lc blogs

Britt has always been into different cultures. This is us celebrating Cinco de Mayo.

Britt is one of a few who actually support my plaid Vans. As a return gesture, I bought her some Cons.

Britt threw me a theme birthday party for my 24th.

Britt runs in a lot of races, so I try to show up and yell at her while she is running.

Britt embraced my love of history and the US Presidents when she took me in. Here, we are pictured with that horse's ass, Andrew Jackson.

We missed out on a lot of years of friendship. So...we take photos like we're in junior high.

24 years ago today, the world was changed. Changed for the better. The world became more fashionable, more stubborn, more inclined to eat only vegetables and no meat,more willing to drive recklessly fast rather than just leave a bit earlier, more willing to lay out for hours upon hours, more willing to read a book than watch TV and more willing to spend a ridiculous amount of time on g-chat while working.

24 years ago Pat and Keith gained a daughter. Kerri profited a sister. And I got a blog partner.

Yes, the world is truly better because Laura Brittain was born. Praise Him for Pat and Keith on that fateful September evening.

I am sitting in 2620 right now...if this were 2007, I would be living here. This last weekend was the one year anniversary of 2620.

Dear Britt,

Things are weird without you here. I miss you. Please post.

Signed,

Threefootbubble.blogspot.com

I like Risa a lot more than I like other people.


She doesn't have the best hair, but she does have the best heart. The best attitude. The best outlook on life. I can't say she's saved me a fortune on therapy, because we all remember my rendezvous with Steve last spring, but she has listened to me cry many tears and vent on many-a-random topics.

Through college and being nine hours away and the past two years to being a plane ride and a time zone apart, she has proved herself worthy of the title: best friend that doesn't live in the same state as me, but we talk almost daily.

After this episode I have completely lost all faith in people. Or at least all people on reality tv.

Where does one begin?

I grew up an independent girl, one who was taught that I didn't need a man to make it through life and one who was taught that I didn't need to sell my body to make a boy like me. Granted, I don't have much of a body to sell, but still...Chelsea missed some Sunday school classes somewhere. What is she doing? She can't talk to this guy, express any emotions or feelings, but she has such a strong desire to win this competition that she strips in front of the camera, puts on a NIGHTIE/TEDDY and declares herself a romantic. Every father watching that scene last night died a little bit inside, hoping that their daughter never does that to the win the affection of some chach Brit on a reality tv dating show.

And Matt, WTF?! You admit that Chelsea can't talk to you, but she puts on some Goodwill negligee and you decide that you can spend the rest of your life with her? What an idiot. Every season of the Bach people are all, "this guy is great, this guy is perfect, why is he on this show?" Well, obviously because he's an idiot.

Shayne is the stereotypical American girl. Matt is enamored with that. She is what he sees on tv every week over in foggy London town and he thinks he can make it work. Good luck.

Little does Amanda know that she is the luckiest girl in the world (normally, I'd say America, but this Bachelor is international). She got cut and then called the ole Chap something so bad they bleeped it out. She also called him a liar. I don't think he's a liar, as much as he is out to get some.

My money is on Shayne.

Isn't it every girl's dream to take a man (and reality tv camera crew) home to meet mom and dad?

After watching the world's most boring Bachelor episode ever, I have very few thoughts.

1. Lorenzo Lamas sure seemed sincere. Especially when he called Shayne out for wanting to be famous. Oops, Dad. He really did seem like a normal ole dad, who loved his daughter though and I'm sure both Matty and Shayne will take his advice on love. Why? Because he's been married four times and has had two long-time girlfriends (one of which he had a daughter with) since 1982. The man knows his stuff. Clearly.

2. Shayne's mother was like a glimpse into the future. Buckle up, Bachelor.

3. Amanda is a genius. After 12 seasons no one has thought to do this before? Dare I say she is the smartest woman to ever appear on the Bachelor? Bold statement? Hardly. She is still on the Bachelor, making her dumber than every girl not to be on the show.

