Durango Palmers: jill

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Sunday, February 24, 2013

February is Flying!

My goal was to blog at least once, hopefully twice, in February. I still have time. That's what I keep telling myself.

I once again feel this need to update you. And then maybe I'll share some of my spiritual journey on the 2nd one I do this month :)

We are one week back from a 12 day trip to Denver. It started with us going to Denver for the funeral of Mark's grandmother. A bittersweet time for sure. We have no doubt that she's in heaven, healed and whole, but we are sad for those left here. It's a new place to be for Mark. He remarked that he's 38 - almost 39 - and this will be the first time in his life that he hasn't had grandparents. What a blessing to have had them in his life for as long as he did. And still such a change when they are gone.

Mark stayed up for two more days for district meetings then drove back home. The kids and I stayed up the extra week because we had my sister Kelly's baby shower to go to (something we had already planned on doing). My broken booty said it was easier to stay up rather than drive up and back twice. It also gave us another opportunity to visit the therapist we've seen with Kate.

So it worked out. Honestly I was nervous about how it would be. I was worried we'd overwhelm my generous parents for letting us stay. I was worried I'd lose my mind single parenting all week. But my worrying was, of course, for nothing. Yes there were challenges but it went very well.

We did a couple field trips. One to the Denver Mint and one to the Museum of Nature and Science. If I could homeschool in Denver it'd be awesome. So much stuff to do and see! We'd have a blast. We'd be broke but it'd be fun! For now we just do what we can while we're up there.

I went to an Avalanche game with my dad. One that my children turned down. Let's just say they aren't likely to do again :)

Kale turned 9! And he soaked it all up. He requested Red Robin for lunch and a Dairy Queen ice cream cake. Daddy would've been pleased with RR. I was thrilled with the ice cream cake. Win win!

You wouldn't know this because once you read this you just toodle along reading all I've written, but I just sat here for like 10 minutes trying to get my thoughts together to write this. I was on the verge of frustration and I realized that this is probably why blogging has been so difficult for me for the past 6 or 7 months.

Back in August when I went to doctors to see what my deal was, my general practitioner said I was dealing with the physical side effects of stress. Made total sense to me. I had been uber stressed! But a couple months ago I looked up the symptoms of clinical depression. I was shocked at how many symptoms I had. And I came to a greater realization that this was more than I thought.

I've always been a buck up and move on kind of person. Not that I skip hard things but that I can always do something to change it. This time I couldn't. This time has been so frustrating because of my lack of ability to think, focus, concentrate, stay awake... My grace tank is empty and that's not fun for me, Mark or my kids.

I finally decided - and was persuaded - to go visit Kate's therapist and see what she could do for me. I was honestly amazed at what she shared with me and how she wanted to help get me off medication (which really wasn't helping all that much) and see change. I was able to see her twice and in just two visits I can already tell a difference. I'm not out of the tunnel but I can clearly see the light at the end. Helplessness (another symptom) is slowly leaving and hopefulness is taking over. I can't tell you how thankful I am for that. I have learned a lot, and continue to learn a lot, and am learning more compassion and understanding. Blessings come from raindrops. It's a journey for sure.

In church land (just to switch up gears on ya - welcome to my new world), we are still in the process of finding a new youth pastor. It's been a crazy process and it hasn't been without learning curve bumps in the road of new pastors. But overall it's been fun and exciting to see what God has in store for a generation He loves so very much. We are this close to filling the position and I'll fill you in when it happens. This has definitely been a year of crazy firsts for us!

At this moment Mark is at the church working on another paper for school. This class has been the hardest for him. By far. God is stretching him in so many ways. Not always a fun time. But he's doing such an amazing job - far better than he thought he could. Funny how God knows and we catch up :)

This is about all I can muster out into words at the moment. I really hope to be able to share what we're doing in the upcoming month and all the lessons God is teaching me. That's more brain power then I have at the moment. Thanks for hanging in there with me!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Well, Hello There!

This morning I got up early to get ready for church. I usually get up and shower, then go and read my Bible for a bit before the kids get up.

