I realize that I talk a lot about motherhood on this blog. Mostly because that is what my whole life revolves around right now and because I've discovered a new passion and vision of eternal motherhood and womanhood that takes my breath away whenever I think about it. It is all I can do not to shout out to all the women I see at the grocery store (especially if they are pregnant), "WOW! Don't we have amazing bodies! Isn't the work God has for us to do here incredible!"

Yet I also realize that a good portion of the women who read my blog aren't married, some of you have chosen not to have children yet, and some are struggling with infertility. I also realize that some women who are mothers through adoption or "aunt"option ( I just made that word up... I like it:) haven't, for many different reasons, had the opportunity of being pregnant or giving birth.

I just want to bear my testimony that I know all women are mothers. I know that regardless of our ability to physically bear children we all have the same access to the divine power of our bodies and the ability to nurture and guide children to the light of Christ. I think that Sheri Dew explained it best. She said:

" ...While we tend to equate motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lord’s language, the word mother has layers of meaning. Of all the words they could have chosen to define her role and her essence, both God the Father and Adam called Eve “the mother of all living”—and they did so before she ever bore a child. Like Eve, our motherhood began before we were born. Just as worthy men were foreordained to hold the priesthood in mortality,righteous women were endowed premortally with the privilege of motherhood. Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us...

...Motherhood is not what was left over after our Father blessed His sons with priesthood ordination. It was the most ennobling endowment He could give His daughters, a sacred trust that gave women an unparalleled role in helping His children keep their second estate. As President J. Reuben Clark Jr. declared, motherhood is “as divinely called, as eternally important in its place as the Priesthood itself.” (Are We Not All Mothers, Ensign. Nov. 2001)

It is interesting to me that most of the stories about birth in the scriptures revolve around women's inability to have children. In fact I'd say that the trial of "bareness" is one that God has given to some of his strongest and most select daughters. Women like Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, the mother of Samson, the Shunamite, Hannah, and Elisabeth all struggled with extended periods of bareness. We don’t really know why some women aren’t able to bear children in this life, yet it is a beautiful promise to women to know that all women hold the seeds of divinity with in their bodies and someday, in this life or the next they will take root. Motherhood is something all women were foreordained with and it is part of their eternal nature and birthright.

The scriptures bear powerful testimony of this because in them we see that ALL, let me repeat that ALL, the women in the scriptures who are mentioned as "barren" eventually bear children of their own. Even women like Sarah and Elisabeth who were almost 100 years old, and with whom it would have been physically impossible for them to have children, bear sons from their bodies. It is God and God alone who opens or closes the womb. Remember the scripture in Isaiah 54: 1, 7 that says:

" Sing O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord... For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee."

It is my sincere hope that all the women who read my blog will realize that when I talk about motherhood, when I talk about birth, I am talking about it in the eternal sense of the word. Motherhood is more than just giving life to a child, it is more than nurturing-- it like Sheri Dew said, "the essence of who we are as women." We each have these divine seeds inside of us and regardless of our earthy experiences and opportunities, our position before God and our eternal blessings will be the same.

We truly are all mothers.

I had an incredible experience yesterday.

I got to meet Sister Julie Beck.

It was amazing. She is one of the most incredible women I've ever met. She just radiates love from her... pure and genuine.

For those of you who aren't LDS Julie Beck is the General President of the Relief Society, the women's organization of the church. She has been the General President for a good portion of my adult life and she has been such an influential person in my life. It seems like every time she opens her mouth to speak she says something that heals a hole in my heart.

I went to go talk to her about the book, The Gift of Giving Life:Rediscovering the Divine Nature of Pregnancy and Birth, that I am working on. The other authors all live out of State and so it was just me who went. We'd been feeling prompted for months to contact Sister Beck and let her know about our project but kept brushing the thought away because it seemed ridiculous. I mean really you don't just call up and invite yourself to talk with Sister Beck! But when a another highly respectable person suggested that Sister Beck might really like to know about it... we figured it wouldn't hurt to just try.

