughs).

 Patrick and I had a fantastic double date on Saturday with my parents.  We went downtown Minneapolis (one of my favorite places to be). ;) to the Wizard of Oz musical at the Orpheum.  I absolutely LOVE musical theater....love, love, love it.  I am so thankful I had parents who introduced me to it growing up and now I married a man who can appreciate it, as well.  Love it.  ;)
 We then had dinner downtown at our new favorite restaurant.   If you have a special occasion coming up, you simply must check it out.  They attend to every detail and make it a truly special event...not to mention the food is simply out of this world.  It was fun to take my parents there for their first visit.  I'm certain they'll be back.   (...and, yes, this is the second time I'm giving it a 'shout out' on this blog)...it is that good.  ;)
 Today was a quiet, beautiful, sunny day at home.  Unfortunately, we watched Baylor lose to Duke today, but it was a fun game to watch.  Now, Kramer and I are holding down the fort while Patrick works tonight.   We are looking forward to a short work week, celebrating Patrick's 33rd birthday, some beautiful, sunny weather, and preparing for our annual Easter traditions in Des Moines, this week.

“Endurance is not just the ability to bear a hard thing, 

but to turn it into glory."

~William Barclay

There is a funny thing about a blog....you find out who your friends are when you post a cranky entry!  It was not my intent to make anyone worry (but appreciate the texts and phone calls more than you know).

I have to share the bad days, too.  I've always promised to tell this story honestly - in my eyes, there is no reason to share any journey unless you are genuine.

...I believe that the adjective "genuine" is one of the most important ones we have in the English language.

So, yes, things are looking brighter (as they always do after Day 1).  It seems my bad days may hit hard but they leave swiftly.  I can handle that.  ;)

Most of you know that, in addition to my human support system, I am lucky to have a "dog support system", too.  There is nothing like a wet nose and warm fur to bring one out of a funk.  He doesn't judge, doesn't offer advice and doesn't need me to be rational.  He just needs to be scratched and he'll lay by my side for days on end if need be.  ;)


Also, my mom sent these pics from his weekend at Grandma and Grandpa's "all-inclusive" stay at their house while we were in Mexico.  Kramer literally loves everyone....but has a very special affinity for people with popcorn.  ;) 

He does not beg out loud.  He simply tries to look as sad as a dog can possibly look until you drop him a crumb.  Sorry, Kramer....I doubt anyone reading this blog thinks you are mistreated.  But, really, how can you tell that face "no"????

Warning:  This post is going to contain whining and complaining dripping with ridiculous sarcasm.  If this will annoy you or cause you to look down your nose at me, then I invite you to close this post now, and check back when I'm in a better mood. 


Consider yourself warned....



Since you're choosing to still read this, I can only assume that you are OK with me being in a sour mood this evening.  You see, today is Day 1 and I am feeling quite cranky, under-the-weather and very "Debbie Downer-ish."  I am choosing to "wallow and post."  That combo should probably be just as illegal as drinking and driving -but, its not - so, here goes.

I am not sad its Day 1 - disappointed, yes, but - I wasn't planning on actually getting pregnant this month.  We are still choosing to not see our infertility doctor and don't plan to for awhile.  That being said, we are always hopeful.  I'm not sad, but, I am cranky.

So, yes, today is "Day 1."  I have to applaud Mother Nature for her fierce way of reminding me each month how NOT pregnant I am.  This not-so-friendly reminder typically begins with a killer migraine that flattens me for the better part of a day.  Then it turns into a serious foul mood (case and point), an unsightly blemish (or two or three) and ends with stomach cramps that usually have me doubled over in pain for a good day or two.  Wow - good work Mother Nature - bravo!  There is no room to miss your point.  I am NOT pregnant.  Got it.  Thanks.

Being that I've been in a sour mood the past few days, it was no joy to be working with a very troubled student this past week.  While I adore teaching, I do not adore working with a difficult child when I learn that the child's ridiculous behavior stems from the birth mother's selfish vice:  A crack addiction during pregnancy.  Aside from a broken heart for this poor boy, there are so many things that anger me about this....one being how ridiculous it seems to me that Patrick and I have given up caffeine, alcohol, gluten, and the better part of our savings account in the name of conception, while some women actually conceive while smoking crack?!  Lovely.  I think I'll mention this to my doctor - I'm guessing crack is way more fun than Clomid. 

Lastly, I did make the insane choice to go shopping today - for jeans - enough said.  Ug.  What was I thinking???

I actually have several other things to whine about today - but - I feel I've already stretched this rant about as far as I should go.  Thank you for choosing to read the Chronicles of a Woman on "Day 1."  I hope you at least got a good laugh at my expense....its certainly not pretty - but, I gave you fair warning.  ;)

Now, I'm going to put on my stretchy pants and quarantine myself to my room with a can of Duncan Hines Cream Cheese Frosting I found buried in the back of my cupboard.  (God bless it - it is gluten free).  See you on the other side!  ;)

I have not had a piece of bread, a bagel, a cracker or even a crouton in two weeks.  It has not been nearly as difficult as I thought.  Woo Hoo!  ;)

Thanks to a friend who made me a special lunch and sent me home with some gluten free bread (delicious, Sara) -  and my mom who brought us a "gluten-free care package" full of our new favorite treat, I'm really not missing the carbs that once consumed my diet.

