"Well, I thought I should've used that approach, and got too far into it before I realized I was f*cked"

I was having a tutor sesh yesterday. The student had recently taken an exam and wanted to go over some of the questions that had tripped her up. 

She was explaining her thought process when she nonchalantly dropped the F-bomb.

Now, I personally speak quite cleanly, but often in my mind, I'm saying all kinds of nasty sh*t. 

I happily welcome the introduction of "the f-word" or its various cousins from tutees, however. It's an indication to me that the tutees are comfortable around me. Yesterday was this particulary student's first F-bomb. It was followed by a couple of others later on, while she maintained her typically cheerful demeanor. It made me happy inside.

In other totally unrelated thoughts, I'm considering getting an Instant Pot. Is it worth it? Would I use it that much?

I certainly don't cook as much as I used to since the nest emptied, but I've heard good things about the ease and versatility of Instant Pots. 

Plus Best Buy is teasing me by sending me random $5 coupons - spit in the ocean for an Instant Pot, but still...

Wednesday, I was working with a tutee when a lockdown drill anouncement came from the PA. My student, another student who happened to be nearby, and I were shuttled into a smallish "interior, no windows, no lights" office. I learned it was one of the spaces Disabilities Services uses to evaluate and work with accommodated students.

As such we had a variety of options for seating: a modified chair that incorporated a big exercise ball, another with a fidget seat kind of thing, a beanbag that reminded me of the 70s, and a regular 4-legged chair. 

The whole drill lasted maybe 10 minutes tops. But sitting there in the dark with those two - me on the boring regular chair, my student in the beanbag, the other student on the exercise ball - it turned into sort of a therapy session.

My student, S, had made known to me, at the start of our session, that he'd "lost his motivation" a couple of weeks ago after I asked him how his spring break (last week) was. He did have a rather defeated demeanor about him. In the dark lockdown drill room, he continued to spill about his anxieties and frustrations about keeping up with everything. 

He's a super nice and hardworking student, so naturally, I felt bad for him. I'm just his math tutor, so I can mostly hope to alleviate his math stress. 

The other student with us was a girl I know from the testing center because she takes her tests with us. It was nice having her there, because she could commiserate with S on the college/ young adult  anxiety bits and offer some strategies that work for her. 

I found myself in a sort of impromptu facilitator mode. I have no formal training, I'm just there to do math stuff.

At the same time, though, I was happy that S felt comfortable being so honest.

On a related note, my tutor boss is leaving the college for greener pastures. She's taken a similar position at another community college nearby. In fact, ever since our change in leadership a couple years ago, a lot of our staff has jumped to that other ship. 

She assures us that her replacement will be announced soon, and today is her last day at the helm with us. 

Personally, I have no plans to join the exodus. I've perused the job openings at the other college out of nosiness, and they do pay better. But it would make for a not-so-nice commute for me, and my current commute is the bomb.

"B-b-b-but I NEED a private room, or else I'll have a major panic attack...", we were thusly warned.

Yes, we survived the last and most busy day of the semester yesterday. Final day of finals. 

So, I work at a testing center located on a college campus, but only about half of the tests we give are for the students. The others are "professional" tests dealing with professional licenses and certifications. They range anywhere from paramedics to school teachers to insurance agents to cybersecurity pros and everything in between. Seriously, I never knew there were SO many licenses and certifications. 

But on the final day of finals each semester, we shut everything down except for student tests. Only students with special accommodations - granted through Disability Services - come and test with us. They must demonstrate good reason for not taking tests in the class with everyone else. It seems like the list of accommodations grows each semester. 

So yesterday was a high anxiety day. It went pretty smoothly, all things considered. We managed to provide a private room to avoid the aforementioned panic attacker, even though they hadn't made the proper reservation. Better to just find a way.

The most common accommodation is extra time - either time and a half or double. I think that's mostly granted for dyslexia, but it's not our biz to know why a student gets a certain accommodation, we just know the what. 