I was really surprised when her secretary contacted me a week or so ago and told me that Sister Beck had read my email and really wanted to connect with us. So yesterday I went to the Relief Society building on Temple Square which, for all of you who haven't been inside it before, feels like a palace. It really is stunning inside. I had to wait for her for awhile because the RS Presidency was in another meeting. When they came out I got to meet them all and shake their hands! Then Sister Beck took me aside and I got to go talk with her for about 20 minutes about the project and what we are trying hoping do. She was so kind and gave me a lot of really wonderful stories, ideas and, suggestions for the book. She told me to keep doing what we are doing and to go forward with inspiration... and to keep loving my babies.

Then she gave me a hug.

Wow. I could have floated away right then.

She truly in my hero. I don't think there would be anyone else on this earth I'd rather have met (okay the prophet would have been pretty good too). This morning I was thinking about the scripture in Alma 48:17 about how if all men were like Captain Moroni the very powers of hell would been shaken forever. I think that it would be fair to re-write that scripture and say, " Yea, verily, verily I say unto you, if all [WOMEN] had been, and were, and ever would be, like unto [SISTER BECK] behold, the very powers of hell would have been shaken forever; yea, the devil would never have power over the hearts of the children of men."


Really what an amazing woman. When I look at the picture it just feels surreal that I was even there. I feel so incredibly humble that she took time out of her busy schedule to talk with little ole unimportant me. God works in mysterious ways.

And just in case you were still thinking you'd like to submit a story for the book here is a list of he type of stories we still need. If you feel prompted PLEASE don't hesitate to send us a story or get your friend or sister to send us one.

Meditation - How did you meditate during your pregnancy? How did meditation prepare you for birth/motherhood? Share any growth, insights, or anything about meditation.

Preparation - What ceremonies/rituals did you participate in to prepare you for birth/motherhood/letting go of maidenhood? How did you spiritually prepare for the birth? Physically? Mentally and Emotionally? What would you write on a spiritual birth plan? We are also looking for stories about preparation and agency/consequences as they relate to pregnancy, birth, and beyond.

Healing from Sexual Abuse - How giving birth helped you heal from sexual abuse?

Your Legacy - How knowing your Mother's (or another person's) story affected your birth.

Constant Nourishment - How your nourished your body, mind, or spirit during pregnancy, labor, motherhood.

The Spirit/Mind/Body Connection - How did your mind affect your body, or your spirit effect your body?

Re-birth - Whatever that means to you.

Unity - We are looking for stories about unity with your partner, unity with caregivers, unity with baby, unity with God, and any other kind of unity.

The Atonement - Any stories or essays about pregnancy and birth and how it relates to the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Spiritual Experiences with Medicated Births - We're short on these. We aren't sure why. We know birth can be spiritual no matter what, but for some reason, natural birthers are more excited to talk about their experiences. So if you have had spiritual Cesarean births or spiritual medicated births, please share. Birth is a miracle no matter how babies come. The point of this book is to bring that back into primary focus.

Please send us your story as a word document or in the body of an email. Try to keep them somewhat short. I know it's hard. Please don't send links. Also, this is a spiritual birthing book for LDS women, so please do not edit things of a spiritual nature. Don't worry about being a fabulous writer. We are good editors.

We can't promise we'll use them, but we can promise to get your final approval before we publish them. So sit down and writer yours today and send it to me at ldsbirthstories at gmail dot com.

If you get a chance take a few minutes and watch this. It is so inspiring. I LOVE the way he gives thanks for his trials because they have taught him how to love. Wow. I realize I have such a long way to come in my own life. Just a warning... it will probably make you cry, so be warned.

I don't really like making New Year resolutions. Unless they are something I've already been working on I never remember to do them. They just don't work for me.

Instead Jon and I write down New Year's miracles. Each New Year we write down three or four things that we'd like to see happen during the next year. They are always things that at the time seem utterly and completely impossible, things that if they really were to happen would indeed be miracles. Sometimes we ask for miracles for ourselves but usually we ask for miracles to happen to people we care deeply about. Since they are things near and dear to our heart it isn't hard to think about them often and to offer up silent and vocal prayers for them.

