Durango Palmers: July 2010

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Thankful Thursday

Back again. I love having a reason to sit down and think about all I have to be thankful for. I think I need a thankful Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.....I promise not to blog it :)

This week has been emotionally exhausting, draining and challenging. We've had Dr appointments (to possibly diagnose and treat Kate - more to come on that) and a mediation appointment to try and agree on an outcome with the owner of the pit bulls. Kate had not had a melt down in a week but yesterday had 3. Yesterday we also were just dealing with the emotions of a possible end to the case with Ranger. Nothing will be absolutely decided until tomorrow at 4 when the judge gives her ruling. Until then we just wait and pray that God - Who is always in control - will work all things for His glory. Not mine. Not Mark's. Not the dogs owners. Not anyone. Just His glory.

A quick update on Kate. A few of you have sent some very encouraging words and I am very thankful for them. Not knowing what it is and how to deal has really been challenging but your caring, your understanding and your wisdom have blessed me a ton. And refueled me :)

3 different Drs - the allergist, her pediatrician, and a psychologist (also my mom had mentioned this same thing before any Drs were involved) - have all, independently, presented the option that she is dealing with Sensory Integration Disorder. Apparently it's difficult to diagnose properly because it is very random, there isn't usually a trigger and it isn't always the same. The only constant is that she reacts to some sort of touch issue (hot, cold, itchy, tight, crooked etc...) and will literally lose it. There is nothing that anyone can do to fix the issue or even prevent it for that matter. We've had to just wait it out and continue on with what we're doing the best we can and wait for things to be sorted out in her mind.

The psychologist is going to recommend an occupational therapist that will hopefully give Kate, and us, some tools on dealing with her surroundings and her overwhelming feelings and emotions. I'm thankful for another avenue to explore. We can't be positive that this is it but I'm pretty certain that it's a reasonable explanation and a good place to start. We will still continue to update our house in an attempt to fix any environmental triggers that may be bothering Kate's allergies. New carpet and new windows are hopefully coming in the near future.

So. There we are. A few more miles down a road that we've never traveled. An adventure really....

I am thankful for you and your encouragement and prayers

I'm thankful for my sweet daughter who is struggling with this just as much as we are. I know she doesn't want to disappoint or upset us. She just can't understand what is going on with her. I'm thankful for her wonderful beauty, inside and out. She is such a treasure and we adore her - even more so in her struggles no matter how difficult they may be.

I'm thankful for rain and sunshine. Reminders that it needs to rain in order for things to grow - including our lives and relationships.

I'm thankful for lazy mornings wrestling with our children and hearing their beautiful laughter.

I'm thankful for emotions and tears. I am learning to not be afraid of them.

I'm thankful for another day to live and to love.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Totally insecure!

Ok so normally I'm a mostly confident, intelligent, capable person. At least I like to think that I am. I have been living on my own for 16 years, run a household fairly well, have had various jobs, been in ministry and have been competent in these things. I'm not saying I'm totally awesome...just competent and always learning.

But seriously there is something about parenting that makes me totally insecure!

I blogged a while back about how we, as parents, just want to be right - at least with our own children - and that tends to spill out into us wanting to be right with everyone's children. But I think deep down we want to know that we're not completely screwing up our children's lives. We want to be confident in our choices about childbirth, our children's food, their TV watching, social interactions, schooling, doctors etc...Wouldn't we all just love love love a big billboard somewhere that says "Jill, that was the right choice"?!!! Ok maybe you don't want it to say Jill but you know what I mean...

I can't tell you how many times in the past 6 1/2 years of parenting I have doubted my decisions, second guessed my gut, and paralyzed myself with endless options. It truly is infuriating.

Today for example, I was on the phone with the pediatrician's office about an appointment I had today (more on that later). While I was on hold Kate came running in the room crying because she had smacked her chin on the bathroom counter. I gave her a hug and soothed her. Then I realized her chin was bleeding. So we got a rag and I cleaned out the blood to see the cut. Honestly at the first glance it looked pretty deep. It wasn't a huge but but it seemed deep. I wasn't panicking but I was concerned because I wanted to make sure it was taken care of properly. Hindsight says buy butterfly band-aids and do it yourself but of course that's always 20/20.

