Merry Christmas
in Heaven
Janessa, Hope, Jason, & Rae Anne
And ALL Their Angel Friends!
You Are Loved!
You Are Missed!
You Are Remembered!
Janessa's PinWheels
Janessa's 10th Angel Birthday
Hope's 7th Angel Ticker
Jason's 6th Angel B-day Ticker
Rae Anne 6th b-day Ticker
Our Anniversary
Thursday, December 25, 2025
Friday, December 5, 2025
The Heart Remembers
The past couple of weeks I have felt really off like sad, gloomy, depressed but I have no reason to feel like this. Then I remembered that when I get like this it means my heart and body are remembering a trigger memory that my mind has either blocked or filed away. I went through Janessa's remembrance book to see what happened 15 years ago at this time. This is what I discovered:
We bought the beautiful blessing dress for Janessa that was supposed to be her blessing dress but turned into her burial dress. This dress helped me through the next couple of months of hard things through my pregnancy that were about to come up. I would go and look at this dress in my closet and remind myself it was all going to be worth is when I saw her in this dress.
This week 15 years ago we went to our first maternal fetal ultrasound because they had found calcifications in her liver on her first ultrasound so this one was going to be a more in depth ultrasound. I got to see her heart beating, I got to see her moving and kicking and giving us the thumbs up signal. They gave us the news that this calcification could mean there was something seriously wrong with Janessa and that she might pass away in my womb (foreshadowing???) They said she might have down syndrome. They wanted to do some more testing, but, I didn't want to risk having a miscarriage and I was too scared to really find out anything else so I chose the wait and see option where we would come back in a month and check to see if the calcification was worse. Now I question if I made the right choice. What if I had done the testing and they could have done something then and there. What if they would have watched me more closely and monitored her more would they have caught whatever happened??? What if all of that would have led to a live birth and in 3 months we would be celebrating her real 16th birthday???? Thing was at the 2nd maternal fetal ultrasound the calcification was completely gone like it had never been there and they said it was a miracle and that I didn't need to come back and she would be fine???? What if choosing to not do the testing gave us 3 more months to spend together???? I hate the what ifs!! This was the last time I would see Janessa alive.
It's always amazing to me how my body and heart never forget these moments even after 15 years!
Monday, December 1, 2025
December Angel Birthdays
Happy Angel Birthday
to ALL Angel Children
Celebrating Birthdays in the month
of DECEMBER!
YOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE MISSED!
YOU ARE REMEMBERED!
Saturday, November 1, 2025
November Angel Birthdays
Happy Angel Birthday
to ALL Angel Children
Celebrating Birthdays in the month
of NOVEMBER!
YOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE MISSED!
YOU ARE REMEMBERED!
Friday, October 10, 2025
Happy 12th Angel Birthday Jason!
Happy 12th Angel Birthday
<3 Jason Nephi <3
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
You Are Loved!
You Are Missed!
You Are Always in Our Hearts!
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Wednesday, October 1, 2025
October Angel Birthdays
Happy Angel Birthday
to ALL Angel Children
Celebrating Birthdays in the month
of OCTOBER!
YOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE MISSED!
YOU ARE REMEMBERED!
Wednesday, September 3, 2025
The End of a Tradition
I have felt really depressed and crappy since Monday when I invited my family to go and do our annual crazy sock picture with Janessa for her 1/2 birthday. Last year it was just me because everyone was too busy and we were getting ready to go on our trip to Washington DC and that made me feel bad too. This year everyone chose not to go so it was just me and my husband. I never want to guilt trip people into going to the cemetery because its kinda a hard place to be so I just smile and say no big deal, but, inside I am falling apart because it is a really big deal to me. Doing these crazy sock pictures around Janessa's grave was a way to include Janessa in our family photos. Now she will just be forgotten. Really the last crazy sock picture was 2 years ago in 2023 because it's not really a family picture with just 1 person there. So I guess 11 years of a tradition is coming to an end and it is really heartbreaking to me :'(
2025
2024
2023--
(The last official Family Crazy Sock Picture with Janessa)
2022
2021
2020
2019
2018
2017
2016
2015
2014
2013
(Our First official Family Crazy Sock Picture when I was pregnant with Jason)
Monday, September 1, 2025
September Angel Birthdays
Happy Angel Birthday
to ALL Angel Children
Celebrating Birthdays in the month
of SEPTEMBER!
YOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE MISSED!
YOU ARE REMEMBERED!
Friday, August 1, 2025
August Angel Birthdays
Happy Angel Birthday
to ALL Angel Children
Celebrating Birthdays in the month
of AUGUST!
YOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE MISSED!
YOU ARE REMEMBERED!
Tuesday, July 1, 2025
July Angel Birthdays
Happy Angel Birthday
to ALL Angel Children
Celebrating Birthdays in the month
of JULY!
YOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE MISSED!
YOU ARE REMEMBERED!
Sunday, June 1, 2025
June Angel Birthdays
Happy Angel Birthday
to ALL Angel Children
Celebrating Birthdays in the month
of JUNE!
YOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE MISSED!
YOU ARE REMEMBERED!
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