Last year I wrote down four miracles, things that I was sure weren't going to happen that year but which my heart yearned for desperately. I can bear strong testimony that God is still a God of miracles because one of my "impossible" things was answered directly this year, another was answered in a round about way, and one the miracles I prayed for two years ago was answered this year. I've noticed that sometimes God doesn't always perform the miracle in the year I pray for it but I've come to trust in God's timing and wisdom. I know that the other two miracles I prayed for in 2009 will someday be answered in His own time and His own way.

Perhaps these "impossible" things would still would have happened if I hadn't been praying for them to happen, but then they wouldn't have been miracles. Miracles are things that need to be asked for... they take faith. Jesus never performed a miracle unless someone specifically sought him out and asked for it. They demonstrated their faith in His power by being humble enough to ask Him for the miracle they wanted, whether it was for themselves or someone they loved. If we want to see miracles we have to have the faith to ask for them.

I am asking for some pretty impossible things this year. Part of my heart doubts that there is anyway they will be able to happen, but the other part of my heart is full of faith in God. I know that with Him nothing is impossible... even miracles.

I just recently shared this tradition with a friend and she directed me to an incredible story written by Elder Boyd K. Packer in which he and his wife had a similar experience making New Year "miracles". I didn't know about this story when Jon and I start our tradition and it just strengthens my testimony of miracles.

I am really proud of my husband.

He spent all of last semester working on a design competition with several other students at his University. The project wasn't for any of his classes, it was something he took on in addition to his regular school work and his graduate research. He and his teammates worked really hard on their project and as a result they won the State design competition and got to go to Florida to compete in the National competition--- all expenses paid. Jon was thrilled.

A few months later I checked "Chariots of Fire" out from the library and Jon and I watched it one Friday evening. The movie is about Eric Liddell, the "Flying Scotsman", who refused to run the 100 meter dash (the one everyone thought he would win) in the 1924 Paris Olympics because it was scheduled on Sunday. Liddell was a committed Christian and refused to run on the Sabbath despite the pressure he got to do so. Instead he ran the 400 meter, one of his worst events. Right before he ran it one of his American competitors came up and put a paper in his hand with 1 Samuel 2:30 on it which said, "Those who honor me, I will honor". He ran with that paper in his hand and... well... I won't ruin the ending for you.

This story really impressed Jon and I and made us re-evaluate our dedication to our own beliefs and faith. Would we have been able to do what Liddell did?

Then just a few days after we watched the movie, Jon was looking up the schedule for the conference he was going to attend to find out when he would be presenting his design... it was scheduled for Sunday.

He turned to me and said, "Heather, I can't do it. I really can't present on Sunday."

Me, being the supportive and righteous wife that I am, said, "Well, why not! God won't mind this one time. You've worked so hard and you deserve to do this."

But he stuck to what he knew was right. He told his teammates (all of them are also Mormons) that he couldn't present on Sunday. They were understanding and said that they would present for him. But they felt that since he had put so much work in to it that he still deserved to attend the conference. So, we went to Florida and he didn't present on Sunday, instead we went to visit his aunt and uncle. I kept hoping that maybe because he had made such a big sacrifice that God would bless his team and they would win.... didn't happen... but they still did a really good job. Later Jon had the opportunity to meet the president of the organization and told her that next year they shouldn't have the student competitions on Sunday. She said she'd think about it.

I really admire my husband's decision to keep the Sabbath day holy because, if the truth be known, if I had been in his position... I would have presented on Sunday.

It makes me feel sort of bad to admit this, but I probably would not have given the fact that the presentation was on Sunday a second thought. I would have easily justified it... I'm on vacation... I've worked so hard... It isn't that big of a deal... God won't mind this one time... Everyone else is going to do it and they are Mormons too.

But watching my husband stand his ground, especially when all the others on his team were of the same faith, really made me re-evaluate my feeling about the Sabbath day.

Do I really understand why God ask us to keep the Sabbath day holy?

How "holy" does he expect us to keep it? Is it up for personal interpretation?

How do you stand up for what is right, when everyone else is of the same faith as you, without sounding "self righteous"?

These are the questions that have been floating around in my mind, and I am still searching for answers.

What do you think?

What has been your experience?