Today, however, I didn't have much time to read my Bible because when I got out of the shower I found this visitor in my bathroom sink. We'll call him Sam the snake. Sam can be a boy or a girl name and since I have no clue how to tell the sex of a snake...Sam it is.

When I first saw Sam I thought it was one of the kids' fake snakes, but I didn't remember seeing it in the sink when I got into the shower. So I took a picture and texted Mark and asked him if he was playing a trick on me. Thankfully I didn't touch it. I might have just fell over right there in my towel...

I didn't hear back from Mark right away but it wasn't long before I saw it's tongue flicker and Sam starting to move around. Sam kept trying to go back down the drain (where the rest of the tail was). I was creeped out!

I went and cut the tops off of a box and covered up the sink while I figured out what to do. Mark had already left for church and I really didn't want to touch it. I wasn't sure if the kids would do it for me either.

I got dressed and sat at the kitchen table and read my Bible for a few minutes till the kids got up. Once Kale got up I asked him if he'd like to help me remove the snake. He seemed kind of excited about it which thrilled me. I was soooo hoping he'd just pick it up and carry it outside.

Then I saw his plan. Take a tiny piece of toilet paper and try and pick it up. Sam was not having it. It actually looked like it jumped when Kale touched it. That kinda scared both Kale and me.

Our next plan included poking it with a stick and trying to push it out. It worked. Sam climbed out of the sink (so glad I had put the cardboard on before!) and slithered behind a water bottle up against a wall. Seriously I kept thinking "Gotta take pictures of this for the blog! People aren't going to believe this! Mark isn't going to believe this!"

We pushed it off the counter into the box.

Sam wasn't liking the idea of going in a box but I really wasn't liking the idea of Sam going in my bed, so I kept poking him!!! Eventually he fell in and I felt so relieved! Carrying Sam in a box was so much better than seeing it in my sink.

After we got Sam outside Jack had to inspect it. I think if Jack were older he probably would've picked up the snake for us.

We released Sam back into our yard. Someone on facebook told me that I shoulda killed it but there was no way I could've squished a snake! A spider is one thing. A snake is so much bigger with so much more blood and guts. Nasty!

I'm not totally sure how Sam got into the pipes. I have a feeling that there is a crack in our pipe out in the back and Sam slithered in there but that's all I can think of. We've gotta go look around and see. But I'm confident that Sam came in through the drain. Oh please Lord let there be no more snakes!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

My duty

My jury duty that is.

I get called pretty much every year for jury duty. Sometimes more than once. It makes me wonder if there is anyone else living in La Plata County. Ya know, like Mark Palmer? He almost never gets called....

Anyway, most of the time the trial gets cancelled so I don't even have to go to the courthouse. One time I had to go in but after waiting for an hour they told us that they didn't need us anymore. But not yesterday.

Yesterday I dropped off my kids at my friend Tiff's house and raced to town to be at the courthouse by 8:15. I was actually early despite the fact that I had to park 4 blocks away. Unfortunately when I got upstairs to the courtrooms and was going through the metal detector I was told that my cell phone was not allowed at all in the building and I'd have to take it back and put it in my car. I misread the notices telling us this. I figured I could have my phone turned off in my purse, kinda like an airplane, and then use it to update Tiff during my breaks.

Nope.

I had to hike the 4 blocks back to drop off my phone. Booger. Now I was officially late and when I entered the courtroom where the other 70 people sat, I had to stand in the back because I was the last person there and the seats were all taken. Fun times.

By the way, we were told that we couldn't facebook, blog, tweet or google anything about the trial as long as we were jurors or perspective jurors. I was so sad that I couldn't whip out my phone and take pictures for this blog that I knew I was going to be writing. Didn't think it'd go over to well with the sheriffs that were there...

We watched a video about the wonders of our justice system - I sound sarcastic and I kinda am, but in all truthfulness I'm very thankful for the system we have. While definitely imperfect, there's no where else I'd rather be tried for something then here. Not that I'm planning on committing any crimes anytime soon though...