But some students just straight up tell us what's up. There is an accommodation that says nothing more than "alternative test location" that addresses this meme:

One poor fellow told me this is exactly what happens to him while testing with the class. God forbid someone turn in their exam and leave with time remaining.

Anxiety is certainly an underlying factor with most students who test with us. Without the accommodation(s), they are unlikely to stay in school or even enroll in the first place.

I know a few of these students from my tutoring in the math center. I feel for them with their struggles as they show up for tests with that deer-in-the-headlights look. We sometimes question how they will do once they're out in the non-accommodating working world with their fresh degrees.

On the other hand, we suspect that a small handful of them played it up for the counselors. Sold them a line to get special treatment for testing, similar to what happened with some people involved in the Varsity Blues scandal.

Maybe they'll eventually enter politics and become rising stars. 

We watched a couple of movies this weekend.  I liked them both... I think?  I mean, I think I liked them, but at the same time, I'm not quick to recommend either.  Explain.

First was Mayday, a story about... about... about.  Well, see there's the problem.  What did I just watch?

It's billed as "drama, fantasy, mystery".  I have since come up with a theory on what I watched, but this is one of those movies where it's never explicitly stated or shown just what. is. going. on.  Fantasy and dreamlike fer sher, it sort of reminded me of the lost boys in Peter Pan except it's girls.  

She came in and seemingly couldn't stop talking.  Told us about her husband driving her there, how she's cold all the time, why she brought so many different forms of identification, how many times she "went pee" beforehand...  And so many questions:  how do I work the locker again?  What did you say my seat number is?  Can I use the bathroom? Can I use the bathroom again?  And then, apologizing for being cold, for asking to use the bathroom, for forgetting her locker combination.

I wanted to tell her Just. Stop.  Calm. Down. Breathe. Slowly.  But I couldn't get a word in. Anxiety.

She took two separate but related certification tests.  She passed both of them, but thought she'd failed both. Then she couldn't stop talking about how amazed she was that she'd passed. She was positively giddy and shaking and teary eyed.  Honestly, I thought she was going to pass out.  Honestly.

She left and was going to text her husband to come get her.  We let her go on her way, in her racing heart, chatty state.

Did we do the right thing?

That was yesterday.

Today, a young woman came in, hardly said anything or made eye contact other than when necessary.  Similarly, she asked twice for bathroom breaks during her test.

While on her second bathroom break, my coworker returned saying that the young tester was having an "anxiety situation" in the bathroom and someone from disability services was talking with her.  She's not a student at the college, had similarly come in for a certification test.  But my coworker noticed her and rightfully found a counselor.

We patiently waited a few minutes for the woman to return and calmly redirected her to her workstation if she wished to continue.  She did manage to complete her exam, but her scores were not immediately available.

Upon finishing, she quietly signed out, gathered her things, and left - as silently as she'd arrived.  Shortly afterward, my shift ended, and I popped into the bathroom before heading home.  Quiet woman was in there sitting on the floor of a stall, her knees pulled up toward her face. I noticed someone was in the stall, but hadn't realized it was Quiet Woman sitting on the floor until noticing that what I thought was a backpack on the floor of the stall next to me was an actual back of a person.

"Are you okay?", I asked, not knowing what I'd do with her answer.

"Yeah", she replied, rather unconvincingly. "I'm just not feeling that well today".

"Would you like me to get someone from Student Services?", thinking that whomever she'd spoken with earlier had been of help.

"No", she quietly responded, adding a, "thank you", and a hint of a smile in her voice.

In my mind, I waivered.  Should I get someone anyway? Or did she just need a bit of quiet time?  Was this in relation to her test?  Or something else?  

I reminded her that the counselors were just a few steps away, or she could always return to the testing center for help or concerns.  

"Okay, thank you".

Then I left her alone. 

She was young - early 20's.  I still picture her sitting there on the floor.  She wore jeans and a cute pair of pink high top Vans.

Did I do the right thing?  I had the impression that she needed some alone time.