Would you have presented?

Lately I've really been reflecting on experiences from my past, and unfortunately there are some of them I would rather just forget. Don't get me wrong, there isn't anything super "bad" or delinquent, but mostly I just regret how I treated certain people, or how I shouldn't have said something I did, or how I should have said something but didn't. One of these experiences that I've been thinking about lately happened when I was in the 9th grade and my English class read the book Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury.

I don't remember especially liking the book very much, but I do remember the assignment our teacher gave us after we read it. Part on the story is that in the future all the books are burned but certain people take it upon themselves to memorize whole books so that they can preserve them, therefore "becoming" the book. The assignment that my teacher gave us was to choose a book that we thought was important enough to us to memorize, and then present to the class the book that we could "become". I stewed over this assignment for a long time, because the only book I could think of important enough to memorize was the Book of Mormon or the Bible.

But I was SO hesitant to choose one of those books because 1) my teacher wasn't a member of the LDS church (which in my Eastern Idaho High School was kind of a rarity), and 2) because I was afraid that the other members of the church in my class (which was nearly everyone, except for one boy who was Jewish and a few others who were other Christian faiths) would think I was being "self-righteous" by picking to memorize the scriptures. I ended up choosing to "become" Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingles Wilder because it was the first book that I ever read all by myself. It was the book that first opened to me the beautiful world of words and got me hooked on reading. If I remember correctly, which I do, my presentation was very poorly done and kind of pathetic.

After all the class presentations were finished our teacher got up and with a surprised smile on her face told us that we were the first class she had EVER had in all her years of teaching (which let me tell you were MANY) where NO ONE had chosen to "become" the Bible or the Book of Mormon. She didn't say anything else about it and moved on with her lesson, but that remark has stung me to my soul ever since. It has kind of haunted me that out of a class of 20+ church going Christian teenagers, not one of us had the courage or strength to bear testimony of our faith. Perhaps others had different reasons for not speaking out, but I realize now that I let fear and insecurity stop me from bearing witness of Jesus Christ and of the importance of scriptures in my life. After this experience in 9th grade I promised myself that I wouldn't ever let an opportunity to bear my testimony, whether it was to people of my same faith or not, go by without acting upon it.

Lately, I've been thinking about this and remembering how awful it felt to know that I had missed such a wonderful opportunity to testify of my faith. I realize that there are so many opportunities in my life to bear witness of Jesus Christ and of the restored gospel that I just let slip away because I am afraid or insecure. You think that almost 10 years later I'd have learned something more about how to be a witness of God "at all times and in all places"! I don't know why I felt like I needed to write a post about this memory, but I've been thinking about it for some time now. I guess I just needed to remind myself that it is important for people to speak up about what they believe and why they believe it. The world is so full of prejudices and misconceptions and the more we can learn about the beliefs of others, the more we come to love and understand them.

Every six months the LDS church has a General Conference during which the prophet, apostles and other church leaders address the members worldwide. It always amazes me that during every conference there always happens to be a talk that specifically addresses one of my worries, questions or concerns. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised though, because the messages come from God and He knows exactly what I am struggling with. This conference I really appreciated Elder Dallin H. Oaks talk on service, specifically these two paragraphs in which he mentioned the sacrifice mothers and fathers make in order to have children. He said,

A familiar example of losing ourselves in the service of others—this one not unique to Latter-day Saints—is the sacrifice parents make for their children. Mothers suffer pain and loss of personal priorities and comforts to bear and rear each child. Fathers adjust their lives and priorities to support a family. The gap between those who are and those who are not willing to do this is widening in today’s world. One of our family members recently overheard a young couple on an airline flight explaining that they chose to have a dog instead of children. “Dogs are less trouble,” they declared. “Dogs don’t talk back, and we never have to ground them.”

We rejoice that so many Latter-day Saint couples are among that unselfish group who are willing to surrender their personal priorities and serve the Lord by bearing and rearing the children our Heavenly Father sends to their care. We also rejoice in those who care for disabled family members and aged parents. None of this service asks, what’s in it for me? All of it requires setting aside personal convenience for unselfish service. All of it stands in contrast to the fame, fortune, and other immediate gratification that are the worldly ways of so many in our day.