So. After the video I found a seat that was vacated by another woman who left. The bailiff called 25 people who were called the panel. They were the first 25 to be screened for the trial. I wasn't one of them so I figured my chances of going home were looking pretty good. That is until we went into the actual courtroom with the judge and lawyers and stuff.

Once there they asked people if the weren't able to serve and what their reasons were. I figured being inconvenienced and homeschooling my children wasn't a good enough excuse to leave so I didn't even try. I did, however, pray that God would get me out of it. It's not that I didn't want to serve. Actually the case sounded interesting and I thought it'd be great to serve. But this week is an insane one and one I'd rather have more time to do the insanity in rather than spend 3 maybe 4 days in court.

After the first question a couple jurors from the panel of 25 had to leave and then be replaced. And one of those replacements was yours truly. I became juror #2. Ugh. OK God this isn't exactly what I had prayed for.

I spent the next 3 hours being informed some more on the legal system and asked many questions. I was only asked two questions directly. One being if I understood what it meant that there are 2 parts to a crime - the act and the mental state. I said that I did. One was whether or not the act was committed and the other was why. I thought later {didn't say this to the lawyer} that I do that all day everyday. I try to figure out if the act had been committed and if so, why. Accident? Intentional? Anger? Pre-meditated? I realized I'm a judge and jury everyday of my parenting life. The monetary pay is much worse however.

I was also asked if I thought it was a good idea that we have laws in place so that we can defend ourselves or others. To which I said yes. Again I thought {but didn't say to the lawyer} that if someone was about to hurt my children or husband I'd do everything I could to stop it from happening and I'm thankful that I wouldn't be put in jail for it.

Lots of questions were asked. Lots and lots of boring answers were given. I don't know what it is but there's something about being questioned by a judge or a lawyer that makes you want to spill your guts. Probably out of fear that they already know the answer and you'll get in trouble if you leave it out. So everyone who knew a lawyer or someone in law enforcement spilled their guts. Everyone who'd ever been to a trial, whether as a juror or part of the trial, spilled their guts. Even if it was completely irrelevant. That's what took forever.

Over the course of the 3 hours many people on the panel were excused (including a woman who thought that if the guy was arrested then he must have done something - to which the defense attorney excused her immediately). But not juror #2. No I sat there listening and hoping that they'd find something wrong with me.

After a couple rounds of the attorneys excusing people (for reasons we didn't know) there were 18 of us left out of the original 70! I was planning childcare and trying to rework my week in my head totally thinking I'd be here the rest of the week. When what should I hear?! But "Ms. Palmer you have been excused with our thanks for your time." Oh my goodness it took everything I had in me not to celebrate right then and there! Part of me was disappointed because I wasn't going to hear the rest of the trial - like I said, it was interesting - but the rest of me was relieved that God had answered my little selfish prayer to get my week accomplished.

So I'm going to go do that right now.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

A Journey

I want to share with you part of my very personal journey. It's not easy to do since it's very personal and because of how it may, or may not, come across. But the more I think about it and the more I talk with people, I realize that while this is my personal journey, it isn't so very different from countless women (and men).

Its a journey of loving myself. A little over a year ago I was frustrated for the umpteenth time with my appearance. I had been struggling for so long with the last 15# of baby weight and I was fed up. But I felt helpless and powerless to know how to change. I'd silently yell at myself for my lack of self-control.

Can you say counter-productive? Does God ever yell at me when I make mistakes? Does he ever say "Jill! What is wrong with you?! Don't you have any self control?! Have you learned nothing from me?! You can't even eat right!" No. He never does nor will He ever. I don't talk to other people that way either.

But I have spoken that way to myself. And I expect me to change? No wonder it's been so difficult. I lose the battle before it even begins. It dawned on me that this wasn't a battle with weight, like I had thought, it was a battle for me and the lies in my mind.

So I decided to take control. And here's what I mean by that. In Joshua 24 it says "Choose this day whom you will serve. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." That means I have a choice/control over who I will serve. I can hand my life, my choices over to Christ or I can give control to anything or anyone else. The latter really doesn't work for me. I've learned over and over again that trusting in God is the only thing that will not fail.