4. Noelle reminded me of a Brady.

5. I am convinced that Chelsea must have some serious baggage she is holding on to. Why else would she have all the issues with hand-holding? There has to be a story there...like, at the 7th grade Valentine's Day Dance (they called it the VDD at her school) she held a boy's hand and then right in the middle of Celine Dion's "I Love You," he walked off the dance floor never to be seen again. That's traumatic. And now she can't even hold her boyfriend's hand on national television.

I don't know if I'll ever be blessed with kids. If I'm not, at least I have two younger (albeit wiser) versions of myself running around the South.

Hopefully they can bear children and then I can corrupt them.

Over the next few weeks I will be showcasing some very important people to me on this blog. Everyone deserves a good blog shout out in their life.

I distinctly remember the time in my life when I realized that I did not want to be the kid in school who smelled bad or wore the same clothes everyday. I remember I was wearing my favorite outfit--yellow shorts with a matching top that had a zoo scene on it. I was on the playground and I remember thinking, "Did I wear this last week? I wonder if any of the other kids realize that I did? Do they think I am poor?"

Clearly, I wanted to make the other kids know that I was far from poor and in fact, incredibly put together, so on the day that my picture would be taken and posted in the middle of the library for all to see, I put together this ensemble-- hot pink wind suit pants, white turtle neck and white velcro high-tops.

The book I am holding was a book that I convinced my father to buy and donate to the Center Valley Elementary School library. All the rich kids were doing it.

This was by far the most shocking, confrontational episode yet. If you don't count any of the other episodes you've seen this season.

Let's start with the claim, "the most shocking confrontation in Bachelor history." Yes, there was yelling. Yes, there were accusations. Yes, Marshashanananana is a bit over-the-top, but, no this was not the most shocking confrontation in Bachelor history. I have seen sixth grade fights more confrontational than this fight. Marshashanananana was pretty money though with all of her claims about, "playing rugby for this man" and, "getting in a pool for this man." I mean, what if they would've asked her to actually do something hard like, bake from scratch or not speak highly of yourself or wear clothes from Ross Dress for Less. I think if Bachelorettes are going to start keeping score like this then the Bach should too. They could have a Geography Bee or an obstacle course.

Chelsea said she didn't like PDA and ole Matty poo seemed pretty upset, so then Chelsea basically wrote him a note inviting herself over for some one-on-one sex. That is classy. And clearly the way to his heart because she got a rose and the almost English Robin didn't. Matt totally told Robin that he didn't need to have a one-on-one date with her because he already knew she awesome, or lack thereof. Good play, Matt.


Shayne is ridic. She clearly wanted attention by bringing make-up with her on the ski slopes. And once again, I am willing to bet my first born child that Matt only chose her so he could meet the Renegade-- Lorenzo Lamas. I cannot blame him for that.

To me the word brilliant is not one to just throw around casually. Webster's says: having or showing great intelligence, talent, quality, etc... Matt freaking uses this word to describe everything. I don't care where he is from it means the same thing. He is completely using it out of context which is leading me to believe that he is not brilliant.

While watching these girls on the show I feel like I'm at a high school dance and while watching girls make fools of themselves, someone is also punching me continually.

Mr. Bachelor, London called. I took a message for you because you were busy being an idiot. London said, "Do not come back. Ever. You are dead to us." Whoa, harsh feelings there, London. Apparently, London didn't agree with Matt's choice on choosing Marshashashannanna over Holly. Marshashashannanna is totally that girl from high school that was always up in someone's face yelling about something and whenever the teacher would take her out in the hall she would just stand there and look off and not say a word. Totally that girl. Even though I dislike Marshashashannanna and would never want my brother or friends or really anyone I might ever run into socially to marry or date her, Holly was really boring and incredibly lame.

I am convinced that Ashlee used to spell her name like every other Ashley in America, until Ashlee Simpson burst onto the scene back in 2004. Bachelor Ashlee probably changed it right around the time Simpson got booed at the Orange Bowl. I'm also willing to bet that Bachelor Ashlee claims to hold a "deep connection" with Simpson and that's why she changed the spelling of her name. I really enjoyed Bachelor Ashlee's song musings last night. I would illegally download some of her jams, if I wanted to burn a cd for someone I hated and never wanted to see them again. Ever.