I feet like this little tidbit of truth was for me. It was such a beautiful reminder to me that what I am doing as a mother IS a sacrifice and that God realizes that it is a sacrifice and that He is blessing me for it. I realize that the reason I am are here on this earth is not to gratify my own desires but to build up the kingdom of God on the earth-- I really have no other purpose, everything else is just distraction. I know that my job as a mother is essential to the building of God's kingdom on the earth and that there is no one else in the whole world who can do my job. This has been a comforting thought to me as I've changed poopy diapers, vacuumed the carpet 30 times a day because someone likes to dump food all over it, and have been snuggling a sick boy for the past few days. I realize that even though the world may not recognize what I am doing, God does and He knows that it is my personal sacrifice and contribution to His kingdom. So thank you Elder Oaks, I needed your talk.

Yesterday I went with my in-laws to the Draper Temple open house (which is when a temple is open to the public before it is dedicated). I'd never been to an open house before and it was a beautiful experience. Jon had to work and had class so he couldn't come with us, but I took Asher with me. I tried to tell Asher about what the temple meant and sang "I love to see the temple" with him, and then I just prayed that he would 1) feel the spirit in the temple and know that God loves him and 2) behave well enough so that we wouldn't ruin the peaceful feeling.

I think God answered both my prayers. Not only did Asher behave pretty near perfect-- except for one time in the sealing room when he wanted to get out of the stroller-- but I could tell he knew he was in a special place. The temple was absolutely beautiful. It is kind of small compared to most of the other temples I have been in, but the small size makes it feel more intimate and I really liked it-- I think it makes God feel closer. The ordinance rooms have THE MOST beautiful murals painted in them. There is one that makes you feel like you are sitting in the middle of the woods. The Celestial room was stunning. The ceiling is so high that it makes you feel like it goes on forever, and the crystal chandelier was amazing-- seeing it immediately turned my thoughts to God and his ever enduring light. Asher really liked the Celestial room, everyone was quiet in that room, looking upwards and pondering. Asher was quiet for the first few minutes and then he saw the chandelier. He leaned waaaaaaay back in his stroller, looked up, pointed and in an awed voice said, "baaaaaallllll....... bi baaaaaallllll (translation: big ball)" and then made motions to me that he wanted to touch it. Well that was out of the question since it was suspended 20 feet above us, but he was so cute. It was almost silent in there except for our squeaky stroller and him pointing at the "bi ball".

I am really glad that I had the opportunity to go to the temple open house yesterday. It was my first time in an undedicated temple and I was really struck by the feeling that it had compared to a dedicated one. There was definitely a strong spirit in the temple, even though it wasn't dedicated, but it still didn't feel like a temple. I'm not quite sure how to explain what I mean by that, except that it was so apparent to me as I went through the rooms that something was missing. The spirit was still present and I could feel it, but compared to the normal amount of peace, joy and spirit that dedicated temples have... it was nothing. It really made me realize that once a temple is dedicated God REALLY does dwell in it, and that it is His presence that gives a temple the overwhelming peaceful feeling it has.

As I thought about this yesterday I realized that I have really taken for granted what an amazing privilege and blessing the temples are in my life. It is such a great privileged to enter one of God's temples, to dwell in His presence, to commune with Him, and to serve Him. As I sat with Asher in the sealing room I was overwhelmed with gratitude that my husband, my son and I are sealed together for eternity and that as long as I live up to my promises to God, no power on heaven or earth can separate us. How different the world would be if every person realized how much God loves us and how many blessings He has for us if we will only obey and follow Him. Going to the temple yesterday gave me a spiritual boost, and made me want to be a better disciple and realize that I need to make a better effort to attend the temple-- which I hope will happen ;) The temple open house goes for a few more weeks and then it will be dedicated the middle of March. Then the Oquirrh Mountain Temple (just across the valley) will have an Open House in June. How exciting to have two new temples so close to us! Temples truly are the most amazing places on earth.