Obviously there are things I cannot control. I cannot control creation...but I can influence it in a godly way. I cannot control people...but I can be a godly influence in their life. I cannot control circumstances...but I can have influence on them.

There is one thing I can control. I can control myself...my thoughts, my actions and my words. Those are things that God has given me control over. In loving response to a relationship with Him, I give that control back to Him as the One who created me, Who knows me better than I know myself, and Who has the whole world in His Loving Hands. I don't have to wait on someone or something else to have joy, peace, love, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control {that's the key one I was looking for on this journey}. I just wait on Him! Who better to help me love myself and learn self-control?! And He delivers!!!! Every time.

"Those who know Your name trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You." Psalm 9:10 -- my new favorite verse!

I thought "it's my body and I have a say in the things that are changeable. Since I want God to lead and change my life, I want Him in this journey too. I want Him to show me how to love myself the way that I am. To love myself enough to allow me to change." No one else but God can truly change me and no one else but me can allow Him to do that. So I had to try.

I started slowly by just changing the way I spoke to myself. I realized if I couldn't love myself the exact way that I was, with pounds to lose, then I wasn't going to love myself when I did lose them. It wasn't easy. I had to stop mid-lie and redirect my thoughts. But it happened. Time and again I'd take control of my thoughts and redirect them and hand them to Him.

I decided to just seek God, make small changes in my lifestyle and see what happened. I began fasting weekly. {and if fasting is a foreign thing to you and you want to know more, please comment or email me and I'll tell you what the Bible says about fasting} A discipline I'd always wanted but didn't feel I could do. God has used fasting to teach me so much about my body and self-control. It's been amazing!

I began to listen to my body in a way I never had before. Really listened. I really thought about why I was eating something. Was I really hungry or was it habit or something more? Did I really need a whole value meal or was I just doing it mindlessly? Could I just eat half of what I thought and see if I was still hungry instead of piling on the food convinced that it wouldn't satisfy me?

Slowly over time I trusted more and more. Trusted God to change me and trusted my body to tell me what I needed. Not listening to fad diets telling me what I can and can't eat.

Not listening to advertisements telling me what will make me better. Not listening to the world telling me what healthy looked like! I desperately wanted to hear the Truth. And as you know {if you've read anything I've written in the last 6 months} God is Truth. So I listened to Him and trusted that He would tell me.

Have I messed up? Absolutely. But the difference is grace. I don't yell at myself. I don't berate my selfishness. I trust that I'm forgiven and more than capable of making a better choice next time. Does this make sense?

So far I've lost just shy of 20lbs in about a year. I am nearly at what I weighed when I first got married {and I think the day after my honeymoon was the last time I ever saw those numbers on my scale...}. It's been a slow process but one I've seen real and lasting fruit from. I knew that if I followed a good diet that I'd lose weight {as I have before} but I also knew that I needed to change my heart on the inside so that it would be a lasting change rather than a temporary one.

Handing authority over to God comes in small steps. One thing at a time. But I'm realizing that learning how to truly love myself has lasting consequences that are good for my spirit and soul, and in this case, my body. I have a long way to go - as God has lovingly reminded me. I am not there yet. But for God, it's about the journey, not the destination.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Inagural Ride

On Saturday I told Mark that we needed to figure out how to go on a bike ride with the whole family. Neither Jack or Kate have bikes. But our friend, Tiff, has a bike trailer thingy to pull kids behind.

So we begged her to borrow it, got it from her on Sunday, and took it out for a spin Sunday night after naps. The weather was perfect! Not too hot and not rainy and cold.

Kale had gone to a friend's house to spend the night so we only had the two without bikes but it worked out perfectly actually.

We loaded up our bikes in Mark's truck and headed over the hospital where there are some nice easy(er) paved bike trails. Mark strapped them to the back of his bike and off we went!