Serious props to Kelly for literally putting it all out there. I mean, if you can't seem to hold a conversation with someone you might as well expose yourself. Surprisingly enough, this didn't work with our young Matty.

Robin is trying too hard. Way too hard. If a boy likes you, it won't make him like you anymore if your parents have a tea maker. Trust me. Boys are not interested in your parents or their tea maker. Are you catching my drift? So, shut the H up about London.

If you can't ride your father's Renegade coattails into stardom, you might as well go on reality tv.

I think I finally have The Bachelor figured out! Ok, stop me if you've heard this one-- 25 girls. One guy. Token ethnic girl. Token funny, drunk girl. One girl that everyone hates, but The Bachelor loves. Hated girl talks trash. Token girl that says, "I didn't come here to make friends." All the girls seem distraught and like they didn't know other girls would be there vying for the affection of the same man.

I don't understand how these girls can come on this show and get so freaking upset about their boyfriend (I use that term loosely. Very loosely. Like most of the women on this show)going on dates with other girls. YOU SIGNED UP FOR THIS, SHAYNE and HOLLY. And I'm just saying-- if they pulled this card in the real world, the guy would split like Shawn Kemp (reference NBA player with 14 illegitimate children). There is just no way they actually think they are in love. Unless of course they are in 8th grade and if that is the case, then I take back everything I just wrote.

Shaynefinally dropped her dad's name and clearly Mr. Bachelor had no clue who he was. I'm confident though, that like all of us, he googled him immediately when he got back to his palace and was quite impressed with his list of films on IMDB. I am also fairly certain that everyone in the Bachelor's family will be getting Renegade on DVD for Christmas.


Robin is not awesome. I want to point that out and be very clear when I say this: she sucks. But, you can't blame a girl for being competitive and, "going after what she wants." All is fair in love and reality tv, right? And she told Noelle to not accept her rose if asked. Very sly move there, Robin. I'm sure she didn't notice that you are a total skeeze.

Poor little Amanda R. is just barely hanging on. She is the front-runner for normalcy, but is lacking the competitive/crazy-ass-psycho edge, one so desperately needs to be on this show. Kelly, the token funny, drunk girl grows on me every day, but that is because I am pretty sure she lived next door to me in the dorms freshman year. Marshashanananana really showed some courage during the rugby game. I cannot believe she is still walking. Good call on the getting hurt thing though, if you can't wow 'em, might as well make 'em feel sorry for you. Worked for me in high school. Works on reality tv.

I need to start this off by saying I do not support what The Bachelor stands for. I do not believe that this is a positive thing for young girls to see and think it's proper to behave that way.

Mr. Matt Grant, the Bachelor. I have one major problem with this all-Britain (as opposed to all-American) chap (British slang for "guy"). First off, he is only 27! That is three years older than me, which is my brother's age! To me, 27 is not the time to throw in the towel and say, "Bloody hell, I'm not getting any younger, I might as well throw myself onto a reality tv show and have women throw themselves at me, so hopefully I can meet someone." 27 is young. Way too young to say he can't find a woman to marry.

The girls...

Stacey-- This train wreck made her parents proud. I'm pretty convinced that this girl was probably pretty slutty back in her high school glory days and she had a few pregnancy scares, in turn causing her parents a lot of grief and headaches. And I bet when she walked across that stage to receive her "nutrition degree" (she knows a lot about health degrees too) her parents thought, "we did it. she's fine, she made it. she's an adult." Until last night. All of their worst fears came back to haunt them and once again, Stacey made mom and dad very proud.


Lesley-- The ole youth minister from Tampa wasted no time in turning water into wine. And she really did a fine job of showing all the young girls that look to her as an example that this is totally what Jesus would do. He would totally go on a ridiculous dating show to find "true love." Because we all know that the Bachelor is about finding a man who is going to love you as Christ loves the Church. Way to go, Lesley.

