For the past two nights I've had very similar dreams, that have disturbed me and caused feelings unease to linger with me for quite a while after I've actually woken up. In each case, I'm getting ready to go somewhere or do something [not exactly a specified thing] and in each case my preparations are hampered in every possible way. Every stage of getting ready 'goes wrong' and I get more and more desperate and panicky, and the more desperate and panicky I get, the more the things go wrong... and in the meantime, someone's waiting and getting more impatient or something that's important to me is slipping away. I woke up with a nasty, very unsettled feeling that somehow hasn't really quite gone away yet...

Thanks to those who commented in the pretty white corset I found yesterday for the final scene in IN TOO DEEP. Madelynne suggested a site which might have pix of lingerie for curvier ladies, and the image below is more my heroine Gwendolynne's build. She's not really what I'd class as out and out fat, but in her own words, she's 'plentiful'... and of course, Professor Hottie can't get enough of her sexy, curvaceous body!


-------------------------------------------------------------
Telly: Top Gear
Choc/Yummy: fruit :(
Mood: troubled
Writing: not yet
Reading: Wild Nights
RSI/FMS: bit sore generally


Don't forget Portia's Promos - new stuff being added all the time!

Here's Kuffer again, having a nice kip. He's on good form today, happy and cheerful and having eaten plenty of breakfast. No gurgly tummy either. I'm feeling much more optimistic about his prospects today, hoping that the blood test pinpoints the thyroid probs, and a suitable treatment can quickly begin.

Me, I feel terrible! I had a gruesomely broken night's sleep! Not worrying about Kuffer, really, but with my mind churning and turning about writing. Last night, aware that I've got the first draft of Buddies done, and both my agent and my editor are asking for new ideas, I decided I had to start thinking of some... A bloody sight easier said than done! Idea finding [and plotting] are my hugest problems, and last night was no exception. I lay awake for an age, turning bits and pieces over in my mind, and nothing but nothing transpired. Everything was either :

1. stupid
2. too fragmentary, not a real story
3. I've bloody well done the same idea before... at least once

I couldn't pull anything together, and none of the vague bits were even worth writing down they were so poor. But, my mind continued to churn... and I kept waking up, almost every hour, with it still fruitlessly churning. I eventually fell asleep and ended up dreaming that I was managing a large, British country estate for absentee owner, Kevin Costner! And everything was in uproar because he was finally coming to visit... Go figure! He turned up and seemed quite friendly, then the dream morphed into a kind of posing contest between two rival drag queens, one of whom might have been Bernadette from Priscilla Queen of the Desert. Then I woke up...

None of the above was in the slightest bit useful for a novel idea, but when I was in the bathroom - as ever - some more useful fragments began to coalesce... it's still bitty, but some sort of rudimentary story idea is germinating, I think. Although it's still pretty daft, and it'll probably come to nothing... I also had one or two possible extra plotty bit ideas for an existing story. Although that too, is very vague and very slight, as yet...

Gosh, I don't half wish I was one of these writers I keep encountering on boards and lists who say they have a constant stream of ideas for books pouring into their heads!!! So many they can't write them all... Maybe I should offer to buy some of these ideas from author friends who have an embarrassment of idea riches???

--
Telly: CSI
Chocolate: Tesco Belgian Milk
Mood: OK
Writing: just a few ideas
Reading: Radio Times
RSI/FMS: not too bad

Yikes, I had another dream about being with Vincent D'Onofrio/Bobby Goren last night! It seemed to be the latter, as he had the Goren 'look' but it's all a bit vague so it's hard to tell. I can't remember the details, but we seemed to have been at some kind of club, and had stayed out all night and had dossed down together somewhere. In the same bed, I think, but alas I can't remember anything more intense than a bit of kissing and cuddling... I think we might have been at my parents house, and I was younger than I am now, because I remember getting a ticking off for having a man round! There were more confusing bits that are hard to dredge up... Bobby might have been involved with someone else, but was trying to break up with them, and also there was one fleeting bit where he might have been naked... and possibly wrestling with someone, like in the film Women In Love... but as I say, it's all pretty vague. Unfortunately, in respect of the naked bit!!!

Now yesterday was a better day...

First of all, I managed to do 1.2K of IllMet, and managed to get as far as a quite filmic scene that I've had in my mind for what must be years now, ever since Robin morphed from my previous fantasy hero [Spike] into my current one [Bobby Goren]... The way I've written it now is probably v. different from the way I had it planned originally, but I think it's worked, it was fun to write, and it's moving me on v. nicely with the plot. Maybe we'll finally get to some horizontal action where the heroine is actually awake now!!!

The second thing was that yesterday evening I was touched and awed to read a truly heartwarming comment left by a reader and prepublished writer called Anais, on my Myspace Profile. My ebook Lessons and Lovers really struck a chord with her, and she was kind enough to post a long comment expressing her enjoyment in the book. She also posted about it on the Romantic Times message boards too, which was totally brilliant of her. It really warms my heart when somebody likes my writing enough to take the trouble to express their feelings. Even though I've been writing since the dinosaurs roamed, because I'm crap a promo, I probably don't get as many reviews and plaudits as a lot of authors who've come to prominence recently. So the ones I do get mean the absolute world to me - because a lot of the time, I have the most terrible doubts about the quality of my writing and storytelling and what have you... I might rabbit on with enthusiasm in my blog about my characters, but just because they seem alive and wonderful in my head, that doesn't mean my feelings about them necessarily translate onto the page in a form that others can enjoy... so when I hear that I got it right for a reader, I always feel totally over the moon!

So, many thanks, Anais! You made my day!

And that's only the start of it... I had a Vincent D'Onofrio dream, didn't I?

It went like this... I was on holiday somewhere, and Vin was working in the same town/city/whatever. I was in this big building, and upstairs, he was having a row with his agent about some film role or something, and I saw him storm out into the street. Obviously, seeing my hero, I followed [eek, I'm a stalker!] and though I was able to keep him in sight for a while, I lost him eventually and was rather disappointed. Anyway, I was standing under what I think was a bus shelter, and suddenly Vin jumped down from the roof of it and said 'Hello!' [this was actually inspired by my filmic moment in IllMet, I think...] He seemed v. pleased to see me for some reason, and took me by the arm and led me back to the building, where he was now about to do a scene in a hospital drama. I think I hung around there talking to him for a while, but eventually I had to go, and he grabbed me in his arms and gave me a very thorough kiss! He was holding me v. close and I was left in no doubt that I'd made a big impression on him!!! After that, we parted, but there seemed to be some intimation that we'd meet again... and then I woke up, alas.

Now if I could dream the next installment of this little saga tonight, I'd be a very, very happy person indeed!