Anyway, since I was on the phone already with the Dr's office I decided to find out what they thought. I told them that I thought my daughter cut her chin pretty deep and wondered if I should go see them or go to an ER or something. They said come in right now so we loaded up (by the way, today had started out VERY slow so I was just getting ready to hop in the shower when the Dr called and instead had to throw on clothes and get over the fact that my hair was in desperate need of a shampoo!!!) and made it to the Dr's in record time.

Of course once we got there I inspected the cut in the elevator on the way up and realized it had already begun to look 10 times better and I was now becoming embarrassed. I mean would they think I was the psycho mom who needed to run her child to a "professional" everytime I saw blood? *sigh* I so had to get over myself, suck it up and just face the music.

The nice Dr said that it didn't need stitches - it wasn't deep enough - but they would clean it out and put tape on it. Needless to say, he didn't do anything that I couldn't have done myself. Luckily I have a VERY inexpensive co-pay so that wasn't an issue. Nope today's frustration came from having to quickly get 3 littles to the Dr's and then realize that it wasn't really necessary.

Seriously, I felt like an incompetent parent.

Other moments of doubt come from numerous other things. Wondering if you should wait the fever out or call after 4 days. Should you get a throat culture or wait? Do they need a spanking or some serious correction? Do you make them eat or trust that they will eat when they're hungry? Are naps reasonable? Are they watching too much TV? Do they play outside enough? Is that normal behavior or is there something else to it?

And that last one is what we're dealing with with Kate. Lately she's been reacting to something (i.e. car seat, clothes, her glasses, her shoes) and literally losing it over how that feels. It/they can be too tight, too hot, too cold, too itchy, too strange, too tilted, too something. We never know. And frankly I'm not sure she always knows either.

This reaction is beyond temper tantrum. She will kick and scream and cry and yell and nothing we can do - believe me we've tried - will calm her down. It's been frustrating to say the least. She's a sweet, "normal" (I put that in quotes because really what is normal?), fun, strong-willed, wonderful 4 year old the rest of the time. She's an absolute joy to be around. She obeys 80% of the time which I think can be expected. I do not believe she's going to obey me 100% of the time without some correction. She's learning. But there's still that little bit that just doesn't seem right.

We thought it could be her allergies or her allergy medication. So we saw her allergy Dr. He is sending us to a psychologist to see if it could be something specifically with touch (I met with our regular pediatrician today and she agreed) I really don't know. There could be many reasons for her meltdowns. It could be due to the stress we've had over the last couple months. It could be allergies - food or otherwise - that we don't know about. It could be a behavioral thing. It could be just a phase. Truly we don't know. The only thing I know for sure is that I don't have the answer. I have felt like I'm missing some "key" to her. Something I haven't discovered yet so I will keep searching till I do. I love her. I want to help her if she needs it.

Here is where I would love love love a billboard that says "Jill you're on the right track. Here's what's going on and how you can fix/deal with it!". Wouldn't that be fabulous?!

So this has shown me, yet again, my need for God's wisdom, peace, and guidance. Truly parenting is impossible without God.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Maybe

My goal is God Himself, not joy, nor peace, nor even blessing,
but more of Himself, my God.

Maybe instead of asking God for more patience and kindness and wisdom and humility and the ability to love other people like He does I should be asking Him for more of Him.

Maybe He'd like more than anything to give me patience and kindness and wisdom and humility and the ability to love other people like He does but there's no room for any of that because of...well...me.

Maybe I have too much "me" - the selfish me. Maybe I would have more patience and kindness and wisdom and humility and the ability to love other people like He does if I would deny myself and empty myself of...well...myself. And then ask Him to fill me up again with...well...Him.

Because maybe, just maybe, it's Him who is patient and kind and wise and humble and the ultimate lover of everyone....not me.

Maybe I should stop trying to imitate Christ under my own power and instead let His power, the Holy Spirit, work through me as I deny my selfishness...then I might have all patience, kindness, wisdom, humility and love that I could ever possibly imagine.

Maybe.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Our little house on the prairie

Ok so it's not really a prairie...more like a little house in the mountainous desert. I first saw the plans HERE and fell in love with the idea of a fun outdoor playplace. We don't have any parks closer than 10 minutes from here and the kids need something else to do OUTSIDE! :) So this is part of our solution. Since it was/is a big job we enlisted Mark's parents (who wanted to come down for a visit anyways and apparently like to be busy doing stuff around our place while they're here...) who built the house they live in now. We figured they'd have some know-how. And they did. So here's a little of what we did.