But I could be wrong.

Anxiety can look so different from different people.  Maybe that's why I'm more of a math person.  

I came across this article a few days ago with tips for quickly increasing happiness, particularly in the middle of a pandemic.  Oddly specific, yes, but certainly relevant these days.

In summary, the recommended five quickie activities are:

• Organize your errands (having a plan reduces stress)
• Message someone important (today's "socializing")
• Check your vacation day balance (visualize good times)
• Watch relaxing nature videos (increase in amusement and curiosity)
• Write a journal entry (gain control of your emotions)

Okay, nothing earth shattering.  

I'm pondering how much of this stuff I already do.  For instance, yesterday, I organized my errands, sort of.  I was a bit bored and decided to clean my office. Woopy doo.  But, in doing so, I decided to post my old vacuum cleaner for sale.  The vacuum cleaner had a new owner, and I had some fun money within an hour.  Win!

Message someone important?  Hmmm, well I read some blogs and commented.  Does that count?  I say, "yes", because blog friends are certainly important!  Win!

Check my vacation day balance?  I haven't specifically checked my available paid time off, but I have been pondering a little COVID-safe getaway to Arizona.  I've never been to Arizona, but it sounds so warm right now.

Watch relaxing nature videos?  Well, I do take video-watching breaks, but not necessarily relaxing nature videos.  I actually like to watch action-y videos in natural settings like skiing or snowboarding videos, mountain biking and other extreme things I don't do well.  While not necessarily relaxing, they do increase my amusement and curiosity ala, "how do you even do that?!" and/or "how many bones did THAT break?!"

Lastly, writing a journal entry.  Well... yah.  This counts, right? Win!

SOURCE

Additionally, I did another of those Tortoise and Hare races on Sunday.  This  month's was a 5-miler.  While it was a bit chilly and windy, conditions were much better than last month's slip 'n' slide.

In perusing the event photo gallery and "finding myself" in one photo, I found it ironic that I look so alone. The main reason I do these things is to get out with the other runners while managing the virus spread.  

Photographer dude musta had a zoom lens.  I swear, there were other runners.

I managed to pass more tortoises than hares passed me, thus adding a little to my point count.  All in all a fun time.

I'm thankful these little races are a thing, in this time of so many canceled things.

What are you doing to get/stay happy?  (PG-13 version)

 

A couple of my coworkers at the hospital are similar but different women.  Similar in that they both have strong personalities, are good at what they do, and have been working there since the place opened a little less than five years ago.

They don't get along.

Tee is a nutritionist/ dietitian.  Em is a chef.  Tee trained me for my job, but I work more closely with Em.  I happen to like both of them (and I think the feeling is mutual?), but I don't like being around when they're in the same room together, which, thankfully, is not often.

Em runs the show in the kitchen, is known to dance around - particularly on Friday afternoons - and make fun observations of the day-to-day goings on.  Her food is delicious, and she often whips up batches of cookies just for the fun of it while somehow completing all of her tasks as well as picking up others' slack.

Tee works mainly in the retail cafe', helping customers, making recommendations, checking that ready-to-go and buffet items are nicely displayed and up to par, and keeping the cafe' tidy and attractive.

I trained with Tee for my first two days, and I think it was day one where she told me, under her breath, "Yeah, we don't get along", referring to Em.  So I was a bit intrigued, but not wanting to get caught up in any kitchen cat fight.  What's not to like about either of them?

I've never witnessed the two of them arguing.  They are cordial with one another, and stuff gets done.  I suspect there've been open arguments in the past that have reached an agree-to-disagree status that everyone is aware of.


I think I've somewhat figured it out.  It goes back to simply, Tee is a nutritionist/ dietitian.  Em is a chef.

Tee wants recipes to be followed to the letter.  A dish calls for 5 ounces of hummus?  It better have 5 ounces of hummus, plus or minus nothing.

Em wants food that looks appealing and tastes amazing.  Hmmm, might be better with more like 3 ounces of hummus?  3 ounces it is.