The kid laughed and giggled. We had a great time. I'm pretty sure the next time we go won't be quite as enjoyable since the kids will be riding their own bikes...but we're sure gonna try! I hope we'll get to do it more often and even for fun Fridays!

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

35

Yes Saturday was my birthday. 35th birthday to be exact. I'm now on the 40 side of my 30's...kinda hard to imagine... I share my birthday with approximately 2.7 million people around the world including the ex-governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and various friends and acquaintances.

Last year on my birthday we were in court dealing with our dog stuff. Not the best birthday ever. It was nice to have dinner with friends after that - and that definitely helped perk it up a bit - but I was really hoping for a nice uneventful birthday this year. And that's exactly what I got.

It started off Friday night with our small group. And lately it's been a really small small group. Basically it's been us and another couple - the Krupas - for the past several weeks. But we have a good time together and last Friday was no exception. It was Steph's birthday on Friday so we did a little combined bday celebration. We made dinner and had cake and ice cream and just enjoyed each other's company.

We sang Happy Birthday - twice - and lit the candles - twice.
Here is the birthday girl blowing out her candles. She's holding her son, Kaiden.

Then we re-lit the candles (seriously big fire - I'm a few years older than Steph...)

This is a terrible picture but I laughed at the fact that it looked like I was over a fire-pit...not a cake with candles...

And yes I did get them all out. I honestly don't remember how long it's been since I've blown out cake candles. Fun times!

I went to the store earlier that day and thought "What can I get Steph that she probably doesn't get often and that would be fun?" Flowers! Apparently she had the same idea :)

We got each other almost the same bouquet of flowers so we had to take a picture. This photo reminds me of a 70's wedding picture. The lighting was so bad I had to run it through instagram (on my phone) to get a decent picture. Her yellow flowers matched her yellow shirt and my pink flowers matched my pink shirt. We laughed :)

It was fun celebrating with others. On my actual birthday I woke up to breakfast in bed. No pictures of that sorry. No way was I gonna take a picture of me fresh out of bed! All the kids helped Mark make eggs and toast and juice. It was so sweet to be greeted by smiling faces and kisses and hugs and birthday greetings. After breakfast I found my birthday present out on the back porch.

I've always talked about how fun it would be to have a cruiser but they can be so stinkin expensive! Thankfully my hubby knows I'd throw up if we spent hundreds of $ on a bike and he found one for a very good price. Love him :) I had to take it for a spin!

Kate left that morning to go to a birthday party of her little friend Madi. The little girls went and had pedicures - her first! My friend Tiff sent me this picture of her experience. Apparently it tickled....

The boys and I went to a thrift store and other garage sales on a hunt for a little bike for Kate. We wanted to be able to go bike riding but don't have a way to have all the kids with us yet. That's our next adventure. But we did find giant motorcycle and dirt bike helmets!

Had lunch at Taco Bell (and Kale didn't even complain! since it was my birthday and all...) and then came home to rest. A friend of ours from church had called Mark that morning and told him that he had two tickets to the Music in the Mountains concert up at DMR (Durango Mountain Resort) for that night and asked if Mark would like them. Of course we would! Apparently Mark had looked online to get tickets the week before. He thought it would be great to take me to the concert for my birthday. But the tickets were way more than we could afford so he passed. Then to get a call with tickets!!!! What a blessing! So we scrambled and got a babysitter and took off for the concert. It rained like crazy so I didn't get a decent picture of the scenery up there - which is gorgeous!!! - but I did snap one of us before we got out to run in the rain.

The concert was in a big tent that sat about 500. We were there a bit early so I took a picture of the view of the stage from where we were.

We enjoyed Tchaikovsky's Romeo and Juliet and a couple Braham's pieces. One played by an incredible 19 year old pianist! We felt like very adult people thankyouverymuch. I really had a fun and relaxing birthday and was so blessed by so many. Thanks to my awesome husband for making it so special. And thanks to my family and friends for loving me!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Early birthday fun!