I forgot to take a complete before picture, one of the empty space, but this is still quite before. The playhouse will sit on top of the deck which is 4ft off the ground. Underneath will be a sandbox.

Here are the 2 main worker bees. Margie and I were the lovely assistants.

And because this is such a cool picture I had to include it.

And this darling one also. She had been running her dolls head through the sprinkler so she could fix her hair.

Kale wanted to really help so he and Mark put some screws in. He eventually got a bit tired of that so he followed Doug around. Doug would drill a hole, Kale filled it with a screw and Mark screwed it in. A good team actually.

Then the she worker bees came in and primed and painted the wood. Margie is on the ground and our friend Ashley (who was hanging out with us for the day) helped too.

Kale, Margie and I

We found an unopened can of bright blue paint so we decided to paint the trim that color. We may eventually need to paint the white part of the house but for now I think it's pretty cute.
Doug, Margie and I assembled the house while Mark was at work on Wednesday. Then Mark came home from work and helped put part of the roof on.

Here's the peanut gallery celebrating Margie's birthday with popsicles and watching the guys work.

This is from Kale's perspective. Thought it was a neat angle.

For now it's just a dirt box...

We need to complete the roof - we have a metal roof to put on - as well as complete the railing, put sand in, add on a swing set - that may be next year - and finish painting. We have a ways to go but it's coming along!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Thankful Thursday

I am sitting in my house today...hoping to do not a whole lot of anything. We've had a super, super busy last 3 days and I think we're all ready for a little R & R. I do have laundry to catch up on but thankfully that's not a huge chore. Folding can be done while sitting down on the couch watching a show. I love that. Anyway....

Today I am thankful for my in-laws. They came down on Sunday evening and spent their 3-day vacation with us helping Mark and I build the playhouse we've been wanting to build all summer. They are serious worker bees! And I'm so thankful they were here to help us navigate plans, Home Depot and children. I will post more pictures of the project hopefully tomorrow but for now here's what we have.

Still needing to finish the railing and the roof.

I'm thankful for Home Depot. Our second home this week.

I'm thankful for Popsicles, sprinklers, netflix, cars, Legos, books, naps, bubbles and extra nails and boards to entertain little ones.

I'm thankful that Jack didn't actually hit his eye with the back of the hammer during his celebration of actually hitting a nail. It came close but didn't hit his eyeball.

I'm thankful for sunshine and cloud-cover. Both proved helpful for the project.

I'm thankful for my mother-in-law who helped pick weeds - noxious weeds - with me. She braved the nasty little buggers and the heat with me to remove those pests from the backyard.

I'm thankful for the ability that Mark had to take a couple days off to work on this. So glad he was here and able to help.

I'm thankful for power tools. Most likely it couldn't have happened without them.

And I'm thankful for a few moments now to catch up!

Monday, July 19, 2010

The Palmer Awards ~ Pwards

I decided to blog this one a bit differently only because I think that what we crazy Palmers decided to do on Saturday deserves a whole bunch of Palmer Awards - aka - Pwards. Seriously. It does. And maybe sometime in the future I'll come up with a better name than Pwards....Anyway...

The first award is for outstanding idea for a fun family time. And the Pward goes to.....

Mark! We haven't been on a real hike...ever...with our kids. We've done some walks and stuff but no actual trail hiking. Mark loves the outdoors - as do I - but my logical side couldn't get past the logistics and issues that come with taking 3 littles hiking. So I deferred to Mark on this decision and I'm glad I did. While it was one of the hardest things we've done with our kids it was also the most memorable and makes a great blog story.

This award goes to to the person, or persons, who have the most courage, the most determination, and the most patience (you may think I'm bragging - I am - this has nothing to do with humility people - we were humbled enough on this trip so bare with me!). And the Pward goes to.....

us! Mark and Jill! The craziest parents ever! Ok maybe not ever but definitely in our little world on this day. We battled hunger, heat, exhaustion, cranky whiny children, and a mountain (ok the trail is only one mile each direction but still....with 3 littles it could've been a hundred miles...)

The next award is for the most dramatic experience of the day. And the Pward goes to....