Tee wants to not have to throw any food away - sustainability and all that.  Em wants plentiful portions available, plus the main dishes look nice when displayed in large, full pans.

Now, Tee is not wholly against making a substitution here and there.  And Em isn't changing things up so much as to severely alter nutritional content.

Me?  I stay out of it.  I can certainly see both points of view, but this is a semi-retirement side gig for me anyway.  I enjoy the psychological research.


What do you think?  Are you a Tee or an Em?  Or an Abby?

I was working at the hospital yesterday when Chris, a coworker, entered the kitchen looking rather panicked.

"[Boss], I'm so sorry.  I delivered a tray to a patient and tripped on the cart.  I spilled hot coffee all over the guy"

And we were all thinking, Tripped?  What?  Hot coffee?  Whaaaaat? Poor dude's already in the hospital, and now you've burned him too?! Just because everyone's thinking about COVID-19 doesn't mean we can forget about everything else!

All that thinking happened in about a half second along with the manager's heart momentarily stopping before Chris said,

"April Fools!"

Ack, that guy!

Just because everyone's thinking about COVID-19 doesn't mean we can forget to prank each other.




I'm glad to still be working outside of the house, not only for the pay, but for the human contact.  I wonder about the lasting effects of social distancing.  Yes, we have Skype and Zoom and Facetime, etc.  Still doesn't seem like quite the same.





Another coworker is Marty, a line cook.  He has the habit of using the f-word on a regular basis in everyday conversation.  He doesn't use it in anger.  In fact, he's a very relaxed and courteous person who is actually quite articulate otherwise.  It's become rather comical the way he'll drop an f-bomb while talking about most any topic.

He's also a fellow bicycle commuter.  Yesterday, I pulled up to the bike rack and didn't see Marty's bike.  But I instantly noticed a beautiful all black road bike, all tricked out for commuting.  I hadn't seen it before and wondered whose it was.  Almost took a photo for the facebook commuter group, it was so pretty.

Lo and behold, Marty was working yesterday.  He asked if I'd biked in, and I said, "Yep... is that your black Specialized in the bike rack?"

"Yeah", he replied as if hoping I would've noticed it. He went on to gush a bit about the bike and his ride in that morning.  All the while, I noticed in the back of my head that he had yet to drop an f-bomb.  Hmmm... maybe when he gets to talking about certain topics...

"...so I said yeah, f**k it, I'll buy it", he concluded.

Then again, maybe familiarity is a good thing during this time too.


If isolated from work or scheduled group activities, what are you missing most?

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Linking up this week with Mama Kat for the prompt:
4. Share something that made you laugh this week.

I was at the local public library last week having just finished meeting with a tutee.  I didn't feel a strong need to leave right then, so thought I'd peruse the "new books" shelf.  This is usually how my casual reading happens as I rarely plan what I'm going to read ahead of time.



I ended up grabbing [THIS BOOK], maybe because the cover made it look light and easy and/or because it was just under 300 pages.  Okay, call me a slacker, but some of the recent books I was not getting into involved heavy, sappy writing and/or were rather long winded and weren't doing much for me.  I was ready to coast for a while.




I ended up getting very engrossed by this story, surprisingly enough.  It's about a fresh-out-of-college woman who gets a job as an apprentice teacher at an all male boarding school.  Oh, here it comes, yep...

So yeah, she has a fling with one of the students.  That seemed tawdry and cliche', but I opened it up to a random page, and the writing seemed okay, so I decided to give it a go.

I really enjoyed the book, although "enjoyed" seems like the wrong word because it was rather dark and disturbing and... well... messed UP!  Our main character, Imogene, is in fact, one hot mess.

I think what pulled me in is that the story is written in first person from Imogene's perspective.  We learn early enough that she has issues... with anxiety and self-worth and relationships in general.  So the book feels more like her private journal than a realistic telling of events.  It's more a psychological study of a hot mess.

