My grandma Ellie was a simple woman. She didn't have a lot of money. She didn't have extravagant things. She didn't need much. She was simple....her life revolved around her faith, her family, and her food. She made love knots and macaroni for anyone and everyone. She prayed and lit candles for us all. She gave what money she had to Saint Anthony's Catholic Church. She was not only content with simple things...she was overjoyed with simple things. Simple things made her happy. And, it was in her simple life that she was able to show more godliness than anyone I've ever met.
We lost my sweet grandma Ellie this past week - and through that experience, I learned more about life and LOVE than I ever could have from anyone else. Sure, her life seemed simple....but, in her last days, it was in her beautiful simplicity, that I met God.
Grandma Ellie spent her final days in hospice. She felt good most of the time. She had many visitors, ate good food, meditated, prayed, reminisced and...sang. Boy, did she sing. She sang for two weeks straight. She sang about everything from how beautiful her room was, to her pasta maker that she gave to my sister, to her love for her family, her God and her faith. She sang. And sang. And sang. (Trust me, we have it on video - a treasure for years and years to come). The nurses even had to close her door so she wouldn't disturb her neighbors. She was fully in her right mind, but, I am certain, she was glimpsing a world that is beyond our comprehension. I fully believe, she was dipping her toes into heaven.
She saw people we didn't see. She heard things we didn't hear. She knew things we didn't know. She was tasting heaven, and while she was tasting heaven, those who love her most were watching a miracle - the evolution of an angel - right before our eyes.
You see, my grandma just may have been the closest thing to God any of us will ever encounter. They say "God is LOVE" and my grandma was LOVE. She had found a way to connect to her faith that few people have....and her family was fortunate enough to see her live it. There was a sincerity and genuineness in my grandma’s heart. She didn’t need words to express her faith…she lived it. She really, truly lived it. Every. Single. Day. Yes, I believe....those who knew her best had the privilege of knowing...really knowing....the LOVE of God.
...mostly she showed her love through cooking.
She didn't have an easy life - she would say, "her faith got her through." During our last conversation, she told me how after my grandpa left her for another woman, alone...to raise 5 kids...she overcame with LOVE. She explained how she would "crawl in the side door of (her) church and go to the front pew because she knew God would see her through." In our last conversation, she shared with me how her faith helped her and the thing is....anyone who met her knew she had a connection with a source of God's LOVE that most of us don't. She LOVED everyone.
And, for her, it was that simple. LOVE.
(How apropos that the thing she was most famous for were her LOVE knot cookies. I bet in her lifetime she made millions upon millions of them).
During the day of her passing, my sister and I went to be with our family - and to be with sweet grandma Ellie. I was scared. We both were. I have never watched anyone die before. I wasn't sure I wanted to....it might get scary, or strange, or painful for grandma. I had no desire to see her in that way....but, let me tell you...it. was. amazing. Once we got there, we immediately felt LOVE. There was a peace and LOVE like we've never felt before.
The hospice was filled with my big Italian family - 15 grandchildren 21 great- grandchildren. My aunts, uncles and some others peppered in. I had time alone with grandma...and those moments will remain precious to me. I was able to share my heart with her....but, her eyes were closed. She was no longer communicating. But, she heard. I know she did.
In the community room, we visited (about everything). We ate (from Grazianno's). We argued (about cell phones). We played (with the kids). We shared (the LOVE). And in her room….we were with our beloved grandma...watching her make her way to heaven. We heard her breath growing more and more shallow as time passed...but, the odd thing that I noticed was...there was no time. It was as though minutes and hours just evaporated into thin air. We were in the presence of a miraculous journey as we watched our precious mom, grandma and great-grandma slip away from earth. She rested. She basked in the LOVE of her family. She knew that where she was going was where she has always wanted to be.
She was going home.
The final hours were bittersweet. We sat with her and told stories, laughed, cried and then we were just still. There were moments of intense grief as we all contemplated a world without Grandma Ellie....and then there were moments of joy as we relished in the fact that we had the opportunity to know and love her. The emotions swept and swayed from moment to moment as we sat. We just stayed in her presence and felt the peace and LOVE that overwhelmed that room. It was beautiful. She was beautiful....even as she was slipping away from us...because while we saw her fading….God saw her coming. Heaven was opening its gates for Grandma Ellie.
In my moments alone with her, I held her hand. I told her she was my hero. I told her that I hoped and prayed every day to be a mom and grandma like her some day...(she was the best at it). I told her how very much I loved her. I asked her to pick out an angel baby for Patrick and I when she got to heaven. (She wanted us to have a baby so very much). ....then....I sang to her. In a room filled with my family as my beautiful grandma lay peacefully communing with her God....I sang...Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound.
A couple of hours later, she passed. She moved effortlessly from this life into the next. It was in a breath...we watched her soul exhale out of her body. It was peaceful....and final. We took our last moments as a family to love her through the gates of heaven. And then, it was done.
We cried and grieved - and deep down - I think we all knew we had just had an amazing experience. I think we all knew that we had just glimpsed God in a way few people do. Those moments were sacred...holy almost...my grandma passed from being an angel on earth to being an angel in heaven in just a breath....
She was home.
This past week we had the visitation and funeral and had more and more moments of pause and reflection as we realized just what an amazing woman she was, even in her simplicity. Well...what seemed like simplicity. She prayed. She cooked. She loved. Simple. ...yet deeper and more connected to God than any other person I have ever known. She was so humble. She knew that God was the purpose of life and that He held us in the palm of His hands. God provided all she ever needed. God was her life and LOVE. She would say...she did nothing but by the grace of God. Yes, simple...but, in her sweet simplicity, she gave her friends, family and acquaintances the most precious gift of our human lives. She gifted us the opportunity to know the face of God.
...And now, she is home, where she always wanted to be, with God and His angels. I imagine the heavens are enjoying her LOVE knots and macaroni almost as much as we miss the beautiful grandma who made them.
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Bless us, Oh Lord, and these thy gifts which we are about to receive from thy bounty, through Christ, Our Lord. Amen.
God is good. God is great.
Thank you for this food today. ~Grandma Ellie
God is good. God is great.
Thank you for this food today. ~Grandma Ellie