Kate! Oh man does she ever win this prize. Before we even left our house she had a melt down about shoes. She does NOT like tennis shoes and socks. We had major issues with that. Hiking and flip flops do not a fun experience make. Well, neither, apparently do tennis shoes and socks....We were able to get them on her but about 10 feet into our hike she screamed again. We kept making her press on but eventually - another 10 feet - she sat down. We let her take off her shoes and walk barefoot. She was not going to ruin our hike (although the girl did certainly try). She hiked for about 10 minutes with no shoes or socks on and then realized that that wasn't so fun. So she put her shoes on and carried her socks. She looks happy in the above picture but that was after lunch at the lake. Notice the dirt and the lack of glasses (she took those off and carried them).

Ok so the next award is for the Trooper of the Day. And the Pward goes to.....

Kale! This kid, while not completely excited about hiking, pressed on towards the lake. He wanted to stop about every 20 feet for a rest and a drink of water, and he did share his feelings about the hike with me, but he was a trooper. He kept going. Didn't whine. Didn't cry. And generally stuck it out. He was to be commended. And sadly we had no clear picture taken of him. He was on the move so most pics were blurry.

The next award is presented to the person with the silliest response to the hike. The Pward goes to....

Jack! This kid was not thrilled with being stuck in a backpack for the trip and shared that with us at the top of his lungs for a good ten minutes. But then he got used to it - sort of - and just started using Mark's back for a climbing wall, a kick-board, and used Mark's head for a play toy. He smothered him with kisses on the back of his head on the hike back down. He also made faces and bonked Mark's head several times in an effort to get a reaction out of Mark. The kid is seriously a goof ball. He waded in the water and got his pants soaked so he finished the hike with no pants or shoes. I think he was much more comfortable that way.

The next award goes to the person with the most talent for picture taking. And if you've read my blog before you will know that this Pward of course goes to...

Mark! He was busy snapping pictures while I was busy keeping our children from falling in the lake. He got some beautiful shots.

This award is presented to the person who lost the most clothes during the hike. And the Pward goes to....

Kate! This girl not only took off her shoes and socks, but she also removed her shirt on the way back down. Plus we found the socks that she had dropped sometime during the hike on a tree stump just next to the trail. Apparently some kind soul found the socks and placed them in a place where they would be found.

And the final award is presented for Outstanding Achievement in a hiking experience. And the Pward goes to....

Kale, Kate and Jack! These three persevered through the entire hike and were rewarded with a Sonic slushy. No it wasn't pretty but they did it. The whole thing. We were very proud of them for the accomplishment. Can you tell they're a little wiped out?

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Thankful Thursday

I haven't given thanks in a few weeks. I can tell. Seems silly to you maybe but when I don't stop and think about all the infinite things I have to be thankful for I tend to focus on the few things that bring me down. So this is good for me.

I'm thankful for amazing friends who are honest and speak God's truth into my life. This past week God has spoken to me through friends who are willing to tell it like it is, encourage me, and pray with me. Seriously so thankful for that.

I'm thankful for God's truth and His Holy Spirit who gently speaks to me, corrects me and comforts me.

I'm thankful for a patient, loving husband. He is a gift to me. Beyond anything I could've imagined. (by the way, these pictures were taken by him)

I'm thankful for a new day.

I'm thankful for my grief. I have been surprised time and time again by the grief process. Tears come for no reason and at random times. Just when I think I'm done crying....I'm not. Not that this process isn't moving forward but that it's not moving as fast as I'd like :) I'm a get-er-done type of person. Grief is not like that. At all. It comes when it wants, it stays as long as it wants, and it doesn't make sense (I like things that make sense....). BUT, it has shown me time and time again of Christ's suffering for me...and for you. He has never left me but has walked with me every step. Wow. So thankful for things learned while walking through grief.

I'm thankful that my apple trees - despite being dinner for a deer - are recovering and even growing some more. Because these trees were planted as a memorial for Quatro and Ranger, it means a lot to me that they live and grow and thrive. I'm thankful that it looks like they will.

I'm thankful for times of disconnect. It's usually only during those times that we truly fight to connect again and as a result draw closer to God and to loved ones.

And I'm thankful for each person who reads this. Thank you for following my journey. For sticking it out even when I'm not a faithful blogger. I'm thankful for, and have been blessed by, your words of encouragement.

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Thursday, July 29, 2010

Monday, July 26, 2010

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Friday, July 23, 2010

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Monday, July 19, 2010

Thursday, July 15, 2010