So I kept on reading, wondering where the author was going to go with this and knowing it couldn't end well.  While I disliked Imogene and was disturbed by her behaviors, I felt sorry for her and wanted her to get help rather than punishment.  I admit that's not my typical reaction when I hear similar stories.  *She should know better, the predatory pedophile!*  *Lock up your sons!*

I even vacillated between liking and disliking Kip, Imogene's boy toy.  He'd go from being a cocky, privileged teen, looking to get some action from a naive teaching assistant, to a stressed kid overwhelmed by the cultural pressures and expectations put upon him.

So I was glad with this random pick off the library shelf.  The method seems to work better for me than making a list.  Now, as far as what I didn't like, I think the cover art and the book's description make it seem like it's a light, maybe even comical, romp.  It is not, but that actually turned out to be a good thing.  Four stars.

Do you have a list of books you plan to read?  
Whatcha readin'?

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Linking up this week with Mama Kat... sort of... for the prompt:
2. List the top 6 books on your list to read next.

What were you doing ten years ago?  Where were you in life?  Were you happy?  What had you accomplished?  What were you looking forward to?

What do you remember from that time up until now?  Any regrets?



I just finished reading the novel, What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty.  It's the story of a woman, Alice (duh), who hits her head, goes unconscious, and when she wakes up, she's forgotten the entirety of the past 10 years and thinks she's who/where/when she was 10 years prior.










The plot seemed interesting and introspective.  She's told that she's actually 39 years old with three kids and going through a divorce rather than 29 years old, expecting her first child, and still gah gah over her husband.

She doesn't remember any of it.  Kids??  Divorce??  What would she discover?  What would she learn from the whole thing?  It seemed like a good book for readers to gain insight into themselves. Take us along, Alice!

I actually found it to be a pretty lackluster story - very "chick lit" and light with soccer momish characters.  Plus, I'm the type that is really bothered when story elements don't reflect true life.  For example, there's Alice in her 10 year time warp.  She doesn't remember ANYthing, yet the hospital just sends her on home, no follow up, no nothing.  She's separated from her husband, and they're working out child custody.  Husband and other family members know full well that Alice has just suffered a brain injury, doesn't know her kids, and has no memory of being a mom.  Yet they leave her alone to take care of her alien children - including drive them around in a big SUV - fresh off her TBI.  Every once in a while, someone asks, "memory back yet?"

I gave it 2.5 out of 5 stars - somewhere between "it was okay" and "I liked it".  It was okay and I liked it mainly because I wanted to follow along as Alice's last 10 years got pieced together.  Why did she seemingly hate her husband?  Why was she all fit and stylish compared to when she was 29?  Why won't anyone just sum these things up for her?

Well, I dunno why because it's not like there was some big sensitive revelation that couldn't just be summed up.  But that would've made for a pretty short book.

So, two stars and I added a half-star because I still liked the premise and the questions it invites.

Ten years ago, I was an elementary school volunteer mom, serving on the PTO.  I had just gotten into tutoring and teaching, working for a test prep company - a sidebar I thought would be quite temporary :P.

Meego was entering 4th grade, Wolfgang was just about to start high school, and Chaco had just finished "stupid freshman" year of high school.  I was pretty much in the thick of momhood.

Magnum still worked at the same company and we lived in the same house we live in today.  The house had a lot more stuff in it back then, though.

Now?  Everyone's an adult and the nest is practically empty.  Time to be me again.  But... who am I?

Sometimes, it does feel a bit like I bumped my head and woke up here.   I think I'm figuring it out little by little.  Although our roles in life change during our various "seasons", we're still ourselves at our cores.

On that note, I've been preoccupied today with sort of maybe trying to talk myself out of buying an appealing bicycle. It seems so ME at a pretty perfect time.  But do I really need another bicycle?

What will I decide?  Will I regret buying/ not buying it?

Ask me in 10 years.

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Linking up this week with Mama Kat for the prompt:
2. Book review!