Month: December 2024

Passing?

~ Karin ~ 2 Comments

One day, Finn sat in the endocrinologist’s office waiting for the examination. He was dressed only in his underwear, i.e. pants and a sports bra. This was during the time when he was on puberty blockers.

A nurse came by and asked him, “And you are going to get female hormones now?”

Confusion. No, he would get male hormones.

But obviously, the nurse thought he was male by birth and transitioned to be female.

Finn took it as a compliment that he was passing as male already.

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This post is part of an online book about my journey with feminism and my son’s transgender journey. You can access the table of contents with links to each chapter here: TOC.

An Unexpected Temper Tantrum

~ Karin ~ Leave a comment

When we were at the first appointment in the pediatric endocrinology in Heidelberg to get the prescription for puberty blockers for Finn, everything evolved smoothly, and I felt grateful.

But towards the end of the appointment, something happened and the mood shifted.

I was clarifying some open questions and had merely asked the doctor whether it would be okay to have Ms. White as the second psychiatrist who was needed for the medical reports for testosterone when my husband suddenly had a temper tantrum. He got upset because I asked this question, and he interrupted me in front of the doctor. Not only once but again and again. I didn’t understand what was so bad about the question I asked. The situation became embarrassing. While sitting next to me, my husband started to roll his eyes impatiently and pant with rage, and he continued to interrupt me. When we left the doctor’s office and sat in the hallway among the other waiting patients, he continued to rant. So loud that everyone else in the hallway could hear it. I couldn’t believe how this grown-up could suddenly act like a toddler with a temper tantrum.

Afterward, I said that this was not okay. I want to be able to ask my list of questions. And how would we handle this in the future? Should I send him my list of questions before the meeting and get his approval?

I knew that he was not on board with Finn being trans. So, I asked him to get informed. Watch some YouTube videos. Read about trans. Whatever. But he refused. In his opinion, when one was trans, they should keep it to themselves and not make such a fuss about it. He said he had already enough stress at work. He didn’t want to spend time reading about trans. And he was also very resistant to the idea of Finn getting testosterone later.

I decided that in order to have a more peaceful experience next time, I would need to go to the endocrinology department alone with Finn, and since I don’t like to drive, I eventually figured out how to get there by public transport, and the next appointments were more enjoyable experiences.

This event was one of several where I wasn’t sure whether our marriage would survive this trans journey.

I had read horror stories of other families where couples broke up because they disagreed about the treatment of their trans kids. And then there was a lengthy custody battle. And sometimes the kid would end up with the conservative parent who was against trans. Wasn’t all the struggle with psychiatrists and the medical and legal system enough trouble already? Imagine on top of that a divorce with custody battles. No, I hoped we wouldn’t have to go through this.

In 2024, it seems like my husband has made some peace with the situation. But in the beginning, the situation was very difficult.

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This post is part of an online book about my journey with feminism and my son’s transgender journey. You can access the table of contents with links to each chapter here: TOC.

The First Endocrinologist Appointment: Puberty Blockers

~ Karin ~ Leave a comment

While in the former posts, I have shared some entertaining stories, the following posts will be about medical and legal stuff. I will still tell stories, but it will be a bit more technical than the previous posts with synchronicities and anecdotes.

Finn needed to get hormones to adjust his body to what he felt inside. But before he could get testosterone, he needed to get puberty blockers. That was the treatment protocol.

So, in November 2017, we got the medical report recommending puberty blockers by Dr. M in Frankfurt. And he referred us to the endocrinology of the University of Heidelberg because that would be closer to where we lived.

Now, we had to get an appointment in Heidelberg. Please, please, not another nine months of waiting. Finn’s puberty was in full swing. Not only did the period bother him. But his breasts were growing. We needed to stop that urgently.

Fortunately, the pediatric endocrinology department in Heidelberg had a slot for emergency appointments just after the beginning of the new year. We slipped in on January 2nd, 2018.

Somehow, I wasn’t sure how to get there by public transport. It seemed to be a bit too complicated. So, I asked my husband to drive us there and to accompany us on this first appointment even though it would have been okay if I alone went with Finn. It required a bit of a sacrifice for my husband to do this as he had to shift his working schedule.

There was a short talk about Finn’s situation at home and school and then a thorough examination not only of Finn, including blood work and an X-ray of his arm (to predict how tall he would grow).  But my husband and I were also asked a few questions. They measured our height, and they wanted to know whether diseases run in our families, including migraines, high blood pressure, thrombosis, and diabetes. Finn’s blood work would also include a gene test to see whether Finn really had two X chromosomes (he did). It was a good thing that my husband was present, too.

Then the female doctor counseled us about the side effects of the puberty blockers. For example, Finn should expect to get hot flashes like a woman in menopause and maybe also mood swings.

Finally, she talked about the process of getting testosterone. We would need medical reports from two different psychiatrists who were familiar with the trans topic. In addition, the endocrinology would get the vote of an ethics council.

This all worked out well. We were grateful for the early appointment. The doctor had enough time for us, and the examinations were thorough. And since we live in Germany, all of this was covered by our health insurance.

Once the blood work results were available, Finn got the prescription for blockers. The monthly injections were done by his local family doctor. No need to drive to Heidelberg once a month. Finn had only little side effects from the blockers. He experienced hot flashes but was happy that his period had stopped. He took puberty blockers for about a year.

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This post is part of an online book about my journey with feminism and my son’s transgender journey. You can access the table of contents with links to each chapter here: TOC.

It’s in the Stars

~ Karin ~ 3 Comments

Why did all of this happen?  Why did my child come out as trans? I believe we plan these things before incarnating.

Over the years, I got three astro readings by fellow blogger Linda, one for me and one for each of my children.  And in retrospect, I can see that these readings pointed to Finn coming out as trans.

My astro report (which I got in October 2015) predicted a Uranus transit from May 2016 to October 2016. And that would bring shake-ups, epiphanies, and some shocking revelation. That sounded scary when I first read it. But in retrospect, I saw that it pointed to my son’s coming out as transgender in August 2016. And I was somewhat relieved to see that it was written in the stars.

My younger son’s astro report (which was created in November 2017, after Finn’s coming out) said: “You may have an unusual sibling or close friend who stands apart from the crowd.” I guess that could point to his brother being trans.

Finn’s astro report (which was created in September 2019, i.e. after Finn’s coming out and transition) said something about a somewhat androgynous outer appearance and personality. It also mentioned the deep transformation that had occurred in the past two or three years.

I found it fascinating that there were pointers to Finn’s coming out as trans in all three astro reports. It didn’t answer the question of why this happened. It just told me that it was apparently planned. This was a source of comfort for me. It wasn’t my fault that Finn was trans.  I hadn’t caused it neither by using the progesterone gel during pregnancy nor by having some unconscious wishes of my child being a boy (as one of the psychiatrists suggested). It was written in the stars.

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This post is part of an online book about my journey with feminism and my son’s transgender journey. You can access the table of contents with links to each chapter here: TOC.