Shayne-- Shayne seems way too chill to be on the Bachelor. This could be good. I hope she continues to name drop her almost-famous, trivia question answer, actor father throughout the season. If you were curious Lorenzo Lamas' most "famous" role was in Grease. He shared a milkshake with Sandy for about a minute of screen-time.

Marshana-- I wonder if she actually has a job as a fashion designer or if she calls herself a fashion designer. Maybe we can find her new line at Big Lots in the fall.


I am glad he gave Amanda R. the first rose. Probably the best choice I've ever seen a Bachelor make. It's like he thought about it and weighed the pros and cons before he jumped to picking the girl. Props to him on that.

WTF on giving the clarinet player a rose.

* In 2004 I voted for John Kerry. I felt really strange about this for a long time. Honestly, I was voting against Bush, not for Kerry. Sometimes people don't believe me when I say that, but I already told you I voted for Kerry why wouldn't I just go ahead and say I supported him, too?

* I am a technology whore. I'm on my fourth cell phone since November 2007. I love computers.

* I wish I was married. Sue me.

* I miss Arkansas. I don't think that's a crime. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss hills and trees. I miss Wal-Mart, too.

* I love History. I could read about the past all day long. I hate the scientific revolution and most things that happened prior to 1700.

* I am judgemental. Mostly when it comes to people's poor use of grammar**, people's facebook profile pictures and of course people's lack of everyday knowledge in the fields of: spelling**, government, reality tv and the internet.

** Typos are different than spelling and grammatical errors. Everyone is human.

I must admit I have not cared a great deal about politics since my days back at ole RHS. I was the VP of Young Democrats and an avid hater of all things George W. Bush. But, most of those political convictions came from my mother and knowing that my best friend's dad was a Democrat state senator who was a personal friend of William Jefferson Clinton. Clinton was a Democrat, so I was a democrat. I cheered when states went blue and then I went to college...my political convictions became my own and somewhere down the line I became a conservative Democrat, some might even call me a liberal Republican.

I cannot say that I am a Hillary supporter. But, I also cannot stand that women bash her without learning about her. I am not a super-feminist Nazi, but I am an independent woman who was taught that I can do anything I want if I put my mind to it. Hillary's doing it. She's blazing a trail. How can you not support that? How can you not respect her? You can not agree with her policies all day long, but why in the world would you fervently disagree with a woman that you only know as Bill's wife? Do some research, you might just like her as a person. I know I do.





* this is not a political ad.

In high school I made really good grades and was super involved in everything.
I was even in Spanish Honor Society. So, tell me then why my Spanish teacher, Senora Binns, found it hard to believe that I was in college. What made me seem like I wasn't college material? Maybe it was the tardy* she gave me in 11th grade.

It was the only tardy I got in my 13 years of education in the Russellville School District.

* I would like to note that I was in the classroom on time, I just wasn't in my seat.

On the eve of my move to the city of Dallas in the State of Texas, Reggie said it would be best if we traded cars. He thought it would be best if I drove a car instead of an SUV in the big city. I didn't agree, but economically it was going to be best. So. I inherited a lovely 2003 Chevy Malibu (with LEATHER seats).

The 'bu has served me well. Decent gas mileage, acceleration that beats most of the DART buses, hot leather seats on a really hot summer day and of course the sun-roof that is stuck in the closed position. I can tell you exactly how many nights I've spent cruising the city with the windows down and the sun-roof open: zero.

All in all, it has been a fine automobile. Spacious, luxurious and oh-so-classy. I salute you, 'bu. Thank you for transporting me to work daily and thank you for not breaking down in south Dallas after 5pm during rush hour, it was with that gesture that reminded me just how considerate you really are.

R.I.P Chevy Malibu.

Humberto did not get the best of you. I did and I believe that with my whole heart.

When I was in 4th grade my best friend prank called my grandmother. Now, my best friend writes blog posts about how I almost died at birth.

In 8th grade my best friend and I had a handshake. Now, my best friend is my emergency contact on my storage unit facility. Isn't it funny that a storage facility has an emergency contact option on the paperwork?