I am going to take a break from blogging for the Christmas season. I have too much on my plate and need a vacation. So I am wishing you all a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR! I will do one more post on Asher's Birthday (already scheduled) and then I'll be back in January. I hope you will all still be around. Oh, and for your Christmas present here is my very favorite painting of all time.

I've started a new blog called "Women in the Scriptures". I've wanted to write this blog for awhile but never could quite pull it together. I took a class on women in the scriptures from Camille Fronk when I was at BYU and loved studying the scriptures with that perspective. The last few months I have started keeping a list of all the women mentioned in the scritures, as well as all the references to women, women's work, and women's body parts (like wombs and breasts). I am only part way through the Old Testament and already I almost have a notebook full or references. I have been AMAZED at how many more women, mentioned by name even, there are in the scriptures than I thought.

In my study I have been learning SO much and wanted to share what I was learning. Also, there isn't really another blog/website out there that deals with women in the scriptures (at least I couldn't find one), and I thought it would be wonderful to have a forum for people who wanted to discuss the amazing women of the scriptures. I know there are lots of women, and men, who struggle with the fact that women seem to be excluded from the scriptures and from parts of the religous life. I am hoping that his blog will stand as a witness to the fact that God loves His daughters just as much as He loves His sons, and that there are amazing and strong women mentioned in the scriptures.

So if this is something that you'd be interested in click here to see my new creation. PLEASE feel free to add you thoughts, insights, and testimony. And pass the link on the other people you know who would like to participate. I plan on adding a new woman every Wednesday.

This week's Wednesday Woman is

Ever since the Ensign article came out about using the internet as a missionary tool, I've really wanted to find a way to use my blog to bear witness of Jesus Christ. As I was playing around ways to update my blog I found some buttons you can put on your blog that will link visitors straight to www.mormon.org so they can find out more about the LDS church. The author said she had gotten permission from the church to use them and I think they are FANTASTIC. There are several different types click here and here to see them all. Notice mine in the left hand corner! I like it. It is one way to stand as a witness of God at all times, and in all things, and in all places (Mosiah 18:9). If you are a member, I hope to see one on your blog sometime soon!

Jon and I started Ramadan yesterday. Ever since we got back from Jordan three years ago (is it really that long ago?) we've made it a tradition to observe Ramadan. We were SO impressed with the faith of the Muslims we met and became friends with in Jordan, and wanted to incorporate some of what they taught us into our lives. We were surprised by how many common beliefs there are between Muslims and Later-Day Saints.

Ramadan is a month of fasting. You fast during the hours of sunlight, only eating and drinking before the sun rises and after it sets. Because we aren't doing it as real Muslims, Jon and I usually just fast from 7 am to 7 pm. The purpose of Ramadan is to learn patience, humility, and empathy for those less fortunate. You fast for the sake of God and focus on asking for repentance and strength to overcome your weaknesses. Jon and I also try to make it a point to fast for a miracle, or something that we feel is impossible without God's help.

Ramadan is hard. I have to admit that the first year I only made it half way through, while Jon held out the whole month by himself. Last year I was pregnant so I didn't do it (being pregnant is one of the valid reasons a Muslim can skip Ramadan). But this year I am bound and determined to finish Ramadan. I think that my problem the first year was that my heart wasn't in the right place. My real motivation behind fasting was to loose weight (pathetic I know) and the novelty of doing something different. I've learned that fasting doesn't work if you do it for selfish reasons; it must be for God and God alone.

This year I've found a real purpose behind my fast-- sorry if I tell you it won't come true-- that I think will make all the difference. Yesterday when I was hungry and sorely tempted to snitch some of Asher's Cheerios, I remembered the women and children in this world who don't have anything to eat. All those mothers who carry and nurse children when they don't have enough to keep their bodies strong and healthy. Every time I think about cheating and eating something I just have to remember how GRATEFUL I am that I have the option to eat and that I have a fridge full of food waiting for me.

I posted this awhile ago, but I think it is a great visual depiction of how great the inequalities are in the world, and a reminder that there are people (and babies-- that thought just BREAKS my heart) starving right this moment. If you feel prompted I'd challenge you to try fasting for a day, week, or however long you can, and when you get hungry say a prayer for someone who is much hungrier than you.