My friend Tiff and I started a tradition a few years ago of getting pedicures together for our birthdays. Her birthday is May 30th and mine is July 30th so we figured if we go get our toes somewhere in between then we're successfully celebrating each others birthdays.

I didn't hardly take pictures :( Bad bloggers we were! We had our eyebrows waxed (first time ever owie!). Then we had our toes done. It always feels so fabulous! And they really do look so much better than when I do them myself! It's such a wonderful treat...

Here are my pretty toes.

And here's a picture of me taking the above picture :) Tiffany was laughing at me taking the picture so I could text it to Mark. So she whipped out her camera to capture the moment. Hilarious!

After the pedis we went to do a little shopping and then a little window shopping. We walked around downtown for a bit, taking time to actually go in the stores instead of breezing right by them like we normally would with children.

We had dinner at Tequila's {we both love Mexican food!} and talked and talked about life, God, children...it was really nice.

Afterwards we grabbed some coffee then went back to her house so I could dye her hair. Doesn't that sound like a serious girl's night?! It was a great early birthday celebration.

And just to add a bit of my children...
We spent yesterday morning in town so we filled in time in between appointments at the park.
The kids blew bubbles.

And played on the swings...forever! They would swing all day if I let them

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Jack and Jill

I love

this little man

with all my heart.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Marriage and Ministry?

My blog title is a woman's journey through motherhood, marriage and ministry and it is not lost on me that most of my posts are about motherhood. It's an easy one. My kids do the weirdest, funniest, silliest, scariest and sometimes horrible-est things and it's interesting. Plus they don't have much of a say about what I decide to blog on. They're great blog material (and I find it keeps me sane).

But when it comes to marriage and ministry? That's a whole other story. Those two things involve people who do have a say about what I blog about. They may, or may not, want to be my blog material. I totally understand that and want to respect other people's privacy. This is sometimes difficult though because so much stuff happens in both of those areas of my life and it's really challenging to figure out what I can blog about.

I'm saying this because I decided to do a, hopefully, light-hearted blog about marriage. More specifically what it must be like to be married to me.

My friend posted this on her facebook status the other day and I immediately thought of Mark and I. We're weird. But our weirdness is compatible!

"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."
— Dr. Seuss

One of my weirdness qualities is my ability, or inability, to just sleep. I think I'm a pretty annoying actually. Well I'd be annoyed if I were Mark. I guess that's why our weirdness' are compatible.

For one, my eyelids are way too thin. I turn my clock almost completely off at night because I can still see the light through my eyelids. I have to make sure the curtains are completely shut because any crack of moonlight or sunlight, I see. My cell phone - which charges near my bed - must lie facedown so I don't see it's light. When Mark gets up earlier than me I have to bury my head under the covers because the light that escapes under the bathroom door annoys me. I think I need to invest in one of those masks...

Also I hear everything. I hear a kid crying (and not through the baby monitor), a cat scratching, a dog barking, a coyote howling, wind blowing, rain falling, diesel trucks starting, Mark snoring, the cat giving himself a bath, a watch ticking (I could not sleep one night because there was a watch somewhere in our room that was ticking so loudly!), my own breathing and my mind racing. Sometimes it's so hard to sleep with myself.

We climb into bed, Mark's head hits the pillow and within a matter of literally seconds (maybe 90 seconds at the most) he's asleep. I hear his deep breathing and I'm amazed! I still haven't adjusted my covers, my pillow or my pajamas, or made sure there's no light shining anywhere. I kinda feel like a dog spinning in circles trying to figure out the best way to sleep. It can take me anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour to fall asleep depending on how many things I "see" or "hear".

Mark tells me to just ignore it. That's what he does anyway. Believe me if I could I would. I'd rather not toss and turn and get up and adjust things. I'd rather fall into a deep sleep like I'd like to but it just doesn't happen that way for me.