Here is a quick recommendation, even if you aren't going "gluten free" - Our favorite new snack are Larabars.  (You can find them at Hy-Vee or Cub - organic section).  They are an awesome, filling snack.  I bet even kids would love the Peanut Butter or Coconut Chocolate bars.  ;)  (Thanks, mom for the variety - we are having fun trying new flavors). 


 LÄRABAR is a delicious blend of unsweetened fruits, nuts and spices - energy in its purest form. Made from 100% whole food, each flavor contains no more than eight ingredients. Pure and simple, just as nature intended.  GLUTEN FREE * DAIRY FREE * SOY FREE * NON-GMO * VEGAN * KOSHER

 

This week I was diagnosed with a gluten intolerance.  Apparently, having done more blood tests and other procedures, it turns out I have an extremely elevated level of cortisol which, when combined with my other vitamin and mineral deficiencies, points directly to my body's inability to process gluten.  Gluten is a special type of protein that is commonly found in rye, wheat, and barley. Therefore, it is found in most types of cereals and in many types of bread.

This news peaks my interest for obvious reasons, however, here are the ones that are most significant in my mind:

1)  the symptoms of gluten intolerance mimic that of PCOS - and gluten intolerance is a known cause of infertility in women

2) my diet has consisted mainly of pasta, bread, crackers, cereal, etc. all my life,

2)  this can be corrected within a few months through a change in diet,

3)  without a correction with this issue, my body will not sustain a healthy pregnancy, should one occur.   Thus, giving some resolve to our devastating pregnancy losses this summer.  (It certainly makes one reconsider spending thousands of dollars on medicines and medical procedures at this point in time).

The good news is that I may have more control over our situation than I thought.  The bad news is giving up gluten means giving up all of my favorite foods and, of course, waiting another few months before we are able to see results.

Note:  I am almost coming undone because of all of the times we have been given information about our situation (right or wrong) and then being told that it will take months to correct.  All of those months have turned into 2 1/2 painfully long years for me.

Oh well....our motto all along has been, "Whatever it takes."  So - we press onward.  Thankfully, I have a good friend, Teri, who has to avoid gluten, as well.  She has been helping me get a grip on living life gluten free.  Wow....it is not as easy as I thought it would be - but, certain it will be worth it when we reap the health benefits.  They extend far beyond fertility. 

So, there it is - more things to consider as we move forward....and, btw, the next time we go to lunch, don't be surprised when I pass on the pasta.

Excerpt from an article:

Infertility

Another crazy idea is that infertility could be a symptom of gluten intolerance. Now, I’m not talking about women who have obvious anatomical or other medically explained reasons why they can’t have children. I’m talking about those women who have no known reason why they can’t have children. Some studies have found that women with unexplained infertility or who have lost more than one pregnancy have celiac disease in numbers up to ten times the rest of the population.
Interestingly, many of these women had no other symptoms and were otherwise ‘healthy’.
Fortunately or unfortunately, this fact is somewhat well known to infertility doctors and therefore, they are beginning to test for celiac disease in these women who can’t get pregnant.
But, unfortunately, as we mentioned in the Diagnosing Gluten Allergy page, gluten sensitivity is frequently missed even when using the most up to date scientific testing techniques. So many of these women are told that they are ‘fine’ and sent on their gluten eating way.
A better idea would be for women with unexplained fertility to be put on a gluten free diet while attempting to get pregnant and all during the pregnancy. This could save a lot of unnecessary suffering, expenditures and procedures.

We have returned safe and sound to our cozy home where we were met with a rapidly wagging tail and some very furry cuddles.  Kramer spent the week with his "Grandma and Grandpa Funaro" so, he was in good, loving care.  It made our trip much more relaxing knowing he was well taken care of at grandma and grandpa's house.  Apparently he got smothered with belly scratches from grandma and popcorn sharing with grandpa...so, he had some "all inclusive" amenities, too.  ;) THANKS, MOM AND DAD!

A quick re-cap - we stayed at the Barcelo Palace Delux in Cabo San Jose.  It is a new resort - all inclusive - incredible....really.  Amazing in so many ways.  We'd highly recommend this resort.  We spent several days basking in the sunshine.  We also took the bus into Cabo San Lucas a couple of days to shop, boat and tour.  The weather was gorgeous and the experiences and time spent together was amazing.  On a scale of 1-10, I'd rate our week an 11.  ;)

So, in true "Baby Steps" blog fashion - I thought I'd give a list of things to do in Cabo ;)  Enjoy!