We share a queen size bed and really it's fine. We're little people so a king size bed feels enormous. Plus we get cold. Mark says we have a symbiotic sleeping relationship. And I don't really mind sharing warmth but once I'm asleep there's an imaginary line drawn down the center of our bed and I know in an instant if he's crossed it. I've wound up rolling onto my side and rolling right into an elbow. Of course I wake up and Mark does not. Sometimes I'll roll over and there's Mark's foot....across the line! This is going to sound completely ridiculous, I know, but I feel claustrophobic. I kinda gently move him back onto his side of the line.

We also play covers-tug-o-war. He pulls the covers with him when he rolls over leaving me with a cold side. So I pull them back. We do this several times a night. Sometimes when he wakes up and see how many covers he has, he's amazed! Of course he doesn't wake up in the night when we're doing the tugging....

There are the nights when I pray....a lot. For peace. For sleep. For thicker eyelids and ear plugs.

And nights that I pray a prayer of thanksgiving for Mark. Somehow, even though he shares a bed with me, he sleeps! I guess this is one of those weirdness compatibility things.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

To tell you the Truth....

Yesterday morning was our women's breakfast. Considering the worst thing that happened was that I forgot to order the coffee until 8pm Friday night I think it went rather well! We had about 25 women there at 7-early-30 on a frigid Saturday morning. I was so proud of them for rolling out of bed and showing up!

I didn't sleep well Friday night. The message just swam around in my head all night. Going over it over and over and over again to make sure I knew what I was going to say. I don't really know why I do that to myself. It doesn't matter how prepared I am, if I trust the Holy Spirit I can usually say what God wants me to say and it goes smoother than I can imagine. Like yesterday. All my thoughts were a jumbled mess but when I started speaking they sorted themselves out. It was wonderful! I was so blessed by it. I can't wait till April when we do it again!

A friend requested the notes and since I had wanted to blog a little about my talk I thought I'd take a few minutes to share. I can't share word for word - it would just take way too long - but hopefully these notes can highlight some of what I shared.

I started off by sharing an experience I've had in the past couple years where I was in a situation with someone and I was really frustrated with it and wanted to see change. I felt compelled to speak truth with this person even though it was stinkin' scary! What happened as a result was better than I could've thought. So many times we don't speak truth because we're afraid of the outcome.

What is a lie?
*It's an exaggeration of the truth, an embellishment, an over-dramatization to make the truth seem better or worse than it actually is.
*It's a half-truth, an omission of part of the story.
*It's a full out untruth.

Why do we lie?
*We're afraid of the outcome.
*We don't want to show a yucky part of ourselves.
*We want people to like us.
*etc........

We live in a society saturated with lies. Saturated with exaggerations, half-truths and total deception. We even categorize lies to make us believe that it's OK to lie {ie. white lies}.

Who is truth? Jesus said I am the Way, the Truth and the Life...The name of Jesus is synonymous with Truth. Jesus=Truth.

How did Jesus speak truth to people? It was a combination of grace and truth. He never spoke one without the other. Ever.

Truth+Grace over time = change

Speaking Truth brings Jesus into our conversations and into our relationships. It brings change.

The enemy's only weapon against us is lies. All our issues can be rooted in belief in a lie.

Are you sad, lonely, bitter, feeling isolated or worthless etc....? What lies are you believing about yourself or others?

How do we stop it?
*We meditate on truth/God's Word to us. Philippians 4:8 says "Whatever is true.......think on such things"
*We study it so we can know what is truth.
*We speak it. Even when it's tough. Because we want to see change.
*We receive it when it's spoken to us.

I crave hearing Truth and I crave relationships with people who will tell me the truth and not what they think I want to hear. I can't change if I don't see the truth about myself or others. Good friends love you enough to speak grace and truth into your life and I am very blessed to have friends like this.

Speaking Truth:
*shines light and God into our darkness
*it removes Satan's foothold
*builds trust and healthy relationships
*challenges us to say what we mean and mean what we say
*proclaims Christ
*it heals and changes us
*it sets us free!

Proverbs 12:22 says "The Lord detests lying lips but He delights in those who are truthful"

I want the Lord to delight in me and in my relationships with others! I want to be set free by His Truth in my life. I want to experience all He has for me and not settle for anything less.

Will you speak Truth today?

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